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SOCIAL    LIFE. 


METROPOLITAN 


CULTURE     SERIES 


Social  Life 


FIRST  EDITION. 


NEW    YORK: 

THE  BUTTERICK  PUBLISHING  COMPANY  [LIMITED]. 

1889. 


*'  As  learning,  honor  and  virtue  are  absolutely  necessary  to  gain 
you  the  esteem  and  admiration  of  mankind,  politeness  and  good 
breeding  are  equally  necessary  to  make  you  welcome  and  agreeable 
in  conversation  and  common  life." 

Chesterfield. 

"  Great  talents,  such  as  honor,  virtue,  learning  and  arts,  are  above 
the  generality  of  the  world,  who  neither  possess  them,  themselves, 
nor  judge  of  them  rightly  in  others.  But  all  people  are  judges  of 
the  lesser  talents,  such  as  civility,  affability,  and  an  obliging,  agree- 
able address  and  manner,  because  they  feel  the  good  effects  of  them 
as  making  society  easy  and  pleasing." 

Idem. 


E  ; 


CONTENTS. 


LETTER  I. 

Initiatory,       .  .  .  .  .  .  .15-17 

LETTER  IL 

A  Social  Error,  .....  18-26 

LETTERS  ITL  AND  IV. 
Regarding  Engagements,  ....      27-36 

« 
LETTERS  V.  AND  VL 

Preparations  for  the  Wedding,       .  .  .  37-49 


iviS^SSCS 


6  CONTENTS. 

LETTERS  VII.  AND  VIII. 
About  Wedding  Presents — The  Wedding,      ,  .      50-62 

LETTERS  IX.  AND  X. 
Receptions,  .         ,  ....  63-74 

LETTERS  XI.  AND  XII. 
Visiting,  .......      75-S5 

LETTERS  XIII.  AND  XIV. 
Receiving  Guests,  .....  86-97 

LETTERS  XV.  AND  XVI. 
Dinner-Giving,         ......    98-112 

LETTERS  XVII.  AND  XVIII. 
Calls  after  Hospitalities,  «  .  .        1 13-124 


CONTENTS.  7 

LETTERS  XIX.  AND  XX. 
A  Dinner  and  Dance,         .....  125-133 

LETTERS  XXL  AND  XXIL 

Theatre  Party,  Supper  and  Dance,  .  .        134-142 

LETTERS  XXIIL  AND  XXIV. 
Gifts  and  Gift-Giving,       .  .  .  .  .  143-155 

LETTERS  XXV.  AND  XXVI. 

Roof  Civilities,  and  Familiar  Correspondence,  156-167 

LETTERS  XXVIL  AND  XXVIIL 
Letter  Writing,  .....        168-176 

LETTERS  XXIX.  AND  XXX. 

A  Partie  Carrie,      ......  177-189 


8  CONTENTS. 

LETTERS  XXXI.  AND  XXXII. 
Unspoken  Prefekences,  ....        190-201 

LETTERS  XXXIII.  AND  XXXIV. 
Society  and  Politics,  .....  202-213 

LETTERS  XXXV.  AND  XXXVI. 

Preparations  for  a  Visit,       ....        214-223 

LETTERS  XXXVII.  AND  XXXVIII. 

Visits  of  Length,     ......  224-233 

LETTERS  XXXIX.  AND  XL. 

Visits  of  Length  Concluded,  .  .  .        234-245 

LETTERS  XLI.  AND  XLII. 
In  the  Country,        .  .  .  .  .  .  246-259 


•  CONTENTS.  9 

LETTERS   XLIII.  AND  XLIV. 

A  Country  Wooing,  .  .  .  .  260-271 

LETTERS  XLV.  AND  XLVL 

A  Country  Wooing,  Concluded,        .  .  .        272-285 


INVITATIONS   AND   REPLIES      .         .         289-330 


COPYRIGHT,  1889, 
BY  THE  BUTTERICK  PUBLISHING  COMPANY    [LIMITED]. 


INTRODUCTION 


The  publication  of  the  present  work  was  suggested  to 
us  in  the  first  instance  by  a  widely  expressed  desire  on 
the  part  of  many,  readers  of  the  Delineator  to  obtain 
in  convenient  form  the  whole  of  the  series  of  letters  on 
"  Social  Life "  which  have  appeared  in  that  magazine. 
The  idea  seemed  a  good  one,  inasmuch  as  these  letters 
alone,  issued  in  consecutive  shape,  would  form  a  compen- 
dious book  of  reference  in  that  department  of  social  law 
whereof  they  treat.  We  have  therefore  reprinted  in  toto 
the  twenty-three  original  letters  from  the  aunt  to  her 
niece,  together  with  an  equal  number  of  interesting  let- 
ters from  the  niece  to  the  aunt,  thus  arranging  the  whole 
volume  in  the  form  of  a  genial  and  chatty  correspon- 
dence. The  matter  contained  in  the  book  does  not  in 
any  way  trench  upon  the  ground  covered  by  the  kindred 
work,  Good  Manners ;  for  while  the  latter  is  a  com- 
plete encyclopaedia  of  the  abstract  rules  and  formulas  of 


1 2  IN  TROD  UC  TION. 

etiquette,  "  Social  Life  "  treats  of  those  errors  of  deport- 
ment into  which  young  men  and  young  women  are  apt  to 
fall  when  uninstructed  in  the  art  of  true  politeness,  and 
contrasts  forcibly  and  instructively  the  manners  of  the 
crude  and  unrefined  with  those  of  the  polished  and  well- 
bred.  All  the  varied  relations  of  life  are  treated,  broadly, 
yet  with  careful  attention  to  every  detail ;  and  the  reader 
will  find  a  peculiar  charm  in  the  vivid  manner  in  which 
the  lessons  are  brought  before  him,  as  though  happening 
to  real  people  in  real  life.  As  we  lay  this  little  work 
before  the  public  it  is  with  the  hope  that  it  may  meet  with 
the  same  kindly  approval  accorded  its  predecessors,  and 
that  it  may  accomplish  the  object  for  which  it  was  pre- 
pared— to  instruct  those  who  wish  to  learn. 

The  Butterick  Pttrlishing  Co. 

[Limited]. 


SOCIAL   LIFE. 


FIRST  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

So  many  changes  have  come  into  my  life  since  I  wrote 
you  last  that  I  begin  to  think  Sweet  Phantasy  has  taken 
possession  of  me  and  translated  me  to  her  enchanted 
kingdom,  or  that  the  Spring  flowers  have  brought  back  in 
their  beautiful  rainbow-tinted  buds  the  fairy  people  of 
my  childhood's  days  and  scattered  them  everywhere 
about  me.  The  old  saying  that  troubles  or  joys  never 
come  singly,  has  been  fully  verified  with  me ;  hitherto  my 
life  has  been  a  trio  of  capital  T's — Trials,  Troubles 
and  Tribulations;  and  now  the  joys  have  come  like  a 
shower  of  golden  sunshine,  fairly  bewildering  me  with 
happiness. 

But  I  must  cease  these  effusions  and  relate  to  you  facts, 
which  you  must  by  this  time  be  anxious  to  hear.  The 
first  link  in  fortune's  chain  came  in  the  form  of  a  generous 
bequest  from  my  godmother;  and  what  a  vista  of  happi- 
ness this  opens  to  me  and  to  my  dear  invalid  father,  who, 
owing  to  our  distressingly  limited  means,  has  been  unable 

IS 


l6  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

to  obtain  the  treatment  needful  for  his  cure.  Now  as 
soon  as  we  can  make  all  necessary  arrangements  we 
will  leave  this  loved  but  lonely  old  home  (I  for  the  first 
time  in  all  my  twenty  years  of  existence)  and  seek  first  to 
bring  the  tinge  of  health  back  into  father's  pale  cheeks, 
after  which  we  will  tour  a  little  and  see  something  of  the 
world,  as  father  puts  it,  before  my  wedding  day.  Yes, 
the  fairy  tale  still  grows.  I  have  seen  my  Piince  Charm- 
ing, and  he  is  everything  he  should  be — engaging,  grace- 
ful and  tender  in  manner,  dignified  in  appearance,  well 
read  and  liberal  of  mind  and  manly  always.  The  happi- 
ness that  has  come  into  my  life  with  his  love  is  perfect ; 
so  can  you  wonder  I  feel  as  if  fairy  fingers  were  weaving 
a  spell  about  my  life  which  I  fear  to  dissipate  ? 

This  fairy  tale  often  brings  to  my  mind  what  a  dear, 
kind  friend  of  my  father  used  to  say  to  me  whenever  lie 
found  me  looking  disconsolate  on  account  of  the  troubles 
that  were  mine  to  bear  :  "  Little  woman,"  he  said,  "  there 
is  a  bright  future  ahead  for  you  ;  your  blackest  cloud  is 
here.  But  you  know  the  '  old  saying — '  it  is  darkest 
before  the  dawn.'  It  may  seem  a  dreary  time  to  you 
now,  but  your  cloud  has  not  only  a  silver  lining  but  a 
broad  golden  edge,  and  you  will  be  dazzled  by  its  bright- 
ness some  day,  by  the  sudden  bursting  of  the  light  of 
happiness  upon  you.  So  keep  your  courage  up,  for  your 
time  to  be  happy  will  come."  Thinking  of  these  words 
has  frequently  buoyed  my  courage  when  it  seemed 
almost  entirely  gone,  and  I  cannot  express  to  you,  my 
dear  aunt,  how  thankful  for  them  I  have  often  felt. 
From  them  also  I  have  learned  that  kind  words  are  never 
lost  and  are  oftentimes  miraculous  in  their  power  to  com- 
fort. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  17 

Well,  I  am  philosophizing  again,  instead  of  nar- 
rating my  tale  of  romance ;  but  the  truth  of  my  kind 
friend's  prophecy  has  been  so  strangely  verified  that 
I  could  not  help  mentioning  his  words  to  you.  My 
betrothed,  strange  to  say,  is  the  eldest  son  of  a  much 
esteemed  college  companion  of  my  father.  The  two 
friends  lost  sight  of  each  other  after  their  respective  mar- 
riages, but  late  events  will  re-unite  the  two  families ;  and 
what  pleasure  such  a  meeting  will  be  to  those  who  have 
been  so  long  parted. 

I  need  scarcely  tell  you  after  all  this  that  my  life  in 
future  is  to  be  very  different  in  a  social  sense  from  what 
it  has  been.  Only  one  thing  troubles  me  much,  and  it  is 
that  the  seclusion  in  which  I  have  lived  has  wholly 
unfitted  me  for  the  social  sphere  in  which  my  marriage 
will  place  me.  Had  father  not  been  a  man  of  culture 
and  of  fine  literary  tastes,  my  education  would  have  suf- 
fered much  from  our  mode  of  life  ;  but  his  devotion  to 
me  in  this  direction  and  our  close  companionship  have 
made  me  conversant  with  many  of  the  best  authors,  and 
father  says  I  am  better  read  than  most  young  women  of 
my  age.  However,  my  ignorance  of  social  customs  must 
be  overcome,  and  I  ask  you  to  help  me  in  this  direction, 
as  I  know  you  are  an  authority  on  such  matters.  Will 
you  kindly  make  me  acquainted  with  the  first  duties 
required  of  me,  for  I  am  anxious  to  avoid  making  mis- 
takes that  would  prove  painful  to  those  I  love,  and  upon 
which  I  should  look  back  with  blushes  of  shame  in  years 
to  come. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 

2 


SECOND  LETTER. 
a  social  error. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

Your  letter  was  a  great  surprise  and  a  great  pleasure 
to  me ;  and  I  sincerely  congratulate  you  on  your  acces- 
sion to  fortune  and  your  engagement  to  one  so  worthy 
and  so  well  endowed  by  nature  and  education  to  make 
and  keep  you  happy.  That  the  possession  of  wealth 
brings  its  responsibilities  you  will  soon  discover — indeed, 
you  have  done  so  already,  and  fear  that  the  quiet  and 
uneventful  life  you  have  hitherto  led  has  scarcely  fitted 
you  for  the  place  you  are  to  occupy  in  the  future.  But 
do  not  be  distressed,  for  it  is  about  customs  only  that 
you  need  enlightenment,  good  manners  have  come  to 
you  by  inheritance  and  association ;  and  I  shall  be  most 
happy  to  be  of  service  in  acquainting  you  with  the  rules 
by  which  people  of  refinement  live  in  large  cities,  where 
by  the  nature  of  things,  social  etiquette  is  more  observed 
and  more  necessary  than  in  the  freer  life  of  the  country. 

A  knowledge  of  the  best  formulas  for  giving  and 
receiving  hospitalities,  courtesies  and  civilities  is  essen- 
tial to  every  one  who  wishes  to  give  outward  evidence  of 
refinement   and   good   breeding.      Natural   instinct   and 

i8 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  19 

kindliness  of  heart  will  prevent  one  from  doing  that 
which  would  hurt  the  feelings  of  another,  but  the  written 
and  unwritten  laws  that  govern  society  can  be  acquired 
only  through  the  understanding — from  the  teachings  of 
others  or  by  observation  and  experience. 

So  for  your  benefit,  my  dear  niece,  I  will,  to  make  it 
more  interesting  to  you,  relate  certain  social  occurrences 
that  have  happened  to  me  or  come  within  my  knowledge 
since  my  marriage,  giving  you  their  formalities  or  infor- 
malities just  as  they  were. 

That  I  had  much  to  learn  and  many  mortifications  to 
endure  you  may  be  assured.  My  earlier  years  were  spent 
remote  from  cultivated  society,  and  my  youth  was  passed 
at  a  boarding  school,  where  I  was  educated  in  books  and 
taught  how  to  enter  and  leave  a  room,  how  to  dance  a 
cotillon,  a  minuet.  Sir  Roger  de  Coverley  and  a  few  other 
fancy  and  more  or  less  stately  measures.  Of  other  mat- 
ters, too,  I  was  not  wholly  ignorant,  but  never  had  there 
come  to  me  an  opportunity  for  learning  in  what  manner 
to  meet  thoroughly  trained  people  or  what  to  do  with 
them,  for  them  or  about  them.  Such  was  my  condition 
at  the  time  of  my  engagement  to  your  Uncle  John — an 
only  son  of  rich  and  cultured  parents. 

Having  met  me  while  leisurely  travelling  your  uncle 
for  a  time  saw  only  my  best  social  accomplishments  ;  he 
did  not  once  suspect  that  I  was  wholly  destitute  of  that 
knowledge  which  is  so  necessary  to  meet  the  require- 
ments of  life  in  society — requirements  which,  though  they 
seem  complex  to  the  uninitiated,  are  as  easy  and  pleasur- 
able in  their  fulfilment  as  is  a  quadrille  to  those  familiar 
with  its  figures.  To  be  ignorant  and  to  be  aware  of  it  is 
several    steps   on   the   road   to   improvement,  but  I  was 


20  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

wholly  unconscious  that  I  had  not  already  acquired  all 
those  accomplishments  which  nature  and  experience  had 
to  bestow. 

When  I  recall  that  first  appearance  in  society  after  all 
my  anticipations  of  rose-hued  happiness,  a  choking  sen- 
sation still  rises  in  my  throat.  It  did  not  require  many 
days  as  a  guest  of  my  future  mother-in-law  to  discover 
how  entirely  unfit  I  was  for  the  position  I  had  promised 
to  fill.  This  was  a  terrible  blow  to  the  sensitive  pride  of 
both  of  us.  I  knew  that  she  must  blame  her  son  for  his 
hasty  emotions,  as,  indeed,  she  afterward  called  this  love 
affair  ;  but  fortunately  she  liked  me  personally  and  found 
in  me  no  obstinate  ignorance  (which,  by-the-bye,  is  to 
others  the  most  insufferable  of  all  mental  conditions),  and 
so  she  kindly  initiated  me  into  as  many  approved  cus- 
toms and  formalities  as  was  possible  during  a  month's 
residence  in  her  family. 

I  have  heard  persons  declare,  "  If  they  cannot  accept 
me  as  I  am,  they  may  leave  me  alone."  This,  however, 
is  not  a  truthful  expression  of  their  sentiments  ;  they  are 
not  willing  to  be  relinquished,  nor  does  the  spirit  of  such 
language  spring  from  a  nobility  of  sentiment  or  a  hope  of 
acquiring  and  a  desire  to  live  by  the  best  standards  for 
the  conduct  of  life. 

Kindliness  of  heart  seldom  goes  far  astray  in  its  pur- 
poses, but  I  soon  learned  in  dealing  with  circles  or 
groups  of  people  that  the  sweetest  and  most  unselfish 
intentions  will  not  always  counteract  the  effect  of  an 
awkward  method,  which  is  painfully  embarrassing  both  to 
the  bestower  and  the  recipient  of  courtesies.  This  asser- 
tion is  the  formulated  essence  of  what  I  learned  dur- 
ing   that   valuable    but    most    trying    and    unhappy    of 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  21 

visits  to  the  family  of  my  betrothed.  1  am  sure  my 
dear  hostess  spared  her  son  all  she  could  of  the  pain 
which  a  less  tender  and  less  wise  mother  might  have 
inflicted  upon  so  ill-judging  a  young  man.  The  latter 
type  would,  perhaps,  have  said  to  him  :  "  The  girl  is 
underbred ;  she  is  personified  ignorance ;  she  doesn't 
know  even  how  to  receive  an  invitation  to  an  ordinary 
party,  much  less  a  formal  dinner.  Break  this  foolish 
engagement,  my  son,  for  both  your  sakes." 

In  truth,  I  was  not  even  aware  of  what  was  expected 
of  a  young  girl  even  at  a  family  dinner.  I  did  not  know 
that  on  such  an  occasion  it  is  bad  form  for  a  girl  to  ex- 
press a  particular  desire,  the  discourtesy  of  which  a  care- 
ful training  would  have  made  plain.  The  hostess  is  the 
only  person  who  can  or  ought  to  arrange  partners  for  a 
dinner  of  ceremony  or  even  for  one  that  is  enfafnille. 

To  me  this  social  wisdom  was  unknown,  and,  of 
course,  I  made  myself  absurd  by  insisting  in  an  aside  to 
John's  mother  that  I  must  not  be  taken  in  to  dinner  by  a 
strange  man,  for  was  I  not  engaged  to  her  son  ?  I 
almost  wept,  and  my  appetite  failed  me.  I  did  not  feel 
as  if  I  were  being  loyal  to  my  future  husband,  nor  indeed, 
that  he  was  quite  true  to  me  when  he  offered  his  arm — 
which  I  fancied  was  mine  wholly — to  his  aunt — his 
mother's  sister.  He  placed  her  at  his  right  hand,  for 
since  his  father's  death  he  always  took  the  head  of  the 
table.  It  was  the  night  of  my  arrival,  and  this  sweet  old 
dame,  having  called  quite  incidentally,  had  been  pressed 
to  remain  and  dine.  It  was  a  mark  of  honor  and  respect 
to  be  escorted  to  the  table  by  such  a  noted  and  charming 
gentleman  as  my  companion,  but  being  unfamiliar  with 
the  wise   and   polished   customs  of   good   society,  I  fully 


22  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

believed,  and  with  keen  agony,  too,  that  my  relation  to 
the  family  was  being  intentionally  ignored,  or,  at  best, 
only  coolly  admitted,  and  that  probably  this  was  the  com- 
mencement of  an  intentional  rupture  between  John  and 
myself. 

Poor  John  !  He  was  hurt,  disappointed  and  ashamed 
of  my  unresponsiveness  when  addressed,  as  well  as  at  my 
silence  at  other  times.  Nobody  even  suspected  that  it 
was  simply  a  profound  ignorance  that  troubled  me.  John 
looked  at  me  with  pain  in  his  eyes,  and  his  disappoint- 
ment reached  even  to  his  voice,  because  I  really  was 
gauche  and  apparently  sulky.  I  had  anticipated  being 
placed  at  his  side  as  it  seemed  my  right  to  be,  and  I  had 
arranged  in  my  own  mind  just  how  by  several  methods 
the  family  should  be  made  to  know  the  depth  of  my 
attachment  to  their  John  and  my  great  pride  and  happi- 
ness in  his  devotion  to  me.  Can  you  imagine,  my  dear 
niece,  any  more  undignified  spectacle  than  two  infatuated 
young  persons,  who  have  already  testified  to  their  regard 
for  each  other  by  announcing  their  determination  to 
spend  their  lives  together,  foolishly  cooing  as  an  empha- 
sis to  so  solemn  a  compact — and  that,  too,  before  some 
disinterested  spectators  ? 

At  that  period  of  my  experience — I  will  not  say  of 
my  life,  because  I  was  old  enough  even  then  to  have 
known  better  had  some  one  instructed  me — I  fully 
believed  that  lovers  should  always  sit  next  each  other.  I 
had  with  no  disapproving  taste  gazed  at  such  pairs 
while  they  held  each  other's  hands  in  public  and  consid- 
ered these  displays  as  altogether  proper  and  belong- 
ing to  the  betrothal  period.  I  had  known  that  young 
men  had  asked  young  women  for  their  "company,"  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


23 


that  this  request  signified  "  when  I  visit  you  I  hope  I 
may  see  you  alone  "  ;  and  I  knew  also  that  such  re- 
quests were  no  longer  in  good  taste.  But  that  a  be- 
trothed pair  must  dance  together,  sit  together,  walk 
together  and  never  be  other  than  what,  in  some 
localities,  is  called  "  a  couple  "  seemed  to  me  only  the 
correct  public  acknowledgment  of  their  tender  relation- 
ship, and  that  anything  less  devoted  could  not  be  wholly 
faithful. 

To  be  sure,  John  had  always  treated  me  as  if  I  were  a 
royal  princess,  he  my  vassal,  and  his  allegiance  had  been 
offered  and  maintained  in  the  most  dignified  fashion  ; 
but  now  that  we  had  begun  a  more  intimate  association 
in  the  presence,  of  his  family,  my  preconceived  idea  of 
such  relationship  led  me  to  expect  that  his  regard  for  me 
would  naturally  be  in  a  state  of  constant  manifestation  or 
expression,  and  that  no  opportunity  for  announcing  his 
preference  for  my  companionship  would  be  lost*  And 
yet  by  his  conduct  at  the  very  first  dinner  in  his  mother's 
house,  where  I  supposed  a  son  could  do  whatever  he 
chose,  he  tranquilly  passed  me  by  and  bestowed  the 
most  distinguished  civilities  upoy  his  aunt.  I  was 
nearly  frantic  with  pain,  and  it  was  only  through  a  pro- 
portionate pride  that  I  managed  to  control  my  anger  and 
resentment.  Happily,  few  women  with  character  are 
without  this  rock  of  support,  although  upon  this  same 
rock  they  too  often  wreck  themselves.  I  fortunately 
escaped  the  latter  fate  and  lived  to  learn  that  the  propri- 
eties are  based  upon  a  nobler  and  firmer  foundation  than 
even  the  most  decided  personal  preferences. 

How  long  that  dinner  seemed  to  me  !  Everybody, 
except  myself   and   John,  became  nervously  merry  as  if 


24  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

trying  to  conceal  something.  They  laughed  and  ch^itted 
to  hide  my  born^  manner  and  John's  hurt.  Had  it  not 
been  for  the  dear  old  aunt,  whose  eyes  looked  into  mine 
with  an  incisiveness  that  was  given  to  them  by  her  ten- 
der, earnest  soul,  I  should  have  fled  to  my  desolate  old 
home  in  the  country  by  the  first  morning  train.  As  we 
rose  from  the  table  she  said  to  John,  "  Take  me  to  the 
alcove  and  bring  your  Jianc^e.''^  When  we  had  joined  her 
she  said  to  John,  "  Now  leave  us ;  this  young  girl  looks 
worn  and  tired,  and  she  is  in  a  strange  house,  with  an 
unfamiliar  atmosphere." 

She  took  my  hand  in  her  shapely  and  lady-like  but 
trembling  fingers  and  said :  "  I  think  I  understand ; 
times  and  customs  have  changed  greatly  in  our  circle 
since  I  was  a  girl,  while  doubtless  they  have  scarcely 
moved  where  you  have  been.  They  may  have  less  of 
nature  now,  but  recently  established  customs  contain 
more  wisdom,  grace  and  noble  significance." 

Just  here  I  burst  into  tears  and  laid  my  burning  face  in 
her  lap  to  deaden  the  sound  of  my  sobbing.  I  felt  the 
moving  of  her  soft  hand  over  my  hair,  but  she  was  silent 
for  awhile  to  give  me  ^  time  to  think.  Then  she  said  with 
a  sweet  quaver  in  her  voice  :  "  Human  love  does  but 
cheapen  its  expressions  by  making  them  spectacular. 
And  beside,  dear,  the  aged  always  receive  the  first  cour- 
tesy among  all  well-bred  people.  You  have  youth  now, 
but  when  age  comes  you  will  appreciate  the  beauty  of 
this  custom.  Gladly  would  I  have  exchanged  places  with 
you  at  the  table  to-night,  but  in  the  circumstances  I 
could  not  do  so.  Then,  too,  had  you  sat  beside  John  the 
attention  of  the  family  and  our  guest  would  have  been 
focused  upon  both  of  you,  and  your  sensitiveness  would 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  25 

have  suffered  from  it  after  a  while,  don't  you  think 
so?" 

I  kissed  her,  but  answered  nothing.  She  rose  and  joined 
the  family,  and  John  came  to  me.  All  I  could  say  was, 
"  I  begin  to  understand  that  in  the  world  where  you  have 
lived  the  social  laws  are  not  based  upon  selfishness,  and 
I  will  try  to  commit  its  statutes  to  memory  and  reduce 
them  to  practice  if  you  will  assist  and  guide  me." 

"  Was  it  a  misunderstanding  of  ceremonials,  dear,  only 
that }  "  he  asked,  in  a  relieved  voice. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  it  was  an  utter  ignorance  of  the  world's 
best  methods  of  managing  itself,  in  which  formalities  I 
ought  to  have  been  instructed  at  home." 

After  that  the  burden  of  making  me  acquainted  with 
social  etiquette,  by  whose  laws  unpleasant  things  are 
made  less  difficult  to  endure  and  perform,  and  all  agree- 
able occurrences  become  like  easy  rhythms  that  almost 
sing  themselves,  fell  upon  his  mother,  and  if  she  was  not 
always  as  considerate  as  her  oldest  sister,  she  was  untir- 
ing and  watchful,  while  I  proved  an  apt,  because  a  zeal- 
ous, pupil. 

How  much  effort  and  pain  it  cost  me  to  overcome  the 
aversion  and  win  for  myself  the  good  will  of  John's  sis- 
ters after  that  first  evening  of  silly  misconduct,  I  should 
be  unwilling  to  tell  you  even  if  it  were  possible,  but  that 
I  did  induce  them  at  last  to  love,  trust  and  respect  me 
you  doubtless  know. 

To  my  own  boys  when  they  are  old  enough  to  under- 
stand, I  shall  say  with  an  earnestness  that  is  inspired  by 
distressing  reminiscence  :  "  If  you  ever  suspect  yourselves 
of  being  in  love  with  one  whom  you  have  known  only 
upon  an  ocean  steamer  or  in  hotel  life,  for  the  poor  girl's 


26  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

sake,  as  well  as  for  your  own,  pray  wait  until  you  know 
her  in  her  home  or  as  a  guest  in  your  family.  If  a 
visit  of  this  kind  be  difficult  to  arrange,  get  some  judi- 
cious friend  of  the  same  social  status  as  yourself  to  invite 
her  for  a  prolonged  hospitality  before  you  ask  her  to 
marry  you.  Be  sure  that  you  have  the  opportunity  of 
seeing  her  under  the  crucial  test  of  domestic  social  life 
amid  surroundings  with  which  you  are  familiar.  If  she 
falls  below  your  expectations,  then  you  can  judge  her  by 
her  adaptability  and  weigh  her  virtues  against  her  inex- 
perience. 

As  for  my  daughters,  they  shall  be  instructed  in  the 
forms  and  conventionalities  of  good  society  that  their 
mother  learned  only  by  sore  experience.  Only  by  such 
early  teaching  can  they  hope  to  escape  the  tormenting 
pitfalls  into  which  their  mother  so  innocently  fell,  and 
where  she  might  have  spoiled  her  life  but  for  the  kind 
patience  and  forbearance  of  judicious  friends. 

The  forms  of  etiquette,  however,  must  not  be  con- 
sidered an  end  in  themselves,  but  simply  a  means  for  the 
performance  of  the  sacred  duties  we  owe  those  about  us  ; 
but  yours,  my  dear  niece,  is  not  the  nature  that  will  hesi- 
tate to  choose  between  the  moral  and  the  seemingly  fit- 
ting when  the  two  appear  to  conflict,  so  upon  this  thought 
I  need  not  dwell. 

An  easy  familiarity  with  etiquette  is  to  the  active 
member  of  society  what  sea-faring  knowledge  is  to  the 
navigator.  The  latter  saves  the  ship  from  dashing  upon 
perilous  rocks,  and  the  former  is  a  compass  by  which  to 
direct  one's  course  through  a  sea  of  trouble  into  tranquil 
currents  and  by  pleasant  places. 

Auntie. 


THIRD  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

What  a  welcome  letter  was  yours,  and  what  a  field  of 
possibilities  it  opened  to  me,  who  am  so  deficient  in  all 
that  pertains  to  social  manners  and  customs.  Its  perusal 
both  discouraged  and  encouraged  me — discouraged  be- 
cause there  is  so  much  to  learn  that  I  doubt  whether  I 
shall  ever  become  familiar  with  the  exacting  laws  of 
social  life ;  and  encouraged  by  the  thought  that  you,  too, 
struggled  with  difficulties  as  great  as  mine,  and  have 
attained  social  eminence.  I  mean  to  emulate  your  noble 
example,  and  make  the  family  of  v(\^ fiand  as  proud  and 
as  fond  of  me  as  Uncle  John's  family  is  of  you. 

I  am  glad  you  have  taken  the  kindly  way  of  relating 
your  own  struggles  in  conquering  social  faults,  to  help 
me  to  attain  a  clear  and  certain  perception  of  what 
is  needful  in  my  new  life,  for  a  knowledge  of  the 
efforts  and  successes  of  those  we  love  have  a  far  more 
stimulating  influence  over  our  lives  than  the  most  arduous 
endeavors  on  our  part  to  grasp,  after  our  own  fashion  or 
understanding,  the  laws  that  should  govern  our  relations 
with  those  among  whom  our  lot  in  life  is  cast.  And, 
too,  it  is  so  much  more  satisfying  to  have  a  thoroughly 
experienced   guide,    for    then    we    are    certain    the    laws 

27 


28  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

have  been  correctly  interpreted  and  are  enabled  to  climb 
the  social  ladder  without  meeting  with  discouraging 
stumbles  or  falls. 

You  see,  you  have  made  me  begin  to  think  seriously 
on  a  subject  to  which  I  have  never  given  much  thought. 
I  feel  that  I  am  starting  out  in  the  world  with  a  woman's 
years  and  a  child's  knowledge  of  the  world's  customs,  and 
I  must  seek  for  my  own  defects  in  what  you  tell  me  is 
considered  good-breeding,  perfection  in  which  I  am  now 
anxious  to  attain  as  much  for  my  own  self-respect  as  to 
please  the  new  friends  I  am  about  to  make. 

Well,  this  is  altogether  an  egotistical  letter,  which  I 
could  scarcely  write  to  any  other  than  my  dearest  friend. 
Very  shortly  father  and  I  will  start  upon  our  travels,  and 
with  a  man  of  culture  and  refined  manners,  such  as  he 
is,  I  will  not  be  so  deplorably  at  sea  in  regard  to  some  of 
the  nice  things  of  life  as  I  should  be  were  he  less  fastid- 
ious and  less  well-read. 

I  will  be  all  impatience  until  I  receive  your  next  letter, 
every  word  of  which  I  will  be  ready  to  devour  with  the 
greediness  of  one  hungry  for  knowledge.  I  want  to 
know,  so  much,  how  you  acquainted  your  friends  of  your 
engagement,  and  how  you  conducted  yourself  after  the 
announcement  was  made.  I  am  so  afraid  of  seeming  too 
happy,  but  I  am  indeed  so  happy  that  it  is  almost  impos- 
sible to  prevent  my  feelings  showing  in  my  face ;  yet  I 
suppose  one's  features  must  be  controlled  as  well  as  the 
manners  educated,  so  I  will  put  myself  to  the  study  while 
awaiting  your  letter. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


FOURTH   LETTER. 
regarding  engagements, 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

Well,  to  continue  my  reminiscences.  At  the  expiration 
of  my  month's  visit  among  John's  kinspeople — and  the 
time  spent  with  them  was  very  enUghtening,  but  also  very 
humiliating — I  returned  home  and  began  to  prepare  for 
my  marriage,  which  was  to  take  place  the  following 
autumn.  In  our  thinly  populated  country  it  was  custom- 
ary— indeed,  almost  a  social  law — that  engaged  persons 
should  keep  their  betrothal  a  profound  secret.  To  deny 
an  engagement  of  marriage  was  but  a  social  falsehood 
easily  condoned  ;  to  speak  to  a  young  man  or  woman  in  a 
congratulatory  fashion  was  deemed  an  impertinence  and 
was  resented  accordingly. 

The  friendly  custom  that  elsewhere  prevailed  of  writ- 
ing notes  of  congratulation  and  good  wishes  to  engaged 
persons  of  one's  acquaintance,  and,  perhaps,  sending 
rtowers  to  the  lady,  had  not  yet  been  adopted  in  our 
vicinity.  I  had  read  of  such  formulas  in  society  novels, 
but  they  did  not  reach  me  as  practical  facts  any  more 
than  did  diamond  necklaces  and  sleeveless  toilettes.  A 
formal  note  to  an  acquaintance  announcing  that  I  was 

29 


30  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

engaged  to  be  married  would,  I  felt  sure,  be  considered 
boastful,  if  not  indelicate.  Of  course,  to  dear  and  inti- 
mate friends,  to  whom  letters  and  not  notes  are  written, 
such  a  confidence  was  frequently  made ;  but  it  was 
understood  to  be  unspeakably  sacred. 

An  official  announcement  of  an  engagement  is  often 
made  at  a  formal  dinner  at  which  the  chief  members  of 
both  families  are  present ;  and  when  the  fact  is  communi- 
cated by  such  guests  to  others  it  is  considered  official. 
However,  a  personal  note  from  the  persons  most  inter- 
ested is  esteemed  a  friendly  attention.  You  can,  per- 
haps, imagine  my  confusion  when  your  Uncle  John's 
relatives  and  acquaintances  came  to  call  upon  me,  having 
been  asked  verbally  or  by  note  to  perform  this  courtesy. 
His  mother  had  written  to  me  as  to  a  daughter,  and  his 
sisters  as  to  a  friend  of  their  brother.  His  uncle,  who  had 
been  his  guardian  and  had  been  consulted,  had  sent 
me  a  bracelet  before  seeing  me.  I  felt  altogether  that 
John  had  been  indiscreet,  and  that  maybe  I  might  be 
called  upon  to  restrain  a  rather  too  free  speech  about 
family  affairs  after  we  were  married,  which  I  may  as  well 
mention  now  I  never  did. 

A  well  considered  engagement  in  good  society  is 
esteemed  as  sacred  as  a  marriage,  and  the  breaking  of 
such  a  compact  as  unpleasant  and,  perhaps,  as  dishonor- 
able as  a  separation  after  marriage.  After  a  month  of 
attentions  from  John's  town  friends  and  acquaintances, 
and  having  become  convinced  that  a  secret  engagement 
was  not  considered  good  form,  I  began  to  wonder  how  I 
should  properly  manage  my  few  country  friends  in  this 
matter. 

Whenever  I  have  learned  a  better  method  about  anv  of 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


31 


the  affairs  of  life,  I  have  made  it  a  law  with  myself  to 
adopt  or  apply  it  unflinchingly,  well  knowing  that  time 
and  intelligence  will  combine  to  approve  my  action.  Of 
course,  I  could  not  appeal  to  my  frail  father  for  assist- 
ance, although  he  was  always  ready  to  help  me  in  matters 
to  which  he  had  given  his  attention ;  therefore,  I  con- 
fessed my  perplexities  to  John's  aunt,  who  had  become 
my  unfailing  source  of  knowledge  and  my  strength. 

"  How  would  you  like  me  to  follow  you  home  a  week 
or  two  hence  ? "  she  inquired  at  parting. 

"  Above  all  things  such  a  visit  would  be  a  joy  and  a 
help  to  me,"  I  answered.  "  But  it  is  a  lonely  old  house, 
with  simplicity  as  its  only  household  deity." 

"All  the  better;  I  shall  enjoy  the  tranquillity,  and, 
perhaps,  I  may  be  able  to  advise  you  about  your  trousseau 
and  your  wedding.  A  lonely  girl  must  be  in  want  of  a 
worldly-wise  head  now  and  then." 

And  so  it  was  settled. 

She  advised  me  to  write  immediately  to  the  wife  of  our 
clergyman  or  to  any  other  matronly  friend  and  make 
known  my  engagement,  with  the  request  that  it  be  men- 
tioned to  all  who,  in  her  opinion,  felt  sufficiently  inter- 
ested in  me  to  care  about  it.  The  wise  old  lady  said  it 
would  be  better  to  have  it  known  before  she  visited  me, 
so  that  a  stranger  would  not  be  charged  with  introducing 
a  social  innovation. 

And  so  my  approaching  marriage  was  announced  ;  and 
similar  methods  are  now  adopted  in  all  thinly  settled 
parts  of  the  country  by  such  families  as  prefer  to  follow 
the  habits  of  the  best  bred  city  people,  among  whom  an 
engagement  is  never  kept  secret  for  any  considerable 
time.     Near  and  dear  friends  add  much  to  the  gladness 


32  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

of  such  events  by  giving  dinners,  suppers  and  simple  and 
significant  gifts  to  the  engaged  pair,  and  hearty  expres- 
sions of  good-will  greet  them  everywhere. 

When  the  two  live  remote  from  each  other  it  is  con- 
sidered in  good  taste  for  the  engaged  man  to  entertain  at 
a  supper  or  dinner  a  party  of  his  male  friends;  to  one  of 
them,  a  married  man,  he  imparts  the  news,  and  it  is  kept 
secret  until  this  friend  announces  it  in  the  form  of  a 
toast.  Responses  naturally  take  the  form  of  congratu- 
lations. 

By  one  method  or  another  an  engagement  should 
always  be  officially  made  known,  slyness,  prevarications 
or  mystery  about  so  solemn  a  compact  being  considered 
both  undignified  and  indelicate.  Where  I  had  lived  1 
had  observed  that  lovers,  while  stoutly  denying  an  en- 
gagement of  marriage,  quite  frequently  treated  each 
other,  even  in  the  presence  of  strangers,  with  far  more 
famiHarity  and  caressing  attention  than  is  customary 
between  married  people  of  good  manners.  In  regard  to 
this,  John's  aunt  said,  and  I  am  now  convinced  she  was 
right,  that  all  public  manifestations  of  love  really  cheapen 
and  vulgarize  the  purest  and  finest  of  its  emotions. 

With  conflicting  feelings  I  entered  the  country  church 
the  first  Sunday  after  my  return  home.  I  could  not 
refuse  to  be  present,  because  it  was  my  custom  to  attend 
regularly,  and  my  motive  might  be  misunderstood  if  I 
absented  myself  at  this  time.  Besides,  if  I  were  to  assist 
at  improving  the  social  customs  of  our  little  community, 
I  knew  I  must  not  allow  my  courage  to  fail  me.  If  my 
mental  fibre  had  been  exceptionably  fine  I  would  have 
perceived,  without  especial  and  minute  explanations,  the 
wisdom  of  the  usages  or  formalities  that  had  long  pre- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  33 

vailed  among  cultured  town  folk,  but  it  was  not,  and  I 
write  to  you  just  as  if  your  recognition  of  unspoken 
things  were  about  as  quick  and  no  quicker  than  my 
own  at  your  age.  I  trust  you  will  forgive  me  if  I  am 
mistaken  in  your  requirements,  and  you  will  accept  the 
affection  which  prompts  me  to  explain,  as  clearly  as  I  am 
able,  just  how  I  acquired  certain  better  habits  than  those 
which  I  had  seen  practised  in  the  town  where  I  was  born 
and  reared. 

1  remember  a  pretty  and  sweet  girl,  younger  than  my- 
self, who  appealed  to  me  in  her  perplexities  about  little 
usages  that  did  not  seem  quite  fine. 

"  Ought  I  to  thank  the  young  man  who  escorts  me 
home  from  evening  church  ?  "   she  asked. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  he  is  the  one  who  is  honored." 

"  Should  I  invite  him  to  enter  the  house  at  that  hour?" 

"  Not  if  it  is  late,  and  not  at  all  unless  some  of  your 
family  can  be  present." 

I  was  able  to  answer  these  questions  because  thus 
much  instruction  my  accomplished  father  had  given  me 
about  the  ways  of  the  outer  world.  He  told  me,  how- 
ever, that  a  married  man  should  always  be  thanked  for 
such  attention,  and  a  message  acknowledging  the  cour- 
tesy of  his  escort  should  always  be  sent  his  wife.  The 
young  inquirer  opened  wide  her  innocent  eyes  at  this 
change  in  the  form  of  parting,  but  she  was  quick  to  per- 
ceive its  wisdom. 

After  this  little  digression  we  will  return  to  the  church 
and  my  subsequent  doings.  To  keep  my  eyelids  down,  I 
knew,  was  tantamount  to  admission  that  I  felt  ashamed  of 
myself,  and  to  look  frankly  ahead  would,  maybe,  be  con- 
strued into  a  feeling  of  vanity  ;  but  as  I  preferred  to  be 
3 


34  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

considered  proud  rather  than  ashamed,  I  carried  myself, 
except'  in  color,  just  as  if  I  had  not  been  promised  in 
marriage,  and  it  was  not  very  long  before  my  state  of 
mind  seemed  to  be  understood  and  my  conduct  approved. 
As  a  consequence  many  hitherto  denied  or  secret  engage- 
ments were  made  known  within  the  next  month,  and  an 
added  dignity  was  thenceforth  given  the  formalities  of 
betrothal.  The  relation  of  parents  to  their  children  was 
thus  recognized  and  honored,  and  the  approval,  or,  at 
least,  the  permission  of  the  parents  or  guardians  was 
properly  besought.  The  blessing  of  the  father  and  the 
mother  is  one  of  the  most  sacred  consecrations  of  an 
engagement,  and  promises  will  not  be  lightly  made  if 
such  sanction  is  considered  needful. 

Aunt  Edith,  as  she  begged  me  to  call  her,  arrived  after 
a  fortnight,  and  although  she  was  as  fragile  as  she  was 
wise  and  sweet,  her  presence  became  a  benediction  to 
our  house.  And,  besides,  she  was  much  to  me  person- 
ally. She  made  it  possible  for  John  to  visit  us  by  acting 
as  chaperon  to  a  motherless  girl.  Hotel  accommodations 
were  not  to  be  had  in  our  neighborhood,  but  he  was  thus 
enabled  to  come  and  spend  a  week  or  more  with  us,  as 
he  had  leisure  from  a  somewhat  exacting  profession. 
Among  our  neighbors  his  visits  to  us,  without  the 
presence  of  an  elderly  or  married  lady  in  the  house, 
would  have  excited  comment  but  no  censure,  so  unsophis- 
ticated were  they ;  but  in  John's  family  such  a  disregard 
of  ceremony  would  have  been  pronounced  indelicate,  or, 
at  least,  inconsiderate.  They  would  have  held  me  in 
lighter  esteem  had  I  been  careless  of  those  proprieties 
and  approved  usages  which  are  sanctioned  in  the  best 
society  all  over  the  civilized  world. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  35 

I  had  learned  that  a  young  girl  should  hold  her  society 
and  her  hospitality  as  a  privilege  to  be  valued  by  a  young 
man  who  visits  her,  and  that  she  should  never  thank  him 
for  coming  to  see  her,  as  less  self-respecting  or  perhaps 
I  should  say,  as  less  self-venerating  girls  sometimes  do. 
I  had  much  of  the  care  of  the  household  still  upon  my 
hands,  and  I  did  not  choose  to  lay  it  aside  at  the 
moment  when  a  practical  application  of  my  experience 
was  likely  to  add  to  the  comfort  of  its  increased  numbers. 
And,  besides,  I  naturally  desired  to  appear  at  my  best, 
having  exhibited  myself  at  my  very  worst  amidst  un- 
familiar surroundings. 

Did  I  look  as  fresh  and  as  pretty  as  I  could  in  my 
clean  print  frocks  and  white  aprons  in  the  morning .'' 

John  said  I  was  never  so  pretty. 

Did  I  leave  crimping  pins  or  curl  papers  in  my  hair 
until  I  arranged  my  toilet  later  in  the  day  t 

By  no  means.  Nor  was  I  ever  guilty  of  such  a  fault, 
for  my  father  would  not  have  permitted  it.  It  is  a 
strange  freak  on  the  part  of  a  woman  that  causes  her  to 
imagine  that  the  one  man  before  whom  she  prefers  to 
look  her  best,  forgets  after  she  has  dressed  herself  for  his 
especial  admiration  the  hideousness  of  her  appearance  in 
curl  papers,  crimping  pins  or  disordered  hair. 

I  have  heard  young  men  say — and  you  know  they  are 
much  more  candid  with  their  matronly  friends  than  with 
their  girlish  acquaintances — that  the  disagreeable  picture 
of  a  young  woman  while  she  is  going  through  the  mech- 
anism of  becoming  a  fascinating  creature  is  always  more 
vivid  than  the  pretty  picture  that  results  from  the  opera- 
tion. Crimps  or  waves  certainly  soften  the  outlines  of 
most  features,  but  if  such  accessories  to  beauty  must  be 


36  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

purchased  by  ugliness  at  the  breakfast-table,  pray  trust 
to  smoothly-brushed  tresses  to  do  what  they  can  to  give 
you  womanly  charms. 

And  so  John  made  several  visits  to  us  during  the 
summer,  and  that  we  enjoyed  each  other's  society  very 
much  I  need  not  tell  you.  We  drove  together,  some- 
times accom.panied  by  Aunt  Edith  and  sometimes  alone, 
etiquette  having  been  arranged  as  a  guard  against  bad 
form  and  not  as  a  fetter.  Had  we  been  in  town  and  our 
engagement  generally  known  we  could  have  rode  or 
driven  together  without  a  chaperon  and  not  been  un- 
pleasantly criticised  or  pronounced  lacking  in  respect  for 
les  convenances  or  ihQpetites  morales  of  good  society. 

,   Auntie. 


FIFTH   LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Your  letter  came  just  in  time  to  relieve  me  of  much 
embarrassment,  and  also  to  prevent  me  making  a 
most  grievous  error  in  social  etiquette  in  regard  to  the 
announcement  of  my  engagement  to  my  friends  and 
acquaintances.  I  was  so  anxious  to  act  properly  in  the 
matter,  so  as  to  avoid  slighting  any  one,  yet  I  did  not 
know  exactly  how  or  to  whom  the  important  communi- 
cation should  be  made.  Now,  however,  all  my  doubts 
have  been  removed  by  your  kind  and  timely  information. 

I  had  thought  that,  perhaps,  I  would  not  make  my 
engagement  known  until  after  our  return  from  abroad, 
but  I  can  now  see  how  unwise  this  would  have  been,  and 
shall,  in  consequence,  make  no  further  delay  in  inform- 
ing every  one  I  know  of  my  betrothal.  Although  the 
wedding  day  is  a  year  off,  there  are  so  many  things  I 
must  learn  before  it  comes,  that  I  shall  have  to  ask  you 
numberless  questions,  which  I  am  certain  you  will  answer 
in  the  same  kindly  way  in  which  you  have  begun 

Before  returning  to  my  dear  old  home  I  shall  devote  my 
attention  to  many  things  that  are  very  important  and  that 
would  cause  me  much  anxiety  should  I  delay  attending  to 
them  until  after  my  return.     One  of  them  is  the  collec- 

37 


38  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

tion  and  arrangement  of  my  trousseau^  about  which  I  am 
much  at  a  loss.  If  you  will  give  me  some  ideas  on  this 
subject  you  will  greatly  help  me.  I  should  like  much  to 
know  about  the  marking  of  my  linen,  and  also  if  I  should 
provide  myself  with  a  supply  of  household  linen. 

The  style  of  my  wedding  gown,  too,  I  will  (if  I  may) 
leave  to  your  better  taste  and  judgment,  as  I  have  little 
knowledge  of  what  fashion  demands  for  such  occasions. 
I  should  like,  however,  a  trained  gown,  if  permissible,  for 
to  me  that  is  the  ideal  robe  for  a  bride;  besides,  I  am 
rather  tall  and — forgive  my  vanity,  dear  aunt — I  think  I 
would  look  just  lovely  with  a  train.  I  remember  how  sur- 
prised Harry  and  papa  were  when  one  day  I  appeared  be- 
fore them  in  an  old  gown  of  mamma's  which  I  came  upon 
while  looking  through  some  trunks ;  and  their  looks  of 
admiration  would  have  satisfied  the  vanity  of  a  girl  much 
more  exacting  than  I.  So  you  must  not  be  surprised  if, 
at  times,  my  self-esteem  will  force  itself  into  notice,  for  I 
am  largely  dependent  for  all  ideas  regarding  myself  upon 
the  openly  expressed  flattery  of  two  dear  people  who  view 
me  only  through  rose-colored  spectacles. 

I  shall  have  to  give  considerable  thought  to  the  nec- 
essary preparations  for  my  wedding-day  so  as  to  be 
thoroughly  acquainted  with  all  details.  These  are  some 
of  the  things  I  would  like  to  know :  to  whom  it  is  neces- 
sary to  send  invitations ;  who  should  arrange  for  the 
carriages  and  other  et  caeteras;  should  I  have  brides- 
maids, and  if  so,  how  many ;  what,  if  any,  presents  would 
be  in  best  taste  to  give  them  ;  and  lastly  in  what  manner 
shall  I  announce  my  marriage  to  friends  too  distant  to 
attend  the  ceremony  ?  I  do  not  wish  to  have  a  showy 
wedding,    for    anything    savoring   of   display    would    be 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


39 


equally  distasteful  to  me  and  to  the  refined  taste  of  my 
fianc(f. 

I  have  asked  many  questions,  yet  I  fear  not  all  that  the 
subject  demands ;  but  you  have  been  so  very  kind  and 
know  so  well  how  to  instruct  one  in  everything  needful  to 
know  (far  more  than  I  should  ever  think  to  ask),  that  I 
feel  certain  you  will  inform  me  even  on  matters  which 
have  not  yet  come  under  my  notice. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


SIXTH  LETTER. 
preparations  for  the  wedding. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

To  tell  how  swiftly  the  summer  sped  by  us  would  sig- 
nify little  to  you  at  present ;  when  the  month  before  your 
own  wedding  arrives  and  passes  you  will  understand.  Of 
course,  all  my  country  friends  were  to  be  called  upon — 
this  every  bride  is  expected  to  do  before  her  cards  are 
sent  out ;  but  these  visits  were  always  brief,  sometimes  so 
brief  that  they  gave  me  more  pain  than  satisfaction.  But 
courtesy  demanded  them,  and,  moreover,  they  were  sig- 
nificant that  the  intended  marriage  would  not  sever 
friendships  or  terminate  acquaintances.  The  girl  with 
delicate  feelings  will  be  certain  to  visit  all  in  a  lower 
grade  of  life  who  have  been  accustomed  to  friendliness  or 
kindliness  from  her ;  and  she  will  ask  them  verbally  to  the 
church  ceremonial,  and  send  them  portions  of  the  wed- 
ding favors,  such  as  cake  or  bon-bons. 

Many  matters  were  also  being  attended  to  at  this  time 
in  my  own  household.  My  lingerie  was  being  made  at 
home,  and  my  personal  supervision  was  frequently 
required.  Many  articles  had  been  made  by  my  own 
hands  long  before  my  engagement,  and  without  a  thought 

40 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  41 

to  a  possible  marriage,  so  much  valuable  time  was 
saved.  It  is  no  longer  customary  to  provide  an  immense 
quantity  of  underclothing,  enough  to  last  two  or  three 
years  being  quite  sufficient ;  a  greater  quantity  is  a  vexa- 
tious care,  and  oftentimes  a  positive  loss,  because  neither 
linen,  cotton  nor  silk  vestments  improve  with  time. 
Cambric  and  percale  for  summer  and  stouter  cottons  for 
winter  wear,  with  flannels  and  merinoes  for  a  change  of 
season,  are  needful  in  proper  quantities  ;  but  linens,  even 
when  I  was  a  girl,  my  father  wisely  refused  me  as 
unwholesome  textures.  Silk  undergarments  are  worn  by 
those  who  like  them,  and  delicately  colored  rr^^  woollens 
or  gauzes  are  daintily  made  up  for  summer.  I  had  also 
three  pretty  white  cashmere  night-gowns  in  readiness  for 
possible  illness.  Cashmere  is  not  used  so  much  nowa- 
days, white  veiling,  with  cashmere  lace  edgings,  taking 
its  place  and  invariably  giving  better  satisfaction. 

All  my  garments  were  marked  with  my  maiden  name. 
Sets  of  table  and  bed  linen  were  embroidered  with  flosses, 
the  patterns  being  my  family  cypher  or  my  own  mono- 
gram. 

In  all  social  and  practical  affairs  dear  Aunt  Edith  was 
wisdom,  economy  and  good  taste  most  happily  combined. 
She  was,  too,  as  quick  to  accept  novel  or  girlish  hints 
from  me  as  I  was  to  gratefully  take  from  her  that  intelli- 
gence which  is  only  found  in  a  larger  and  more  cosmo- 
politan life  than  I  was  then  familiar  with.  How  blessed 
the  fortune  of  a  young  girl  who  has  a  mother  or  a  near 
and  dear  friend  or  relative  to  advise  her !  I  suppose  I 
appreciated  such  a  blessing  more  fully  because  I  had 
been  so  long  without  it. 

About  this  time  I  received  a  letter  from  a  friend  who 


42  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

had  lived  several  years  m  a  distant  city.  He  and  I  had 
been  comiades  when  children,  and  the  friendship  had 
been  continued  after  we  had  grown  up  and  become  "  gen- 
tleman and  lady." 

This  reminds  me  to  say  that  in  good  society  such 
terms  are  seldom  heard  in  ordinar}'  speech,  but  are 
api^ed  as  explanations  of  character.  To  say  that  a  man 
is  a  gentleman  or  a  woman  is  a  lady  expresses  positive 
qualities  of  refinement  and  intelligence.  Ordinarily  in 
cultivated  circles  one  hears  only  of  girls  and  young  men  ; 
older  people  are  mentioned  as  men  and  women.  Among 
the  less  cultivated  class  the  words  gentleman  and  lady 
are  used  in  such  a  promiscuous  fashion  that  they  fre- 
quently sound  grotesque. 

After  this  straying,  I  will  tell  you  of  the  pain  I  felt  at 
the  contents  of  this  letter.  My  old  playfellow  was  com- 
ing home,  and  he  was  unequivocally  explicit  in  his  desire 
to  visit  me.  The  intimation  which  the  letter  contained 
could  not  be  misunderstood.  He  did  not  know  of  my 
engagement.  Of  course,  I  replied  at  once,  and,  ignoring 
his  implied  motive  for  coming,  said  I  should  be  glad  to 
see  him  again,  but  that  I  was  too  much  occupied  to  con- 
tribute much  to  his  pleasure  during  this  visit.  I  men- 
tioned the  month  of  my  marriage  and  hoped  he  would  be 
present.  I  can  imagine  how  much  perplexity  an  inexpe- 
rienced and  conscientious  girl  must  feel  when  a  man 
whom  she  respects  offers  to  her  marked  attention  that  she 
cannot  accept  because  her  interest  in  another  b  involved, 
and  yet,  maybe,  the  interest  is  not  sufficiently  marked  to 
enable  her  to  speak  <rf  it  with  candor.  The  only  course 
open  is  to  be  kindly  sincere. 

This  little  occurrence  more  than  reconciled  me  to  the 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


43 


custom  of  announcing  engagements.  Not  that  I  was  a 
belle,  with  reason  to  anticipate  particular  and  significant 
civilities;  but  the  fact  that  I  was  known  to  be  engaged 
spared  all  of  us  young  people  from  misunderstanding 
such  marks  of  friendliness  as  were  offered  and  could  with 
propriety  be  received. 

To  go  back  to  material  things.  My  wedding  dress  had 
been  worn  by  my  mother  both  at  her  marriage  and  also 
when  I  was  christened,  which  ceremonials  occurred  the 
first  in  the  same  church  and  the  second  in  the  same  room 
where  I  was  to  stand  on  my  bridal  day.  It  was  made  of 
the  variety  of  silk  which  is  said  to  "  stand  alone."  I 
should  not  have  chosen  so  weighty  a  fabric  had  a  new 
dress  been  purchased,  but  at  that  date  and  even  now  it  is 
considered  quite  the  thing  for  a  bride  to  array  herself  in 
an  ancestral  toilette.  Fashion  now  permits  the  use  of 
any  white  fabric  that  is  ladylike,  and  for  youthful  brides 
the  less  stately  the  material  the  more  elegant  it  is  consid- 
ered. Crepe  de  Chifie,  India  mulls,  silk  tissues,  and  also 
cashmeres  and  other  woollens,  are  among  the  fashionable 
bridal  fabrics.  Satins  are  traditional,  and,  of  course,  in 
order,  and  so  \s  poult  de  soie^  faille  Fran^aise^  poplin  and 
velvet.  But  good  taste  does  not  demand  a  costly  or 
elaborate  wedding  gown  ;  elegance  and  simplicity  skilfully 
combined  give  the  greatest  satisfaction  to  refined  tastes. 

Orange  blossoms  were  de  rigueur  in  the  days  of  my 
youth,  but  they  are  no  longer  especially  significant ;  white 
myrtle,  lilies-of-the-valley,  white  roses,  lilacs,  jessamines, 
etc.,  are  equally  appropriate.  A  train  is  considered 
essential,  perhaps  because  it  is  dignified  and  ceremonious. 
Certainly  the  bride  desires  it  when  she  wears  white. 

A  simple  and  inexpensive  travelling  dress  of  service- 


44 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


able  wool  goods,  a  handsomer  one  of  fine  wool  that 
afterward  served  for  church-going,  walking  and  driving,  a 
dinner  and  dancing  toilette,  and  a  costume  for  luncheons 
and  visiting  completed  my  outfit,  except,  of  course,  some 
breakfast  dresses,  now  called  tea-gowns.  The  finest 
travelling  dress  was  worn  when  leaving  home,  but  it  was 
replaced  by  the  simpler  dress  at  the  first  opportunity. 
This  number  of  costumes  is  quite  sufficient  for  a  young 
wife  of  to-day,  unless  she  be  a  devotee  to  fashionable 
pleasures ;  for  such  there  are  neither  limits  nor  rules.  If 
a  girl  already  has  a  fair  quantity  of  garments  she  need 
not  supply  herself  with  so  many  new  ones.  Individual 
taste  and  circumstances  should  regulate  these  matters, 
always  remembering  that  excesses  are  bad  form. 

When  the  contracting  parties  belong  to  the  same  social 
set,  it  is  usual  for  them  to  consult  each  other  in  regard  to 
the  ushers.  Four  or  six,  according  to  the  number  of 
expected  guests,  are  customary.  The  best  man  may  be 
married  or  single,  and  is  generally  the  groom's  dearest 
friend.  If  there  are  no  bridesmaids,  it  is  not  uncommon 
to  invite  two  young  married  men  to  serve  with  the  ushers ; 
but  if  there  are  to  be  bridesmaids,  there  should  be  as 
many  as  there  are  ushers.  The  best  man  arranges  for 
the  carriages,  secures  the  clergyman  and  the  organist, 
and,  in  consultation  with  the  bride,  arranges  the  selec- 
tions to  be  played.  He  also  attends  to  the  railway  tickets 
and  secures  accommodations  along  the  route  it  is  pro- 
posed to  follow.  But  all  these  et  Caeteras  are  strictly  con- 
fidential. Indeed,  it  is  not  considered  good  form  to 
inquire  of  those  who  must  needs  know  where  the  honey- 
moon is  to  be  spent. 

My  father  procured  from  John  a  list  of  such  friends  as 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  45 

he  desired  to  invite  to  the  wedding,  and,  adding  them  to 
a  Hst  of  our  own,  ordered  the  required  number  of  cards  to 
be  engraved  and  sent  with  envelopes. 

In  a  city  the  engraver  is  the  best  person  to  consult 
about  the  wording  of  an  invitation,  as  the  formula  varies 
with  fashion.  My  father  also  ordered  cards  to  be 
engraved  announcing  the  marriage  of  his  daughter ;  these 
were  to  send  to  friends  who  lived  at  such  a  distance  that 
to  invite  them  to  the  wedding  would  have  been  an  absurd- 
ity. The  shape  of  the  card  was  not  unlike  that  of  note 
paper ;  and  the  formula,  which  is  the  same  to-day,  was  as 
follows : 

Mr.  Edwin  Holden  Broivn 

announces  the  marriage  of  his  daughter 

Albertma  Louise 

to 

Mr.  John    William  Hunti7ig. 

Rosendahy  Maine.  Thursday,  October  ninth ,  1870. 

The  name  of  the  father,  the  daughter  and  the  groom  are 
engraved  in  larger  script  than  the  other  parts.  In  the 
envelope  with  this  announcement,  which,  of  course,  was 
not  mailed  until  the  day  after  the  wedding,  was  the  card 
of 

Mr,  and  Mrs.  John    William  Hunting. 

Mondays 
in  November.  looi   E.  55///  Street. 

Few  things  in  social  formulas  will  more  readily  give  a 


46  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

proper  place  to  a  person  than  the  style  of  card  used,  and 
certainly  a  floridness  of  fashion  upon  so  serious  a  subject 
as  the  announcement  of  a  marriage  would  be  in  very  bad 
taste.  All  these  necessary  details  were  completed  a 
month  before  the  date  of  my  marriage. 

In  some  parts  of  the  country  it  has  been  the  custom 
for  the  groom  to  order  the  cards  and  meet  all,  the 
expenses  of  their  production  and  issue,  but  this  habit  is 
falling  into  disuse.  The  groom,  however,  presents  the 
clergyman  with  such  fee  as  his  circumstances  warrant  or 
judgment  approves,  and  he  also  defrays  the  cost  of  his 
carriage.  That  is  all  he  is  supposed  to  pay,  unless  he 
desires  to  present  souvenirs  to  the  bridesmaids  and 
ushers.  Now  and  then  some  heiress  begs  the  pleasure  of 
providing  wedding  toilettes  for  her  maids,  but  such  a 
thing  is  exceptional.  It  is  usual  for  the  maids  to  consult 
the  bride  as  to  the  colors  for  their  costumes,  and  etiquette 
directs  that  she  present  them  with  suitable  bouquets,  and 
provide  wedding  favors  for  the  ushers. 

At  full-dress  weddings  the  bride  invariably  wears  white, 
unless  she  is  a  widow,  in  which  case  any  evening  color  is 
appropriate.  The  bridesmaids'  toilettes  are  of  walking 
length,  and  they  wear  hats  or  bonnets  or  short  veils  of 
illusion  fastened  to  place  by  flowers.  The  bodice  may 
be  high  or  low  in  the  neck,  but  an  opening  only  at  the 
throat  is  most  admired.  At  a  day  wedding  gentlemen 
wear  frock  or  cutaway  coats  •,  evening  dress  is  never 
assumed  until  after  sunset.  Gloves  may  be  worn  or  not, 
as  desired.  These  essentials  I  desire  to  impress  upon 
your  mind,  because  they  are  among  those  approved  cus- 
toms of  good  society  a  violation  of  which  is  accepted  as 
proof  of  unfamiliarity  with  accepted  usages. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  47 

I  must  not  forget  the  story  of  my  own  last  weeks  at 
home  and  how  they  were  spent.  My  father  had  all  the 
sweetness  and  patience  of  a  saint,  and  all  that  generosity 
which  a  tender  man  feels  for  a  daughter  upon  whom  the 
supreme  event  of  her  life  is  falling.  To  make  the  occa- 
sion as  beautiful  as  his  position  and  fortune  would  allow 
he  considered  as  much  a  pleasure  as  a  duty.  Had  I  been 
about  to  marry  a  struggling  man — one  whose  feet  were 
not  yet  firmly  established  in  prosperity — he  would  have 
ordained  a  quiet,  informal  wedding  in  a  simple  house  or 
travelling  costume,  and  whatever  money  he  might  other- 
wise, have  expended  for  a  bridal  celebration  and  for  rai- 
ment befitting  a  costly  wedding  he  would  have  presented 
to  his  daughter  to  meet  later  needs.  Nothing  gives  a 
more  disagreeable  impression  than  a  showy  wedding  and 
paltry  surroundings  immediately  after  it.  Begin  the  new 
life  which  opens  at  the  altar,  my  dear  niece,  in  all  sin- 
cerity. The  impression  of  a  wedding  lingers  in  the  mem- 
ory and  follows  a  wedded  pair  for  many  a  year.  If  it  be 
less  luxurious  than  the  wealth  of  the  home  which  organ- 
izes it  would  lead  one  to  expect,  then  all  the  better  for 
the  pair  who  prefer  to  start  at  the  foot  of  the  hill  of 
fortune  and  climb  upward  rather  than  be  married  in  the 
sunshine  of  its  summit  and  pass  directly  downward  into 
the  shadow  of  obscurity. 

Aunt  Edith  and  I  passed  a  busy  and  a  happy  August 
and  September.  Each  day  brought  its  special  duties, 
and  while  our  fingers  were  employed  we  found  opportu- 
nity for  sweet  converse,  and  little  by  little  I  gained  from 
her  finer  and  juster  ideas  in  regard  to  life  and  its  pur- 
poses, as  well  as  a  more  correct  taste  and  an  acuter  sense 
of  the  proprieties.     Among  other  things,  I  had  supposed 


48  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

that  to  be  well  dressed  I  must  also  be  perfumed.  She 
taught  me  that  only  such  faint  aromas  as  might  be  gath- 
ered by  garments  from  delicate  sachets  hung  up  in  a 
wardrobe  or  placed  in  the  dressing-cases  with  the  linen 
were  considered  refined.  Perfumes  that  are  pleasurable 
to  one  person  may  be  almost  unendurable  to  another; 
consequently,  it  is  neither  considerate  nor  polite  to  use 
them.  A  frequent  bath  and  fresh  raiment  are  far  prefer- 
able to  the  costliest  fragrance. 

Aunt  Edith  also  cured  me  of  the  bad  habit  of  calling 
my  men  acquaintances  by  their  christian  names.  With 
friends  such  an  address  is  allowable,  except  when  speak- 
ing to  or  of  them  in  the  presence  of  strangers,  when  they 
should  be  treated  with  the  respect  to  which  they  are 
entitled.  This  was  not  an  easy  process,  the  custom  hav- 
ing been  long  established ;  but  I  did  it,  and  in  such  a 
manner  that  I  hope  and  believe  I  gave  no  offence. 
Neither  use  the  first  name  of  a  man  nor  permit  him  to 
use  yours.  A  dignified  form  of  address  will  not  in  the 
least  intimate  a  want  of  esteem  or  a  lack  of  the  true 
spirit  of  camaraderie.  It  expresses  a  mutual  respect,  which 
adds  to  rather  than  takes  from  the  pleasures  of  friendli- 
ness between  young  men  and  women.  It  keeps  familiarity 
at  bay,  and  such  vulgarity  cannot  be  too  carefully  avoided. 
Not  that  caution  in  this  latter  respect  was  especially 
required  by  me ;  but  Aunt  Edith  had  occasion  to 
observe  evidences  of  it  in  others  who  came  to  see  me  dur- 
ing her  visit,  and  she  had  a  tender  desire  to  cure  a  fault 
that  marred  so  seriously  the  many  excellent  features  of 
social  life  in  the  country  and  destroyed  the  elevating  and 
ennobling  influence  of  mutual  friendship  between  young 
people..    To  succeed  without  provoking  unfavorable  com- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  49 

ments  or  wounding  the  feelings  of  any  person,  one  must 
be  careful  to  avoid  any  claim  to  the  title  of  reformer. 
The  more  imperative  the  need  for  reform  in  matters  of 
social  etiquette  the  more  delicately  must  one  proceed  in 
endeavoring  to  right  them. 

Auntie. 
4 


\ 


SEVENTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

I  am  rapidly  learning  from  you  my  social  duties  and 
the  manner  in  which  they  should  be  performed.  You 
have  already  taught  me  much,  but  I  know  there  is  still  a 
great  deal  more  to  learn,  and  questions  occur  to  me  in 
such  astonishingly  large  numbers  that  I  scarcely  know 
which  to  ask  first,  and  fear  to  tire  your  patience  long 
before  the  end  is  reached. 

In  regard  to  my  engagement,  I  have  followed  your  ad- 
vice to  the  letter ;  and  I  assure  you  it  gave  me  very  great 
pleasure  to  receive  the  kind  wishes  and  hearty  good-will 
of  my  country  friends.  Had  I  followed  my  way  instead 
of  yours  how  much  happiness  I  should  have  lost;  for 
then  I  never  should  have  known  how  much  I  was  really 
beloved  by  the  kind  and  simple  people  who  live  around  us. 

Now,  dear  aunt,  there  are  some  more  things  about 
which  I  "  want  to  know."  How  long  before  the  wedding 
day  should  invitations  to  the  wedding  be  sent  out  ?  And 
are  there  any  visits  to  be  made  afterwards?  It  is  the 
custom  here  to  give  only  verbal  invitations — indeed, 
even  these  are  considered  unnecessary  when  the  marriage 
is  to  take  place  in  church.  I  have  not  as  yet  decided 
whether  to  be  married  at  home  or  in  church,  but  I  would 

50 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  5  I 

like  to  know  just  how  a  wedding  should  be  conducted  in 
either  place,  so  as  to  be  prepared  for  any  change  that 
may  have  to  be  made  through  unforeseen  causes. 

Tell  me,  also,  about  setting  out  for  the  church  and 
what  is  usual  on  arriving  there ;  what  the  usher's  duties 
are ;  what  the  bridesmaids  and  the  maid  of  honor  are 
expected  to  do  ;  and  if  they  should  enter  with  the  bride 
or  not.  Do  you  not  think  that  the  old  custom  of  every- 
body kissing  the  bride  should  be  abolished  ?  Perhaps  it 
is  in  your  social  circle,  but  here  in  the  country  it  is  still 
in  force,  and  while  it  is  poetical  and  romantic  to  read 
about,  I  fear  it  must  be  very  embarrassing  to  the  bride, 
who  would,  I  should  think,  prefer  that  such  a  demonstra- 
tion were  omitted.  Should  a  reception  be  held  at  the 
bride's  home  after  the  ceremony,  and,  if  so,  should 
refreshments  be  served  to  the  guests  ?  At  what  time 
should  the  bride  take  leave  of  her  guests  to  start  on  her 
wedding  journey  ? 

I  know  you  will  consider  all  these  questions  of  suffi- 
cient importance  to  be  answered  fully,  so  I  look  for- 
ward to  a  most  interesting  letter  from  you.  We  are  very 
desirous  to  start  soon  upon  our  travels,  but  I  have  so 
many  duties  still  to  perform  that  I  fear  it  will  be  some 
weeks  before  we  leave.  I  am  arranging  a  very  simple 
wardrobe  to  take  with  me,  as  I  wish  to  be  as  free  as 
possible  from  care,  so  that  I  can  see  and  enjoy  to  the 
full  the  places  and  scenes  I  have  known  hither.to  only  in 
books.  I  feel  that  every  step  I  take  in  the  Old  World 
will  be  full  of  interest  and  enjoyment  to  me,  so  you  can 
see  I  am  enjoying  much  pleasure  by  anticipation. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


EIGHTH  LETTER. 
the  wedding. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

As  I  did  not  answer  all  your  questions  in  my  last  letter 
I  will  commence  this  by  telling  you  what  happened  in 
similar  circumstances  in  my  case.  Only  my  relatives  and 
some  very  intimate  friends  sent  wedding  presents  to  me 
before  receiving  invitations  to  the  wedding.  Practical 
gifts  may  be  received  from  friends,  but  it  is  considered 
indelicate  for  a  mere  acquaintance  to  offer  to  a  bride  any 
gift  except  it  be  complirnentary  to  her  aesthetic  tastes. 
Purely  ornamental  gifts  are  acceptable  if  they  are  not  too 
costly  or  too  elaborate,  but  the  practice  of  sending  pres- 
ents to  mere  acquaintances  is  gradually  falling  into 
disuse. 

Gifts  to  a  bride  are  marked  with  her  maiden  name. 
Those  intended  for  the  groom  are  usually  sent  to  the 
bride,  but  in  most  instances  are  unmarked.  Linen  that 
is  purchased  after  marriage  by  the  husband  or  presented 
by  his  family  should  bear  the  family  name,  monogram  or 
crest.  Girl  friends  are  likely  to  send  as  presents  speci- 
mens of  their  own  handiwork  ;  this  has  long  been  a  cus- 
tom, and  at  this  time  the  work-tables  of  my  companions 

52 


SOCIAL  LiPt.  53 

contributed  liberally;  to-day  these  offerings  remain  the 
dearest  of  my  possessions. 

All  the  articles  that  were  sent  or  presented  to  me 
solely  because  I  was  soon  to  become  a  wife  were  placed 
in  a  room  by  themselves,  with  the  donor's  card  attached 
to  each,  and  the  door  leading  to  it  was  opened  only  to  a 
few  dear  friends.  The  only  gift  that  was  publicly  dis- 
played was  a  silver  tankard  that  has  been  handed  down 
as  a  wedding  gift  through  several  generations  of  our 
family,  and  the  names  of  its  successive  possessors,  with 
the  dates  of  the  marriage  of  each,  were  engraved  upon 
its  broad  bottom.  The  head  of  one  of  the  Georges  em- 
bellishes the  lid,  and  the  crooked  and  mailed  arm  of  a 
cavalier  serves  as  a  handle.  As  it  was  a  family  record  no 
invidious  comparison  between  this  gift  and  another  could 
be  made.  My  father  had  taught  me  that  gifts  were  not  to 
be  prized  alone  for  their  intrinsic  value,  but  according  to 
the  sincerity  and  loyalty  of  the  love  that  prompted  their 
bestowal ;  therefore,  the  treasures  were  locked  up  and 
kept  sacred. 

Were  it  not  for  the  coming  of  gifts  and  the  consequent 
thrill  of  gladness  which  these  proofs  of  affection  always 
stir  in  a  young  person's  heart,  how  dreary  to  many  would 
be  the  time  between  the  sending  out  of  the  wedding  invi- 
tations and  the  day  of  the  ceremony  !  Especially  blank 
would  have  been  the  days  to  one  without  mother  and 
sisters  to  lift  from  her  all  the  cares  and  duties  of  the  com- 
ing event.  Making  visits  is  out  of  the  question,  and  only 
a  few  dear  and  intimate  friends  are  permitted  to  call. 
This  inflexible  social  custom  is  doubtless  one  of  the  last 
lingering  relics  of  the  barbaric  ages,  and,  curiously 
enough,  it  seems  to  hold  its  own  most  firmly  with  those 


$4  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

who  are  most  intelligent,  and  who  most  abhor  super- 
stitions. 

Of  course,  I  did  not  go  out  at  all  after  the  cards  had 
been  sent  out,  but  I  was  busy  as  hostess  and  as  super- 
visor of  a  thousand  and  one  little  matters  that  hereafter 
would  be  given  in  charge  of  a  housekeeper.  The  wed- 
ding cake,  which  is  no  longer  de  rigueur  but  yet  a  pleas- 
ant concession  to  the  past,  was  made  at  home,  as  was  the 
bride's  loaf,  in  which,  according  to  a  pretty  custom  and 
by  my  father's  especial  desire,  a  ring  was  baked.  This 
cake  I  made  entirely  with  my  own  hands,  as  it  was  a 
family  tradition  that  the  brides  of  our  line  had  always 
prepared  it  unaided.  And  such  a  custom  ought  not,  and 
surely  will  not,  be  wholly  dropped,  even  though  the 
caterers  readily  produce  the  like. 

The  following  questions,  my  dear  niece,  often  arise 
apropos  of  household  comforts  and  delicacies,  and  satis- 
factory answers  are  yet  to  be  made  :  "  Why  should  a  man 
desert  the  ready-made  clothing  shop  and  apply  to  a  pri- 
vate tailor,  a  woman  indulge  in  fine  individual  tastes  and 
leave  ready-made  gowns  in  scorn,  and  both  express  a 
preference  for  restaurant  foods  and  confectioner's  wares 
just  as  soon  as  fortune  smiles  broadly  enough  for  such 
luxuries  to  be  indulged  in  ? "  Pray,  my  dear  niece,  be 
not  thus  vulgar;  instead,  maintain  a  womanly  pride  in 
serving  certain  delicate  foods  of  your  own  compounding. 
In  luxurious  and  even  ultra-fashionable  homes  just  now 
there  is  a  strong  current  setting  in  favor  of  high  art  in 
cookery,  and  no  hands  are  considered  too  dehcate  to 
manipulate  especial  dainties.  The  helping  hand  is 
always  the  beautiful  one,  and  after  marriage  you  may  be 
sure  that  your  husband  will  admire  yours,  if  he  be   the 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


55 


man  of  good  judgment  I  think  he  is.  You  must  not  be 
induced  to  believe  that  this  sort  of  work  will  injure  your 
hands.  A  lack  of  ready  skill  at  home  is  not  creditable  to 
a  woman,  and  for  her  who  boasts  her  ignorance  instead 
of  deploring  and  striving  to  remedy  it  as  speedily  as  pos- 
sible there  are  no  words  too  strong  to  express  contempt 
for  her  spirit  or  pity  for  her  fault.  With  this  sentiment 
in  mind,  and  with  such  a  respect  for  skilled  products  and 
especially  for  wedding  feasts  as  my  father  and  I  had,  you 
may  be  sure  that  the  two  weeks  of  seclusion  between 
bidding  guests  to  my  marriage  and  the  eventful  day 
hastened  onward  rapidly.  Far  from  making  any  attempt 
to  "  kill  time,"  we  found  ourselves  fully  employed  in 
making  the  most  of  it. 

Three  days  before  the  wedding  John  came  from  the 
city,  accompanied  by  his  best  man  ;  and,  besides  arrang- 
ing with  the  clergyman,  the  organist  and  the  sexton,  and 
selecting  the  carriage  at  the  livery,  the  two  men  assisted 
with  their  hands  and  by  suggestions  to  decorate  the 
church  with  evergreens,  into  which  fresh  flowers  were 
thrust  or  tied  the  morning  of  the  ceremony.  An  arch  of 
wires  concealed  by  foliage  and  flowers  spanned  the  centre 
aisle  at  the  point  where  the  seats  reserved  for  invited 
guests  began,  all  other  parts  of  the  church  being  open  to 
the  public. 

At  very  large  weddings,  where  every  seat  will  be  re- 
quired by  the  party,  small  cards  of  admission,  stating  the 
name  of  the  church  and  the  hour  of  the  ceremony,  are 
sent  with  the  invitations.  This  is  to  prevent  a  crush. 
The  formalities  of  weddings  vary  from  decade  to  decade 
only  in  minor  details,  such  as  the  kinds  of  flowers  the 
bride  is  to  wear,  whether  the  maid  of  honor  shall  be  a 


56  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

little  girl  or  a  grown-up  maiden,  whether  there  shall  be 
train  bearers  and,  if  so,  whether  they  are  to  be  girls  or 
boys.  If  pages  are  preferred  it  must  be  decided  whether 
they  shall  wear  the  historic  court  dress  of  doublet  and 
hose  or  the  national  costume  of  the  bride's  ancestry. 
Likewise,  if  girls  are  to  bear  the  train,  the  style  of  their 
attire  may  be  historic,  national  or  in  accordance  with 
the  styles  of  to-day.  All  these  matters  are  left  to  your 
own  judgment,  but  pray  remember  that  ostentation  is 
plebeian,  indelicate  and  unpleasant  to  behold.  A  little 
individuality,  however,  if  kept  within  the  limits  of  artistic 
refinement  and  not  allowed  to  degenerate  to  mere  eccen- 
tricity, is  allowable  and  provides  an  agreeable  variation 
to  the  conventional  wedding. 

The  marriage  ceremonial  has  become  so  matter  of  fact 
from  the  frequency  of  its  occurrence,  that  a  halo  of 
effective  ornamentation  thrown  about  the  service  adds  a 
notable  charm  to  its  memory.  The  plain  gold  wedding- 
ring  should  be  tried  on  before  its  inner  lettering  is  en- 
graved, unless  one  of  your  rings  has  served  the  maker  as 
a  sample.  The  best  man  has  the  custody  of  this  fetter. 
The  third  finger  of  the  left-hand  glove  should  be  ripped 
down  the  inner  seam  to  permit  the  adjustment  of  the 
ring. 

Be  sure  you  arrive  at  the  altar  at  the  appointed  time  ; 
it  is  a  bad  omen  to  be  late.  "  To  be  punctual  suggests 
that  I  am  in  haste  to  marry,"  is  a  common  excuse  for  un- 
pleasant delays,  but  this  is  too  frivolous  to  be  considered. 
Bridesmaids  sometimes  meet  at  the  church,  but  oftener  at 
the  home  of  the  bride.  The  maid  of  honor  gives  the  fin- 
ishing touches  to  the  bride's  toilette,  or,  at  least,  goes 
through   the  form.     She  fastens  a  knot  of  narrow  ribbon 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  57 

or  a  houtonni^re^  or,  perhaps,  both,  upon  the  left  lapel  of 
the  best  man's  coat  and  bestows  the  same  attention  upon 
each  usher. 

The  ushers  should  be  at  the  church  at  least  half  an 
hour  before  the  ceremony,  and  as  the  guests  arrive  those 
unknown  to  the  ushers  are  asked  if  they  are  friends  of 
the  bride  or  groom.  If  the  groom's  guests,  they  are 
seated  on  the  left  hand  side  of  the  church,  the  bride's 
friends  being  on  the  opposite  side.  The  usher  offers  his 
right  arm  to  each  lady  as  she  enters  the  church,  and  if 
she  has  an  escort  the  latter  follows  up  the  aisle.  As 
each  lady  is  seated  her  escort  seats  himself  beside  her, 
the  usher  bows  slightly  to  them  and  returns  to  the  en- 
trance to  continue  his  services.  The  groom  and  best 
man  arrive  in  one  carriage,  the  bridesmaids  follow,  and 
lastly  the  father  and  mother  of  the  bride,  the  bride  her- 
self and  her  maid  of  honor — usually  in  one  carriage, 
which  arrangement  provides  a  chaperon  for  the  maid  of 
honor  when  the  bride  and  best  man  shall  have  exchanged 
places  after  the  ceremony.  Pray  remember  this  last 
formality,  my  dear  niece,  because  it  is  considered  a  deli- 
cate and  essential  one  in  well-bred  circles. 

The  mother  (whose  place  was  filled  in  my  case  by 
Aunt  Edith)  is  immediately  escorted  to  the  front  of  the 
church  and  seated  nearest  the  wedding  party.  Some- 
times a  friend  or  kinsman  waits  at  the  church  entrance  to 
offer  his  services  to  the  mother,  and  thus  all  the  ushers 
are  left  free  for  a  processional  march  to  the  altar.  Fol- 
lowing them  at  distances  previously  determined  upon 
come  the  bridesmaids  in  pairs,  then  the  maid  of  honor 
alone,  and  lastly  the  bride  and  her  father  with  the  pages, 
if  there  be  any.     The  groom  and  best  ma  it,  having  come 


58  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

forward  from  the  vestry,  stand  in  front  of  the  chancel 
rail,  the  former  facing  the  incoming  party.  When  the 
bridal  party  arrive  at  the  end  of  this  rail  the  groom  steps 
forward,  and,  taking  the  bride's  hand,  both  kneel  for  a 
moment  in  prayer,  while  the  ushers  at  the  right  and  the 
maid  at  the  left  bow  their  heads.  The  father  stands  a 
little  back  at  the  left  of  the  bride,  but  so  near  that  when 
the  clergyman  requires  her  hand  of  him  he  can  easily 
reach  it  and  lay  it  in  that  of  the  divine.  This  duty 
being  over  the  father  steps  back  to  the  side  of  his 
wife  to  be  in  readiness  to  follow  the  bridal  pair  from  the 
church. 

The  ceremony  completed,  the  clergyman  shakes  hands 
and  congratulates  the  pair,  the  wedding  march  thrills 
through  the  air,  and  the  maid  of  honor  precedes,  the 
novices  from  the  church,  sometimes  scattering  in  their 
path  the  roses  from  her  bouquet.  The  father  and  mother 
follow  the  bride,  then  the  bridesmaids  and  finally  the 
ushers.  It  is  no  longer  considered  a  delicate  attention  to 
kiss  the  bride  while  she  is  in  the  church,  and  in  conse- 
quence she  is  spared  much  embarrassment.  Neither  is 
her  veil  lifted  and  drawn  back  as  was  formerly  customary. 
Affection  is  held  too  sacred  for  public  display.  While 
the  clergyman  is  offering  his  congratulation^  the  best  man 
passes  out  of  the  church  by  the  side  door  so  as  to  be  in 
readiness  to  conduct  the  pair  to  their  carriage.  The 
ushers  attend  to  the  bridesmaids'  carriages,  and  the  party 
is  soon  at  home  and  in  readiness  to  receive  friendly 
greetings.  The  bride  and  groom  stand  at  the  front  end 
of  the  drawing-room,  and  the  maids  are  grouped  about 
them,  while  the  parents  of  the  pair  are  at  each  side. 
The  ushers  busy  themselves  in  presenting  the  guests,  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE,  59 

if  an  usher  does  not  know  the  person  he  is  about  to 
present,  he  inquires  "  what  name  ?  "  and  repeats  it  dis- 
tinctly to  the  pair,  because  all  the  friends  of  one  of  them 
are  not  likely  to  be  familiarly  known  to  the  other.  He 
then  escorts  the  guest  to  the  heads  of  the  two  united 
families,  where  the  same  ceremonial  of  presentation  takes 
place.  Of  course,  only  a  moment  is  allowed  for  con- 
gratulation. 

After  all  the  guests  have  been  presented,  the  ushers 
escort  them  to  the  refreshment  room,  and  if  service  there 
is  not  abundant  they  assist  in  looking  after  their  comfort. 
If  served  before  one  p.  m.  this  refreshment  is  called  a 
breakfast,  but  the  menu  is  the  same  for  all  day.  After  all 
the  guests  have  partaken  of  the  hospitality,  the  heads  of 
the  two  families  and  the  bridal  party  repair  to  the  supper, 
breakfast  or  refreshment  room  and  are  served.  The 
bride  cuts  her  loaf  of  cake  into  as  many  portions  as  there 
are  maids,  and  one  is  chosen  by  each  and  laid  upon  an- 
other plate  to  be  subdivided  by  herself.  The  maid  who 
secures  the  ring  is  formally  congratulated,  and  much  mer- 
riment follows. 

From  this  group  the  maid  of  honor  and  the  wedded 
pair  quietly  retire  to  make  ready  for  the  wedding  journey. 
In  the  meantime  all  guests,  except  members  of  the  bridal 
part}^,  will  have  departed,  and  the  bride  goes  forth  from 
her  home  as  bravely  and  as  smilingly  as  she  may,  com- 
posure at  this  trying  moment  being  in  excellent  taste. 
Deep  emotions  are  seldom  exhibited,  but  they  will  doubt- 
less find  expression  by  a  quiver  of  the  lips  or  by  an  un- 
usual pallor.  The  parting  with  my  father  was  pain- 
ful— how  painful  we  only  know;  but  I  spared  him  as 
much  as  possible   by   leaving  him  with   a  smile  on  my 


6o  SOCIAL  LIPE. 

countenance.  Rice  was  thrown  after  and  over  us, 
and  merry  faces  gave  our  departure  the  best  of  good 
omens. 

When  a  marriage  takes  place  at  home — which,  however, 
is  becoming  more  rare  each  year — the  mother  often  enters 
the  room  leaning  upon  the  arm  of  the  groom,  and  the 
bride  comes  in  with  her  father.  Sometimes  the  pair  pre- 
sent themselves  alone,  while  not  infrequently  an  altar  is 
improvised  and  laden  with  flowers ;  in  that  case  the 
procession  may  be  arranged  the  same  as  at  church, 
except  that  the  groom  with  his  best  man  is  at  the 
head.  At  such  a  wedding  the  mother  is  given  a  place 
at  the  left  of  the  entrance,  quite  near  the  altar,  and  is 
attended  by  a  .kinsman  or  friend  until  joined  by  her 
husband. 

Of  course,  if  the  wedding  ceremony  is  not  one  in  which 
the  bride  is  to  be  given  away,  the  father  joins  the  mother 
as  soon  as  he  has  placed  his  daughter  by  the  side  of  her 
future  husband.  The  latter  formality  is  also  observed  at 
church  when  the  service  does  not  require  that  some  one 
bestow  the  hand  of  the  bride. 

At  the  first  opportunity  all  evidences  of  a  recent  wed- 
ding, such  as  hand  bouquets,  corsage  flowers,  etc.,  were 
removed,  and  I  donned  a  lady-like  travelling  suit  that  had 
no  longer  the  gloss  of  newness,  this  serving  to  aid  us  in 
escaping  the  observation  of  fellow-travellers.  Still  the 
indiscretion  of  an  unfamiliar  fondness  almost  always  be- 
trays a  bride  and  groom  to  the  good-natured  scrutiny  of 
those  about  them.  A  little  natural  or  acquired  dignity 
exhibited  by  the  husband  and  a  modest  repression  of  the 
overflow  of  affection  on  the  part  of  the  bride  is,  however, 
all  that  is  required. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  6l 

Bear  in  mind  that  a  pure  and  abiding  love  will  always 
shrink  from  making  itself  the  cynosure  of  strange  and 
curious  eyes.  Your  Uncle  John  and  I  were  absent  a 
month ;  and  then,  after  a  brief  visit  to  my  father,  I  en- 
tered my  new  residence.  As  soon  as  we  were  comfort- 
ably settled,  "  at  home  "  cards  for  four  afternoons  in  De- 
cember were  sent  out.  These  were  directed  to  John's 
friends  and  also  to  my  own,  but,  of  course,  mine  were 
mostly  remote  and  not  likely  to  be  present ;  neverthe- 
less, cards  served  for  a  remembrance,  as  well  as  an  assur- 
ance of  my  desire  to  retain  their  regard,  and  also  fur- 
nished them  with  my  new  address. 

The  interval  between  our  arrival  in  town  and  our  recep- 
tions, which  were  held  from  four  until  seven  o'clock,  was 
made  charming  by  family  gatherings.  Mere  acquaint- 
ances never  call  until  formally  requested.  The  tranquil- 
lity and  leisure  thus  afforded  a  wife  who  desires  to  prop- 
erly adjust  herself  to  a  novel  social  position  in  a  strange 
circle  cannot  be  too  highly  valued  nor  the  etiquette  of  it 
too  strictly  insisted  upon. 

Of  course,  I  committed  errors  in  form,  so  different  were 
town  from  country  customs,  and  they  annoyed  me  more 
than  they  did  John,  who  laughingly  corrected  me  when- 
ever Aunt  Edith  failed  to  do  so. 

In  truth,  I  suffered  more  than  annoyance  in  conse- 
quence of  these  mistakes  ;  it  was  an  actual  pain  that  was 
wholly  out  of  proportion  to  the  triviality  of  my  blunders — 
a  misfortune  to  which  all  sensitive  young  people  are  ex- 
posed, especially  if  they  are  overburdened  with  vanity.  I 
may  have  been  both,  because  I  suffered  keenly,  and  these 
minutiae  of  prevailing  social  formalities  are  written  thus  in 
detail  to  prevent  your  suffering  similar  discomforts.     It  is 


62  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

easy  to  be  a  graceful  hostess  when  one  knows  how  to  meet 
every  possible  exigency,  but  all  the  graciousness  of  the 
sweetest  spirit  is  wasted  by  mistakes  in  its  expression. 
How  I  dreaded  my  receptions !  But  I  must  reserve  my 
accoimt  of  them  for  another  letter. 

Auntie. 


NINTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

A  wedding  like  that  described  in  your  last  letter  must 
be  an  impressive  and  beautiful  sight ;  and  it  is  certainly 
one  entirely  unfamiliar  to  me,  as,  in  the  country,  weddings 
are  rarely  arranged  on  so  lavish  a  scale. 

In  your  last  letter  you  promised  to  give  me  an  account 
of  your  first  receptions,  and  I  am  all  impatience  to  hear 
about  them.  I  suppose  after  the  wedding,  receptions  are 
of  first  importance,  and  I  should  like  much  to  hear  of  your 
first  experiences  in  this  respect.  Please  tell  me  everything^ 
which  includes  an  account  of  the  preparations  you  made 
for  your  guests  both  in  regard  to  the  decorations  of  your 
reception-rooms  and  the  arrangement  of  your  feast,  if 
feast  there  were.  I  want  to  know,  too,  with  true  feminine 
curiosity,  what  you  wore  on  that  important  occasion,  and 
whether  you  received  alone  or  were  assisted  by  your  hus- 
band and  his  relatives. 

I  hope  you  will  give  me  some  of  your  impressions 
of  the  strange  people  you  met,  and  also  if  you  man- 
aged to  pass  successfully  through  so  trying  an  ordeal. 
I  do  not  make  friends  very  readily,  and  this  I  fear  will  be 
against  my  becoming  a  success  as  a  hostess ;  but  I  shall 
endeavor  to  overcome   some  of   my  reserve,  for  I  sup- 

63 


64  ^  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

pose  in  order  to  become  a  favorite  socially  one  must 
cultivate  an  affable  manner  and  the  power  to  appar- 
ently obliterate  all  thoughts  of  self.  When  a  woman 
feels  she  is  continually  in  danger  of  committing  social 
errors,  how  can  she  become  unconscious  of  herself  ? 
The  only  way,  I  suppose,  is  to  correct  the  faults,  or,  at 
least,  to  forget  all  about  them  by  allowing  pleasanter 
thoughts  to  crowd  them  out,  if  possible.  As  the  secret 
of  success  is  constancy  of  purpose,  I  am  resolved  to  be 
constant  in  my  endeavor  to  correct  all  shortcomings. 

There  are  a  few  more  questions  I  would  like  to  ask, 
and  they  are  in  relation  to  cards  for  receptions.  Is  it 
necessary  to  send  cards  for  such  occasions,  and  are  gen- 
tlemen invited  to  any  or  all  events  of  the  kind  ?  The  eti- 
quette regarding  the  use  of  cards  is  rather  puzzling  to  me, 
and  I  hope  you  will  kindly  give  me  a  full  explanation  on 
this  score  in  your  next  letter. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


TENTH  LETTER. 


RECEPTIONS. 


My  Dear  Niece: — 

You  remind  me  that  I  promised  to  give  you  an  account 
of  my  first  reception.  At  first,  of  course,  I  found  the  exac- 
tions of  city  life  somewhat  difficult,  but  after  I  understood 
their  significance  I  wondered  that  my  intelligence  had  not 
made  the  need  of  certain  social  laws  plain  to  me ;  but  it 
did  not,  and  yet  I  believe  I  was  endowed  with  at  least 
average  discernment.  From  the  fact  that  my  own  mind 
failed  to  inform  me  what  I  was  expected  to  do,  you  will 
not  deem  it  an  impertinence  in  your  kinswoman  if  she  sus- 
pects your  mental  equipments  of  having  served  you  no 
better.  Of  course,  I  depended  upon  your  Uncle  John's 
family  to  select  my  new  acquaintances,  reserving  to  myself 
— at  least  so  I  intended — the  right  of  choosing  from  them 
my  friends.  This  was  the  wise  resolution  of  a  tranquil 
moment,  but  what  young  woman,  unless  she  possess 
unusual  prudence,  adheres  firmly  to  such  determinations  ? 
Impulse  rather  than  instinct  too  often  controls  the  young. 

To  a  strict  enforcement  of  social  etiquette  a  woman 
owes  more,  perhaps,  than  she  does  to  moral  training  upon 
her  first  entrance  into  a  strange  and  alluring  circle  of 
5  6s 


66  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

acquaintances.  The  social  laws,  if  strictly  obeyed,  make 
undesirable  intimacies  almost  impossible  to  her ;  and  who 
does  not  remember  the  pain  of  terminating  an  intimacy 
inconsiderately,  or,  at  least,  mistakenly,  entered  upon  ? 

If  the  formula  for  paying  and  receiving  visits  is  strictly 
followed  during  the  early  period  of  married  life,  or, 
indeed,  after  any  change  of  residence,  good  opportunities 
will  occur  for  carefully  selecting  those  who  can  become 
permanently  the  nearest  and  dearest  by  ties  of  sympathy 
and  mutual  intellectual  helpfulness.  If  for  no  other 
reason,  etiquette  should  be  studiously  observed  because  it 
is  one  of  woman's  chief  safeguards,  behmd  which  she  may 
establish  herself  and  feel  secure  from  unpleasant  criti- 
cisms. This  restraint  upon  young  and  warm  impulses 
may  not  be  agreeable,  but  it  is  far  easier  to  endure  than 
the  consequences  of  a  mistaken  choice  of  intimates.  I 
will  tell  you  later  on  how  this  wisdom  came  to  me ;  in  the 
meantime  I  will  endeavor  to  describe  the  dread  with 
which  my  wedding  receptions  inspired  me.  Not  that  I 
doubted  the  friendliness  of  all  whom  my  husband's  family 
had  selected  as  my  guests ;  but  knowing  the  value  at- 
tached to  the  favorable  opinion  of  such  persons,  I  had  a 
nervous  fear  that  I  might  fall  short  of  their  expectations ; 
that  I  might  blunder  in  speech  or,  perhaps,  fail  in  degrees 
of  cordiality  when  welcoming  them  to  my  new  home. 
Here  I  will  allude  to  a  defect  in  regard  to  which  you  have 
doubtless  already  been  instructed. 

I  believe — in  social  intercourse,  at  least — that  self- 
consciousness  is  the  root  of  all  evil  and  very  often  the 
source  of  one's  impulses  to  do  wrong,  though  love  of 
money  is  accredited  with  this  offensive  lower  power.  At 
any  rate,  if  you  accept  this  as  a  truth,  my  dear  girl,  you 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  6^ 

will  be  more  likely  to  pass  safely  through  your  first  and, 
indeed,  all  your  hospitalities.  As  to  material  matters, 
which  are  no  less  essential,  it  is,  first  of  all,  necessary  for 
you  to  estimate  the  number  of  your  guests  ;  still  anything 
like  exactness  of  calculation  is  quite  impossible,  and  a 
hostess  must  be  prepared  for  possibilities,  as  invitations 
for  general  receptions  do  not  demand  responses. 

Ostentation  in  floral  decorations  or  in  refreshments 
when  attempted  by  a  young  wife  is  considered  vulgar. 
Tea,  coffee  and  chocolate  are  always  prepared,  and  in 
winter  bouillon  and  in  summer  lemonade  can  be  replen- 
ished as  required,  so  that  regarding  these  supplies  no 
anxiety  need  be  felt  when  competent  attendants  are  at 
hand.  Bouillon  may  be  preserved  at  least  a  week  in 
winter  time. 

At  my  first  reception  the  table  was  spread  in  the 
dining-room  and  contained  all  available  wedding  presents 
and  a  few  fresh  flowers.  A  half-dozen  really  fresh  roses 
or  other  blossoms  (do  not  place  more  than  a  single  vari- 
ety on  the  table  at  once)  are  far  more  effective  and 
refined  than  masses  of  blossoms  that  have  lost  the  first 
exquisiteness  of  their  beauty.  Small  fancy  cakes  arranged 
in  low  glass  bowls  or  upon  pretty  plates  of  glass,  silver  or 
china,  also  olives  and  confections  in  tiny  trays  or  fanciful 
dishes,  supplied  the  desired  color  and  were  ornamental. 
Sandwiches  and  fancy  breads  were  daintily  arranged  at 
the  last  moment  in  baskets  or  upon  casseroles,  and  an 
extra  supply  was  kept  out  of  sight.  Chicken  and  lobster 
salad  and  crab  or  salmon  were  placed  at  each  end  of  the 
table,  and  the  liquids  were  upon  side  tables  with  the  cups, 
saucers  and  glasses.  Candied  fruits,  and  water  and 
cream   ices   are   frequently  fumisdeh  when   one   has  an 


68  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

elaborate  table.  Napkins  heaped  in  an  orderly  fashion 
beside  piles  of  plates  and  spoons  or  forks  were  upon  each 
side  of  the  large  table  and  on  the  sideboard.  Such  a 
supply  as  this  is  sufficient  for  a  handsome  and  even  a 
sumptuous  reception. 

If  the  invitations  include  a  good  portion  of  those  who 
attended  the  wedding,  the  refreshments  may  be  more 
simple.  Tea  and  chocolate  or  coffee,  with  sandwiches  or 
thinly  sliced  and  buttered  bread,  small  cakes,  etc.,  are 
passed  by  a  domestic  to  the  guests  soon  after  their 
entrance ;  but  in  my  case  a  high  tea  as  described  was 
preferred  by  my  husband,  who  desired  to  be  generously 
hospitable.  His  mother  and  one  of  his  sisters  helped  me 
to  receive  the  guests,  while  another  sister  and  a  cousin 
assisted  in  the  dining-room.  Besides  my  own  bouquet  the 
only  cut  flowers  were  those  sent  me  during  the  morning; 
and  to  these  I  turned  my  eyes  as  if  they  were  consciously 
eloquent  and  really  trustworthy  assurances  that  as  a  wife 
I  was  to  be  kindly  received  among  strange  but  pleasant 
people.  The  other  flowers  were  growing  plants,  palms, 
geraniums,  begonias,  etc.,  all  of  which  would  bloom  or,  at 
least,  continue  to  freshen  with  their  graceful  foliage  our 
new  home  during  the  entire  winter  and  spare  us  the 
expense  of  purchasing  new  plants  for  the  following  three 
receptions.  The  ices  were  made  up  in  individual  forms 
and  opened  as  required,  and  the  confectioner  afterward 
took  back  all  that  had  not  been  disturbed.  A  carpet  was 
laid  from  the  front  door  to  the  curb  an  hour  before  the 
time  mentioned  upon  the  cards,  and  in  case  of  inclement 
weather  an  awning  was  to  be  placed  across  this  space. 

My  toilette  was  made  fully  half  an  hour  before  the 
arrival  of  the  earliest  guest,  and  I  had  surveyed  every- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  6g 

thing  and  given  my  last  direction  to  the  extra  attendants. 
By  my  side,  but  less  composed  and  more  anxious  than  I, 
stood  my  husband.  H«  did  not,  because  he  could  not, 
know  just  how  much  forethought  I  had  bestowed  upon 
the  details  of  this  my  first  reception,  but  he  soon  learned 
that  a  woman  could  attend  to  all  the  necessary  details 
and  at  the  same  time  not  forget  those  lesser  matters 
which  contribute  to  the  success  of  a  party  or  reception. 
What  I  did  not  know  or  even  tlynk  about  was  the  signifi- 
cance of  certain  greetings  that  I  was  to  receive. 

My  lady  guests  were  directed  to  my  own  pretty  cham- 
ber to  lay  aside  their  wraps,  and  the  men  used  John's 
room.  They  came  down  stairs  together,  and  as  John 
introduced  them  each  lady  offered  me  her  hand ;  if  the 
person  being  presented  was  elderly  or  especially  distin- 
guished, he  reversed  the  order  of  introduction.  After- 
ward the  men  were  introduced,  and  they  were  most  kind 
and  even  cordial,  but  I  noticed  their  congratulations 
wtere  invariably  for  my  husband.  After  being  introduced 
the  guests  passed  on  to  speak  to  my  new  kins- 
people,  some  of  whom  stood  near  by;  soon  after  they 
drifted,  as  by  a  natural  attraction,  toward  the  refreshment 
room,  looking  as  they  went  upon  the  appointments  of  our 
new  home.  There  was  a  time  when  this  observance  of 
the  belongings  of  a  house  would  have  been  considered  ill- 
mannered,  but  as  house  furniture  and  hangings  are  in- 
cluded among  the  finer  arts,  such  a  scrutiny  is  now 
esteemed  rather  a  complimentary  attention  than  otherwise. 

One  thing  impressed  me,  and  it  never  fails  to  recur 
whenever  I  am  in  a  company  that  is  gathered  by  daylight, 
and  it  is  that  the  men,  who  are  always  arrayed  in  morning 
costumes,  are  at  a  disadvantage,  because  women  are  per- 


70  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

mitted  by  custom  to  array  themselves  in  as  elegant  attire 
as  they  choose,  only  stopping  short  of  evening  toilettes. 
Of  course,  the  women  retained  their  bonnets,  which  were 
dressy ;  and  their  gloves  were  of  evening  tints,  while  the 
men  were  neatly  but  soberly  dressed  and  gloved.  As  a 
bride  I  was  dressed  in  my  bridal  robes,  omitting  only  my 
veil,  and  I  carried  a  bouquet  of  colored  flowers.  All  who 
receive  cards  make  a  special  effort  to  be  present  at  the 
first  receptions  of  a  young  wife,  for  it  suggests  welcome ; 
and  to  attend  the  last  one,  if  one  remains  only  a  few  min- 
utes, intimates  to  the  hostess  that  she  has  made  an  agree- 
able impression  which  it  will  be  pleasant  to  deepen. 

My  first  daylight  party  was  largely  attended,  and  I 
tried  to  be  happy  with  its  brilliancy  and  its  suggestions, 
but  was  really  miserable.  I  strove  to  comfort  myself 
with  the  belief  that  my  husband  was  properly  appreciated 
and  liked  even  by  a  people  who  did  not  and,  perhaps, 
could  not  congratulate  his  wife.  The  meaning  and  fine 
suggestiveness  of  this  formality  did  not  occur  to  me  at 
the  lime.  I  was  pained  without  knowing  clearly  why, 
and  I  was  foolish  enough  to  show  my  unhappiness  in  my 
face.  It  was,  as  I  said,  only  a  lack  of  knowledge  of  the 
wise  ways  of  the  world  into  which  I  had  stepped.  Yes, 
dear,  it  was  solely  by  lack  of  consideration  that  I  was 
made  wretched.  The  meaning  of  certain  social  usages 
or  formalities  which  brought  this  sense  of  injury  upon  me 
had  not  been  sought  by  my  immature  brain,  and  I  was  too 
proud  to  be  frank  about  it. 

After  the  last  guest  had  departed  I  took  a  woman's 
refuge  in  a  burst  of  tears,  at  which  John  was  much  dis- 
tressed and  insisted  that  I  was  over-weary,  and  he  was 
sure  I  was  hungry  and  that  he  had  been  thoughtless  of 


SOC/AL  LIFE.  ft 

my  comfort,  at  which  reflection  he  looked  abjectly  miser- 
able. Then  he  brightened  up  to  tell  me  what  a  social 
success  I  had  already  become,  so  perfectly  had  every- 
thing been  arranged ;  and  that  I  had  lacked  nothing  but 
a  genuine  cheerfulness,  which  he  had  noticed  had  waned 
until  I  was  pallid  and  drooping.  He  insisted  that  he  was 
the  only  one  to  be  blamed,  because  he  had  not  reflected 
how  tired  I  must  have  become  with  the  details  of  a  first 
reception,  etc.,  etc. 

After  my  sobbing  was  quieted  a  little  I  said :  "  Oh,  but 
John,  you  were  congratulated  and  I  not  at  all ;  and  your 
mother  shook  her  head  at  me  whenever  I  invited  any  of 
our  new  acquaintances  to  visit  me  again."  John  laughed 
and  replied :  "  But,  my  dear,  will  you  not  leave  it  to  your 
guests'  own  pleasure  and  judgment  to  decide  whether 
they  continue  their  acquaintance  with  us  ?  You  invited 
them  to  make  your  house  a  visiting  center  and  to  partake 
of  your  hospitality,  and  now  do  you  mean  to  lasso  them  by 
exacting  a  promise  to  continue  to  do  so  ?  If  they  have 
good  taste  they  will  not  need  pressing  to  accept  a  privilege 
already  formally  offered  them.  I  am  sure  my  mother  did 
not  mean  to  be  severely  disapproving ;  she  only  intended 
to  hint  to  you  that  she  considered  it  quite  unnecessary  to 
urge  good  fortune  upon  your  visitors.  Custom  does  not 
demand  a  reiteration  of  welcome  ;  and,  besides,  in  a  city 
one's  circle  may  become  too  large  and  quite  unmanage- 
able after  a  few  years  if  the  multitude  are  welcomed  too 
urgently." 

"  Don't  laugh  at  me,"  I  begged,  drying  my  tears.  "  1 
see  it  now  and  can  comprehend  the  wisdom  of  an  eti- 
quette that  makes  verbal  invitation  not  only  needless  but 
indelicate.     How  did  you  come  to  marry  so  ignorant  a 


72  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

girl  ? "  "  By  reiterating  my  invitation  to  you ;  for  you 
partially  declined  me  the  first  time,  you  know  you 
did."  This  badinage  brought  sunshine,  but  not  peace. 
I  was  still  unsettled,  and  John  saw  it  and  continued : 
"  Having  wanted  you  as  a  wife  and  overcome  all  obstacles 
to  your  hand,  I  consider  that  congratulations  were  all  my 
due,  and  really  I  don't  see  any  reason  why  you  or  any 
other  woman  should  be  congratulated  for  having  bestowed 
a  favor  upon  a  man.  It  is  the  winner  and  not  the  giver 
who  is  to  be  congratulated.  Even  though  the  woman 
should  now  and  then  get  the  best  of  the  arrangement,  it 
would  be  very  discourteous  to  congratulate  her  upon  her 
success.  Certainly  such  language  to  a  bride  would  not 
be  chivalric  even  if  it  were  just.  Did  not  each  guest 
wish  for  you  every  possible  good  fortune  and  happiness  ? 
and  you  will  certainly  need  them  when  you  come  to  know 
more  of  your  husband's  unlovable  qualities."  How 
strange  that  I  had  not  thought  of  this  before !  But 
people  do  not  think,  and  especially  is  this  true  of  girls ; 
how  much  unpleasantness  and  sometimes  even  the  wreck- 
ing of  their  lives  would  they  escape  if  they  inquired 
closely  into  the  meaning  of  things !  No  social  form  is 
without  significance,  and  you,  my  dear  niece,  should  try 
ta  find  it  out. 

The  next  day  I  began  my  new  book  of  addresses  and 
arranged  my  visiting  list  alphabetically,  according  to  the 
cards  which  my  guests  had  left  in  the  hfall.  Wives, 
whose  husbands  could  not  be  present  and  were  not  likely 
to  attend  the  following  receptions,  left  cards  for  their  hus- 
bands and  also  for  their  grown  sons.  Daughters  left  the 
cards  of  their  absent  mothers,  while  if  any  were  unable  to 
be  present  on  account  of  being  in  mourning,  their  cards 


SOCIAL  LTFR.  73 

were  left  by  some  member  of  the  family.  And  thus  for 
the  first  time  I  began  to  see  that  kind  intimations  and 
even  cordial  assurances  might  be  conveyed  by  a  card. 
Being  a  stranger  to  most  of  my  guests  it  was  considerate 
of  them  to  turn  the  upper  right-hand  corner  of  cards  left 
in  person,  but  those  of  absentees  were  left  unfolded.  Of 
course,  I  should  not  have  remembered  all  who  were  pres- 
ent, and  I  felt  the  delicacy  of  this  custom  which  prevails 
in  strictness  only  when  the  hostess  is  a  stranger.  Little 
by  little  I  was  learning  the  value  of  les  convena7ices.  Eti- 
quette is  felt  to  be  a  wall  that  will  keep  in  the  distance 
unpleasant  persons  and  disagreeable  occurrences  provided 
one  understands  how  to  use  it ;  but  for  those  between 
whom  the  barriers  are  broken  down  by  mutual  tastes, 
sympathies  and  conditions  it  has  no  significance  at  all. 
It  is  a  dead  letter  after  one  says  to  another :  "  You  have 
ceased  to  be  a  mere  acquaintance ;  you  are  now  my 
friend,  and  the  inner  circle  where  ceremony  is  needless  is 
yours  henceforth."  This  intimate  relationship  is  not  to 
be  hastily  established  by  a  young  wife,  nor,  indeed,  by 
any  one ;  and  she  should  not  make  friendships  un- 
advised. 

My  other  receptions  were  a  joy  to  me,  because  there 
could  be  no  mistake  as  to  intention,  and  whatever  blun- 
ders there  were  I  was  unconscious  of;  and  I  learned  by  a 
glance  at  my  husband's  face  when  a  new  face  approached 
whether  I  was  to  be  reserved  or  cordial,  gracious  and 
dignified  or  simply  automatic.  In  a  world  where  matches 
are  sometimes  made  elsewhere  than  in  Heaven  it  not 
infrequently  happens  that  one-half  of  a  family  is  charm- 
ingly agreeable  and  wholly  worthy,  while  the  other  half  is 
— well,  not  fascinating  ;   and   yet  as  a  whole  family  must 


f4  SOCIAL  L/F£. 

they  be  invited  and  not  as  separate  persons.  Distinctions 
can  only  be  made  by  finely  graded  warmths  of  manner; 
and  this  process  of  receiving  is  a  study  and,  to  the  suc- 
cessful woman  of  society,  becomes  a  fine  art. 

Auntie. 


ELEVENTH   LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

This  letter  is  written  on  shipboard,  for,  preparations  at 
last  completed,  we  commenced  our  journeying  four  days 
ago.  Father  begins  to  look  better  already,  the  delicious 
sea  breezes  proving  a  most  invigorating  tonic  ;  and  as  for 
myself — I  cannot  express  my  delight  at  the  new  experi- 
ences which  this  voyage  has  opened  up  to  me.  Such 
glorious  sunsets,  such  delicious  air,  and  the  wildest,  mad 
dest,  merriest  waves !     How  grand  it  all  is. 

I  haven't  been  at  all  ill  and  spend  my  time  chiefly 
walking  on  deck  in  company  with  pleasant  people,  and 
speculating  about  the  occupations  and  habits  of  the  in- 
dividuals who  make  up  our  little  world.  I  never  before 
knew  what  a  source  of  amusement  and  entertainment  lies 
in  the  study  of  the  manners  and  peculiarities  of  men  and 
women.  It  is  remarkable  to  me  what  a  feeling  of  respect 
and  love  a  woman  who  is  truly  a  gentlewoman  in  mind 
and  manner  inspires  in  those  about  her;  and  how  in- 
stinctively one  honors  the  man  who  can  honestly  claim 
"  the  grand  old  name  of  gentleman."  There  are  numer- 
ous little  meannesses  to  which  so  many  men  and  women 
stoop,  thus  marring  natures  which,  freed  from  them, 
would   be   truly   noble.     Of   course,   one's   training   has 

75 


76  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

much  to  do  with  eradicating  or  exaggerating  these  un- 
worth}^  trifles  ;  but  with  a  persistent  will  to  rid  ourselves 
of  them,  what  a  splendid  victory  may  be  achieved,  result- 
ing in  an  exalted,  purified  self. 

When  thrown  into  close  communion  with  people  of  all 
kinds  and  dispositions,  as  one  is  of  necessity  on  an  ocean 
steamer,  it  is  impossible  not  to  moralize  a  little,  and  I 
hope,  dear  aunt,  you  will  forgive  me  if  I  have  bored  you. 

But  I  must  write  now  on  those  matters  about  which  I 
am  so  ea^er  to  learn  all  there  is  to  know.  I  have  heard 
much  talk  while  on  the  steamer  about  "  At  Home  "  days, 
and  would  like  to  know  how  they  are  observed  and  how 
you  arranged  your  days. 

Before  sailing  I  omitted  to  supply  myself  with  cards 
bearing  my  name,  and  I  have  felt  greatly  the  uncomfort- 
able position  in  which  this  forgetfulness  or  rather  ignor- 
ance on  my  part  has  placed  me ;  but  I  shall  get  them  just 
as  soon  as  I  arrive  at  a  place  where  they  can  be  procured. 
Will  you  kindly  tell  me  how  I  should  have  them  en- 
graved ? 

I  have  also  heard  a  great  deal  of  talk  about  "  Afternoon 
Teas,"  which  I  imagine  must  be  charming  affairs,  with 
bright,  chatty  people  to  meet  and  entertain  one  another. 
1  have  decided  that  "  afternoon  teas  "  shall  be  a  feature 
of  my  social  life,  so  please  tell  me  all  about  them — how 
one  is  expected  to  be  attired  ;  what  is  required  of  the 
hostess,  how  and  where  the  tea  is  served,  and  what  are 
the  requisites  of  the  tea-table.  Are  the  guests  announced, 
and  do  they  exchange  greetings  with  the  hostess  and 
each  other  in  any  prescribed  way?  I  think  I  would 
make  a  better  hostess  than  guest — even  my  short  time  on 
shipboard  tells  me  this  ;  but  I  must  practice  entering  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  77 

leaving  a  room,  which  I  find  very  difficult  to  do  well.  I 
become  so  self-conscious,  but  this  I  mean  to  overcome. 
If  you  will  assist  me  on  these  points  with  your  sound  ad- 
vice you  will  add  largely  to  the  fund  of  gratitude  already 
held  in  store  for  you  by 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


TWELFTH  LETTER. 

visiting. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

You  touched  in  your  last  letter  on  several  very  im- 
portant points,  especially  regarding  "  at  home "  days, 
and  I  shall  take  great  pleasure  in  explaining  them  to  you. 
A  woman  who  means  to  lead  a  useful  life  and  who  lives 
within  easy  visiting  distance  of  her  friends  cannot  afford 
to  have  her  busy  hours  broken  in  upon  by  persons  who 
wish  to  be  amused  by  her  or  to  monopolize  her  busy 
moments  with  their  own  chattel  You  will  not,  I  am 
sure,  judge  the  occupied  and  earnest  woman  as  being  in- 
different to  society.  On  the  contrary,  the  more  deeply 
she  is  plunged  into  serious  endeavors,  whether  mental  or 
material,  the  more  she  craves  the  sympathy  and  interest 
of  her  fellows;  and  yet  she  cannot  afford  to  devote  much 
time  to  such  gratification. 

To  make  intercourse  with  her  friends  not  only  possible 
but  agreeable,  she  conscientiously  fixes  upon  one  after- 
noon in  each  week  during  certain  months,  or  arranges  to 
receive  visitors  once  a  month  during  the  entire  season. 
On  these  occasions  those  who  really  desire  to  talk  with 
her  will  be  sure  to  find  her  at  liberty.     It  happened  not 

78 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


79 


long  ago  in  a  country  town  that  a  lady  who  had  put  an 
"  at  home  "  day  on  her  visiting  card  and  had  mentioned 
the  day  and  hours  to  such  of  her  acquaintances  as  she 
casually  met,  was  being  criticised  as  if  she  had  committed 
a  sin,  or,  what  is  sometimes  considered  worse,  a  social 
blunder.  A  dear  old  lady  who  had  been  listening  and  to 
whom  "  at  homes "  once  a  week  were  unknown  events, 
thought  the  matter  over  a  while  and  then  remarked  in  her 
sweet,  womanly  voice,  "  Had  such  a  practice  been  gen- 
eral during  my  early  life  I  should  have  fewer  disappoint- 
ments to  remember;  and  how  many  charming  hours  I 
have  lost  by  going  to  the  house  of  a  friend  while  she 
was  trying  to  visit  me  !  " 

Pray  do  not,  my  dear  niece,  shrink  from  adopting  any 
novel  social  arrangement,  if  it  be  a  good  one,  for  it  will 
be  a  saving  of  time  and  labor.  It  is  the  prevailing  habit  of 
some  natures  to  cavil,  or,  at  least,  to  be  captious  when- 
ever an  innovation  is  made  upon  long-established  usages 
no  matter  how  excellent  it  may  be.  If  you  live  in  a  town 
where  neighbors  are  few  and  those  few  live  far  apart, 
there  is  all  the  more  reason  why  a  certain  day  should  be 
set  for  calling.  A  neighborly  craving  for  social  sympathy 
is  a  wholesome  sensation.  It  is  a  dreary  afternoon  that 
is  spent  in  trying  to  make  a  round  of  visits  even  upon 
those  whom  one  really  wants  to  see,  and  it  is  a  wicked 
waste  of  precious  time,  not  to  mention  the  insincerity,  to 
call  upon  persons  whom  one  is  glad  to  learn  are  absent 
from  home  or  too  deeply  engrossed  to  receive  visitors. 
I  have  said  more  upon  this  point  than  would  have  been 
necessary  had  your  young  life  been  spent  in  busy  towns 
where  an  at-home  day  has  long  been  an  established  custom. 

Have   your   cards   engraved   in    clear,    unornamented 


8o  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

script  of  moderate  size.  "  Miss  "  should  always  be  pre- 
fixed to  a  young  lady's  name  just  as  *'  Mrs."  is  to  a  mar- 
ried lady's  and  "  Mr."  before  *  a  man's  name.  If  you 
were  the  eldest  of  a  family  of  sisters  instead  of  an  only 
childj  you  would,  as  now,  do  as  you  choose  about  insert- 
ing your  christian  name  upon  the  card.  If  you  had  a 
younger  sister  and  she  was  in  society,  I  would  not  advise 
the  use  of  your  baptismal  name  upon  your  cards,  but 
would  merely  prefix  the  "  Miss."  Your  address  should 
be  engraved  on  the  lower  right-hand  corner  of  the  card, 
and  opposite  it  the  days  and  hours  when  you  will  be  at 
home.  The  cards  should  be  of  moderate  size  and  fine 
texture,  and  some  of  them  may  bear  simply  your  name, 
and  will  be  useful  while  you  are  away  from  home,  your 
temporary  address  being  written  on  them. 

Aunt  Edith  explained  all  this  to  me,  who  was  at  the 
time  unsophisticated  in  the  usages  of  the  world  of  society. 
The  day  I  had  determined  upon  as  my  "  at  home  "  was 
unknown  to  most  of  my  new  acquaintances  until  I  re- 
turned the  visit  which  they  had  made  at  my  receptions. 
Calls  upon  brides  are  counted  formal  visits,  and  must  be 
so  recognized. 

My  first  experience  in  paying  city  visits  was  a  pleasant 
surprise,  and  I  enjoyed  very  much  the  attentions  of  my 
husband's  friends.  Of  course,  I  knew  that  the  friendli- 
ness was  due  entirely  to  him,  but  by  this  time  I  was  wise 
enough  to  understand  that  such  kindliness  was  all  that  I 
could  reasonably  expect  from  them  at  that  time.  I,  how- 
ever, resolved  to  make  these  pleasant  strangers  my 
debtors  later  on  when  I  could  be  of  some  appreciable 
social  value  in  this  new  circle. 

First  of  all  was  the  almost  universal  little  table,  spread 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  8 1 

with  a  dainty  tea-cloth  and  placed  near  the  door;  on  it 
were  china  cups,  a  water  and  a  sugar  bowl,  a  cream  jug 
and  a  tea-caddy.  Sometimes  even  the  caddy  was  of 
china.  Underneath  the  table  was  a  shelf  on  which  were 
placed  two  sorts  of  light  refreshments.  One  might  be 
cut  cake  or  sugar  wafers,  and  the  other  thinly  sliced  and 
daintily  buttered  bread  folded  over  to  turn  the  butter 
inside  it  and  thus  spare  the  gloves  of  guests.  Little 
fringed  napkins  lay  in  a  pile  between  these  plates,  and 
one  was  passed  to  each  guest  with  her  tea.  The  bronze, 
brass  or  copper  kettle  of  hot  water  was  brought  in  about 
half-past  four  or  five  o'clock,  according  to  the  season,  and 
set  over  a  spirit  lamp.  The  hostess  placed  the  tea  in  the 
pretty  tea-pot  and  when  the  water  bubbled  it  was  poured 
over  it. 

The  hostess,  if  she  had  not  a  retinue  of  servants — and 
few  had  in  those  days — not  only  poured  the  tea  into  the 
cups  herself,  but  carried  on  the  conversation  meanwhile. 
Each  cup  was  set  upon  a  pretty  table-tray  by  the  side  of  a 
small  sugar-bowl  and  a  cream  jug,  and  the  hostess  offered 
it  to  her  guests  soon  after  greetings  were  gone  through 
with.  If  she  had  a  daughter,  or  a  young  girl  was  receiv- 
ing with  her,  the  tea  was  taken  from  the  hostess'  hand  by 
her  and  carried  to  each  guest.  The  plates  of  cake  and 
bread  and  a  napkin  were  then  offered.  The  talk  flowed 
cheerily  on,  each  new-comer  receiving  the  chief  attention 
for  the  time  being.  Sometimes — but  it  was  not  by  any 
means  usual — a  maid  or  man  servant  brought  in  a  large 
tray  containing  soup  or  cups  of  tea  and  sugar,  cream, 
wafers  and  buttered  bread,  and  offered  them  to  the 
guests.  But  this  arrangement  precludes  the  charm  of  per- 
sonal hospitality,  as  well  as  the  use  of  the  pretty  tea-table 
6 


82  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

and  its  ornamental  appointments,  to  say  nothing  of  the 
musical  chink  of  cups  and  spoons  and  the  low  singing  of 
the  kettle  over  the  lamp. 

Whichever  method  of  serving  tea  was  in  process,  no 
interruption  was  noticeable  in  the  talk,  which  seldom  de- 
scended to  personalities,  or,  when  it  did,  was  not  per- 
mitted to  remain  there.  Nor  was  it  left  to  drift  into 
domestic  affairs,  unless  they  were  of  general  interest  to 
the  entire  company.  During  such  short  visits,  which 
were  seldom  longer  than  a  quarter  of  an  hour  and  fre- 
quently even  more  brief,  the  conversation  was  so  skilfully 
managed  even  though  introductions  were  rarely  made, 
that  no  one  felt  as  if  he  or  she  were  left  out  of  the  per- 
vading interest.  The  names  of  guests  were  mentioned 
by  the  hostess  when  appealing  to  their  opinions  or,  per- 
haps, by  saying,  "  I  suspect  Mrs.  So-and-So  of  being  able 
to  direct  us,  or  to  explain  to  us,"  etc.,  etc. 

There  are  many  ways  by  which  the  conversation  may 
be  made  general  as  you  will  learn  by  studying  the  art  of 
entertaining.  I  was  fascinated  by  the  exquisite  grace 
and  graciousness  of  the  various  hostesses  whom  I  met 
during  this  my  first  season  of  visiting  among  accom- 
plished, polished  women.  You  can  imagine  how  much 
more  complacent  women  may  be  who,  having  expected 
visitors,  are  mentally  prepared  to  meet  them.  The  rooms 
were  made  bright  by  a  few  cut  flowers  or  plants,  the  pretty 
toilette  of  the  hostess  and  the  appointments  of  the  tea- 
table.  These  customs  and  arrangements  prevail  to-day 
even  more  universally  than  at  that  time,  and  you  may  take 
the  hints  I  furnish  and  apply  them  to  the  life  about  you, 
modifying  them,  of  course,  as  your  own  tastes  and  neces- 
sities suggest. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  83 

Sometimes  a  servant  announces  a  guest  by  name  as  he 
or  she  enters  the  drawing-room  or  parlor,  and  thus  the 
assembled  company  are  made  aware  of  the  personality  of 
all  who  enter.  This  is  a  trying  moment  to  those  who  are 
timid  and  unfamiliar  with  society,  but  the  unpleasantness 
soon  wears  away,  as  I  know  from  experience.  Uncon- 
sciousness of  self  makes  elegance  of  manner  easy  of  at- 
tainment ;  think  of  what  pleasant  thing  you  can  say  to 
your  hostess — in  fact,  think  of  anything  but  your  own 
person  and  all  will  be  well  with  you.  As  you  enter  a 
room  full  of  strangers  offer  your  hand  for  greeting  and 
express  the  hope  that  your  hostess  is  well.  Do  not  offer 
any  excuses  if  you  have  been  tardy  in  repaying  a  call,  but 
say  you  are  sorry  not  to  have  seen  your  hostess  sooner 
and  thus  make  the  loss  of  an  earlier  visit  your  own  mis- 
fortune }  but  let  this  regret  be  concluded  speedily.  To 
give  your  reason,  except  it  be  illness  or  absence  from 
home,  is  uninteresting,  as  well  as  a  time-consuming  per- 
sonality which  I  beg  you  to  avoid  if  you  hope  to  be  a 
social  favorite.  Speak  to  whoever  is  near  you  when  the 
hostess'  attention  is  diverted,  for  there  is  always  plenty  of 
material  at  hand  out  of  which  sociality  can  be  made. 
Do  not  outstay  those  who  enter  after  you,  nor  go  away  so 
soon  after  a  later  arrival  as  to  disturb  her  reception. 

After  a  cup  of  tea  take  leave  of  your  hostess  briefly, 
and  bow  especially  to  whomsoever  is  assisting  her ;  then 
bow  in  a  general  way  to  the  company  and  retire  with 
your  face  to  the  room  if  the  hostess  is  near  the  door.  If 
she  is  remote  from  it  at  the  time  this  style  of  departure  is 
not  easy,  but  upon  reaching  the  door  turn  and  bow  again 
to  the  company.  Be  sure,  dear  niece,  to  enter  and  leave 
with  a  cheerful  face,    talk   only  on    agreeable   subjects, 


84  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

relate  no  calamitous  incident  and  make  no  worn-out  com- 
ment upon  the  weather ;  but  carry  so  much  sunshine  and 
pleasant  interest  in  others  with  you  that  your  departure 
will  be  a  regret  to  every  one  with  whom  you  have  spoken. 

To  be  entertaining  to  those  who  happen  to  be  near  you 
gives  pleasure  to  your  hostess,  and  she  at  first  admires 
you  in  proportion  to  the  aid  you  have  been  to  her  in 
brightening  the  hours,  and  afterward  she  loves  and  values 
you  according  to  the  motive  that  prompted  you  to  add  to 
the  charm  of  her  hospitality.  Never  invite  your  hostess 
to  visit  you.  That  you  called  upon  her  is  the  most  elo- 
quent of  requests  that  she  continue  an  acquaintance 
already  begun — indeed,  it  is  the  only  way  by  which 
society  says  to  its  circle  "  Come  again."  Of  course,  if 
you  desire  her  to  visit  you  at  some  particular  time  you 
may  tender  the  invitation. 

You  do  not  send  in  a  card  on  a  lady*s  receiving  day, 
because  you  are  expected  and,  of  course,  known  to  your 
hostess  ;  but  you  must  not,  my  dear  niece,  forget  to  leave 
a  card  with  your  own  "  at  home  "  day  upon  it  in  the  hall. 
A  tray  is  always  there  to  receive  it.  This  card  is  for  the 
hostess'  convenience,  and  she  refers  to  it  and  records 
your  day  and  hour  for  visiting  in  her  visiting  book,  where 
she  already  has  your  address.  Being  a  stranger  I  left 
mine  and  also  two  of  my  husband's  cards,  one  for  the 
hostess  and  one  for  the  host.  When  I  again  called,  my 
husband  not  being  with  me,  as  he  seldom  is  during  the 
day,  I  did  not  leave  my  own,  but  his  cards  as  before. 

For  ladies  to  whom  I  was  indebted*^. and  who  had  the 
same  "  at  home "  days  as  myself,  I  left  my  own  card 
when  I  could  and  two  of  my  husband's,  with  the  left- 
hand  ends  of  all  three  folded  over,  which  explained  that 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  85 

I  left  them  myself.  Had  they  been  sent  by  messenger 
they  would  not  have  been  folded.  To  fold  them  neatly 
lay  the  smallest  cards  on  top,  make  the  left  ends  even 
and  turn  them  all  over  at  once.  Any  slovenliness  in 
such  matters  is  vulgar.  I  watched  ladies  who  were  ac- 
customed to  the  graces  of  the  drawing-room  and  learned 
how  they  received  their  guests,  how  visitors  took  leave ; 
and  the  charming  composure  of  it  all  gave  me  a  lesson 
that  I  took  care  to  follow.  I  noticed  that  the  hostess 
rose  to  receive  and  part  with  each  visitor ;  but  she  only 
went  to  the  parlor  Entrance  with  those  who  were  elderly, 
with  strangers  or  those  in  delicate  health.  She  did  not 
rise  to  take  leave  of  young  girls,  nor  after  my  first  visit 
was  I  escorted  to  the  drawing-room  door. 

Little  by  little  I  began  to  see  the  reasons  for  etiquette. 
Among  the  mistakes  I  had  always  been  making  was  the 
inconsiderateness  of  paying  calls  whenever  it  suited  my 
caprice  or  convenience,  quite  forgetful  of  the  pain  which 
a  kindly  woman  must  always  feel  in  refusing  to  see  a 
visitor  or  the  equally  discomforting  acquiescence  when 
duties  are  pressing.  Another  common  error  of  mine  was 
the  habit  of  saying  to  a  departing  guest,  "  Come  again." 
This  invitation,  except  it  be  given  with  a  date  or  a  special 
purpose,  is  indelicate.  It  is  simply  a  reiteration  of  what 
your  card  announces  and  what  your  visit  indicated.  Pray 
remember  this. 

Auntie. 


THIRTEENTH    LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt — : 

We  came  directly  to  Germany  and  are  now  very  com- 
fortably and  happily  settled  in  Berlin.  I  am  working 
hard  trying  to  acquire  the  language,  which  I  greatly  ad- 
mire, and  it  is  my  chief  ambition  to  be  able  to  read  at 
least  a  few  of  the  notable  German  works  in  the  original. 
You  see  I  am  combining  study  with  pleasure,  so  that  I 
may  return  to  my  home  a  better  and  more  enlightened 
woman  than  I  left  it. 

I  was  quite  sorry  when  we  sighted  land,  for  I  enjoyed 
the  voyage  immensely  ;  but  all  my  regrets  have  vanished 
in  the  keen  pleasure  I  have  experienced  since  my  arrival 
here.  The  people  are  so  genial,  so  hospitable  and  so 
clever,  and  everything  is  so  novel  to  me.  I  have  made 
some  very  charming  acquaintances,  among  whom  are  two 
old  friends  of  my  father's  who  are  really  an  acquisition,  they 
are  so  entertaining  and  so  well-informed  regarding  all  the 
points  of  interest.  Both  have  travelled  much  and  are 
thoroughly  amiable,  and  father  has  become  quite  merry 
under  their  influence.  To  them  we  are  indebted  for  many 
social  enjoyments  ;  and  how  thankful  I  feel  now  that  I 
have  your  letters  to  guide  me  in  matters  about  which  I 
should  certainly  have  blundered. 

86 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  87 

I  find  that  here  they  have  what  is  called  a  "  Kaffee 
Klatsch,"  which  takes  the  place  of  the  English  and  Amer- 
ican afternoon  tea.  Coffee  is  served  instead  of  tea,  and 
with  it  a  certain  kind  of  cake  called  "  coffee  cake,"  which 
is  very  agreeable. 

I  scarcely  know  what  information  to  ask  you  for  this 
time  ;  my  head  is  so  full  of  all  sorts  of  things  and  my 
time  so  completely  occupied  that  I  have  not  planned  out 
my  list  of  queries,  without  which  I  am  certain  you  will 
think  I  have  not  written  you  half  a  letter.  Yes,  I  have  a 
question  to  ask  and  one  I  am  thankful  not  to  have  forgot- 
ten, for  it  is  of  something  I  much  want  to  know.  I  un- 
derstand that  I  am  about  to  receive  an  invitation  to  pay  a 
visit  of  some  weeks  at  the  home  of  a  lady  of  prominent 
social  position  with  whom  I  have  become  quite  friendly. 
We  were  introduced  by  one  of  the  gentlemen  I  have  men- 
tioned, and  liked  each  other  from  the  first.  She  is  so 
sweet  in  manner,  and  has  such  winning,  graceful  ways, 
that  to  me  she  is  simply  irresistible.  How  I  should  like 
to  possess  her  charm  of  manner ;  perhaps  she  will  teach 
me  the  secret. 

Now  when  the  invitation  comes  I  should  like  to  know 
the  most  graceful  way  of  accepting  it,  for  I  certainly  wish 
to  accept.  Father  will,  in  the  mean  time,  go  with  his 
physician  to  Schwalbach,  and  I  shall  be  free  to  do  as  I 
choose.  Please  inform  me  on  this  and  any  other  point 
that  may  occur  to  you  as  especially  suited  to  my  wants. 

Your  Devoted 

Niece. 


FOURTEENTH  LETTER. 
receiving  guests. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

Your  query  regarding  the  proper  form  of  accepting  an 
invitation  to  make  a  visit  of  length  suggests  to  me  an 
episode  of  my  own  early  married  life  which  will,  I  think, 
prove  both  instructive  and  interesting  to  you. 

It  is  a  wise  plan,  if  a  young  wife  can  afford  the  luxury 
of  hospitality,  to  invite  one  or  two  agreeable  guests  to 
stay  awhile  with  her  in  her  new  home.  Even  if  she  has 
to  economize  at  some  other  time,  or  if  her  invitations 
must  be  limited  to  one  friend  at  a  time,  she  will  be  amply 
repaid.  This  bit  of  advice  or,  rather,  suggestion,  is  given 
in  the  hope  that  you  may  some  time  profit  by  it,  as  I  did, 
and  as  one  at  least  of  my  guests  did  even  more  than 
myself. 

Your  uncle  and  I  talked  the  matter  over  and  decided 
to  invite  a  pretty  cousin  of  his  from  a  Western  city,  and 
also  a  schoolmate  and  neighbor  of  mine,  to  come  to  us 
for  a  fortnight  and  enjoy  with  us  our  new  home.  The 
cousin,  I  was  told,  was  the  motherless  daughter  of  an 
active  business  man  and  possessed  excellent  mental 
capacity.     She  was  described  as  unusually  attractive  in 

88 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  89 

appearance,  wealthy  and  generous.  Your  uncle,  howerer, 
had  reasons  for  suspecting  that  a  little  polishing  in 
speech,  a  little  subduing  of  manners  and  a  more  practical 
knowledge  of  that  "  graceful  graciousness  "  so  well  known 
to  the  French  people  by  the  name  of  savoir  /aire,  would 
greatly  increase  the  young  girl's  attractiveness. 

"  But  I  have  not  yet  gained  enough  of  this  desirable 
elegance  to  be  able  to  impart  the  wisdom  of  experience, 
as  you  are  too  well  aware,"  I  said  with  more  impetuosity 
than  good  breeding  permitted. 

"  You  have  no  reason  for  self-reproach,"  my  husband 
answered  gravely  but  most  kindly;  "and  who  can  be 
blamed  for  ignorance  about  matters  they  have  never  been 
called  upon  to  deal  with  ?  The  latest  approved  town 
customs  are  like  its  fashions  ;  they  drift  countryward  a 
season  or  two  late.  When  I  first  saw  you  there  was  no 
demand  for  one  set  of  formalities  which  it  is  necessary 
you  should  now  apply  practically. 

"  Of  course,  for  my  own  part,  I  prefer  a  tHe-d-tete  with 
you,  but  it  is  generous  to  give  social  pleasure  to  our 
friends.  Indeed,  I  think  I  once  heard  you  say  it  was  not 
wise  for  two  persons  to  be  always  alone  together,  because 
they  were  likely  to  reflect  each  other's  moods  ;  and  you 
were  right.  If  truly  attached  to  each  other,  their  minds 
become  too  much  of  the  same  type,  and  their  thoughts  are 
likely  to  run  in  the  same  channels.  They  see  every- 
thing from  the  same  standpoint  and  have  no  new  or 
original  views  of  interesting  questions,  either  public  or 
private. 

"  And  besides,  dear  wife,  have  you  not  discovered  that 
to  be  able  to  teach  others  one  must  be  learned?  One 
will   carefully  guard  against   social  blunders  if  he  have 


90  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

blunderers  to  guide  him.  Not  that  I  any  longer  fear  for 
you  ;  your  days  for  making  serious  mistakes  have  long 
passed  I  know ;  nor  could  you  ever  have  committed  a 
social  fault  that  was  serious  enough  to  sigh  over  in  secret, 
had  you  but  once  suspected  that  there  were  laws  and  cus- 
toms of  which  you  knew  nothing.  It  is  ignorance  and 
innocence  that  feel  most  keenly  the  stings  of  social  mis- 
takes. The  formalities  of  life,  you  may  be  sure,  are  as 
gracious  in  their  interpretation  as  they  are  wise  in  their 
applications,  and  little  trippings  are  the  result  of  ignor- 
ance of  usages.  It  isn't  from  wilfulness  or  selfishness  nor 
yet  from  vulgar  tastes  that  blunders  are  most  likely  to 
spring.  It  is,  as  I  said,  because  a  girl  doesn't  know  that 
she  is  in  danger ;  and  this  grave  fact  you  have  the  fine 
tact  to  teach  your  guests." 

All  this  was  impressed  on  my  mind  and  helped  me  to 
brave  that  first  winter's  ordeals.  My  experience  in  a 
large  and  strange  circle  of  people  proved  beyond  a  doubt 
that  my  carefully  bred  husband  had  confidence  in  the 
capacity  of  his  wife  to  become  a  polished  member  of 
society,  and  I  determined  that  he  should  not  be  disap- 
pointed. Writing  as  I  do  with  an  open  heart,  it  is  a  proof 
of  my  affection  and  an  earnest  determination  to  spare  you 
the  humility  of  learning  the  world's  best  ways  by  stum- 
bling and  painful  experiences. 

Your  uncle  had  already  met  the  sweet  and  pretty  girl 
whom  he  proposed  I  should  bring  from  the  country  for 
her  first  city  visit.  He  had  frequently  mentioned  her  as 
one  quite  capable  of  becoming  a  polished  woman,  as  she 
was  now  one  of  the  noblest  of  girls.  Of  course,  this 
praise  of  my  friend  was  a  most  delicate  compliment  to 
me,  and  I  very  properly  appreciated  it ;  for  I  have  yet  to 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


91 


meet  a  man  with  keener  instincts  and  clearer  judgment 
of  womanly  women  than  your  Uncle  John. 

Winter  was  fast  approaching,  and  the  invitations  were 
sent  at  once  for  the  tenth  of  December.  A  fine  consider- 
ateness,  rather  than  any  knowledge  of  strict  etiquette, 
impelled  my  friend  Helen  to  accept  promptly  and  most 
gratefully,  although,  as  she  afterward  explained,  this  unex- 
pected pleasure  made  her  look  aghast  at  her  simple  and 
even  slender  wardrobe.  She  also  explained  that  if  she 
had  not  known  that  her  city  friend  was  well  aware  of  the 
limitation  as  well  as  the  rusticity  of  her  country-made 
attire,  she  would  out  of  regard  for  her  hostess  have 
declined  with  equal  promptness. 

The  rich  city  girl  accepted  conditionally,  which  you 
'know  is  ill-bred  to  a  measureless  degree.  She  said  there 
was  a  grand  ball  in  prospect,  but  its  occurrence  was  not 
quite  certain.  It  would  soon  be  decided,  and  if  it  was 
not  to  occur  she  would  come  at  the  time  stated.  If  the 
ball  was  arranged,  she  would  be  with  us  a  fortnight  later, 
and  most  charmed  was  she  at  the  prospect  of  getting  a 
glimpse  of  metropolitan  society. 

"  I  am  glad  you  are  anxious  to  have  me  visit  you,"  she 
wrote  in  conclusion. 

"  But  I  am  not  anxious,"  exclaimed  your  uncle,  with 
more  petulance  than  I  had  ever  before  seen  him  display. 
"The  girl  has  less  breeding  than  I  suspected.  I  will 
telegraph  her  immediately  that  we  shall  not  expect  her." 

Now  was  my  time  for  a  remonstrance,  for  I  well  knew 
that  a  part  of  my  husband's  indignation  sprang  from  a 
comparison  of  the  sweet,  unselfish  simplicity  of  the  reply 
of  my  country-bred  friend  with  the  arrogant  selfishness  of 
the  city  miss. 


92  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

"  Anxiety  indeed !  "  your  uncle  interrupted  when  I 
tried  to  soothe  him.  "Anxiety!  Do  I  not  hear  persons 
who  ought  to  know  the  value  of  words  use  the  same 
egotistic  term,  as  if  one  could  be  anxious  about  the  visit 
of  anybody,  except  it  were  a  physician  or  a  creditor !  If 
a  friend  is  kind  enough  to  offer  hospitalities,  only  a  brag- 
gart of  the  most  offensive  sort  could  say  that  she  or  he 
was  anxiously  desired.  I  have  no  patience  with  such 
consummate  vanity." 

"  No,  indeed,  you  haven't,"  I  answered ;  "  but  then, 
John,  did  you  not  intimate  that  in  teaching  we  should  be 
learning  ?  and  this  girl  will  give  us  an  opportunity." 

Your  uncle  laughed  and  his  temper  vanished  instantly. 
"  True ;  but  this  is  a  sort  of  tuition  you  never  needed, 
and  I  trust  I  have  not  been  in  dire  want  of  it  my- 
self." 

"All  the  more  to  be  grateful  for,  and  the  less  to  be 
vain  about,"  I  said  more  frankly  than  considerately ;  but 
my  reply  did  not  hurt  my  husband  in  the  least.  We  had 
entered  into  so  perfect  an  understanding  with  each  other 
that  neither  of  us  were  any  longer  afraid  to  sound  the 
depths  of  such  differences  as  always  lie  at  the  bottom  of 
character.  We  knew  that  the  moral  and  the  purpose  of 
each  was  the  same,  but  the  methods  of  their  expression 
and  the  roads  which  led  to  results  were  distinctly  differ- 
ent in  certain  matters. 

"  You  are  right,"  he  replied,  "  but  all  the  same  I  shall 
telegraph  to  say  that  later  on  we  are  likely  to  be  engaged. 
This  will  determine  her,  for  I  shall  also  say  that  if  there 
is  still  doubt  about  her  acceptance,  our  plans  are  such 
that  we  must  ask  another  to  take  her  place."  This  pro- 
posal I  acceded  to.     It  was  due  to  ourselves  not  to  allow 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  93 

our  plans  to  be  disarranged  for  the  pleasure  of  this  appar- 
ently uninstructed  young  woman. 

By  this  time  I  began  to  feel  apprehensive  about  the 
comfort  of  my  own  young  friend,  should  she,  with  all  her 
sweet  unfamiliarity  with  the  world's  ways,  be  brought  into 
daily  contact  with  so  unpleasant  a  type  of  civilization  as  our 
other  guest  promised  to  be.  We  shared  this  anxiety,  but  I 
comforted  your  uncle  by  suggesting  that  it  was  more  than 
likely  his  cousin's  breeding  was  a  case  of  ignorance  or, 
perhaps,  of  arrested  development ;  especially  as  she,  too, 
was  motherless,  and  her  father  was  an  enthusiastic  money- 
getter  in  an  atmosphere  where  business  strife  is  almost  a 
madness.  This  thought  helped  your  uncle,  and  being 
motherless  myself,  it  helped  me. 

When  your  uncle  came  home  at  evening  he  laughingly 
gave  me  a  dispatch  which  read  : 

"  You  refuse  to  let  me  eat  my  cake  and  keep  it  too ;    there- 
fore^ expect  me  promptly.  Kate." 

"  She  is  bright  of  mind,  if  not  polished  in  manner,*'  he 
said,  still  laughing.  "  I  suspect  my  young  wife  will  have 
her  hands  full  with  this  untoward  occidental.  If  she 
doesn't  sing  the  songs  of  the  cowboy,  I  shall  be  only  too 
grateful.  We  cannot  escape  her  now,  but  you  are  not 
to  excuse  in  her  the  least  want  of  courtesy  in  anything  or 
toward  anybody.     Pray  remember  and  be  exacting." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  who  is  to  express  the  religion  of  hospi- 
tality while  I  am  breaking  in  this  wild  creature  t  I  do 
not  propose  to  become  a  mistress  of  deportment  to  begin- 
ners. You  must  take  the  lower  class  in  hand,  and  I  will 
manage  the  more  advanced  country  girl." 

And  so  we  laughed  and  bantered  each  other,  but  deep 


94  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

down  in  our  hearts  both  felt  a  little  apprehensive.  "If 
she  were  sensitive  and  ignorant,  I  could  pity  and  help 
her,"  I  said  to  myself  ;  "  but  the  bravado  of  the  girl  who, 
to  use  an  expression  of  her  own  that  afterward  became 
quite  familiar  to  our  own  ears,  '  gave  herself  away '  by  her 
telegram  !  "  She  proved  to  us  that  she  knew  more  than 
she  applied  of  good  social  usages.  "  Is  she  selfish  or 
only  inconsiderate  t  "  was  the  question  we  often  asked 
ourselves ;  but  until  she  arrived  this  question  could  not 
be  answered. 

I  had  two  guest  rooms,  one  large  and  one  small.  How 
was  I  to  place  the  girls  ?  One  of  them  would  bring  many 
gowns  and  require  much  space.  The  other  would  have 
few  belongings,  and,  besides,  would  choose  the  smaller  of 
the  two  apartments,  because  it  was  her  nature  to  prefer 
another  before  herself.  On  the  other  hand,  the  Western 
girl  might  suspect  that  we  were  anxious  to  please  her  if 
we  gave  her  the  better  chamber  ;  and  it  was  quite  certain 
that  she  would  be  amazed,  if  we  expressed  too  high  a 
regard  for  a  country  maiden  of  simple  manners  and  with- 
out finger-rings  and  tea-gowns.  Perhaps  she  would  show 
her  surprise  in  a  manner  that  could  not  be  mistaken  by 
the  other  guest. 

Before  John  I  laid  my  perplexity,  but  he  failed  to  help 
me,  and  I  resorted  to  dear  Aunt  Edith.  I  was  rather 
glad  there  was  one  question  in  etiquette  my  city-bred  hus- 
band could  not  answer. 

Aunt  Edith  arranged  it  instantly.  The  eldest  should 
have  the  choicest  room  in  this  land  of  equality  in  birth. 
Pray  do  not  imagine  that  I  believe  there  is  such  a  thing 
as  equality  in  persons.  Each  of  us  makes  his  own  place, 
be  it  high  or  low,  but  birth  is  alike  for  all.     Was  it  Victor 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


95 


Hugo  who  said  "There  is  nothing  in  any  country  that  one 
should  bow  to  but  genius,  and  nothing  but  goodness  to 
kneel  to  ?  "     I  think  it  was  he,  and  he  was  right. 

Was  it  because  I  was  young  that  I  had  not  thought  of 
settling  the  question  this  way  ?  Perhaps  so.  Your  uncle 
was  much  older ;  but  then  he  is  a  man,  and  the  question 
of  precedence  belongs  mostly  to  women. 

When  I  told  the  decision  to  my  husband  he  laughed 
merrily  and  said  :  "  If  anything  can  keep  in  check  the 
arrogance — or,  perhaps,  it  is  only  an  excess  of  vital  force 
— in  our  Western  cousin,  it  will  be  a  knowledge  of  the  rea- 
son why  she  was  given  the  finest  guest-room — her  age 
demanded  it !  What  fun  !  "  And  so  it  was  settled  that 
Kate,  being  almost  three  months  older  than  Helen, 
should  have  the  choice  room. 

And  now  came  plans  for  the  diversion  of  our  guests, 
which  must  also  include  a  recognition  of  certain  of  our  own 
social  obligations.  We  had  received  several  invitations 
to  dinner,  which  we  had  thus  far  declined ;  for  I  had  not 
until  now  returned  all  the  visits  that  had  been  paid  me  as 
a  bride,  and  I  had  been  too  much  engrossed  in  this 
imperative  duty  and  too  weary  with  those  small  frictions 
of  housekeeping  that  a  beginner  cannot  evade,  if  she 
expects  to  be  mistress  of  the  situation  and  get  the 
machinery  of  domestic  affairs  in  perfect  running  order. 
The  presence  of  these  young  girls  in  the  house  would  be 
an  excellent  reason  for  especially  inviting  my  husband's 
bachelor  friends ;  for  these  latter  seldom  renew  the 
pleasant  "chumminess"  of  former  times  with  a  newly 
married  man,  unless  they  are  sure  of  a  welcome  from  the 
wife. 

Then,  too,  I  desired  to  give  dinners,  as  was   the  time- 


96  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

honored  custom,  though  of  course,  on  a  much  larger  plan, 
in  my  mother-in-law's  house  ;  and  with  these  young  guests 
to  divert  attention  from  possible  gaucheries  on  my  part,  I 
felt  courage  enough  to  undertake  little  entertainments. 
Then  there  would  be  theatre  parties  or  an  opera  or  two 
within  the  range  of  our  hospitalities.  I  was  wise  enough  to 
invite  a  matron  for  the  first  dinner,  and  John's  mother 
was  selected.  Not  that  I  preferred  her,  but  it  was  a 
courtesy  to  my  husband,  and  he  was  gratified,  for  he 
must  have  known  that  I  preferred  Aunt  Edith,  who  was 
less  critical  and  was  always  ready  with  valuable  sugges- 
tions. 

My  mother-in-law  was  one  to  find  fault  after  a  mistake 
had  been  committed,  but  Aunt  Edith  tenderly  watched 
and  made  the  blunder  impossible.  Pray  remember  the 
difference  between  these  two  women,  and  follow  the  best 
beloved  one;  so  shall  your  life  surely  be  a  bless- 
ing. 

John's  mother,  who  was  justice  and  exactness  incar- 
nated, was  an  agreeable  woman  to  those  for  whom  she 
felt  no  responsibility ;  she  was,  therefore,  justly  popular, 
and  certainly  she  was  handsome.  I  have  always  believed 
that  your  uncle's  trust  in  her  integrity  and  his  admiration 
for  her  person  and  for  her  fine  manners  far  exceeded  his 
affection,  but  I  may  have  been  mistaken.  For  myself, 
her  approval  was  tranquillizing.  If  she  smiled  I  knew  I 
was  right  in  matters  of  taste  and  propriety.  She  had  not 
been  consulted  about  our  selection  of  visitors,  because  we 
felt  an  unspoken  certainty  that  she  would  advise  us  to 
invite  only  young  girls  with  established  positions  and 
perfected  manners.  She  only  shook  her  worldly-wise 
head  when  she  heard  about   them,  and  said  she   hoped 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  97 

somebody  would  get  joy  of  the  hospitality ;  but  all  the 
same  she  cordially  accepted  the  dinner  invitation,  as  did 
her  two  daughters. 

The  date  of  my  first  great  and  memorable  dinner  was 
fixed  for  the  second  evening  after  the  arrival  of  our  girl 
visitors. 

Auntie. 

7 


FIFTEENTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

The  expected  invitation  mentioned  in  my  last  was  given 
verbally  and  I  accepted  in  the  same  way.  It  was  worded 
in  so  gracious  and  charming  a  manner  that  I  received  the 
impression  of  conferring  a  great  favor  in  accepting ;  but 
I  am  possessed  of  sufficient  good  sense  to  know  that  I  am 
the  person  honored.  There  is  something  very  sweet  and 
flattering  about  an  invitation  so  given — something  that 
puts  the  guest  so  pleasantly  at  ease  with  herself  and  stim- 
ulates her  to  put  forth  her  best  efforts  to  please.  I  must 
confess  I  am  rather  susceptible  to  flattery  of  this  kind,  it 
is  so  novel  to  me  ;  and  my  kind  friend  by  her  graciousness 
taught  me  a  lesson  that  will  be  remembered  when  I  have 
to  enact  the  part  of  hostess. 

When  I  told  her  of  my  engagement,  how  pleasant  it  was 
to  hear  her  good  wishes  for  my  happiness ;  but  she  said 
she  could  not  help  feeling  a  little  disappointed  that  I  was 
not  free  to  marry  some  one  of  her  young  friends  and  so 
stay  near  her  always.  We  are  having  delightful  times, 
sight-seeing  and  shopping  and  going  to  the  theatre  or 
opera  in  the  evening.  The  Germans  are  a  music-loving 
people,  to  be  sure. 

Well,  I  must  turn  for  awhile  from  my  pleasures   and 

98 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


99 


ask  a  few  questions,  at  which  you  will  not  be  surprised. 
You  mentioned  in  your  last  letter  that  you  would  tell  me 
about  your  first  dinner-party.  My  friend  is  about  to 
give  a  dinner  in  my  honor,  and  I  would  like  to  know 
what  is  required  of  me  on  such  an  occasion.  In  the 
choice  of  a  gown  I  shall  have  my  kind  friend's  assist- 
ance, but,  as  you  know,  it  will  be  my  first  dinner-party, 
and  I  am  anxious  above  everything  to  bear  myself  well 
and  do  credit  to  my  hostess. 

I  feel  an  almost  personal  interest  in  the  doings  of 
your  two  young  friends,  Helen  and  Kate,  and  shall 
read  with  pleasure  whatever  you  write  me  about  them. 
I  am  afraid  the  "  bonny  Kate  "  will  hold  my  sympa- 
thies, for  I  always  feel  sincerely  for  those  generous, 
impulsive  girls  who  suffer  so  keenly  for  any  indiscre- 
tion or  discourtesy  their  impulsiveness  or  thoughtless- 
ness may  lead  them  to  commit.  Though  I  am  given 
to  impulsive  actions  myself — and  in  that  fact,  perhaps, 
lies  the  reason  for  my  sympathy — I  have  tried  hard  to 
compel  myself  to  think  a  little  before  I  act ;  and  hard  as 
was  the  task  at  first,  I  have  conquered  fairly  well. 

After  my  hostess's  dinner-party  I  will  undoubtedly  be 
invited  out  to  some  extent,  as  she  has  a  large  circle  of 
acquaintances ;  so  I  would  like  to  know  how  to  accept 
and  how  decline  such  invitations,  for,  of  course,  I  may  be 
obliged  to  decline  some. 

Now  tell  me,  dear  aunt,  in  your  delightful  way  how  you 
made  your  dinner-party  a  success,  how  Helen  and  Kate 
were  gowned  and  how  they  behaved  on  that  occasion. 
Kate,  I  suppose,  distinguished  herself,  but  I  hope  she  did 
nothing  to  pain  you  or  that  she  would  afterward  regret. 
Can    you    in   your    narration    tell   me    how   you    man- 


lOO  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

aged  in  grouping  your  guests  ?  Were  they  arranged  in 
couples  ?  Such  is  the  custom  here  for  all  table  parties, 
and  I  think  it  a  pretty  and  enjoyable  one,  especially  if 
the  .partner  be  agreeable.  I  would  like  you  to  give  me 
particular  instructions  how  to  enter  and  leave  the  dining- 
room  ;  I  am  afraid  in  this  respect  I  am  seriously  at  fault. 
To-morrow  or  next  day  we  are  going  to  make  a  trip  to 
Frankfort,  Goethe's  beautiful  home.  I  am  getting  along 
famously  with  my  German  and  am  beginning  to  speak 
the  language  with  considerable  fluency.  I  am  congratu- 
lated on  all  sides  on  the  successful  results  of  my  study 
and  am  in  consequence  greatly  delighted. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


SIXTEENTH  LETTER. 
dinner-giving. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

As  promised  in  my  last  letter,  I  will  give  you  an 
account  of  my  first  dinner-party ;  and  I  shall  endeavor  so 
to  word  it  that  it  will  answer  all  your  very  sensible  ques- 
tions on  this  point. 

You  can  scarcely  realize  how  much  careful  thought  was 
given  to  the  selection  of  our  first  dinner  guests  until 
the  same  burden  has  fallen  upon  your  shoulders.  To 
make  sure  that  she  knows  "  who  is  who "  among  her 
acquaintances,  and  to  estimate  the  effect  each  person 
will  have  in  maintaining  the  social  equilibrium  by 
enlivening  or  restraining  other  guests,  should  be  the  first 
problems  of  the  young  hostess  ;  and  very  delicate  ones 
they  are.  Besides,  not  until  she  is  certain  that  neither 
her  table  nor  her  guests  will  groan  with  imperfectly 
cooked  food,  can  a  considerate  hostess  feel  entirely  at 
ease  while  presiding  at  her  feast.  Yet,  despite  all  mis- 
givings, she  must  appear  as  tranquil  as  a  harvest  moon 
and  as  unconcerned  as  if  she  were  at  meat  with  a  veteran 
dinner-giver  in  whom  she  had  no  especial  interest. 

To   the    attainment   of   this    placid    demeanor    I    had 

lOI 


102  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

schooled  myself,  but  in  vain.  Experience  is  the  only 
tranquillizer  a  wife  can  have  at  such  times,  and  some 
sweet  but  weary  souls  are  never  at  peace  when  invited 
guests  sit  at  their  board.  This  unrest  is  often  partially 
the  fault  of  the  husband,  who  not  only  fails  to  accord  his 
wife  proper  encouragement,  but,  on  the  contrary,  exhibits 
by  his  tone  or  facial  expression  his  adverse  criticism  of 
the  slightest  mistake  or  defect  in  service  or  cuisine.  At 
such  times  each  should  help  the  other,  and  kindly,  con- 
siderate hosts  are  always  forbearing. 

Should  you  meet  a  young  man  who  with  ease  and  fre- 
quency exhibits  his  talent  for  fault-finding,  avoid  him  ; 
he  has  a  narrow  nature  and  a  small  mind.  Husbands 
would  be  more  chary  of  their  unpleasant  looks  at  table  if 
they  realized  that  all  beholders  whose  regard  is  worth 
winning  are  far  more  annoyed  at  the  frown  of  the  host 
than  the  blunder  of  the  hostess.  This  little  sermon  may 
be  considered  in  parenthesis,  my  dear  niece,  but  you 
need  not  hold  it  lightly  on  that  account. 

My  dinner  invitations  were  out  ten  days  in  advance, 
and  the  responses  were  immediate,  as  etiquette  rigor- 
ously demands.  Unfortunately  two  declined — one  on 
account  of  illness  in  the  family,  which  'twas  feared 
might  continue,  and  the  other  because  he  had  reason  to 
believe  he  would  be  called  from  the  city.  Neither,  you 
observe,  was  positive  he  could  not  be  with  us;  but  for 
dinner  parties  the  least  uncertainty  should  prompt  an  im- 
mediate positive  declination  to  permit  the  hostess  to  fill 
the  vacant  place  at  table. 

Dinner  tables,  as  you  know,  have  exact  limitations, 
and  only  a  fixed  number  can  be  accommodated, 
Crowded  tables  are  vulgar,  an  odd  number  is  awkward, 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  103 

and  a  vacant  seat  is  depressing.  Eight  is  the  most 
charming  of  sets  at  table  ;  but  because  there  were  three 
from  John's  mother's  house  and  four  of  our  own  family, 
we  made  the  party  twelve,  inviting  five  other  guests. 
One  of  these  was^^«tr/to  John's  eldest  sister. 

All  the  guests  having  been  secured,  the  menu  was  next 
considered  and  the  following  courses  decided  upon  : 

Oysters  on  Shells, 

Clear  Soup. 

Lobster  ChopSy  with  French  Dressed  Cresses. 

FVlet  of  Beefy  with  Mushrooms  and  French  Potatoes. 

Squabs. 

Italian  Cream,  with  Macaroons, 

Fruity  Confections. 

Coffee  and  Tea. 

The  squabs  were  cut  in  half,  broiled  and  laid  on  crisp 
points  of  fried  hominy  to  be  eaten  with  dressed  lettuce. 

This  menu  will  doubtless  be  considered  limited  by  epi- 
cures ;  but  we  had  determined  to  be  a  law  unto  our- 
selves, and  Aunt  Edith  gave  her  approval.  John's 
mother  said  we  might  have  served  Roman  punch  between 
the  lobster  and  meat  or  between  the  meat  and  game,  and 
that  we  should  have  had  celery  with  grated  cheese  or 
sweetbread  patties,  or,  perhaps,  pckti  de  fois  gras  and 
wafers  ;  but  I  only  smiled  and  inquired  if  she  were  hun- 
gry, her  fault-finding  having  been  made  after  all  our 
unfamiliar  guests  had  departed.  She  laughed,  and  John 
said  afterward  that  I  was  a  courageous  little  woman, 
from  which  remark  I  judged  he  approved. 

But  this  is  anticipating  the  experiences  which  I  propose 
to  recite  for  your  guidance.     Perhaps  you  would  like  to 


I04  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

know  the  formula  of  my  invitations,  which  were  written, 
although  had  I  at  that  time  intended  to  become  a  regular 
dinner-giver,  as  I  now  am,  I  should  have  had  a  formal 
card  engraved,  to  be  filled  ih  as  required  with  the  names 
of  intended  guests  and  the  date  of  the  dinner.  In  either 
case,  however,  the  wording  is  the  same.  Fashion  has 
not  changed  the  verbal  formula  of  invitations  for  many  a 
year,  and  doubtless  it  will  always  remain  substantially 
the  same,  for  no  language  can  be  more  appropriate  than 

**  Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Smith  request  the  pleasure  of  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Charles  Brown's  company  at  dinner  Tuesday  eve- 
ning, December  loth,  at  j.^o  o'' clock. 

Nffvember  30///,  1887. 

750  North  Street. 

The  responses  are  always  written  in  the  same  person 
as  the  invitation,  thus  : 

^'' Mr.  and  Mrs.  Charles  Brown  accept  with  pleasure  [re- 
gret that  an  unavoidable  occurrence  or  a  previous  engagement 
compels  them  to  decline)  Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Smithes  kind 
invitation  to  dinner  on  December  loth. 

December  1st,  1887. 

21  Herbert  Street.'' 

Had  the  season  of  gayety  been  at  its  height,  I  should 
have  issued  my  invitations  at  least  two  weeks  before  the 
date  of  the  dinner,  in  order  to  secure  those  whom  I  most 
desired. 

The  day  and  hour  named  brought  Helen,  I  having 
driven  to  the  station  to  meet  her.  How  fair  and  happy 
she  looked,  and  how  wide-eyed  and  charmed  she  was 
with  the  unfamiliar  stir  of  the  streets  !  We  had  luncheon 
at  once,  and  it  was  long  past  midday  before  I  conducted 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  105 

her  to  her  chamber.  She  was  delighted  with  my  home, 
and,  happily,  one's  guests  are  now  permitted  to  mention 
their  gratification  with  their  surroundings.  Once  on  a 
time,  not  long  ago,  silence  was  de  rigueur^  and  if  any 
pretty  object  was  seen  at  all,  the  fact  was  kept  secret ; 
for  to  remark  upon  the  appointments  of  a  house  was  con- 
sidered an  indiscretion,  if  not  a  positive  mark  of  ill- 
breeding. 

When  Helen  saw  the  smaller  chamber  opening  from 
her  own  and  also  into  the  hall  she  begged  me,  as  I  knew 
she  would,  to  allow  her  to  take  the  simpler  room.  I  gave 
it  to  her,  explaining  that  I  had  only  offered  her  a  choice 
because  I  knew  which  she  would  select.  I  plainly  told 
her  that  her  youth  gave  her  no  right  to  the  best  chamber. 
She  promised  to  grow  older  as  rapidly  as  time  permitted, 
and  then  we  settled  ourselves  in  comfortable  chairs  for  a 
rest  and  a  chat.  She  found  her  trunk  unstrapped  and 
waiting  for  the  key,  and,  as  she  preferred  to  take  out 
her  own  belongings,  I  did  not  press  the  assistance  of  my 
maid  upon  her ;  partly  because  she  was  accustomed  to 
helping  herself,  and  partly  because  I  was  certain  if 
John's  cousin  brought  no  maid  of  her  own — which  was 
not  at  all  unlikely — my  own  attendant  was  sure  to  be 
kept  busy. 

The  train  on  which  Kate  was  to  arrive  was  due  at  six 
o'clock,  and  John  was  to  meet  her,  as  her  face  was  un- 
known to  me  and  the  hour  was  after  dark.  At  half-past 
six  John  returned  alone  and  explained  that  his  cousin 
had  not  come.  He  said,  "  I  feel  no  anxiety.  Doubtless 
it  suited  her  convenience  to  arrive  later ;  and  if  so,  she 
must  take  care  of  herself."  He  had  done  his  full  duty 
as  host  until  further  notification. 


I06  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

We  had  finished  dinner  when  the  occidental  maiden 
entered  alone  and  in  none  too  pleasant  a  humor. 

"I  would  have  been  frightened,"  said  she,  "to  find  no 
one  at  the  station  to  meet  me,  but  Dick  Thomson,  an 
awfully  nice  fellow  who  is  on  his  way  to  somewhere  and 
had  just  time  to  catch  his  train,  put  me  into  a  carriage 
and  gave  your  number  to  the  driver.  I  took  his  train 
instead  of  the  one  mentioned,  because  it  was  pleasant  to 
have  his  company,  and  he  is  just  splendid." 

"  You  didn't  telegraph  your  change  of  plans,  and  I 
went  to  meet  you  as  agreed,"  said  John. 

"  Yes,  but  I  thought  you  would  surely  come  to  the  next 
train  also  if  you  were  very  anxious  to  see  me." 

"  But  I  was  not  anxious,"  replied  John.  "  I  would, 
however,  have  been  pleased  had  I  found  you — but,  Kate, 
you  have  not  dined  1  " 

"  No,  indeed  ;  and  I  am  very  hungry." 

"  I  regret  that  we  have  just  had  dinner,"  I  explained ; 
"  but  we  really  did  not  know  what  to  expect." 

"  You'll  get  used  to  me  after  a  while.  I  am  never  in 
time  unless  I  feel  especially  so  disposed  ;  it  is  one  of  my 
distinctive  characteristics,  which  papa  says  isn't  nice ; 
but  I  don't  see  why  I  haven't  a  right  to  be  individual. 
He  is  decidedly  so,  and  it  runs  in  the  blood." 

The  girl  was  superbly  handsome  in  a  physical  sense, 
and  she  must  have  had  an  instinct  which  told  her  just 
how  to  dress.  It  was  a  constant  pleasure  to  look  at  her 
when  her  face  was  animated,  so  rosy  and  fair  and  brim- 
ming with  health  was  it.  Her  hair  was  not  fine,  but  it 
was  luxuriant  and  of  a  warm  chestnut  brown.  Her 
teeth  were  like  large  pearls,  and  her  rich  lips  were  pretty 
when  she  smiled.     But  when  she  laughed  the  untamed 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  107 

rush  of  sound  was  anything  but  silvery,  soft  or  delicately 
toned.  And  her  voice-^my  dear  niece,  nothing  tells  the 
true  story  of  lack  of  refinement  so  promptly  as  a^Hinv 
tramed^voTce^^d  its  want  of  modulation.  Kate's  voice 
rankled  in  our  ears  and  tormented  our  nerves.  What 
could  we  do  with  her  voice  ?  My  husband  had  heard  it 
before,  but  then  they  were  in  different  and  less  refined 
surroundings,  and  the  setting  of  life  makes  an  immense 
difference  in  one's  perceptions  of  qualities. 

We  ordered  food  for  her — the  best  we  could  offer  in 
I  he  circumstances ;  and  if  the  girl  felt  a  lack  of  homage 
to  her  beauty  and  of  appreciation  of  herself  as  an  heiress 
and  an  important  individual  in  her  own  home,  she  had 
the  wisdom  to  conceal  her  chagrin.  That  she  felt 
some  humiliation  was  apparent,  when  she  said  a  week 
later :  "  How  much  less  significant  a  person  is  when 
away  from  her  own  natural  belongings  than  when  set 
upon  her  own  shrine !  It  is  an  excellent  method  for 
discovering  one's  real  value.  It  hurt  my  vanity  not  a 
little,  but  I  am  glad  to  have  been  enabled  to  take  account 
of  my  personal  stock." 

This  admission  gave  me  courage  to  do  what  seemed 
needful  for  this  young  creature,  and  it  more  than  compen- 
sated us  for  what  we  had  endured. 

The  first  real  vexation  on  her  account  came  on  her 
second  day  with  us.  She  had  written  to  a  young  man 
with  whom  she  was  acquainted  and  told  him  she  would 
be  in  town,  and  he  called  to  see  her  immediately.  He 
was  not  sufficiently  familiar  with  the  usages  of  good 
society  to  send  his  card  to  the  hostess  of  his  friend,  con- 
sequently she  saw  him  without  my  knowledge,  not  even 
mentioning  his  presence   as  she  went  to  the  reception- 


loS  Social  life. 

room.  This  was  owing  to  her  ignorance  of  the  propri- 
eties and  not  to  any  disrespect  toward  her  hostess,  for  we 
soon  learned  that  she  really  desired  her  conduct  to  be 
comme  il  faut  in  all  social  matters.  Imagine  my  surprise 
when,  at  an  hour  when  I  supposed  her  to  be  resting  in 
her  room,  she  opened  my  chamber  door  without  knocking 
and  said,  "  I  have  a  friend  down-stairs,  a  splendid  fellow, 
rich  and  handsome ;  I've  asked  him  to  stay  to  your 
dinner-party.  I'm  sure  you'll  like  him,  he  is  so  nice." 
I  sprang  to  my  feet  in  dismay  ;  "  But  he  can't  stay  to 
dinner.  The  table  is  laid  for  just  twelve.  You  must 
recall  the  invitation."  "Can't  you  make  room  for  him 
somewhere  ?  It's  an  awful  pity  not  to  have  him  remain. 
I  think  he  will  take  me  to  drive  to-morrow."  "  No, 
Kate ;  it  is  impossible.  Beside,  he  is  not  dressed  for  a 
dinner,  even  if  there  were  a  place  for  him.  It  would 
humiliate  him  to  be  present  where  ladies  were  in  full 
toilette  and  the  gentlemen  in  evening  dress ;  indeed,  it 
would  be  an  unkindness  to  detain  him." 

She  looked  at  me  in  a  dazed  way  for  fully  a  minute, 
and  new  ideas  seemed  to  be  dawning  upon  her.  Then 
she  said,  "Oh  !  "  I  went  on  :  "  Girls  do  not  go  out  driv- 
ing alone  with  men,  at  least  exclusive,  high-bred  girls  do 
not.  I  am  sorry  to  present  limitations  to  your  pleasures, 
but  you  may  drive  with  us  whenever  you  like.  If  your 
young  friend  calls  upon  your  Cousin  John  or  upon  myself 
we  shall  give  him  a  formal  invitation  to  dine  with  us 
during  your  visit  here.  In  no  other  way,  however,  is  it 
possible  to  offer  courtesies  to  him  in  a  refined  and  proper 
manner,  and  you  would  not  wish  to  offer  him  any  other 
kind  of  hospitalities,  would  you  ?  As  your  friends  and 
your  hosts,  it  is  proper  that  he  call  upon  us.'* 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  109 

Slowly  she  turned  and  went  down  to  her  visitor.  What 
she  said  I  do  not  know,  but  he  did  not  call  again. 
I  referred  to  him  before  she  returned  to  her  home,  and 
she  replied  quietly :  "  It  is  all  right.  I  have  learned 
some  useful  lessons  from  you  since  I  came  here,  and  I 
am  grateful  for  them.  A  man  that  doesn't  want  to  under- 
stand better  things  and  is  put  out  of  temper  because  he 
is  given  a  hint  in  good  manners,  had  best  remain  in  his 
own  social  circle.  I  have  no  desire  to  know  people  who 
are  not  better  versed  in  the  proprieties  than  I  was  when 
I  came  here.  What  a  selfish,  ill-mannered  young  person 
I  was,  to  be  sure  !  " 

This  was  after  she  had  been  months  with  us ;  for  her 
father  had  written  to  ask  us  to  place  her  in  a  fitting  home 
for  the  winter,  and  we  kept  her  in  our  own  and  learned 
to  love  her  as  she  grew  gentle,  refined  and  considerate. 

But  to  return  to  the  dinner.  Helen  and  Kate  looked 
over  the  diagram  of  the  dinner-table  that  was  to  be 
placed  in  the  gentlemen's  dressing-room,  and  both  girls 
were  surprised  to  see  that  John  was  to  escort  his  own 
mother  to  the  table. 

"  How  strange  !  "  said  Kate.  **  Hasn't  Aunt  Bess  had 
her  day,  and  is  she  always  to  take  the  lead  ?  And  I  see 
my  name  is  written  at  the  right  of  the  man  you  said  was 
nice  but  didn't  talk." 

"  Older  women  are  given  first  consideration  by  high- 
bred young  persons,"  I  replied,  "  and  the  eldest  lady  is 
always  most  honored  at  a  dinner,  if  there  is  a  noticeable 
difference  in  the  ages  of  one's  female  guests.  In  this 
instance  it  is  your  aunt  who  is  first.  I  place  your  name 
by  that  of  the  quiet  man  because  you  have  conversation 
enough  for  both,  and  to  Helen,  who  is  timid,  I  gave  a 


no  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

brilliant  talker.  It  is  a  proper  discrimination  of  talents 
and  qualities.  Listeners  are  as  needful  at  a  dinner-table 
as  talkers.  The  appreciative  man  and  woman  are  as 
charming  as  the  wit  or  the  raconteur^  as  I  have  learned 
from  my  own  brief  experience.  I  shall  go  in  with  the 
fiance  of  your  cousin,  because  there  is  not  among  my 
guests  a  married  or  elderly  lady  to  receive  this 
honor." 

"  And  she  isn't  to  sit  at  table  by  the  side  of  the  man 
to  whom  she  is  engaged.?  I  wouldn't  like  that,"  ex- 
claimed Kate.  "  You  would  if  you  saw  an  excellent 
reason  why  you  shouldn't  sit  by  him,"  I  replied.  "We 
feel  too  deeply  the  sacredness  of  such  a  relation  to  make 
our  regard  for  each  other  a  matter  of  flippant  speech  and 
curious  or  jesting  observation."  Again  the  dazed  look 
came  into  Kate's  face,  and  she  answered  slowly :  *'  You 
are  right,  cousin.     I  never  thought  of  that." 

And  so  the  dinner  hour  came ;  and  my  two  pretty  girls 
were  introduced  to  their  elders,  and  the  gentlemen  were 
each  presented  to  them,  the  party  being  small  enough  to 
permit  of  individual  presentations.  You  know,  my  dear 
niece,  when  parties  are  very  large  and  formal,  each 
gentleman,  having  learned  from  the  diagram  of  the 
dinner-table  where  he  is  to  sit  and  whom  he  is  to  escort 
to  table,  asks  one  of  the  hosts  to  present  him  to  the  lady, 
if  he  is  not  already  acquainted.  This  arrangement 
spares  the  host  and  hostess  much  care  and  is  agreeable 
to  every  one. 

The  latest  guest  arrived  and  entered  the  drawing-room 
at  least  five  minutes  before  a  servant  opened  the  doors 
leading  to  the  dining-room  and  bowed  to  the  host,  who 
immediately  offered  his  arm  to   the  most  honored  lady 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  1 1 1 

and  led  the  way.  Pairs  followed,  and  the  hostess  entered 
last,  attended  by  the  gentleman  on  whom  this  privilege 
was  bestowed.  "  How  charming  and  orderly  1  How 
like  an  easy  dance  to  fine  music  it  all  was ! "  exclaimed 
Kate,  when  every  lady  had  gone  home.  Of  course,  at 
the  time  I  was  very  nervous  and  anxious,  but  I  suc- 
ceeded in  repressing  all  evidences  of  care. 

Dear  Helen  was  prettily  attired  in  her  modest  square- 
necked  dress  of  white  wash-lace  and  wore  pink  roses, 
while  Kate  was  regal  in  crimson  silk.  The  refined 
graciousness  of  the  company  held  Kate's  exuberance  in 
check,  and  she  was  a  superb  social  success.  Being  a  girl 
to  take  not  only  the  coloring  but  the  keynote  of  her 
surround mgs,  she  was  all  that  we  could  desire.  We  were 
very  proud  of  our  girl  guests. 

When  I  rose  to  leave  the  table  the  gentlemen  rose 
also,  and  I  saw  their  eyes  follow  the  girls  in  unstinted 
admiration.  Kate  was  conscious  of  having  given  pleas- 
ure, and  her  cheeks  glowed  and  her  eyes  sparkled  as  we 
ladies  sat  together  chatting  of  impersonal  affairs;  but 
Helen  was  silently  thinking  of  her  varied  experiences  at 
this  her  first  ceremonious  dinner.  From  the  setting  of 
the  table  and  the  grouping  of  the  little  glass  water- 
pitchers,  which  even  then  were  coming  into  fashion,  to 
the  fancy  plates  of  olives,  confections,  etc.,  that  imparted 
brightness  to  the  table,  not  one  of  the  details  had 
escaped  her  observation.  She  saw  how  each  gentleman 
had  drawn  back  the  lady's  chair  after  she  had  risen  to 
leave  the  dining-room,  and  how  dexterously  he  had 
pushed  it  toward  her  with  care  for  her  dress,  as  she  first 
stood  in  front  of  her  place,  thus  making  it  easy  for  her 
to  be   properly  seated  ;  and  even  how  he  had  found  the 


1  1 2  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

covers  assigned  to  them  upon  their  entrance — all  this  she 
knew  and  could  teach  her  brothers  when  she  returned 
home,  so  much  was  she  impressed  with  the  ease  by  which 
elegance  is  attained  when  one  has  learned  its  lessons 

Auntie. 


SEVENTEENTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Your  letter  came  in  time  to  be  of  great  assistance  to 
me,  and  I  learned  from  it  many  things  I  should  never 
even  have  thought  to  ask  about.  I  was  also  much  re- 
lieved, for  I  should  otherwise  have  been  compelled  to 
seek  the  advice  of  my  hostess,  which,  of  course,  I  would 
rather  avoid,  although  I  would  consult  her  sooner  than 
make  blunders  that  might  be  painful  to  her. 

The  dinner-party  was  a  most  brilliant  affair,  socially 
and  otherwise,  and  I  had  the  pleasure  of  meeting  on  the 
occasion  some  quite  well-known  people.  All  prepara- 
tions were  carried  on  in  such  a  way  as  to  produce  no  ap- 
parent change  from  the  quiet,  systematic  routine  of  other 
days ;  indeed,  I  began  to  imagine  that  all  idea  of  the 
dinner  had  been  abandoned  until  my  hostess  asked  me 
as  a  favor  to  her  to  wear  for  that  evening  a  certain  white 
gown,  which  she  greatly  admired.  Naturally  I  was 
amazed  at  the  apparent  indifference  she  displayed  ;  but  I 
said  not  a  word,  waiting  patiently  for  developments.  I 
had  an  idea  that  preparations  for  such  an  event  called 
for  much  planning  and  much  additional  labor,  and  could 
scarcely  be  convinced  to  the  contrary. 

My  gown  was  of  silk  crepe^  and  was  quite  without  trim- 
S  "3 


1 14  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

ming.  My  hostess  said  the  very  simplicity  of  it  pleased 
her  and  suited  me  to  perfection,  and  she  would  not  per- 
mit me  to  wear  a  single  jewel.  The  only  ornaments  she 
allowed  were  a  bunch  of  delicate  blush  roses  at  the  belt 
and  one  rose  in  my  hair,  which  she  placed  herself. 

My  entertainer  I  already  considered  very  charming 
and  womanly,  but  on  this  occasion  she  showed  me  what 
it  is  to  be  a  graceful,  delightful  hostess.  The  whole 
evening  was  a  great  pleasure  to  me,  and  when  the  last 
guest  had  gone  she  was  kind  enough  to  compliment  me 
on  the  charming  impression  I  had  made  upon  her  friends. 
So  I  have  scored  at  least  one  success,  dear  aunt. 

Please  tell  me  more  about  Uncle  John's  "immaturi- 
ties." I  was  so  delighted  with  their  success  at  your 
dinner-party.  I  am  gradually  learning  the  etiquette  ob- 
served by  people  here,  which  does  not  differ  much  from 
that  you  describe  to  me.  However,  there  are,  I  think, 
some  trifling  differences,  so  I  would  like  you  to  give  me 
all  further  help  you  can  in  making  me  acquainted 
with  your  ways,  for  you  know  I  expect  to  return  some 
time  before  my  marriage.  I  should  like  especially  to 
know  the  rules  for  making  various  kinds  of  "  duty " 
calls. 

I  am  much  annoyed  by  the  fact  that  I  have  received 
an  invitation  to  an  evening  party,  which  I  may  be  obliged 
to  decline.  Now  I  do  not  wish  to  decline  at  once,  for 
perhaps  later  I  may  find  it  possible  to  go  ;  but  you  have 
told  me  that  etiquette  requires  an  immediate  reply  to 
such  invitations,  and  that  I  should  not  accept  when  there 
is  a  doubt  of  my  being  unable  to  attend.  If  I  accept 
now,  which  I  wish  to  do  so  much,  could  I  not,  if  necessary, 
decline  later  on  in  a  way  that  would  not  offend  or  in  con- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  115 

venience  ?     I  depend  on  you  entirely  to  assist  me  in  this 
dilemma. 

Are  there  laws  of  etiquette  to  be  observed  in 
dancing  ?  I  suppose  there  must  be,  although  I  am 
totally  ignorant  of  them ;  and  if  not  asking  too  much  in 
one  letter,  I  would  greatly  like  you  to  enlighten  me  on 
this  subject  also.  You  gave  dancing  parties,  I  suppose, 
during  the  season  of  which  you  write ;  and  I  should  like 
to  know  how  you  arranged  for  them,  and  how  the  two 
girls  acted  at  their  first  formal  dance. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


EIGHTEENTH   LETTER. 
calls  after  hospitalities. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

So  you  think  it  a  little  hard  that,  because  there  is  a 
bare  possibility  of  being  unable  to  be  present  at  a  party 
at  which  the  number  of  guests  is  limited,  etiquette  should 
demand  that  we  promptly  decline  the  invitation?  It  is 
not  always  agreeable  for  the  invited  to  comply  with  this 
inflexible  law,  but  the  person  giving  the  entertainment  is 
to  be  first  considered ;  if  she  offers  what  she  hopes  will 
be  a  pleasure  to  you,  your  selfishness  should  not  lead  you 
to  abuse  her  kindness.  Of  course,  for  large  formal  recep- 
tions conditional  acceptances  are  permissible. 

As  a  hostess,  you  can  generally  avoid  the  unpleasant- 
ness of  a  vacant  place  at  a  formal  breakfast,  luncheon  or 
dinner.  If  a  re-arrangement  of  chairs  cannot  be  made, 
the  telegraph  and  messenger  service  are  at  hand,  and  by 
all  right-minded  persons  it  is  considered  a  mark  of  espec- 
ial confidence  to  be  selected  by  the  hostess  as  one  who 
will  appreciate  her  embarrassing  position  and  consent  to 
complete  the  broken  number  at  her  entertainment. 
Favors  of  this  kind  are  seldom  asked,  except  of  most  inti- 
mate friends  or  of  acquaintances  who  have  been  guests  at 

ii6 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  I  If 

a  previous  entertainment  of  a  similar  kind.  The  note 
conveying  an  invitation  to  take  the  place  another  was 
expected  to  fill  is  written  something  after  this  style : 

"  My  dear  Mrs.  Brown : 

"  One  of  my  dinner  guests  must  fail  me  Friday  evening. 
Will  you,  if  disengaged,  do  me  the  kindness  to  take  the  va- 
cant chair  ?  Voti  knozv  I  will  gladly  return  this  favor  if 
you  will  give  me  art  opportunity.  We  dine  at  7.30.  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  A.,  Mr.  R.,  Miss  Z>.,  and  others  to  the  number 
of  ten,  some  of  whom  you  are  sure  to  know,  are  to  he  pres- 
ent. 

"  Sincerely  yours, 

"  Katharine  Reed." 

The  note  will,  of  course,  be  varied  according  to  the 
relations  of  the  two  persons.  To  omit  mentioning  some 
or  all  the  guests,  when  the  obligation  is  wholly  on  the 
side  of  the  hostess,  would  be  a  discourtesy.  In  formal 
invitations  mention  is  made  of  no  one,  unless  the  enter- 
tainment be  given  for  the  purpose  of  honoring  some  per- 
son in  particular,  in  which  case  the  conditions  are  altered. 

Since  it  was  decided  that  Kate  should  remain  with  us 
the  entire  winter,  we  fixed  upon  an  afternoon  and  evening 
for  receiving  callers  and  mentioned  our  plan  to  our 
dinner  guests,  who  would,  of  course,  pay  their  respects 
within  a  week.  Only  one  failed  to  make  a  dinner  call  at 
the  appointed  time,  and  he  sent  a  note  of  explanation  and 
a  box  of  flowers  for  me ;  but  I  more  than  half  suspected 
that  he  trusted  to  my  woman's  intuition  to  share  them 
with  Helen,  whom  he  seemed  to  have  greatly  admired. 
It  is  not  in  the  least  obligatory  upon  dinner  guests  to 
send  flowers  to  a  hostess,  nor  is  it  customary,  but  it  is  a 
pretty  attention,  especially  if  she   be   an   elderly  woman. 


Il8  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

I  pinned  the  blush  roses  upon  Helen's  gray  cashmere 
bodice,  and  gave  a  bunch  of  carnations  to  Kate ;  for  my- 
self I  wear  flowers  only  when  they  are  gifts  from  my  hus- 
band or  some  woman  friend.  The  blossoms,  however, 
served  to  make  our  pretty  drawing-room  brighter  and 
more  fragrant  on  that  first  at-home  night. 

The  entrance  of  callers  gave  a  turn  to  our  thoughts. 
The  visitors  were  two  gentlemen,  one  of  whom  had  been 
a  dinner  guest.  After  greeting  me  and  giving  opportu- 
nity for  his  companion  to  be  presented  to  the  young  girls 
and  to  enter  into  conversation  with  them,  he  said  :  "  It  is 
most  agreeable  to  recall  my  evening  at  your  dinner-table. 
It  was  a  charming  picture  of  brightness,  as  well  as  as 
an  evening  of  clever  talk.  You  hav«  my  thanks  for  a 
real  pleasure." 

I  replied  that  he  was  most  kind  or  he  could  not  have 
been  so  easily  gratified,  or  something  to  that  efl^ect. 
Such  conventional  expressions,  varied,  of  course,  in  form 
with  individuals  and  circumstances,  are  all  the  reference  to 
the  former  entertainment  that  is  expected  at  such  a  time. 

While  this  interchange  of  compliments  was  taking 
place,  I  heard  Kate  say  to  our  other  guest :  "  Yonder 
sofa  is  a  pleasant  place  to  sit  for  a  chat.  Shall  we  take 
it?" 

I  trusted  to  John  to  see  that  we  were  spared  a  con- 
spicuous exhibition  of  the  waj'-ward  manners  of  this 
thoughtless  girl,  and  I  conveyed  my  meaning  to  him  by  a 
look.  At  the  same  time  I  relieved  him  of  any  care  he 
might  feel  about  Helen's  entertainment  by  saying  to  her  : 
"  Will  you  not  join  us  ?  I  am  about  to  ask  our  guest  if 
he  will  not  tell  us  something  about  his  Summer  in  the 
mountains." 


SOCIAL  LIFE, 


119 


Kate  had  never  before  seen  the  man  with  whom  she 
now  proposed  a  tete-a-tete^  although  the  fact  that  he  was 
our  guest,  had  it  occurred  to  her,  might  have  assured  her 
he  was  a  gentleman.  But  she  was  not  one  of  the  hosts, 
nor  had  this  guest  been  given  into  her  charge  to  be 
entertained.  She  did  not  seem  to  know,  moreover,  that 
to  invite  a  man  to  accompany  her  beyond  the  conversa- 
tional reach  of  the  family  was  a  deep  breach  of  the  propri- 
eties. But,  as  I  said,  I  trusted  to  the  wit  of  your  Uncle 
John  to  save  her  from  being  judged  too  harshly,  and  he 
said  promptly :  "  Yes,  Kate,  that  is  a  very  pleasant  cor- 
ner; shall  we  three  occupy  it  until  another  visitor  ar- 
rives ?  " 

Kate's  face  glowed.  She  saw  her  blunder,  and  I  sus- 
pect in  that  moment  of  confusion  and  shame  she  recalled 
many  a  solitary  talk  that  she  had  arranged  in  a  like  man- 
ner, instead  of  leaving  such  plans  for  the  man's  mind  and 
then  accepting  or  rejecting  a  conversation  ^  deux^  accord- 
ing to  propriety.  The  indecorum  of  the  act  was  rendered 
even  more  glaring  in  this  instance,  inasmuch  as  she  thus 
assumed  that  our  visitor  intended  to  pass  an  entire  evening 
with  us  and  would  have  made  it  extremely  awkward  for 
him  to  take  his  leave  after  a  ceremonious  call.  It  is  not 
easy  for  a  young  man  to  excuse  himself  from  a  tete-a-tete 
to  which  a  young  girl  has  herself  invited  him.  If  other 
persons  join  them,  he  is  able  to  escape  more  easily,  but  in 
any  case  it  is  a  bold  or  else  a  very  uninstructed  young  girl 
who  thus  contrives  opportunities  for  bestowing  her  indi- 
vidual attention  upon  a  man  who  is  at  most  only  an  ac- 
quaintance. 

It  was,  perhaps,  but  ten  minutes,  though  it  seemed  to  me 
a  full  half  hour,  before  two  other  guests  entered,  and  as 


I20  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

John  came  forward  to  greet  them  I  asked  him  to  bring  up 
Kate  and  present  her.  In  this  way  the  difficulty  was 
bridged  ov6r  and  our  embarrassment  lessened,  and  though 
we  never  referred  to  the  matter  afterward,  you  may  be 
sure  ih(t  faux  pas  was  not  repeated.  This  lesson  of  lady- 
like reserve  and  dignity  was  emphasized  unintentionally 
by  the  man  himself,  who  almost  immediately  took  leave 
of  me  and  then  of  her  by  saying  he  had  an  engagement 
which  made  his  early  departure  as  imperative  as  it  was 
unpleasant. 

I  said  we  never  afterward  referred  to  this  evidence  of 
Kate's  lack  of  breeding,  nor  did  we ;  but  she  said,  with  a 
spirited  toss  of  her  head  and  a  quiver  of  her  nostrils,  as 
she  was  about  to  retire  that  night  : '"  I  never  wish  to  lay 

my  eyes  upon  Mr. again,  nor  can  he  wish  to  see  me. 

But  there  is  a  world  full  of  other  men,  and  one  more  or 
less  doesn't  count."  It  was  an  untutored  girl's  way  of 
trying  to  philosophize  about  an  unpleasantness  which 
could  not  be  mended,  though  it  might  be  avoided  in  the 
future.  No  one  inquired  her  reason  for  cutting  off  from 
her  social  future  so  agreeable  a  person,  for  even  Helen, 
an  unworldly  recluse  from  most  social  happenings, 
thoroughly  understood  the  situation.  But  we  were  all 
very  sure  she  would  see  him  again,  even  as  we  were  sat- 
isfied she  would  at  the  first  opportunity  make  him  under- 
stand that  she  had  already  rectified  her  deportment,  at 
least  in  that  one  respect. 

We  did  not  have  refreshments  on  such  evenings, 
though  had  the  night  been  extremely  inclement  I  should 
have  ordered  tea  and  coffee  and  wafers  to  be  passed  on  a 
tray ;  and  had  it  been  unusually  warm  glasses  of  lemon- 
ade and  simple  cakes,   such   as  macaroons  and  wafers. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  121 

would  have  been  served.  These  little  attentions  are  not 
in  the  order  of  social  custom,  and  when  extended  they 
simply  express  a  considerate  hospitality  that  adapts 
itself  to  temporary  conditions. 

Our  evening  at-homes  were  arranged  for  the  conven- 
ience of  those  of  our  friends  who,  like  my  husband,  were 
prevented  by  their  business  from  enjoying  the  pleasures 
of  society  at  any  other  time.  These  social  meetings  and 
interchanges  of  thoughts  and  courtesies  between  men  and 
women,  after  the  duties  of  the  day  are  over,  are  the  most 
delightful  and  often  the  most  profitable  hours  of  our 
lives,  for  they  serve  to  nurture  the  refinement  and 
geniality  of  our  nature,  which,  especially  with  men,  is  apt 
to  be  neglected  amid  the  cares  of  business. 

Our  next  experience  with  my  two  girls  was  at  a  dinner 
given  by  John's  mother ;  this  was  followed  by  a  dance  at 
which  the  party  was  increased  by  others  who  received 
what  is  called  an  "  after-dinner  invitation."  Few  dining- 
rooms  will  accommodate  more  than  twenty-four  persons, 
and  this  is  a  very  large  dinner  company.  Many  hosts 
are  able  to  invite  twelve,  but  the  dinner  of  true  de- 
light has  no  more  than  eight  persons.  John's  mother 
could  gather  sixteen  about  her  ample  board,  but  even 
this  number  would  have  made  but  a  small  dancing  party. 
She  therefore  asked  about  tw-enty  persons  to  join  us  at 
nine  o'clock  in  an  informal  way,  and  nearly  every  one 
accepted. 

This  party  was  to  be  a  trying  ordeal  to  our  girls,  or 
our  "  immaturities  "  as  John  laughingly  called  them  to 
their  faces. 

"  I  did  not  think  I  was  immature  before  I  came  to  visit 
you,"  Kate  answered  with  spirit ;  "  but  I  suppose  I  was 


122  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

and  still  am  according  to  a  super-refined  standard. 
However,  don't  grow  discouraged  about  me,  for  I  hope  to 
like  the  best  customs  when  I  know  them  better.  I  sup- 
pose I  am  to  permit  no  man  to  dance  twice  with  me, 
even  though  he  waltzes  like  an  angel,  and  all  the  others 
hobble  and  promenade  upon  the  train  of  my  best  dress. 
If  such  is  the  accepted  usage,  it  shall  be  obeyed.  How 
is  it  to  be  ?  Shall  I  have  one  or  two  dances  with  the 
same  partner  ?  I  know  you  won't  say  to  me  *  as  many  as 
you  like,  my  child,  only  have  a  good  time,'  as  my  father 
would  if  I  could  ask  him." 

"  This  dance  is  quite  an  informal  affair,"  I  replied ; 
"  it  is  what  is  called  a  *  small  and  early,'  which  means 
that  guests  come  at  the  hour  appointed  and  go  home 
before  midnight.  There  will  be  time  for  only  a  few 
quadrilles  and  waltzes,  and  if  a  girl  desires  popularity 
she  will  dance  but  once  with  any  man.  By  this  plan  she 
will  become  acquainted  with  nearly  all  of  them.  At  a 
large  ball  two  dances  with  one  partner  are  admissible, 
but  no  more.  A  third  dance  would  be  significant  of  a  re- 
gard between  two  persons,  and,  even  if  this  were  felt,  it 
might  make  an  undesirable  impression  on  the  minds  of 
others.  At  a  small  party  like  this,  a  single  dance  with 
you  is  all  the  pleasure  any  man  can  expect.  Your  first 
partner  will  be  selected  by  your  hostess,  not  only  because 
you  are  a  stranger,  but  because  you  and  Helen  on  this 
occasion  are  guests  of  honor." 

"  If  she  only  knew  what  conduct  her  niece  was  capable 
of,  how  she  would  shudder,  poor  deluded  woman !  Do  tell 
me,  Helen,  how  you  manage  to  avoid  bad  behavior.  You 
always  seem  to  do  the  proper  thing,  while  I,  poor  unfor- 
tunate, am  a  source  of  constant  distress  to  my  dear  friends." 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  123 

"  In  the  first  place,  I  am  too  timid  to  attempt  anything 
original  or  spontaneous,  and  I  am  cautious  when  on 
strange  ground.  When  I  come  to  doubtful  places  I  do 
not  choose  my  own  way,  but  watch  wiser  ones  and  act  as 
they  do.     That  is  how  I  escape  noticeable  trippings." 

"  Oh !  the  wisdom  of  babes  and  the  craft  of  silent 
girls!  I  shall  take  lessons  with  both  eyes  and  ears,  as 
well  as  with  my  wits — if  I  have  any.  When  a  girl  has 
been  used  to  chattering  in  the  open  fields,  it  isn't  easy  to 
modulate  her  voice  to  the  compact  limits  of  a  drawing- 
room,  and  your  city  people  make  but  little  allowance  for 
the  country  girl's  inability  to  forget  in  a  moment  the 
wonted  freedom  of  her  former  life.  One  cannot  learn  in 
a  day  to  touch  a  conventional  or  even  an  endurable  con- 
versational keynote.  But  am  I  not  now  very  nearly  in 
harmony  with  civilized  folk  ?  "  she  inquired,  with  a  quiver 
of  the  lip  and  something  like  a  break  in  her  voice. 

"  Certainly  you  are,"  said  John.  "  Local  conditions 
and  habits  influence  all  of  us,  and  you  will  soon  be  as 
subdued  in  manner  and  as  quiet  of  speech  and  laughter 
as  our  contracted  dwellings  and  sensitive  eyes  and  ears 
demand.     You  have  nothing  to  be  troubled  about." 

"  Perhaps  not,  but  you  have  had  and  may  still  have. 
You  will  believe  me  when  I  say  that  I  shall  try  to  reach 
whatever  standards  you  fix  for  me — indeed,  I  trust  you 
will  be  immensely  proud  of  me  ere  long.  My  impulsive- 
ness, which  has  never  before  been  put  under  restraint, 
makes  me  thoughtless,  but  I  will  make  every  effort  to 
control  it,  and  I  will  succeed,  too,  in  time.  I  am  just 
beginning  to  understand  how  generous  it  was  of  you  to 
ask  me  to  visit  you." 

She  was  silent  for  a  moment  and  then  continued : 


124  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

"  I  thought  when  I  accepted  your  hospitality  that  I  was 
conferring  a  favor — in  fact,  I  supposed  you  were  anxious 
to  receive  me,  to  exhibit  me  and  to  have  a  personage  on 
hand  who  would  make  your  drawing-room  a  social  center. 
Yes,  that  is  just  what'  I  thought,  and  it  is  more  than 
likely  I  said  as  much  in  my  note.     Did  I  ?  " 

John  laughed.  "  You  did  mention  something  about 
our  anxiety  to  have  you  visit  us,  but  we  have  entirely  for- 
gotten our  former  distress  in  the  real  pleasure  you  have 
become  to  us,^'  said  your  big-hearted,  jesting  uncle,  with 
less  truth  than  genuine  kindness,  though  Kate  afterward 
became  to  us  all  and  more  than  he  then  said  she  already 
was. 

In  my  next  letter  I  will  tell  you  of  the  girls'  first  dance 
in  the  city.  It  was  also  my  first  one  as  a  wife,  so  that  I, 
too,  was  what  John  called  an  "  immaturity." 

Auntie. 


NINETEENTH    LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

The  visit  at  my  friend's  beautiful  home  has  come  to  a 
close,  and  I  took  my  leave  with  the  sense  of  having  en- 
joyed every  moment  of  my  stay.  I  have  joined  father  at 
Frankfort,  where  we  now  are.  My  friend  was  to  have 
accompanied  me,  but  she  was  unexpectedly  called  away 
from  home,  and  so  will  join  us  a  little  later. 

I  am  quite  in  love  with  this  quaint  old  city,  so  grandly 
situated  on  the  bridge-spanned  Main.  On  one  side  are 
lofty  mountains  dotted  here  and  there  with  picturesque 
old  castles,  and  on  the  other  the  famous  Bergstrasse  and 
the  Odenwald  with  its  many  points  of  historic  interest, 
some  of  which  date  back  to  the  time  of  the  ancient 
Romans.  A  large  park  encircles  the  old  city,  separating 
it  from  the  newer  portion  ;  and  the  Kaiserstrasse,  with 
its  great  width  and  lofty  and  substantial  buildings, 
reminds  me  strongly  of  the  Broadway  we  passed  along 
on  our  way  to  the  steamer. 

We  spent  a  most  enjoyable  day  visiting  the  celebrated 
Palm  Garden,  one  of  the  chief  attractions  of  the  city.  It 
is  a  huge  palace  of  iron  and  glass,  in  which  grows  a 
forest  of  palms,  comprising  specimens  of  every  known 
variety   of    that  tree.     In    the   grounds   surrounding  the 

125 


126  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

Structure  are  exquisite  ferneries,  fountains,  rippling  cas- 
cades, artificial  lakes,  rustic  bowers,  and  rockeries  over- 
grown with  mosses.  Seats  are  scattered  everywhere,  so 
that  one  may  sit  and  enjoy  the  beauties  of  the  place  at 
leisure  ;  and  admission  is  perfectly  free  to  all  sorts  and 
conditions  of  people. 

Attached  to  the  Palm  Garden  is  a  large  building,  in 
which,  twice  a  day  all  the  year  round,  free  concerts  are 
given,  and  where  refreshments  are  served  at  all  times  of 
the  day  to  suit  the  purse  and  the  taste  of  the  visitors. 
This  building  is  really  a  large  restaurant,  but  it  contains 
also  an  extremely  interesting  museum.  The  zoological 
gardens  are  very  fine,  and  our  visit  there  was  most  enjoy- 
able and  interesting. 

I  fear,  dear  aunt,  this  letter  will  remind  you  a  little  of 
a  guide  book,  but  I  know  you  have  never  been  to  P'rank- 
fort,  and  I  hope  you  are  interested  in  our  doings. 

In  my  next  I  will  tell  you  something  of  our  hotel  life 
here  and  how  we  have  learned  from  our  own  experience 
and  also  from  the  experience  of  some  of  our  acquaint- 
ances how  to  live  best  at  hotels.  Your  accounts  of 
Helen  and  Kate  interest  me  intensel3^  Please  tell  me  in 
your  next  letter  how  the  "  immaturities  "  gowned  them- 
selves for  the  great  occasion.  .  I  have  a  feeling  that  Kate 
was  most  astoundingly  arrayed;  and  that  the  sweet 
Helen  was  simplicity  and  daintiness  itself  in  her  attire. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


TWENTIETH    LETTER. 
a  dinner  and  dance. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

You  are  quite  correct  in  your  estimate  of  the  character 
of  my  two  girl  guests.  It  was  a  curious  study  to  note 
the  effect  produced  upon  them  by  the  dinner  given  in 
their  honor.  Its  manner  of  expression  was  plainly  gov- 
erned by  the  temperament  and  character  of  each.  It 
was  evident  that  the  naive  nature  of  the  one  could  enjoy 
the  simplest  of  refined  hospitalities,  while  the  other,  hav- 
ing been  reared  in  luxury,  measured  these  matters  by 
their  cost  and  elaborateness. 

This  radical  difference  between  them  v\^as  manifested 
first  in  the  selection  of  their  toilettes.  Helen  came  to 
rhy  room  and,  finding  me  alone,  said  in  her  sweet, 
thoughtful  way  :  "  I  wish  my  only  dinner  dress  could 
more  fitly  express  my  appreciation  of  your  mother's  kind- 
ness to  us  girls,  but  you  know  how  impossible  it  is  for 
me  to  get  a  new  one.  However,  if  Kate  is  magnificent 
my  simple  white  cashmere  may  pass  unnoticed." 

"  My  dear,"  I  answered,  "  you  will  always  look  like  a 
gentlewoman's  daughter  and  a  sweet,  refined  girl.  Of 
course,  it  is  the  duty  of  a  guest  to  express  proper  appre- 

127 


128  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

ciation  of  a  formal  courtesy  by  wearing  fitting  attire,  but 
your  dress  is  quite  suitable.  I  shall  be  proud  of  you, 
and  so  will  John  and  his  family.  I  feel  more  anxiety 
about  Kate,  for  I  fear  she  will  be  overdressed,  and  that 
is  much  more  to  be  deplored  than  simplicity  of  attire." 

With  a  genuine  desire  to  please  us  and  to  show  hen 
appreciation  of  our  attentions,  Kate  had  said  nothing  of 
her  preparations  for  this  occasion.  Imagine  our  surprise, 
therefore,  when,  as  we  came  down  in  full  dress  at  seven 
o'clock  upon  the  evening  of  the  dinner,  she  appeared 
before  us  in  a  brocaded  train  of  pale-blue  and  dull-gold, 
over  a  petticoat  of  white  satin  elaborately  flowered  with 
rond point  lace,  across  which  fluttered  humming-birds  with 
bronzed  and  glittering  bosoms.  She  wore  diamonds  in 
her  hair  and  about  her  bared  throat  and  arms. 

No  girl  with  a  knowledge  of  the  proprieties  could  have 
been  persuaded  to  wear  this  magnificent  attire,  which 
was  far  too  stately  for  a  young  woman ;  but  Kate's  edu- 
cation in  this  regard  was  sadly  deficient.  She  did  not 
know  that  brocades  can  only  be  appropriately  worn  by 
matrons  and  elderly  women — indeed,  she  had  lived  where 
mothers  were  not  in  what  she  called  society,  but  remained 
at  home  to  make  way  for  their  daughters.  She  had  not 
learned  that  in  a  higher  and  finer  civilization  than  she 
had  yet  entered,  it  is  the  older  women  who  make,  guide 
and  rule  society  alidTvho  wear  the  richest  raiment. 

We  were  compelled  to  pronounce  her  toilette  hand- 
some, but  fortunately  the  question  of  its  suitability  did 
not  then  arise.  Had  I  known  of  it  earlier,  I  should,  out 
of  consideration  for  her  own  feelings,  have  begged  her  to 
substitute  one  more  befitting  her  age.  John,  man-like, 
could  not  wholly  conceal  his  annoyance  but  relieved  his 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  129 

mind  in  part  by  praising  Helen's  appearance.  Her 
square-cut  but  modest  bodice  was  under-edged  with  illu- 
sion, and  a  frame  of  wired  Valenciennes  lace  stood  in 
Medici  fashion  at  the  sides  and  back  of  her  beautiful 
throat,  making  a  pretty  framing  for  her  head.  A  bunch 
of  fresh  pink  roses  was  fastened  high  up  on  the  left  side 
of  her  corsage,  and  a  single  rose  was  caught  in  her  hair. 
Her  dress  was  of  dancing  length  and  without  elabora- 
tion, but  it  had  the  finest  graces  of  form  and  was  draped 
in  elegant  folds. 

"  And  have  you  no  admiration  for  me  and  mine  ? " 
inquired  Kate  of  her  cousin. 

"  For  you,  oh  yes,  but  your  toilette  takes  my  breath 
away.  I  must  get  accustomed  to  it  before  I  can  speak  of 
it  composedly." 

"  I  wonder  if  you  are  laughing  at  me,"  she  answered, 
with  a  quick  suspicion  of  his  meaning. 

"  My  lord,  the  carriage  waits  !  "  Helen  cried,  with 
comical  theatrical  intonations.  With  a  fine,  quick  sym- 
pathy she  perceived  the  hurt  that  must  come  to  Kate  a 
little  later,  and  hoped  to  defer  it  by  thus  diverting  our 
attention. 

We  reached  our  dressing-room  in  time  to  shake  out  our 
draperies,  look  ourselves  over  and  study  the  diagram  of 
the  table  to  see  who  was  to  be  the  'vis-a-vis  and  who  the 
escort  of  each.  We  descended  about  ten  minutes  before 
the  hour  named  for  dinner.  It  is  customary  to  allow  at 
least  five  minutes  for  the  necessary  introductions,  and  we 
were  right  in  thinking  that  upon  this  occasion  some 
moments  would  be  required  by  our  hostess  for  steadying 
her  nerves  in  the  presence  of  a  young  girl  whose  array 
was  in  such  bad  taste.  She  looked  a  reproach  at  her 
9 


130  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

niece  and  a  keener  one  at  me,  and  John  saw  the  glance. 
Presently  I  heard  him  say  to  his  mother  in  an  under- 
tone, "  Kate  is  your  niece  and  my.cousin,  and  we  only 
are  blamable  for  her  ostentation  and  vulgarity."  I 
knew  this  was  said  to  protect  me,  his  country  wife,  and 
you  may  be  sure  I  was  grateful. 

Whether  Kate  suspected  the  meaning  of  these  glances 
or  whether  she  felt  hurt  that  she  was  not  complimented 
upon  the  splendor  of  her  costume,  certain  it  was  some- 
thing had  taken  from  her  manner  its  usual*  spirit  and 
sparkle,  and  for  the  first  half-hour  she  sat  as  if  she  were 
only  a  handsomely  dressed  automaton.  Even  our  hostess 
pitied  her  at  last,  and  she  must  also  have  forgiven  her  for 
thus  posing  as  an  Oriental  Princess,  for  she  smiled  and 
beamed  on  her  from  her  remote  place  at  table  until  life 
came  back  to  the  girl's  face.  Helen,  being  of  a  sensitive 
nature,  felt  Kate's  trouble  keenly,  but  she  always  hid  her 
emotions  so  well  that  only  those  who  knew  her  intimately 
would  suspect  her  distress. 

Happily  the  evening  was  but  partly  spent  at  the  table, 
and  it  was  not  then  the  general  custom  for  the  men  to 
remain  in  the  dining-room  for  a  talk  and  a  smoke  after 
the  women  had  retired.  The  hostess  gave  a  rising  bow 
to  Kate,  because  she  was  the  most  honored  guest,  and 
John  whispered  to  the  girl  to  stand,  as  I  had  forgotten  to 
mention  that  to  her  would  be  given  the  signal  for  leaving 
the  table.  As  we  rose  the  chair  of  each  lady  was  drawn 
back  by  her  es<:ort,  and  we  stood  in  our  places  until  our 
hostess  passed  through  the  nearest  door,  which  John  held 
open.  The  guests  then  followed  in  the  reverse  order  of 
their  entrance,  each  lady  carrying  a  bouquet,  which  the 
butler  had  lifted  from  the  center  ornament  of  flowers  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  131 

laid  by  her  place.  He  had  been  instructed  where  to 
begin  in  the  distribution  of  the  bouquets  so  that  each 
lady  should  carry  the  color  selected  for  her  by  the  host- 
ess. When  all  were  supplied  there  was  only  a  center 
group  of  flowers  and  foliage  remaining.  This  custom, 
like  many  other  pretty  usages,  waxes  and  wanes  with  the 
variations  of  taste,  but  it  is  never  wholly  out  of  fashion. 
Nowadays  bouquets  tied  with  ribbon  are  laid  by  each 
plate  that  has  not  a  boutonniere,  and  a  pin  so  slender  as 
not  to  injure  the  most  delicate  textures  is  run  through  the 
tinfoil  wrappers  of  the  flowers. 

In  the  drawing-room  tea  and  coffee  were  served  earlier 
than  usual,  for  the  guests  soon  began  to  arrive  for  the 
dance.  Now  it  was  that  Kate  appeared  at  her  best. 
The  conflict  of  feelings  through  which  she  had  passed  in 
the  early  part  of  the  evening  had  not  been  without  its 
effects.  She  seemed  conscious  that  her  prestige  must  be 
regained,  and  the  charm  and  grace  of  her  movements 
and  her  dignity  of  manner  almost  atoned  for  her  over- 
whelming style  of  dress.  * 

As  the  especial  guests  of  the  occasion,  etiquette  de- 
manded that  our  girls  should  be  first  sought  as  partners. 
Each  gentleman,  therefore,  upon  entering  the  room,  was 
at  once  presented  to  them  by  the  hostess.  The  pleasure 
of  a  dance  was  requested ;  in  granting  it  the  card  was 
handed  him,  and  the  gentleman  wrote  his  name  in  the 
first  vacant  space.  As  the  girls  were  not  previously 
acquainted  with  the  gentlemen,  the  selection  of  a  certain 
waltz,  lancers  or  cotillion  was  not  in  order.  After  the 
list  was  filled,  such  men  as  could  not  find  a  place  on  the 
programme — which  for  such  small  parties  is  always 
written — expressed  their  regrets  as  courtesy  demanded. 


132  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

After  having  danced  once  with  each  of  the  two  young 
strangers,  it  was  but  proper  that  a  young  man  should 
mention  that  he  regretted  generosity  forbade  him  the 
pleasure  of  another  dance,  or  something  of  that  import ; 
for,  even  had  his  partner  been  willing  to  give  him 
another  turn  in  a  waltz,  she  could  not  according  to  les 
convenances. 

It  was  a  fine  stroke  of  policy  on  the  part  of  Kate, 
when,  as  she  was  taking  leave  and  thanking  her  hostess 
for  the  pleasure  she  had  received,  she  mentioned  that 
certain  of  her  dancing  men  were  perfect,  and  that  but  for 
a  lately  acquired  regard  for  les  petites  morales  she  should 
have  been  dancing  with  three  of  them  in  rotation  as  long 
as  the  music  lasted. 

"And  your  regard  will  deepen,  because  such  rules 
must  be  a  permanent  law  of  your  social  life,  dear  Kate," 
replied  her  aunt,  softened  by  a  sense  of  the  girl's  possi- 
bilities. She  went  on  to  say  something  that  many  a 
worldly  woman  believes  to  be  wise  and  true,  but  which  it 
would  grieve  me  to  t^now  that  you  would  accept  as  your 
rule  of  life.  It  was  this  :  "  No  matter  what  you  feel 
inclined  to  do  or  what  you  crave,  always  do  that  which  is 
expected  of  you  and  you  will  avoid  blunders."  Had  she 
only  said,  "  The  best  part  of  the  people  of  this  world 
expect  you  to  do  the  right  thing,  and  if  you  do  not  disap- 
point them  you  will  be  safe  from  ungraceful  and  unbe- 
coming mistakes,"  I  should  have  respected  her  more 
profoundly,  and  so  would  Kate.  Happily,  Helen  did  not 
hear  this  dictum  of  worldly  expediency,  but  John  did,  and 
though  he  said  nothing,  I  am  confident  his  sense  of  what 
is  fine  in  character  was  quite  alien  to  certain  of  his 
mother's  standards. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  133 

Before  the  guests  departed  John  came  to  us  and  said 
that  an  evening  had  been  begged  for  a  dinner  and 
theatre  party  by  an  acquaintance  of  his,  a  young  man 
who  made  a  handsome  home  for  his  orphaned  sister,  and 
for  a  widowed  relative  who  chaperoned  the  young  girl 
while  at  home,  though  he  himself  was  her  attendant  in 
society.  He  was  a  generous,  high-spirited  man,  though 
conscious  of  his  lack  of  fine  breeding.  "  I  would  have 
declined  for  you  at  once,"  said  John,  "  but  I  believe  if 
refined  society  has  any  mission  beyond  that  of  amusing 
itself,  it  is  to  be  an  example  to  those  who  have  had  little 
opportunity  for  familiarizing  themselves  with  its  usages." 

I  did  not  forget  how  it  was  that  I  had  acquired  certain 
much-needed  polishings ;  therefore,  I  entered  into  John's 
spirit  of  generosity  and,  accepting  the  invitation,  there- 
upon named  an  evening.  We  were  asked  to  dine  at  six, 
but  at  John's  hint  that  it  would  be  easier  to  meet  our 
host  and  his  sister  at  the  theatre  and  go  home  with  them 
for  a  little  supper,  this  plan  was  adopted,  with  warm 
thanks  for  the  suggestion. 

Of  this  party  I  will  tell  you  in  my  next  letter ;  and  I 
will  close  this  one  by  mentioning  that,  though  Kate 
remained  with  us  through  the  gay  season  and  became  a 
favored  belle  in  society,  the  costume  of  that  evening  was 
not  worn  again,  although  it  doubtless  became  a  dress  of 
ceremony  years  afterward. 

Auntie. 


TWENTY-FIRST  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Before  speaking  further  of  our  journeyings,  I  will  try 
to  give  you  some  idea  of  how  we  live  here.  We  are 
stopping  at  a  large  hotel  that  is  much  frequented  by 
Americans  and  is  managed  on  the  plan  of  the  leading 
hotels  in  New  York. 

Hotel  life,  however,  is  very  different  in  European 
from  that  in  American  cities.  The  usual  custom 
is  to  engage  rooms  by  the  day.  Breakfast  is  a  la 
carte^  and  dinner  at  table  (Thote  at  a  fixed  price.  In 
addition,  we  have  to  pay  for  attendance  and  other  et- 
casteras. 

The  system  of  fees  is,  I  think,  one  of  the  greatest 
annoyances  of  European  travel.  At  every  turn  you  are 
expected  to  give  an  indefinite  sum  for  real  or  imaginary 
services  rendered,  but  you  must  do  as  everybody  else 
does  in  this  respect  if  you  would  travel  comfortably  and 
secure  good  attendance.  Experience  has  taught  us 
never  to  fee  a  hotel  servant  until  the  moment  of  depart- 
ure. At  first  father  was  accustomed  to  do  so  immediately 
on  arrival,  but  we  soon  found  that  this  method  secured  us 
little  or  no  attention  ;  for  the  servant  who  is  feed  in  this 
way  considers  that  he  has   no  further  gratuity  to  expect 

134 


SOCIAL  LIFE,  135 

and  devotes  his  especial  attention  to  those  guests  whose 
favors  are  to  come. 

The  best  way  to  see  this  beautiful  city,  or,  indeed,  any 
large  European  town,  is  to  engage  an  open  carriage 
which  is  comfortable  and  cheap,  but  we  have  learned  that 
it  is  a  mistake  to  hire  a  vehicle  save  through  the  hotel, 
unless,  of  course,  a  bargain  is  made  with  the  driver  before 
starting ;  for  although  there  is  a  fixed  tariff  of  charges, 
he  will  always  take  advantage  of  a  stranger,  as  will  his 
kind  the  world  over. 

Speaking  of  hotels — the  other  day  we  visited  the 
Hotel  zum  Schwanen  and  were  admitted  to  the  room  in 
which  the  Peace  Conference  concluding  the  Franco-Prus- 
sian war  was  held. 

Frankfort  is  truly  a  cosmopolitan  city,  and  numerous 
wealthy  Americans  are  permanent  residents  here.  In- 
valids find  the  city  quite  convenient  to  various  health  re- 
sorts, and  the  pleasure-seeker  is  amused  by  the  many 
places  of  interest  and  entertainment  with  which  the  city 
abounds. 

Father,  by  the-bye,  has  spoken  of  giving  an  opera  party, 
but  I  do  not  care  to  essay  it  until  my  friend  joins  us,  as 
she  will  act  as  chaperon  for  us.  And  this  reminds  me 
that  I  do  not  know  just  what  is  expected  of  me  nor  what 
I  should  expect  of  my  guests,  on  such  an  occasion  ;  and 
as  you  have  promised  in  your  last  to  give  me  an  account 
of  a  similar  party  at  which  Helen  and  Kate  were  guests, 
I  hope  you  will  render  your  narrative  applicable  to  the 
wants  of  my  peculiar  case.  Tell  me  whether  I  ought  to 
arrange  for  a  supper  or  any  amusement  after  the  play.  I 
have  attended  such  affairs,  but  had  nothing  to  do  but 
enjoy  myself,  and   gave   little   thought   as   to  the  proper 


136  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

manner  of  conducting-  them.  I  will  not  make  any  ar- 
rangements for  the  party  until  I  hear  from  you  as  I  wish 
first  to  become  perfectly  an  fait  on  the  subject. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


TWENTY-SECOND   LETTER. 
theatre   party,  supper  and   dance. 

My  Dear  Niece  :— 

A  theatre  or  opera  party  is  one  of  the  few  social  events 
in  which  etiquette  has  been  so  perfected  that  improve- 
ment is  well-nigh  impossible;  and  though  the  one  I  have 
promised  to  describe  to  you  happened  some  years  ago 
there  has  been  so  little  variation  in  the  established  usages 
that  the  recital  of  my  experience  at  that  time  will  be 
none  the  less  useful  for  your  guidance. 

As  a  matter  of  course,  I  was  to  be  chaperon  at  this 
entertainment,  and  it  was  my  first  experience  in  this  dig- 
nified and  responsible  office.  Except  in  a  few  very 
exclusive  circles,  chaperonage  was  not  so  strictly  observed 
a  dozen  years  ago  as  at  present,  and  in  my  effort  to  do 
honor  to  my  novel  position,  I  suspect  that  I  rather  over- 
did the  matter.  The  needless  solemnity  of  my  counte- 
nance was  highly  amusing  to  my  husband,  but  I  am  sure 
I  shall  enlist  your  sympathy  when  I  say  that,  in  addition 
to  Kate,  with  whose  propensities  you  are  already  ac- 
quainted, there  were  four  young  men  in  the  party,  partic- 
ular friends  of  the  host,  whose  knowledge  of  the  authority 
of  a  chaperon  seemed  to  extend  no  further  than  the  name. 

137 


138  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

In  spite  of  Kate's  resolve  to  be  elegant  and  reserved  in 
her  manners  and  to  pay  the  most  careful  attention  to  all 
the  convenances^  she  no  sooner  found  herself  among  some 
young  people  who  were  as  reckless  regarding  their  behav- 
ior as  she  had  been  before  leaving  home,  than  she  fell 
back  into  her  former  freedom  and  familiarity  with 
strangers,  and  that,  too,  with  an  ease  born  only  of  estab- 
lished habit.  I  was  vexed  and  disappointed,  and  John 
was  half  angry  and  half  amused,  but  Helen  was  amazed 
and  grieved. 

This,  however,  is  anticipating.  Our  host  sent  theatre 
tickets  by  mail  to  all  his  guests,  for,  mindful  of  the  uncer- 
tain elements  in  the  party,  John  had  advised  orchestra 
seats  instead  of  boxes,  in  order  that  any  loss  of  dignity 
might  be  rendered  less  conspicuous.  The  party  met  at 
the  theatre,  and  general  introductions  only  were  made  to 
the  chaperon  in  the  foyer.  Between  the  acts  our  host 
and  Kate  were  none  too  quiet,  and  I  had  the  chagrin  of 
seeing  several  opera  glasses  turned  in  our  direction.  The 
hostess,  a  young  girl  with  an  attractive  face  and  charming 
toilette,  ate  bon-bons,  snatched  a  programme  from  one 
acquaintance  and  tossed  it  to  another,  and  conducted 
herself  generally  in  a  boisterous  manner. 

Of  course,  it  was  exceedingly  unpleasant  for  a  chape- 
ron to  witness  this  conduct  and  feel  powerless  to  sup- 
press it.  In  my  chagrin  I  quietly  effected  a  rearrange- 
meiit  of  seats,  which  moderated  but  did  not  quell  the 
disturbance.  Of  the  play  I  can  recall  nothing  with  dis- 
tinctness; I  only  remember  registering  a  vow  that  a 
goodly  number  of  years  should  elapse  before  I  would 
again  consent  to  be  a  chaperon,  and  that  nothing  should 
ever  induce  me  to  go  to  a  theatre  party  with  unrefined 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


139 


persons — a  resolution  that  I  have  broken  many  and  many 
a  time  without  regret ;  for  your  Uncle  John  has  quite 
unsettled  my  views  about  exclusiveness  and  reserve 
toward  such  as  have  been  less  fortunate  in  their  social 
education. 

The  omnibus  was  waiting  to  receive  us  as  we  left  the 
theatre,  and  a  tendency  to  "  pair  off "  was  repressed  by 
a  little  delicate  manoeuvring.  I  stood  by  the  door  of 
the  vehicle  and  superintended  the  seating  of  the  party, 
giving  preference  to  the  sister  of  our  host,  who  was  fol- 
lowed by  my  husband.  The  others  I  arranged  in  such  a 
manner  as  to  break  the  combinations  that  had  been 
planned.     Our  host  entered  last,  following  me. 

Upon  entering  the  home  of  our  host  we  at  once  re- 
paired to  the  robing  room,  where  his  sister  presented  her 
girl  acquaintances  and  her  married  friend.  The  latter 
proved  to  be  even  coarser  in  her  address  than  the  unmar- 
ried members  of  the  party.  She  spoke  to  her  younger 
friends  about  their  **  beaux,"  and  asked  one  girl  if  a 
certain  man  was  "  paying  steady  attentions  to  her." 
Other  remarks  scarcely  more  agreeable  were  made,  and 
as  I  descended  to  the  parlor  in  advance  of  the  group  I 
heard  the  same  untrained  voice  say.  "  Isn't  that  chap- 
eron stuck  up  1  I  never  want  my  girls  chaperoned  by 
such  an  airy  piece  when  they're  big  enough  to  have 
beaux." 

The  author  of  these  remarks  was  an  example  of  a 
familiar  type — a  rich,  self-made  woman,  too  conceited  to 
realize  that  she  had  made  blunders  in  her  construction. 
How  she  happened  to  be  invited  to  a  party  given  by 
a  young  man  who  claimed  to  be  seeking  the  entrU  .to 
refined   society  was   at  first  a  mystery,  but  we  afterward 


I40  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

learned  she  was  the  young  wife  of  our  host's  senior 
partner. 

Upon  entering  the  drawing-room  I  took  my  place  at 
the  side  of  the  host,  and  as  he  seemed  at  a  loss  to  know 
just  what  he  was  expected  to  do,  I  called  his  sister  to  me 
and  asked  him  to  present  his  friends  to  both  of  us.  If 
he  sometimes  reversed  the  process  and  presented  me  to 
them,  his  blunders  should  be  ascribed  not  so  much  to 
ignorance  as  to  inexperience.  His  diligent  study  of 
books  upon  etiquette  was  very  well  in  its  way,  but  it  is 
only  association  with  well-bred  people  that  will  insure 
ease  of  manner  and  correct  deportment. 

After  the  introductions  were  over  the  host  offered  me 
his  arm,  and  we  led  the  way  to  the  supper  room.  The 
men  followed,  choosing  their  companions  according  to 
the  diagram  of  the  table  which  had  been  left  in  their 
dressing-room.  Our  hostess  came  in  last  with  my  hus- 
band. Our  married  guest  and  one  or  two  others  were 
disposed  to  carry  out  other  plans  than  a  compulsory  fall- 
ing into  prearranged  lines  for  a  march  to  the  supper 
room,  but  they  did  not  care  to  go  to  the  length  of  openly 
expressed  dissatisfaction. 

As  we  entered  the  supper  room  two  or  three  feminine 
voices  exclaimed  "  Let's  sit  here,"  but  their  owners  were 
persuaded  to  refer  to  their  cards  and  occupy  the  places 
allotted  them.  Indeed,  the  party  seemed  duly  impressed 
with  the  improvement  upon  the  usual  disorder  caused 
by  the  shouting  of  half  frantic  directions  by  the  host. 

The  supper  had  been  ordered  from  an  excellent  caterer 
and  was  served  by  his  trained  men  in  so  formal  and 
orderly  a  manner  that  the  process  diverted  the  limited 
mind  of  the  least  refined  of  our  guests  and  caused  her  t(? 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  141 

remain  silent  most  of  the  time.  Anecdotes  were  related 
by  our  host,  who  possessed  some  talent  as  a  raconteur. 
and  his  example  was  followed  by  others  about  the  table. 
Flecks  of  fun  sparkled  here  and  there,  until  at  last  the 
supper  was  over  and  the  strains  of  music  in  the  hall 
summoned  us  to  the  dance.  The  opening  quadrille  was 
led  by  our  host  with  Helen  ;  for  I  am  ashamed  to  admit 
that  my  vexation  still  prevented  me  from  performing  the 
part  that  would  have  fallen  to  me.  It  is  the  recent  con- 
verts who  are  the  most  ardent,  and  the  young  learners 
who  are  the  most  intolerant  of  ignorance.  This  is  the 
reason,  not  the  excuse,  for  conduct  which  I  now  look 
back  upon  with  regret.  And  yet,  I  maintain  to-day  that 
a  person  is  not  excusable  for  showing  an  utter  disregard 
of  nice  and  refined  usages  because  the  early  part  of  his 
or  her  life  was  passed  outside  the  pale  of  cultivated 
society.  Books  are  too  abundant,  good  manners  are  not 
practised  solely  in  seclusion,  and  the  graces  of  life  are 
wholly  strange  to  no  one. 

During  the  dance  not  the  slightest  attention  was 
shown  me  as  the  chaperon  of  the  occasion,  but  really  I 
was  glad  to  escape  from  conversation. 

We  all  prepared  for  home  on  the  stroke  of  two,  though 
a  few  objected  to  going  so  soon.  1  asked  the  other  wife 
in  the  party  if  she  would  kindly  look  after  those  girls 
whom  she  knew  very  well,  and  she  replied,  with  a  toss  of 
her  head  :  "  Oh,  they  know  how  to  take  care  of  themselves. 
They're  used  to  it." 

*'  Pray  forget  this  lady's  bad  manners,  and  forgive  my 
brother  for  subjecting  you  to  such  rudeness,"  begged  the 
young  hostess  as  soon  as  she  could  speak  without  being 
overheard.     "And   how   can    I    thank   you,"  she    added 


142  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

with  a  quiver  of  her  lips,  "  for  giving  me  a  glimpse  of 
those  quiet  formalities  and  bright  conversations  that  are 
doubtless  easy  and  habitual  to  the  people  with  whom  you 
are  familiar  ?  I  wish  some  one  would  teach  me  how  to  be 
entertaining." 

My  heart  was  touched  by  her  simple  words,  but  weary 
from  the  annoyances  of  the  evening,  and  still  smartiiig 
from  the  last  thrust  of  our  Amazonian  friend,  I  fear  my 
reply  would  have  been  confined  to  some  observation 
about  the  avoidance  of  personalities,  etc.,  had  not  Helen, 
with  a  keener  appreciation  of  her  feelings,  touched  her 
arm  and  said  :  "  I,  too,  am  just  learning  to  estimate  at 
their  true  value  the  charms  of  refined  associations.  Per- 
haps we  can  help  each  other." 

I  left  them  in  conversation ;  but  I  must  not  close  this 
letter,  my  dear  niece,  without  telling  you  how  fond  I 
afterward  became  of  our  young  hostess.  It  was  not  long 
before  both  she  and  her  brother  graced  the  society  in 
which  we  moved,  and  so  complete  had  been  their  trans- 
formation that  some  time  afterward,  with  our  hearty  ap- 
proval, Helen  honored  the  man  by  accepting  his  offer  of 
marriage. 

Auntie. 


TWENTY-THIRD   LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

I  was  much  relieved  and  pleased  at  receiving  an 
answer  so  soon,  for  father  was  anxious  to  arrange  the 
opera  party  as  soon  as  possible  so  as  to  include  certain 
friends  who  were  about  to  leave  the  city,  and  your  letter 
enabled  me  to  proceed  confidently  and  with  a  light 
heart. 

Boxes  were  secured  at  the  opera  house  for  our 
guests,  some  of  whom  were  very  old  friends,  while  others 
were  people  to  whom  we  were  socially  indebted.  I  am 
thankful  to  say  that  all  seemed  to  thoroughly  enjoy  the 
evening,  and  nothing  happened  to  mar  our  pleasure, 
the  party  being  composed  entirely  of  cultivated  people, 
who  were  musical  critics  as  well.  The  opera  rendered 
that  evening  was  "Lohengrin,"  and  I  need  scarcely 
tell  you  that  the  music  was  a  great  treat  to  me,  even 
though  my  taste  is  so  uncultivated  that  I  could  not 
appreciate  it  to  the  full.  After  the  opera  we  entertained 
our  guests  at  supper  at  the  hotel,  and  during  the  repast 
music  and  literature  were  the  subjects  chiefly  discussed. 
Dancing  was  omitted  from  our  evening's  programme,  as 
there  were  but  few  young  people  present ;  but  never- 
theless, I  am  proud  to  say  the  evening  was  a  success. 

143 


144  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

I  am  looking  forward  to  the  approaching  holiday 
season  with  the  pleasantest  anticipations,  which  are, 
however,  slightly  mingled  with  doubts  in  regard  to  the 
giving  and  receiving  of  gifts,  since^  I  am  ignorant  of  the 
received  etiquette  in  such  matters.  I  know  what  my  own 
taste  would  dictate,  but  I  would  greatly  prefer  to 
receive  some  definite  knowledge  about  these  things  from 
you,  for  I  recall  how  faulty  were  my  ideas  regarding 
many  other  matters  upon  which  you  have  enlightened 
me.  For  gifts  I  prefer  books,  but  of  course,  all  one's 
gifts  cannot  be  books ;  and  then,  too,  it  is  quite  as 
difficult  to  make  a  suitable  selection  of  books  for  pres- 
ents as  of  any  other  articles,  unless  the  tastes  of  the 
recipients  be  fully  known  to  the  giver. 

Would  fancy  articles  and  ornaments  made  by  my 
own  hands  be  proper  gifts  ?  For  myself  I  always  value 
most  highly  those  gifts  which  are  made  especially  for  me, 
as  they  always  seem  such  a  delicate  expression  of  love 
and  good  wishes.  However,  auntie,  these  are  only  my 
ideas,  and  I  am  by  no  means  certain  they  would  be  con- 
sidered correct  according  to  the  recognized  rules. 

I  would  also  like  to  know  what  kind  of  gifts  are  proper 
to  make  to  the  servants  in  a  hotel  or  in  the  house  of 
a  friend  where  one  is  being  entertained.  In  the  hotels 
here  the  servants  regard  a  present  of  money  more  highly 
than  other  gifts  that  would  be,  perhaps,  of  greater  value  ; 
and  possibly  the  reason  is  that  the  choice  made  for  them 
is  not  always  what  they  need,  while  if  money  be  given 
they  are  enabled  not  only  to  gratify  their  own  tastes, 
but  to  make  presents  to  their  relatives  and  friends  as 
well. 

My  kind  friend  has  most  cordially  invited  father  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE,  145 

myself  to  spend  the  holiday  season  at  her  home,  and  we 
have  accepted. 

I  have  of  late  wondered  not  a  little  how  you  spent 
your  first  holidays  as  a  wife — whether  you  entertained 
at  your  own  home  or  were  entertained  by  some  of  Uncle 
John's  relatives,  and  whether  Helen  and  Kate  were  still 
with  you.  I  do  want  to  hear  more  about  those  two  dear 
girls ;  indeed  I  have  become  in  fancy  so  attached  to 
both  that  I  hope  you  will  continue  writing  about  them, 
at  least  until  they  are  both  happily  settled  in  pleasant 
homes  of  their  own. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 
10 


TWENTY-FOURTH  LETTER. 
gifts  and  gift-giving. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

Festivities  abound  during  the  holiday  season,  and  peo- 
ple who  value  family  ties  and  enjoy  pleasant  reunions 
with  their  kindred  usually  select  this  time  for  such  gath- 
erings. Sentiments  significant  of  the  Christmas  season 
should  influence  all  persons  to  acts  of  friendliness  and 
affection  toward  those  who  are  allied  to  them  in  any  way, 
quite  regardless  of  social  levels. 

I  desire  especially  to  impress  this  upon  you,  my  dear 
niece,  because  there  is  a  strong  tendency  to  use  this 
occasion  for  the  display  of  unsuitable  generosity  and  for 
placing  influential  persons  under  obligations  by  sending 
them  handsome  gifts.  It  is,  in  fact,  a  species  of  social 
bribery.  Even  simple  presents  at  this  time,  when  be- 
stowed outside  the  circle  of  one's  kindred  and  intimate 
friends  and,  of  course,  of  one's  charities,  are  in  bad 
taste.  Such  gifts  only  enlarge  a  ciijcle  of  retaliation,  and 
rob  the  season  of  its  proper  elements. 

A  cynical  friend,  who  believed  she  knew  why  gifts  were 
bestowed  upon  her  at  Christmas,  remarked  to  me  not 
long   ago  :  "  My  only  method  of   self-preservation  is  to 

146 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  147 

return  the  presents  to  their  senders.  My  influence 
cannot  be  purchased  by  a  barbaric  afghan  or  an  embroi- 
dered crazy-quilt,  but  I  should  like  to  feel  certain  of  a  few 
grains  of  unselfish  affection  from  somebody.  Because  I 
happen  to  be  rich,  all  my  speaking  acquaintances  are  try- 
ing to  establish  an  exchange  of  presents  with  me  that 
shall  result  to  their  advantage.  I  cannot  return  social 
services  or  even  make  money  payments  for  all  the  gifts 
that  reach  me  and  for  which  I  really  have  no  desire.  It 
is  true  custom  permits  me  to  return  teas  for  a  visit, 
but  such  an  equivalent  would  only  increase  the  craftiness 
of  my  tormentors.  I  am  really  beginning  to  loathe  the 
season."  This  woman,  who  had  been  made  bitter  and 
suspicious  by  many  evidences  of  selfishness,  was  so  over- 
whelmed by  Christmas  gifts  which  had  no  reasonable 
excuse  for  their  bestowal  that  she  sent  each  back  with  a 
note  of  thanks,  mentioning  its  prettiness  or  its  artistic 
merits. 

Of  course,  this  is  an  extreme  case,  but  it  is  not  uncom- 
mon to  hear  one  say,  "  I  had  sixty  gifts  at  Christmas  and 
they  were  very  costly ;  how  many  did  you  receive  ? " 
Such  boasting  and  such  competition  are  vulgar,  and  I 
hope,  my  dear  niece,  you  will  use  your  influence  against 
it  by  limiting  your  gifts  to  simple  tokens  of  good-will. 
The  chosen  few  will  be  honored  by  articles  that  are  the 
work  of  your  own  hands,  while  others  will  receive  a  note 
of  good  wishes  or  a  visiting  card  with  a  carefully  chosen 
couplet  or  other  quotation  written  in  liquid  gold  across 
the  top — anything,  in  fact,  that  expresses  the  sentiment 
of  the  season  and  not  a  fixed  sum  of  money.  This  little 
preface  to  the  story  of  the  first  Christmas  after  my  mar- 
riage will  not  seem  out  of  place  after  you  have  looked 


148  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

into  the  methods  by  which  this  day  is  made  subservient 
to  fashionable  parades. 

Helen  left  us  the  day  before  Christmas  to  spend  the 
holidays  with  her  family,  and  before  leaving  she  thanked 
John  and  me  for  our  hospitality  with  a  warmth  that  was 
ample  proof  of  her  sincerity ;  and  a  few  days  afterward 
she  expressed  by  letter  the  pleasure  the  visit  had  given 
her.  She  had  worked  with  Kate  and  me  during  our 
leisure  mornings  upon  little  gifts  for  members  of  her 
family,  and  I  am  sure  the  joy  she  anticipated  in  witness- 
ing the  delight  of  her  brothers  and  sisters  when  they  saw 
how  lovingly  she  had  remembered  them  during  her 
absence  made  parting  with  us  almost  easy. 

Kate's  fingers  had  not  been  trained  to  skilled  work, 
nor  her  eyes  to  the  perception  of  artistic  effects.  She 
seemed  to  know  nothing  of  Christmas  gifts  that  were  not 
sent  in  a  pretty  box  from  the  jeweller,  the  silversmith  or 
some  other  tradesman.  To  make  them  simply  tokens  of 
friendly  interest  waa  estimating  such  things  from  a 
higher  standpoint  than  she  had  hitherto  taken.  "Last 
year,"  said  she,  one  day  shortly  before  Christmas,  "I 
received  this  diamond  bracelet  from  a  man  friend  and  my 
gold  comb  from  his  wife.  I  felt  obliged  after  this  to 
invite  them  to  a  fine  dinner,  which  they  ate  with  such 
greed  and  such  uncouth  behavior  that  even  my  primitive 
notions  were  shocked.  This  year  I  must  send  them  a 
present,  but  what  shall  it  be  ?  " 

"  Perhaps  a  book  on  refined  manners  would  be  the 
kindest  of  gifts,"  said  Helen.  "  I've  seen  the  time  when 
I  would  have  been  glad  to  be  presented  with  directions 
about  the  ways  of  refined  people  in  the  big  world,  and  I 
would  now  if  it  came  from  the  right  person." 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  149 

**  You  and  my  friends  are  altogether  different,"  said 
Kate. 

"  I  should  hope  so,"  I  replied.  "  If  you  ask  my  advice 
I  would  suggest  a  note  of  remembrance,  with  repeated 
thanks  for  last  year's  Christmas  gifts,  which  they  doubt- 
less felt  were  paid  for  by  your  social  attentions.  Write 
your  letter  now,  date  it  Christmas  morning  and  post  it 
then  with  other  presents.  I  am  sure  they  will  interpret 
the  courtesy  of  your  friendly  remembrance  as  you  wish 
they  should,  whereas  if  you  sent  them  a  gift  they  would 
feel  called  upon  to  send  you  one  in  return." 

"  But  they  would  send  something  worth  having,  and  if 
they  are  happy  in  making  presents,  why  should  I  not  give 
them  the  pleasure  ?  You  see  I  am  attacking  you  with 
your  own  weapons." 

"  There  are  two  very  good  reasons  why  you  should  not. 
In  the  first  place  you  recognized  in  their  present  to  you 
a  social  motive,  and  you  cannot  believe  that  such  a 
reason  for  lavish  expenditure  is  a  worthy  one.  Besides, 
you  ought  not  to  encourage  them  in  such  unrefined  prac- 
tices. By  sending  a  costly  gift  you  would  only  make 
yourself  a  participant  in  their  vulgarity.  A  delicately 
worded  letter,  on  the  other  hand,  will  express  the  real 
meaning  of  Christmas,  and  they  will  doubtless  profit  by 
it.  Or,  if  you  prefer,  send  them  a  book  that  will  be 
interesting  and  elevating  to  persons  of  their  intellectual 
level.  Remember,  too,  that  a  gracefully  bestowed  pres- 
ent carries  with  it  a  value  that  cannot  be  measured 
or  forgotten,  while  a  clumsy  manner  of  presentation 
spoils  the  most  exquisite  of  gifts.  A  pretty  manner,  a 
memorable  word,  an  appreciative  or  happy  reminder 
of    something     pleasant     or    tender     in    the    past    will 


I50  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

transform  a  trifling  object  into  something  that  is  above 
price." 

A  quick  mind  like  Kate's  is  sure  to  improve  when  a 
clear  light  is  thrown  upon  confused  ideas.  She  had  no 
reply  ready,  and  for  some  minutes  silence  reigned 
between  us.  Then  she  said  thoughtfully :  "  To  return  a 
present  of  equal  value  with  the  one  received  is  equivalent 
to  saying,  '  I  desire  to  cancel  my  obligation,'  is  it  not  ? " 

"  Yes,  Kate." 

"  And  if  I  should  send  a  present  to  one  with  whom  I 
had  quarrelled,  it  would  be  indelicate,  would  it  not  ?  " 

"  That  depends  upon  the  circumstances.  The  who 
and  the  what  of  an  unpleasantness  make  all  the  differ- 
ence in  the  world.  If  the  offended  person  appreciates 
the  peace  and  good-will  of  the  hour,  and  if  the  gift  is  a 
simple  one  that  signifies  personal  effort  and  a  kindly 
spirit,  Christmas  consecrates  its  bestowal.  It  must  not 
be  a  purchasable  present,  though  a  man  may  send  flow- 
ers or  a  book  ;  nor  should  it  represent  any  noticeable 
moneyed  value,  else  it  may  seem  like  an  attempt  to  pur- 
chase a  reconciliation." 

"  But  suppose  one  doesn't  wish  to  restore  companion- 
ship, but  only  to  remove  feelings  of  bitterness  and 
injured  sensibilities  ? " 

"  In  that  case,'^  I  replied,  "  it  would  be  better  to  send 
a  Christmas-note  sweetly  worded  in  the  spirit  of  the 
time.  Things  are  sometimes  impotent,  but  fitting  words 
always  carry  balm." 

This  was  the  substance  of  our  talk,  and  the  years  that 
have  since  gone  by  have  not  changed,  but  rather  deep- 
ened, my  convictions  in  regard  to  the  meaning  of  Christ- 
mas gifts  and  the  opportunity  the  day  offers  us  for  mak- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  151 

ing  happy  our  kinspeople  and  friends.  I  wrote  this  con- 
versation in  my  diary — a  young  wife  usually  keeps  one 
until  children  gather  about  her  knees,  and  then  she  tries 
to  impress  on  their  minds  the  thoughts  she  once  had 
leisure  to  commit  to  paper. 

Kate  persisted,  however,  in  a  fond  leaning  toward  pur- 
chased presents,  though  she  did  her  best  with  her 
needle  ;  and  I  could  not  but  be  gratified  when  I  found  in 
my  room  on  Christmas  morning  a  pretty  Davenport  filled 
with  all  sorts  of  fine  stationery  with  my  address  deli- 
cately engraved  in  blue,  a  box  of  sealing  wax,  a  small 
silver  inkstand,  blue  quills,  and  also  a  silver  candlestick, 
a  box  of  suitable  desk  candles  and  a  match-box.  Accom- 
panying this  present  was  a  note  telling  me  that  she  had, 
while  with  us,  received  more  of  those  things  which  money 
cannot  buy  than  she  could  ever  enumerate,  and  that  the 
spirit  of  Christmas  had  been  about  her  ever  since  she 
came  under  our  roof.  Such  a  recognition  of  what  your 
uncle  and  I  had  been  enabled  to  do  gave  me  courage  to 
believe  that  I  could  conduct  my  life  in  such  a  way  that  it 
would  not  be  wholly  without  elevating  influences,  and 
this,  my  dear  niece,  is  a  consciousness  that  brings  true 
strength  and  helps  us  over  those  rough  places  that  are 
sometimes  met  even  in  the  smoothest  paths. 

I  should  have  hurt  and  even  wronged  Kate  had  I  not 
permitted  her  to  express  her  love  and  gratitude  by  some 
means  which  she  could  compass.  Later  on,  however,  we 
were  to  receive  a  more  gratifying  compensation  in  watch- 
ing her  superb  social  and  moral  development.  Even  as 
early  as  Christmas  time  her  improvement  was  very 
marked.  She  began  to  notice  and  correct  little  defects 
in  her  manners,  blunders  in  her  speech  and  want  of  con- 


152  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

sideration  for  the  pleasure  of  others,  and  she  also  cor- 
rected her  tendency  to  the  conspicuous  in  the  color  and 
style  of  her  dress.  Her  voice,  which  was  naturally  rich, 
assumed  the  conversational  keynote  of  a  lady  and  be- 
came so  charming  in  its  modulations  that  its  sweetness 
was  noticed  even  by  strangers.  Had  she  been  suddenly 
placed  in  the  midst  of  her  old  acquaintances  after  three 
months'  association  with  cultured  people,  she  would 
doubtless  have  been  pronounced  affected  and  insincere  ; 
for  it  is  not  uncommon  among  coarse-mannered  people  to 
accuse  one  who  shows  more  cultivation  than  they  of 
being  pretentious.  "  Trying  to  be  fine,"  is  the  expression 
sometimes  used  in  referring  to  a  self-improving  girl,  and 
were  it  not  for  the  tone  in  which  this  is  spoken,  it  would 
really  be  a  compliment.  A  brave  and  conscientious 
young  person  is  not  so  much  wounded  as  encouraged  by 
such  a  reproach. 

According  to  the  universal  custom  we  all  dined  with 
the  head  of  the  family ;  but  on  Christmas  Eve  a  supper 
was  arranged  at  our  house,  and  kindred  both  near  and 
remote  consecrated  our  new  home  to  simple  hospitalities. 
We  had  a  Christmas  tree  lighted  with  candles.  It  had 
been  announced  that  those  of  the  guests  who  chose  might 
make  this  tree  the  bearer  of  their  gifts  to  other  guests, 
and  Kate  and  I  had  much  delight  in  arranging  every- 
thing that  was  sent  in  for  the  evening.  A  cousin,  big, 
merry  and  witty,  disguised  under  a  hairy  mask  and  a 
sprinkling  of  cotton,  acted  as  the  agent  of  Santa  Claus 
and  distributed  the  gifts. 

"  Are  we  not  to  have  any  young  men  .? "  Kate  had 
inquired. 

"  Oh,  the  young  men  have  all  the   rest  of  the  year  for 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  153 

their  own,"  replied  your  uncle  ;  "but  on  this  occasion  we 
shall  have  to  excuse  all  of  them  except  our  own  kin." 

There  was,  however,  one  young  man,  a  relative  of 
John  on  that  side  of  the  family  of  which  Kate  was  not  a 
member,  and  she  had  quite  enough  to  do  to  amuse  him. 
He  was  conscientiously  agreeable,  and,  as  some  men  are 
apt  to  do,  he  exaggerated  his  talent  in  that  direction.  It 
was  an  open  secret  that  his  interest  in  the  other  sex  was 
centered  elsewhere,  though  his  devotion  had  not  yet  been 
discovered  by  its  object,  and  it  was  quite  evident  that  he 
felt  himself  an  exile  from  paradise. 

Had  Kate  been  less  susceptible  to  drollery  she  might 
have  desired  his  immediate  return  to  the  object  of  his 
affection,  but  as  it  was,  she  devoted  herself  to  the  poor 
fellow  with  a  mischievous  assiduity  that  won  an  aside  of 
thanks  from  John  but  was  quite  differently  interpreted  by 
the  young  man  himself,  who  warned  our  heart-free  Kate 
again  and  again  in  the  most  palpable  manner  that  his 
choice  was  already  irrevocably  made.  He  doubtless  sup- 
posed he  was  being  honorably  frank,  and  she  accepted 
his  statements  as  evidences  of  a  harmless  egotism  that 
was  extremely  amusing.  She  plied  him  with  sympathetic 
questions  and  easily  drew  from  him  a  statement  of  his 
emotions,  purposes  and  hopes,  which  were  so  ridiculously 
conceited  that  she  could  hardly  restrain  her  laughter. 
When  Kate  related  this  incident  to  John  and  myself 
after  the  company  had  gone,  she  exclaimed  :  "  That  sort 
of  man  couldn't  have  been  produced  anywhere  but  in 
your  super-refined  society.  He  is  the  fruit  of  an  exces- 
sive— what  shall  I  call  it.  Cousin  John  ?  " 

"  Silliness,  Kate,  the  fruit  of  silliness,"  I  answered 
promptly  for  my  husband.     "  Before  my  marriage   I  was 


1 54  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

wroth  at  being  placed  anywhere  but  by  my  lover's  side, 
as  if  real  affection  couldn't  live  if  separated  a  moment 
from  its  object.  One  rarely  meets  with  a  silly  man,  and 
among  well-trained  girls  such  foolish  expressions  of  per- 
sonal preference  as  mine  seldom  occur.  I  wasn't  coarse, 
as  you  may,  perhaps,  suspect;  I  was.  only  ignorant,  and 
so  is  that  poor  fellow." 

This,  however,  was  but  a  single  episode  of  our  Christ- 
mas eve.  I  must  tell  you  of  some  of  the  fruit  the  Christ- 
mas tree  bore.  One  of  the  first  gifts  announced  by  our 
Santa  Claus  was  the  deed  of  a  pretty  little  house  from 
John's  mother  to  her  daughter,  whose  marriage  had  been 
long  waiting  for  a  prosperous  moment.  The  girl's  sur- 
prise and  joy  were  unbounded.  I  had  not  suspected  my 
mother-in-law  of  so  much  sentiment  and  tenderness,  but, 
what  cannot  Christmas  do  }  "  This  is  the  time  for  glad- 
ness," were  all  the  words  this  apparently  worldly  woman 
said  to  her  children.  Aunt  Edith's  gift  to  the  same  girl 
was  money  for  house  furnishing.  Her  fiance\  who  had 
been  invited  to  our  gathering  as  a  matter  of  courtesy, 
had,  of  course,  been  dutiful  to  his  own  kindred,  and  was 
unaware  of  his  good  fortune  until  the  following  day. 

Kate  and  I  had  purchased  droll  toys,  funny  little 
mechanical  odds  and  ends,  to  which  we  tied  the  names 
of  our  guests,  and  the  laughter  which  their  bestowal 
occasioned  leavened  the  solemnity  of  the  occasion  with 
the  right  proportion  of  merriment. 

My  father  had  been  brought  to  us  for  the  holiday  week, 
though  the  anticipated  pleasure  of  having  him  with  us 
was  not  unmixed  with  apprehension  on  account  of  his 
failing  health.  He  said  he  longed  to  leave  his  blessing 
upon    his  daughter's  home  at  this  sacred  hour,  and  he 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  155 

willingly  endured  the  pain  and  fatigue  of  the  long  journey, 
knowing  so  well  that  we  would  love  to  look  back  upon 
his  presence  at  the  time  when  he  should  be  no  longer 
with  us.  Remember,  my  dear  niece,  that  it  is  only  in  the 
past  that  our  treasures  are  safely  hidden.  Of  these  we 
are  sure,  but  the  future  is  always  doubtful. 

Our  servants  were  invited  into  the  room  at  the  distribu- 
tion of  gifts  from  the  tree,  and  you  may  be  sure  they 
received  their  share.  An  appreciative  gentlewoman 
always  remembers  her  domestics  at  Christmas  time,  even 
if  she  is  obliged  to  curtail  her  generosity  to  equals  in 
order  to  do  so.  But  such  presents  must  always  be  in 
keeping  with  the  position  and  tastes  of  the  recipient.  No 
truly  kind  or  thoughtful  woman  will  bestow  upon  a  do- 
mestic fancy  articles  of  her  own  of  which  she  has  wearied. 
As  a  guest  it  was  especially  incumbent  upon  Kate  to 
remember  the  servants  in  her  preparations  for  Christmas, 
and  she  had  purchased  pretty  aprons,  gloves  or  shawls 
for  each  of  the  maids.  When  they  had  been  distributed 
the  roguish  young  woman  put  the  candor  of  the  love- 
smitten  youth  to  a  final  test  by  asking  if  he  could  have 
suspected  her  of  being  so  sensible  in  her  choice  of  gifts 
to  domestics.  "  No,  indeed,^'  he  replied ;  "  I  wouldn't 
have  thought  it."  Kate  laughed  and  answered,  "  Nor 
would  I  a  month  ago." 

Auntie. 


TWENTY-FIFTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Our  stay  at  Frankfort  is  drawing  to  a  close,  which  I 
should  regret  exceedingly  were  it  not  that  we  are  to  go 
directly  to  my  friend's  house,  where  I  think  I  told  you 
we  are  to  spend  the  holidays.  I  am  glad  we  will  not 
have  to  pass  the  joyous  season  at  a  hotel,  which  would  be 
inexpressibly  dreary. 

A  few  days  since  we  visited  the  home  of  Goethe  and 
were  admitted  to  the  study  in  which  the  great  author 
thought  and  worked ;  and  I  felt  as  though  treading 
sacred  ground.  The  house  is  on  a  street  called  Hirsch- 
graben,  and  is  a  long,  low  structure,  two  stories  high, 
with  "  Goethe  "  cut  in  stone  above  the  door.  It  is  kept 
in  repair  by  a  society  of  scientists  who  hold  meetings 
there.  The  study  is  a  large,  square  room,  fitted  up  with 
quaint-looking  furniture,  which  belonged  to  its  famous 
occupant.  Goethe's  statue  is  in  the  middle  of  a  pretty 
square  surrounded  with  trees  and  facing  the  old 
theatre. 

After  seeing  Schiller's  monument  and  the  Soldiers' 
monument  erected  in  1870,  we  visited  the  Rothschild 
museum,  to  which  we  were  admitted  by  cards  obtained 
at  the  banking-house  of  the  firm   of  that  name.     In  this 

■56 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  157 

museum  is  a  rare  and  costly  collection  of  articles  of 
vertu  in  gold,  silver,  ivory,  china,  jewelry,  etc.  Here  are 
masterpieces  of  the  antique  goldsmiths'  art  ;  wonderful 
specimens  of  carving  in  ivory  and  wood  ;  rare  pictures 
in  Limoges  /mail;  historic  crucifixes  and  altar  furniture, 
costly  jewels  in  settings  of  former  centuries,  crowns  that 
have  been  worn  by  many  of  Europe's  sovereigns,  and 
many  other  objects  of  artistic  or  historic  interest  that 
would  take  me  days  to  tell  you  of. 

We  made  one  more  visit  of  interest  which  I  must  not 
forget  to  mention.  This  was  to  the  Romer  Halle,  on 
the  Romerberg,  a  large  square  in  the  oldest  part  of  the 
city.  Most  of  the  old  German  monarchs  were  crowned 
in  this  building,  in  a  large  hall  on  the  first  floor  of  which 
is  a  life-size. portrait  of  every  king  and  emperor  who  has 
ruled  over  Germany.  These  pictures  were  most  inter- 
esting, the  likenesses  of  some  of  the  earlier  princes  being 
remarkable  for  a  savage  ferocity  of  countenance  that  is 
positively  appalling. 

Your  letter,  dear  aunt,  gave  me  much  needful 
information  in  regard  to  Christmas  customs,  and  I 
was  glad  to  learn  that  my  ideas  about  Christmas  gifts 
are  so  nearly  the  same  as  yours.  I  have  been 
making  some  pretty  pieces  of  fancy-work  and  am  happy 
to  know  that  they  will  make  proper  gifts  to  friends  for 
whom  I  have  especial  regard.  But  while  I  found 
your  letter  fully  instructive  in  its  account  of  Christmas 
customs,  it  told  me  nothing  about  New  Year's  Day, 
so  I  must  look  for  another  long  letter  from  you  on  this 
subject. 

I  was  so  glad  to  hear  of  Kate's  improvement,  but  how 
could  she  do  otherwise  than  improve  when  she  had  so 


158  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

wise  a  preceptress.  Please  tell  me  about  some  of  Kate's 
love  affairs,  for  I  am  convinced  she  was  just  the  kind  of 
girl  to  have  a  host  of  admirers. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


TWENTY-SIXTH  LETTER. 
roof  civilities,  and  familiar  correspondence. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

The  manner  of  observing  New  Year's  Day  is  quiie 
different  now  from  what  it  was  at  the  time  of  which  I 
have  been  writing.  The  custom  then  prevailed  of  receiv- 
ing calls  from  all  male  acquaintances,  a  prolonged  process 
that  is  no  longer  practised  in  large  cities.  Only  relatives 
and  intimate  friends  are  expected  nowadays.  In  small 
towns  and  country  places,  where  one's  circle  is  not  large, 
the  courtesies  of  New  Year's  Day  are  too  agreeable  to  be 
relinquished,  for  every  one  feels  the  charm  of  interchang- 
ing sincere  good  wishes  upon  the  initial  day  of  the 
year. 

Never  spread  an  elaborate  table  on  such  an  occasion. 
Hot  bouillon  and  sandwiches,  coffee  and  cake,  or,  per- 
haps, a  salad  or  creamed  oysters,  are  sufficient.  The 
table  should  be  tastefully  arranged  in  one  corner  or  at 
the  end  of  the  parlor,  but  if  there  is  a  small  room  open- 
ing off  the  parlor  it  may  be  utilized  to  advantage.  When 
a  young  lady  receives  on  New  Year's  Day,  she  should  be 
chaperoned  by  a  friend  older  than  herself  ;  if  other  friends 
of  her  own  age  are  present,  better  entertainment  can  be 

159 


l6o  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

afforded  the  visitors  and  some  of  the  responsibilities  of 
serving  refreshments,  etc.,  can  be  divided. 

I  shall  not  attempt  to  tell  you  how  Kate  and  I  spent 
the  day,  as  there  was  little  that  would  interest  you  in  our 
experiences  with  the  number  of  men  who  offered  congrat- 
ulations and  good  wishes  to  us.  Many  of  them  were  pre- 
sented to  me  by  John  for  the  first  time  ;  for  it  is  custom- 
ary, wherever  New  Year's  calls  are  received,  for  a  man  to 
spend  the  first  New  Year's  Day  after  his  marriage  at  his 
own  home  and  receive  visitors  with  his  wife.  It  is  his 
opportunity  for  making  his  acquaintances  and  friends 
known  to  her— at  least,  such  of  them  as  do  not  care  to  go 
into  society. 

It  was  after  New  Year's  and  its  delightful  interchange 
of  courtesies  that  I  learned  quite  incidentally  about  some 
of  Kate's  methods  of  amusing  herself,  and  also  something 
of  her  undisciplined  temper.  She  had  a  large  correspond- 
ence, but  I  had  not  manifested  any  curiosity  as  to  its 
nature,  although  I  had  a  right  to  do  so  since  her  father 
placed  her  under  my  care.  It  is  discourteous  to  read  the 
address  upon  an  out-going  letter  and  ill-mannered  to 
scrutinize  an  incoming  one  addressed  to  another  person  ; 
and  it  had  not  occurred  to  me  to  ask  about  her  letters,  so 
young  was  I  and  so  unfamiliar  with  that  supervision 
which  it  was  my  duty  to  assume,  at  least  in  a  mild  form. 
But  a  new  sense  of  my  responsibility  came  over  me  one 
morning  as  she  sat  with  an  open  letter  in  her  hands 
and  a  look  of  perplexity  upon  her  usually  happy  face. 

"  What  is  it,  Kate,  that  troubles  you  ? "  said  I.  "  If  I 
can  help  you  in  any  way,  pray  tell  me  at  once." 

She  was  startled  and  confused  at  first,  but  after  a 
moment's    silence,    she    replied,    with    a    reserve    that 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  l6l 

amounted  to  equivocation  :  "  It  is  nothing — at  least,  not 
much,  and  you  needn't  trouble  about  it ;  though  I  am  not 
sure  but  according  to  your  city  -ways  a  girl  has  no  right  to 
keep  secrets  from  her  chaperon.  I  appreciate  the  super- 
vision you  have  exercised  over  me — for  the  most  part, 
and  I  thank  you  very  much  for  it ;  but  about  my  letters  1 
am  sure  1  can  get  on  without  protection  and  even  without 
watching." 

Her  eyes  flashed  as  she  pronounced  that  last  offensive 
word  and  awaited  the  effect  of  the  ill-concealed  sting; 
but  in  spite  of  my  indignation  and  wounded  feelings  I 
steadied  my  voice  to  say :  "  Pardon  the  glance  I  took  at 
your  face;  it  was  quite  unintentional.  I  will  leave  you 
alone  with  your  letter  and  the  unfortunate  state  of  mind 
it  has  brought  you."  I  was  walking  toward  the  door  as  I 
said  this,  and  it  closed  upon  the  last  word. 

Kate  had  a  quick  temper  which  she  had  never  been 
taught  to  restrain.  Up  to  the  very  dawn  of  womanhood, 
as  I  afterw^ard  learned,  she  had  said  whatever  relieved  her 
feelings  when  she  was  annoyed,  provided  strangers  were 
beyond  hearing.  Fine  courtesies  she  had  not  considered 
necessary  for  daily  domestic  use.  She  did  not  know  that 
cultured  people  with  any  pretence  to  self-respect  never 
quarrel  when  they  are  offended,  and  she  doubtless  saw  no 
reason  why  she  should  not  indulge  in  an  outburst  of 
anger  when  she  felt  like  it.  Besides,  as  is  frequently  the 
case  with  ill-bred  girls,  she  was  proud  of  her  temper  and 
deemed  it  an  evidence  of  force  of  character  never  to 
apologize  even  when  she  knew  herself  to  be  wrong.  She 
considered  it  a  triumph  over  weaker  minds  to  compel 
submission  to  her  haughtiness.  Such  girls  sometimes 
withhold  an  exchange  of  ordinary  civilities  with  persons 


1 62  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

whom  they  meet  daily  and,  perhaps,  hourly.  They  do 
not,  of  course,  suspect  that  by  such  action  they  are  insult- 
ing themselves  and  lowering  the  tone  and  quality  of  their 
own  lives.  When  a  person  announces  that  he  has  not 
spoken  to  another  for  some  time,  you  may  be  certain,  my 
dear  niece,  that  there  was  a  grave  defect  in  his  early 
training  and  that  the  noblest  manliness  is  yet  to  be  culti- 
vated in  his  character.  I  do  not  refer  to  business  rela- 
tions, which  are  sometimes  so  strained  that  even  the  cold- 
est salutation  would  only  aggravate  an  unpleasantness, 
but  rather  to  family  and  social  feuds.  Whatever  may  be 
one's  private  feelings,  good  breeding  demands  politeness 
of  speech  and  an  observance  of  the  outward  forms  of 
courtesy,  if  only  as  a  mark  of  self-respect.  This  is  the 
meaning  of  that  beautiful  French  motto  ^''noblesse  oblige^* : 
"  I  must  be  kind  and  just  and  generous  because  I  owe  it 
to  my  own  soul.  I  must  not  wrong  the  nature  God  has 
given  me  by  evading  the  claims  of  my  fellow-beings  upon 
me." 

Poor  Kate,  with  no  mother  to  guide  her  mind  into  ways 
of  sweetness  and  wisdom,  was  doomed  to  pass  over  many 
rough  places  in  pain,  because  she  had  not  been  instructed 
how  to  make  life's  journey  easy.  After  I  went  to  my 
room,  the  hours  passed  slowly,  until  luncheon  time  found 
us  seated  together  at  the  table  exchanging  commonplace 
remarks  with  cold  civility.  The  miserable  pride  of  the 
girl  forbade  any  reference  to  the  fact  that  this  was  the 
first  morning  of  our  acquaintance  we  had  not  passed 
together.  The  color  came  and  went  in  her  face,  and  her 
pretence  of  eating  was  an  ill-disguised  failure.  During 
the  meal  my  courtesy  was  impressive  and,  possibly,  also 
oppressive,  though  I  did  not  wish  to  afflict  her.     I  was 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  163 

confident  that  time  and  an  atmosphere  of  kindness  with 
which  retaliation  could  not  mingle  would  warm,  soften 
and  change  her  mental  habits,  and  I  was  not  mistaken. 
My  only  fear  was  that  my  husband  might  return  before 
the  feeling  of  constraint  between  us  should  be  dispelled. 
I  had  never  concealed  anything  from  him  since  our  mar- 
riage, and  I  did  not  care  to  begin  at  that  time.  If  he 
should  discover  that  his  wife  had  been  insulted,  I  knew 
he  would  undoubtedly  recall  his  invitation  to  Kate  to 
spend  the  winter  with  us. 

With  this  disagreeable  prospect  before  me,  I  lingered  at 
the  luncheon  table,  mentioning  a  book  review  in  a  morn- 
ing paper,  a  racy  musical  criticism,  etc.,  just  as  I  would 
converse  with  a  stranger  whom  I  was  entertaining.  It 
was  not  the  dear  and  intimate  talk  of  familiar  friends. 
The  deference  I  paid  her  replies  was  courteous  but  dis- 
tant, and  when  we  rose  I  said  I  was  sorry  it  rained  and 
went  directly  to  my  room.  The  house  was  so  quiet  that 
afternoon  I  could  plainly  hear  her  as  she  walked  up  and 
down  her  chamber.  I  knew  she  was  suffering,  but  it 
would  have  been  both  undignified  and  wrong  for  me  to 
make  inquiries.  Had  she  not  said  she  was  capable  of 
caring  for  herself  ? 

It  must  have  been  five  o'clock — and  John  would  be 
home  by  six — when  she  knocked  at  my  door.  "Come 
in,"  said  I  cheerily,  and  she  entered,  her  eyes  red  and 
swollen  with  weeping. 

I  did  not  look  up  at  once  but  said,  "  Take  that  easy 
chair.  What  a  dreary  day  it  is  !  See  how  far  I  have  got 
on  with  my  point  coupeV  There  was  silence,  and  I  still 
refrained  from  looking  into  her  face,  because  I  knew  she 
felt  she  was  at  bay.     I  neither  refused  to  speak  to  her  as 


164  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

her  earlier  associates  might  have  done,  nor  was  I  in  the 
least  lacking  in  "  roof  civilities/'  as  the  French  call 
domestic  politeness.  I  had  not-  given  her  the  least 
ground  for  offence,  and  when  she  accused  me  indirectly 
of  watching  her  correspondence,  I  had  explained  the  mat- 
ter ias  well  as  possible  and  had  at  once  removed  my  gaze, 
being  careful  not  to  repeat  what  she  was  pleased  to  accept 
as  an  offence.  I  had  tried  to  be  uncommonly  attentive 
to  her  wlifen  we  were  compelled  to  meet.  All  this  I 
thought  of  while  waiting  for  her  to  speak.  The  sting  of 
her  insulting  words  was  still  smarting  in  my  ears,  and  bit- 
ter feelings  arose  at  the  thought  of  this  sorry  return  for 
my  kindnesses.  But  1  bethought  myself  of  her  lack  of 
early  training  and  her  warm-hearted,  impetuous  nature, 
and  determined  once  more  to  be  charitable. 

At  length,  after  what  seemed  a  long  time,  she  said, 
"  Have  I  been  rude  beyond  forgiveness?" 

"  That  were  almost  impossible,  dear  Kate ;  the  habits 
of  true  friendliness  are  not  easily  broken.  You  have 
wounded  yourself,  and  I  am  more  sorry  for  you  than  I 
can  express.  I  knew  you  would  recover  soonest  in  soli- 
tude." 

"  And  you  are  not  angry  with  me  ?  " 

"  I  tried  to  say  that  when  I  mentioned  the  injury  you 
had  done  yourself." 

"I  am  so  glad,"  she  cried,  atid  the  clouds  seemed  to 
clear  away  from  her  face.  "And  now  I  will  tell  you 
what  it  was  that  troubled  me.  Two  young  men  have 
taken  it  into  their  heads  that  because  I  have  corresponded 
with  them  I  am  willing  to  have  them  come  and  see  me, 
and  they  both  propose  to  visit  me  at  once.  I  am  vexed 
at  the  idiots." . 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  165 

"  And  not  with  yourself  ?  You  say  they  have  taken  it 
into  their  heads  ;  are  you  sure  you  are  not  responsible  for 
the  wish?" 

"  Oh,  cousin  !  Can  you  suspect  me  of  inviting  them 
afier  the  lesson  I  received  soon  after  my  arrival  here  ? 
No ;  I  did  not  mention  their  coming  at  all." 

"  Did  you  not  say  you  would  like  to  see  them  ?  " 

'*  I  dare  say  I  wrote  something  pleasant  which  they 
may  have  misinterpreted,  but  I  did  not  mean  it." 

"  Forgive  me  for  saying  so,  but  had  I  been  more 
observant  of  your  letters  I  might  by  advising  you  have 
prevented  your  present  perplexity.  Having  been  taught 
that  the  slightest  curiosity  about  the  letters  of  others  is 
the  height  of  rudeness,  I  did  not  show  even  a  friendly 
interest  in  yours.  No  man  writes  for  two  pair  of  eyes 
when  his  letters  are  addressed  to  a  young  woman ;  and  a 
man  will  seldom  correspond  with  a  young  unmarried 
woman,  if  he  believes  she  writes  habitually  to  another 
of  his  sex.  That  is  understood,  and  the  girl  who  deceives 
him  is  held  to  be  wanting  in  honor,  delicacy  and  self- 
respect.  Your  cousin  John  and  your  beloved  Aunt  Edith 
will  corroborate  what  I  have  said,  provided  we  ask  them 
without  first  confessing  what  you  have  already  done.  In 
that  case,  John,  because  you  are  his  guest,  would  not  use 
such  severe  language  as  if  you  were  under  the  roof  of 
another  person  ;  and  Aunt  Edith,  dear  soul !  would  doubt 
less  pity  you  and  say  you  hadn't  been  properly  taught 
and  didn't  know  you  were  doing  anybody  a  wrong." 

"Nor  did  I.  Believe  me,  cousin,  I  did  not  think  of  it 
as  an  indelicacy,  much  less  a  wrong.  I  knew  that  3'oung 
men  had  several  correspondents  at  one  time,  and  I 
thought  I  had  as  much  right  as  they." 


l66  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

"And  so  you  have,  but  two  wrongs  do  not  make  a 
right.  If  your  correspondents  understood  that  camara- 
derie was  to  be  the  only  motive  on  either  side,  and  if  you 
were  frank  to  each  about  your  other  postal  friends,  the 
mischief  would  not  be  so  great,  provided,  my  dear,  you 
were  strictly  impersonal  in  your  subjects,  which  men  sel- 
dom are,  and  women  never — at  least,  so  it  is  said.  If 
you  were  my  sister,  I  should  feel  at  liberty  to  inquire  how 
many  young  men  you  write  to  regularly." 

"  I  wish  you  were ;  oh,  I  do  wish  you  were  !  I  write  to 
four,  besides  occasionals." 

"  Four !  Do  you  care  especially  for  any  one  of  them 
now,  or  do  you  think  you  may  come  to  be  especially 
interested  later?** 

"No,  cousin,  no.  I  might,  perhaps,  had  I  remained 
satisfied  with  my  old  standards,  but  not  now;  and  I  have 
determined  that  my  correspondence  with  them,  except  by 
casual  note,  shall  be  terminated  at  once.  Forgive  me 
for  falling  back  into  my  old  habit  of  being  unjust  to 
others  because  I  happened  to  be  vexed  with  myself."  Of 
course,  I  forgave  her  and  kissed  her  heartily. 

Then  she  said :  "  But  there  is  one  man  of  whom  I 
have  never  spoken  to  you.  He  now  and  then  sends  me  a 
good  book  or  a  note  calling  my  attention  to  some  excep- 
tionally excellent  article  in  a  magazine  or  review,  or  mak- 
ing an  inquiry  after  my  health.  If  he  should  ask  me  to 
correspond  with  him,  I  am  sure  our  letters  would  be  quite 
different  from  the  others." 

"A  girl  is  entirely  free  to  send  regular  letters  to  one 
man  whom  she  regards,  when  she  would  only  degrade 
herself  by  writing  at  fixed  intervals  to  several.  Maturity 
of  mind  and  something  impersonal  to  say  form  the  only 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  167 

justification  for  letter  writing  between  men  and  women. 
Such  familiarity  is  not  good  form,  even  when  it  is  not 
mischievous  to  either  of  them.  And  then,  too,  between 
marriageable  men  and  women,  the  request  of  the  man  for 
the  honor  and  pleasure  of  a  correspondence  is  understood 
to  mean  a  future  betrothal,  provided  what  each  learns  of 
the  other^s  mental  equipments,  tastes  and  convictions  is 
satisfying." 

Let  this  little  episode  be  a  lesson  to  you,  my  dear 
niece ;  and  if  you  have  no  need  for  its  application,  as  I 
trust  you  may  not,  it  will  help  you  to  understand  girls 
who  have  ill-regulated  habits  of  mind  and  temper,  and 
you  may  be  of  use  to  your  friends  through  this  experience 
of  Kate's. 

Auntie. 


TWENTY-SEVENTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Your  narration  of  the  embarrassing  position  in  which 
Kate  was  placed  through  her  two  correspondents  inter- 
ested me  greatly,  and  I  must  confess  I  was  somewhat 
amused  as  well,  although  convinced  that  the  situation 
must  have  been  a  serious  one  to  her  at  the  time.  I  have 
known  girls  of  my  own  acquaintance  to  act  quite  as 
unwisely  as  Kate  in  this  respect,  girls,  too,  who  were 
watched  over  by  a  mother's  care,  but  who  managed  to 
conceal  from  older  and  wiser  people  the  foolish  course 
they  were  pursuing.  In  every  instance  the  correspond- 
ence and  "  flirting,^'  as  they  called  it,  were  started  in  a 
spirit  of  pure  fun  and  love  of  mischief,  but  a  time  of 
embarrassment  was  sure  to  come,  and  few,  if  any,  of 
these  girls  could  withdraw  with  credit,  simply  because 
they  knew  not  how  and  were  ashamed  to  ask  aid  of  their 
mother  or  some  married  friend. 

In  the  country  where  we  lived  young  girls  were  exceed- 
ingly careless  about  this,  and,  of  course,  the  young  men 
were  not  slow  to  follow  where  too  often  the  girls  took  the 
lead.  1  have  on  several  occasions  positively  known  that 
letters  written  in  this  promiscuous  fashion  were  read  by 
others  beside  the  person  to  whom  they  were  addressed 
and  were  the  cause  of  much  unhappiness   later  on  when 

i68 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  169 

some  of  these  innocently  foolish  maidens  became  wives. 
Many  a  girl  pursues  this  unwise  course  because  she  has 
never  been  properly  instructed  at  home,  where  her 
mother,  overburdened  with  household  cares,  gives  little 
time  to  advising  her  growing  daughters  or  gaining  their 
confidence  ;  and  I  have  found  since  my  entrance  into  the 
social  world  that  if  a  woman  is  not  wholly  self-respecting 
she  rarely  commands  the  full  respect  of  others. 

I  am  delighted  at  the  prospect  of  spending  the  Christ- 
mas-tide in  Germany,  where  so  much  thought  is  given 
and  so  much  preparation  made  for  the  glad  season.  In 
my  next  letter  I  will  tell  you  something  of  how  the  day 
is  celebrated  here. 

We  have  not  yet  decided  upon  our  course  after  the 
holidays,  but  I  think  very  likely  we  will  go  to  Paris. 
The  two  friends  whom  father  met  here  not  long  since  are 
now  stopping  in  the  French  capital,  and  they  have  writ- 
ten him  to  join  them  there  ;  and  as  his  health  has 
improved  so  much  of  late,  I  think  he  will  accede  to  his 
friends'  wishes,  even  if  we  only  remain  a  short  time.  We 
have  made  so  long  a  stay  at  Frankfort  because  of  the 
change  the  climate  has  wrought  in  father's  health,  that 
we  shall  be  compelled,  I  fear,  to  curtail  the  list  of  inter- 
esiing  places  we  had  intended  to  visit. 

I  am  all  impatience,  my  dear  aunt,  to  hear  how  Kate 
extricated  herself  from  the  dilemma  into  which  her 
thoughtless  letter-writing  brought  her  ;  for  I  must  con- 
fess that,  if  by  any  chance  I  were  placed  in  a  similar 
position,  I  should  be  totally  at  a  loss  how  to  recede  from 
it  without  considerable  loss  of  dignity  to  myself  and  bitter 
feeling  on  the  part  of  the  gentlemen  concerned. 


Your  Loving 


Niece. 


TWENTY-EIGHTH  LETTER. 

letter -writing. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

As  you  very  sensibly  remark,  the  position  in  which 
Kate  found  herself  with  regard  to  the  two  men  who  had 
written  to  her  was  unpleasant  in  the  extreme.  Both  lived 
at  a  distance  from  the  city,  so  that  the  expenses  of  trav- 
elling would  be  added  to  those  of  theatres,  carriages, 
flowers  and  other  attentions  which  would  properly  be 
expected  by  a  girl  of  Kate's  position.  Merely  from 
financial  considerations,  therefore,  it  was  plain  that 
neither  of  them  ought  to  be  permitted  to  visit  my  pro- 
tegee under  the  impression  that  she  was  other  than 
indifferent  to  him  ;  but  how  to  arrange  this  was  a  prob- 
lem that  perplexed  me  much.  I  could  not  mention  the 
matter  to  John,  for  I  knew  that  in  his  eyes  Kate's  offence 
would  be  well-nigh  unpardonable  ;  besides,  a  woman  has 
no  right  to  confide  the  secret  of  another  person  even  to 
her  husband.  I  resolved,  therefore,  to  see  Kate  through 
the  consequences  of  her  correspondence  without  outside 
assistance,  and  although  the  task  proved  by  no  means  an 
agreeable  one,  the  matter  was  settled  at  last  with  much 
diplomacy  and  not  a  little  candor. 

170 


SOCIAL  L[FE.  171 

The  time  was  so  short  that  the  letters  would  have  to  be 
answered  by  telegraph  ;  but  as  each  of  us  had  passed  a 
miserable  day,  the  subject  was  dropped  by  mutual  con- 
sent until  the  following  afternoon,  when  Kate  referred  to 
it.  Her  first  suggestion  was  indicative  of  the  summary 
manner  with  which  she  had  been  accustomed  to  deal 
with  young  men.  She  proposed  to  telegraph  simply  the 
words,  "  Don't  come,  I  cannot  welcome  you." 

"  Isn't  that  rather  abrupt  ?  "  I  ventured. 

**  Oh,  it  will  serve  him  right ;  he's  a  man,  and  nothing 
hurts  men." 

"  Don't  you  suppose  such  a  message  would  hurt  your 
cousin  John  ? " 

"  Oh  !  he  is  different  from  most  men." 

"  No  ;  he  is  not  different  from  other  good  and  honor- 
able men,  and  even  if  all  of  them  are  not  reverent  to 
women,  is  that  any  reason  why  you  should  be  equally 
insincere  .'*  Does  it  justify  you  in  writing  hypocrisies  to 
them  or  in  wantonly  wounding  their  feelings  ? " 

Kate's  eyes  admitted  the  truth  of  this,  and  I  continued, 
"  Now  if  I  were  in  your  place,  Kate,  I  should  think  out 
some  kindly  objection  to  the  visits  of  these  men  and 
afterwards  undeceive  them  in  such  a  way  as  to  avoid 
wounding  their  vanity  any  more  than  is  actually  neces- 
sary. Why  not  telegraph,  *  Don't  leave  home  solely  for  a 
visit  to  me  until  you  have  received  a  letter  dated  to- 
day ? '  " 

"Why  do  you  say  *  solely  ?  *  Did  not  both  men  write 
that  they  would  come  to  the  city  within  a  fortnight  to  see 
me  ? " 

"  It  may  spare  your  pride,  in  case  you  discover  there 
was  more  than  one  motive  for  so  long  a  journey." 


172  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

"  What  a  peacock  I  am  !  It  did  not  occur  to  me  that 
I  might  not  be  their  only  attraction.  But  if  you  should 
see  their  letters  you  would  not  think  my  conceited  infer- 
ence unnatural.     Will  you  look  at  theYn.?  " 

"  No,  Kate  ;  I  am  too  near  your  own  age  to  judge 
wisely  of  the  significance  of  their  letters.  Besides,  they 
were  written  to  a  girl  who  is  known  to  be  motherless  and 
at  a  distance  from  her  father,  and  they  were  intended  for 
her  eyes  only.  In  the  circumstances  it  would  be  dishon- 
orable to  show  them  to  another.  Had  you  informed 
them  that  you  were  under  my  chaperonage,  it  would  be 
proper  for  me  to  read  their  letters — indeed,  I  might  insist 
upon  doing  so  even  without  your  consent,  although  you 
kn'ow  such  an  assumption  of  authority  would  be  impossi- 
ble to  me.  A  gentlewoman  never  claims  confidences  as 
a  right,  though  she  may  welcome  them  when  offered  as  a 
courtesy." 

As  a  result  of  this  conference  a  similar  dispatch  was 
sent  to  each  man,  and  then  followed  the  unpleasant  duty 
of  composing  an  explanatory  letter.  Of  course,  a  girl's 
reserve  must  be  respected,  so  I  asked  no  questions; 
but  I  suspect  Kate  had  never  before  planned  a  serious 
letter  in  which  every  sentence  must  be  couched  in 
terms  of  self-respect  and  every  word  carefully  weighed. 
The  letter  when  written  was  submitted  to  me.  After  the 
conventional   introduction   it  read  somewhat  as  follows: 

"Our  correspondence  was  begun  without  consideration  and  has 
been  continued  merely  as  a  diversion,  doubtless  because  we  felt 
unwilling  to  snap  the  threads  of  our  pleasant  acquaintance.  It  has 
assumed,  however,  an  unforeseen  importance  in  view  of  your  pro- 
posed visit  to  me.  It  would  be  wrong  for  me  to  permit  you  to 
take  so  long  a  journey  solely  on  my  account,  without  first  reminding 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  173 

you  that  the  conventions  of  social  life  in  the  city  make  the  attentions 
of  gentlemen  to  me  more  formal  than  heretofore;  so  a  renewal  of 
our  old-time  camaraderie  is  out  of  the  question.  I  am  visiting  the 
family  of  a  kinsman,  wfhere  I  am  cared  for  with  the  utmost  tender- 
ness and  consideration,  and  where  everything  possible  is  done  for 
my  improvement  intellectually  and  socially.  I  am  just  beginning  to 
realize  how  much  I  lacked  of  the  graces  of  self-restraint  and  how  many 
faults  of  manner  and  infelicities  of  speech  I  had  unconsciously 
acquired.  I  hope  you  will  pardon  the  style  of  my  correspondence, 
which,  I  am  sure,  has  been  much  to  my  discredit.  Should  you  come 
to  the  city,  my  host  will  call  upon  you,  and  my  hostess  will  be 
pleased  by  a  visit  from  you,  which  I  shall  gladly  share  with  her. 

*^  Sincerely  yours, 

"Kate  Blank." 

One  should  have  known  Kate  a  long  time  to  fully 
understand  now  much  stubborn,  unreasoning  pride  must 
perforce  have  been  crushed  before  she  could  write  such 
a  letter  as  this.  That  what  she  wrote  would  raise  her  in 
the  estimation  of  a  manly  man  I  felt  assured,  but  if  her 
acquaintances  were  of  a  different  stamp  they  would  be 
likely  to  say  :  "  Well,  there's  no  more  amusement  to  be 
had  of  that  girl,  and,  as  for  marrying  me,  after  this  flight 
into  ceremonious  elegance,  she  would  scorn  the  thought. 
My  chances  are  gone,  and,  perhaps,  I  am  well  out  of  a 
bit  of  folly."  This  and  even  coarser  things  might  be 
said,  and,  perhaps,  each  would  re-read  her  old  letters  to 
confirm  himself  in  the  belief  that  a  gay  and  merry  girl 
had  been  spoiled  by  over-refinement. 

We  talked  of  such  possibilities,  and  Kate  accepted 
them  bravely  as  part  of  a  deserved  punishment.  Her 
other  two  correspondents  she  decided  to  dismiss  as  del- 
icately as  possible  after  the  receipt  of  further  letters, 
terminating  her  postal  acquaintance  with  them  with  the 


174  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

exception  of  an  occasional  note  that  might  have  some 
fitting  reason  for  its  sending. 

The  days  passed  rapidly,  and  Midwinter  festivities 
occupied  much  of  our  time.  Kate  became  more  and 
more  dear  to  us  and  more  charming  to  society  at  large. 
Indeed,  she  began  to  impart  to  others  her  newly  acquired 
refinement,  and  in  the  sister  of  our  late  theatre  host  the 
improvement  was  especially  noticeable,  although  she  was 
ignorant  from  what  source  a  finer  and  more  gracious 
manner  was  being  communicated  to  her.  A  most  win- 
some characteristic  of  fine  breeding  is  that  it  dispenses 
itself  throughout  a  circle  of  acquaintances  without  the 
consciousness  of  instructor  or  pupil. 

It  was  nearly  a  fortnight  before  the  first  response  came 
to  Kate's  letters.  Her  cheeks  blazed  and  her  eyes 
flashed  as  she  gave  it  to  me,  saying,  "  He  is  not  worthy 
of  the  respect  I  showed  him." 

"True,  my  dear  Kate,"  I  answered,  as  I  hurriedly 
scanned  the  lines,  "  nor  did  I  ever  suspect  he  was.  The 
respect  which  you  expressed  was  shown  to  yourself. 
Anything  that  such  a  man  as  the  writer  of  this  letter  can 
think  or  say  is  far  below  the  level  upon  which  you  placed 
yourself  when  you  sent  a^ candid  reply  to  his  offer  of  a 
visit  from  him.  Pray  forget  him  ;  he  is  not  worthy  even 
of  your  remembrance." 

This  was  difficult  advice  for  Kate  to  follow,  for  a 
woman's  wounded  pride  is  sometimes  harder  to  heal  than 
a  heart-break.  Kate's  hurt,  however,  had  the  wholesome 
tonic  of  anger  applied  to  it,  and  she  soon  recovered. 
The  substance  of  the  letter  was  that  the  writer  was  grate- 
ful for  the  amusement  Kate's  letters  had  furnished  him, 
and   that   as  he  was   compelled    to   be   in    the  city   on 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  175 

business  he  hoped  the  pleasure  of  her  acquaintance  would 
not  be  wholly  denied  him  by  those  friends  into  whose 
fetters  she  had  so  completely  locked  herself. 

The  other  correspondent  was  wounded,  but  he  was  a 
gentleman,  and  he  took  upon  himself  the  blame  for  any- 
thing that  was  inconsiderate  in  their  interchange  of  let- 
ters. He  had  hoped,  he  said,  that  their  acquaintance 
and  correspondence  might  lead  to  a  very  different  result, 
but  as  he  could  not  fail  to  read  his  doom  in  Kate's  last 
letter,  his  visit  to  the  metropolis  was  indefinitely  post- 
poned. He  concluded  by  expressing  a  sincere  hope  that 
Kate  would  be  well  and  happy  in  whatever  place  in  life 
she  chose  for  herself,  being  convinced  that  she  was  capa- 
ble of  adorning  the  highest  as  well  as  the  least  alluring 
destiny. 

This  letter  appealed  to  the  better  part  of  Kate's  nature 
and  obliterated  every  trace  of  the  wound  inflicted  by  the 
other.  Indeed,  the  remembrance  of  her  cruel  thought- 
lessness conferred  a  sweet  seriousness  upon  her  words 
and  manner,  and  from  a  blunder  suitably  atoned  for  she 
gained  the  finest  and  sweetest  of  her  social  graces.  Not 
having  anything  now  to  blush  for  or  even  to  conceal,  she 
began  acquiring,  day  by  day,  thejiappy  and  perfect  poise 
that  is  characteristic  of  a  true*gentlewoman.  The  sting 
in  the  first  letter  reminded  her  how  she,  too,  had  wan- 
tonly inflicted  suffering,  while  the  manly  tone  of  the  other 
communication  made  her  deeply  ashamed  of  her  own 
unworthy  conduct ;  and  she  determined  that  it  should  no 
longer  be  said  of  her  amusements,  as  the  frogs  in  the 
fable  replied  to  their  tormentors,  "It  may  be  fun  for  you, 
but  it  is  death  to  us." 

It  is  impossible  that  the  habits  of  a  lifetime,  even  when 


176  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

as  brief  as  Kate's,  should  be  at  once  uprooted  and  re- 
placed by  others.  She  was  obliged  to  undergo  a  self- 
discipline  that  was  by  no  means  agreeable  or  easy  for  a 
girl  whose  wishes  had  hitherto  been  her  sole  guide.  One 
day,  as  we  were  conversing  of  her  approaching  return 
home,  she  said :  "  1  have  heard  of  self-sacrilicing  women 
who  have  studied  for  years  in  order  to  properly  equip 
themselves  to  reach  into  lower  lives  and  lift  them  from 
their  inferior  conditions,  and  I  hope  my  experience  this 
winter  will  enable  me  to  raise  the  standards  of  some  at 
least  of  my  girl  acquaintances.  I  know  I  can  never 
again  hold  my  conduct  or  my  words  in  such  light  esteem 
as  I  once  did,  and  yet,  dear  cousin,  I  never  so  thoroughly 
enjoyed  the  pleasures  which  belong  to  my  age  as  I  do 
now.  I  suspect  my  sensations  are  not  unlike  those  of 
the  skilled  musician  when  he  recalls  his  first  rude  attempts 
at  harmony." 

The  past  is  wholly  past,  my  dear  niece,  when  we  have 
once  learned  a  purer  and  sweeter  cadence  for  the  expres- 
sion of  our  thoughts  and  wishes. 

Auntie. 


TWENTY-NINTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Never  have  I  spent  such  a  merry  Christmas  as  the  one 
just  past,  nor  have  I  ever  been  so  fully  impressed  with 
the  true  meaning  of  the  day.  Everything  about  us  per- 
taining to  the  sacred  season  has  a  tendency  to  elevate 
the  feelings  and  fill  the  heart  with  gladness,  and  the  very 
air  seems  to  bear  to  us  the  ancient  benediction  of  peace 
and  good-will  to  men. 

Many  of  the  older  members  of  the  party  joined  cur 
hostess  in  dressing  the  tree,  which  is  a  notable  feature  of 
the  day  here,  even  with  the  poorest  people ;  and  among 
its  pretty  decorations  is  usually  a  little  manger  contain- 
ing a  wax  figure  representing  the  Christ-Child,  which  is 
placed  at  the  foot  of  the  tree  and  serves  to  impress  the 
children  deeply  when  the  beautiful  story  is  being  told 
them. 

Christmas  morning  dawned  bright  and  clear,  and 
Nature  had  clad  herself  in  purest  white,  as  if  for  the 
occasion.  It  is  a  custom  for  the  children  of  the  poor  to 
go  about  on  Christmas  morning  singing  carols  to  their 
richer  neighbors,  who  give  them  presents  of  clothing  and 
also  sweetmeats  and  toys  appropriate  to  their  age.  After 
attending  church  we  spent  the  day  in  feasting,  sleighing, 
12  177 


178  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

skating  and  general  merry-making ;  and  in  the  evening 
we  all  gathered  with  the  children  in  the  drawing-room, 
which  was  purposely  darkened  while  the  tree  was  being 
lighted.  When  all  were  assembled,  suddenly  from  with- 
out came  the  carol, 

''%\\t  I»tot^  M^XtUx, 

(Every  year  again  comes  the  Christ-Child.)  The  song 
stirred  the  sentiment  that  was  in  every  one's  breast,  and 
it  diverted  for  a  time  the  attention  of  the  young  people ; 
soon,  however,  the  excitement  under  which  the  small 
folks  had  been  living  for  some  days  past,  and  their 
curiosity  to  know  what  the  ^*  ^\x\%\-'^XXk^t\itXk  ^^  was 
going  to  bring  them,  became  once  more  apparent,  and 
we  sang  with  them  the  sweet  Christmas  song  : 

While  we  were  still  singing  a  little  bell  tinkled  in  the 
next  room,  the  singing  suddenly  ceased,  and  the  children 
in  joyous  expectancy  rushed  to  the  doors,  which  were 
quickly  thrown  open,  and  we  were  dazzled  for  a  moment 
by  the  brilliance  of  the  many  lighted  candles.  The  chil- 
dren were  at  first  a  little  bewildered  and  awed  as  they 
listened  to  the  Christmas  story  so  sweetly  told  them  by 
our  gracious  hostess ;  but  they  were  soon  lost  in  admira- 
tion for  the  beautiful  tree.  All  voices  united  in  singing 
"  Glory  to  God  on  High,"  in  German,  after  which  came 
the  distribution  of  the  gifts.  Every  servant  in  the  house 
was  admitted  at  this  part  of  the  festivities,  and  besides 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  179 

receiving  gifts  of  money  they  were  presented  with  many 
articles  of  utility  and  a  goodly  supply  of  comfortable 
clothing.  Private  theatricals  and  a  dance  followed  the 
distribution  of  the  presents,  and  then  came  a  supper. 

The  Christmas  festivities  still  continue.  The  sleighing 
is  excellent  and  we  make  up  sleighing  parties  almost 
every  day  or  evening. 

Well,  in  the  midst  of  all  these  pleasant  happenings  I 
have  not  forgotten  the  story  you  have  been  writing  for  me 
in  your  letters  of  the  perplexities  into  which  Kate's  promis- 
cuous correspondence  brought  her.  I  feel  much  admira- 
tion for  the  courage  she  displayed  in  writing  to  the  two 
men  as  she  did  ;  and  I  am  much  interested  to  know  if  her 
friend  called  upon  her  and  you  as  he  proposed  doing  in 
his  answer  to  her  letter. 

Father  has  decided  to  go  to  Paris  at  the  termination  of 
our  visit  here,  which  will  be  at  the  end  of  another  week. 
When  next  I  write  you  I  will  probably  date  my  letter  from 
that  city,  unless  we  should  chance  to  make  a  short  stop- 
over somewhere  on  the  way.  This  is  not  likely,  however, 
if  father's  strength  proves  equal  to  making  the  journey 
without  interruption,  as  I  think  it  will. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


THIRTIETH   LETTER.      * 

A  PARTIE  CARRIE. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

The  one  of  Kate's  correspondents  who  had  expressed 
his  intention  of  coming  to  the  city  adhered  to  his  resolu- 
tion, and  upon  his  arrival  he  sent  a  card  to  her  and  one 
to  your  Uncle  John.  Kate's  indignation  was  roused 
afresh  at  this,  which  seemed  to  her  an  added  insult.  In 
her  hasty  judgment  she  saw  only  the  man  as  he  was,  with- 
out asking  whether  he  were  to  blame  for  his  ignorance  of 
refined  usages.  She  did  not  feel  the  least  compassion 
for  him  on  account  of  the  methods  of  thought  and  con- 
duct he  had  inherited  and  imbibed  from  his  surroundings. 
Even  had  she  done  so,  however,  it  could  hardly  be  ex- 
pected that  she  would  hold  herself  responsible  for  the 
correction  of  a  young  man's  faulty  mind  and  manners. 
Your  uncle,  on  the  other  hand,  has  always  believed  that 
everything  which  occurs  in  our  lives  has  a  significance 
which  it  is  our  duty  to  discover  and  fulfil.  After  our 
marriage  we  adopted  as  our  rule  of  conduct  a  resolution 
left  upon  record  by  one  who  was  worthier  and  wiser 
than  ourselves.  I  trust  you,  too,  will  adopt  it  and  pass 
it  on  to  your  companions.     It  is,  "  I  will  do  what  good 

i8o 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  l8l 

I  can  as  I  pass  along,  for  I  shall  not  come  this  way 
agahi." 

Regarding  the  late  unpleasantness  between  Kate  and 
her  correspondent  I  had  merely  said  that  the  two  were  old 
acquaintances,  but  that  Kate  had  outgrown  a  taste  for 
his  society.  I  also  mentioned  that  he  had  written  to  her 
announcing  his  intended  visit  to  the  city,  and  that  Kate 
had  replied  that  if  a  card  was  sent  us  on  his  arrival,  her 
cousin  might  call  upon  him.  I  added :  "  I  presume  some 
social  attentions  from  us  will  be  of  value  to  him,  a  real 
mission  to  the  stranger,  from  which  the  young  fellow  may 
get  more  good  than  he  is  able  to  return.  Of  course,  we 
cannot  expect  much  assistance  from  Kate.  She  is  too 
much  annoyed  at  what  she  calls  his  impertinence  in  send- 
ing his  card  to  you.  But  so  rapid  has  been  her  improve- 
ment that  it  is  impossible  to  estimate  the  effect  which 
even  meeting  her  at  a  dinner  may  have  upon  the  manners 
and  the  ways  of  thought  of  the  young  man." 

John  shared  my  interest  in  the  matter  and  accordingly 
took  an  early  opportunity  of  calling  upon  the  man.  He 
found  him  an  energetic,  clear-headed,  handsome  fellow, 
full  of  business  enthusiasm  and  with  keen  faculties  that 
were  alert  to  grasp  every  better  or  larger  estimate  of  cur- 
rent affairs  that  came  in  his  way.  My  husband  was  really 
charmed  with  his  wide-eyed  eagerness  to  be  improved  by 
what  he  saw  and  heard.  At  the  same  time  he  could  not 
but  smile  at  the  epigrammatic  terseness,  not  to  say  slangi- 
ness,  of  his  speech.  His  attitudes  were  not  those  of  a 
man  of  refinement,  though  his  faults  in  this  direction  were 
merely  blunders  that  could  be  easily  corrected. 

Many  men  are  uniformly  careless  of  their  attitudes 
when  with  their  own  sex,  yet  are  careful  to  pose  properly 


1 82  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

in  the  presence  of  women.  Such  an  indulgence  of  bad 
manners,  however,  is  apt  to  result  in  neglect  of  conven- 
tionalities at  the  proper  moment,  and  men,  my  dear 
niece,  are  more  disturbed  at  small  social  blunders  than 
most  women.  One  is  always  able  to  determine  what  a 
man's  training  has  been  by  his  method  of  sitting,  stand- 
ing, holding  his  hands,  etc.  The  safest  plan  is  never  to 
permit  one's-self  to  assume  an  ungainly  position  in  the 
presence  of  others;  an  elegant  attitude  will  then  become 
habitual  and  be  assumed  unconsciously  in  all  circum- 
stances. 

Our  guest  did  not  mistake  the  hour  for  dinner  men- 
tioned in  the  note  of  invitation,  but  he  doubtless  wished 
to  be  friendly  and  so  came  nearly  an  hour  before  he  was 
expected.  .  Your  uncle  had  not  yet  returned  from  busi- 
ness, but  he  came  in  shortly  afterward  and  went  directly 
to  his  dressing-room.  Neither  Kate  nor  I  was  ready  to 
receive  the  man,  so  he  had  abundant  leisure  to  ponder 
upon  the  fact  that  a  too  early  attendance  at  a  dinner  is 
almost  as  grave  a  fault  as  being  too  late.  Most  people 
do  not  realize  that  the  dinner  hour  is  always  inflexible 
and  that  this  gathering  is  the  least  movable  of  the  day's 
feasts.  Our  visitor  had  forgotten,  too,  that  in  places 
where  ceremony  is  enjoined,  evening  dress  is  de  rigueur 
at  dinner  for  both  men  and  women.  It  is,  indeed,  an 
expression  of  mutual  respect  for  each  member  of  a  well- 
ordered  family  to  freshen  his  toilette  for  this  meeting  of 
the  entire  household.  An  invitation  to  a  dinner,  even  if 
it  be  en  famille^  implies  evening  dress.  If  a  man  have 
none,  he  must  decline  the  hospitality  and  give  as  his 
reason  that  he  has  no  dinner  dress.  His  host  or  hostess 
will  then  excuse  this  informality  of  toilette,  unless  it  be  a 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  183 

ceremonious  occasion,  in  which  case  the  guest  prefers  to 
decline  rather  than  to  appear  wanting  in  respect  for  ks 
convenances. 

In  most  places  outside  large  cities  the  dinner  hour 
is  fixed  at  shortly  after  midday,  and  morning  dress  is 
correct;  but  at  tea  or  supper,  which  usually  takes  place 
by  gas  or  lamp  light,  full  dress  is  expected.  There  is, 
however,  one  important  exception  to  this  rule.  In  most 
households  where  the  service  is  not  large,  the  dinner  on 
Sunday  occurs  shortly  after  midday,  and  the  tea  or 
supper  at  night.  In  such  families  Sunday  evening  is 
often  the  most  hospitable  of  all  days  to  intimate  friends, 
to  whom  one  says,  "  Drop  in  for  supper  any  Sunday 
night  " ;  and  on  such  informal  occasions  the  social  con- 
ventions in  regard  to  evening  dress  are  remitted  for  both 
men  and  women. 

Kate's  correspondent  treated  our  week-day  dinner  invi- 
tation as  if  it  had  been  a  Sunday-night  supper  in  the  most 
worldly  of  households.  My  husband  was  in  evening  attire 
and  I  in  demi-toilette,  while  Kate  was  in  dinner  dress,  cut 
square  at  the  throat  and  with  elbow  sleeves.  Her  dress 
was  simply  a  pale-blue  cashmere  with  a  single  pink  rose 
in  the  corsage,  but  she  entered  the  drawing-room  with  a 
queenly  step  and  manner  that  gave  her  costume  an  air 
of  sumptuousness  which  was  by  no  means  unnoticed  even 
by  our  familiar  selves,  while  in  the  eyes  of  our  guest  the 
exquisite  grace  of  the  girl,  her  superb  dignity  and  her 
delicate  and  charming  appearance,  all  so  different  from 
her  once  gorgeous  dash,  evidently  produced  a  most 
impressive  picture.  He  was  so  much  embarrassed  that 
we  pitied  him,  but  with  Kate  it  was  only  a  part  of  her 
revenge,  and  she  enjoyed  it  to  the  fullest.     The  bonhomie. 


1 84  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

of  which  my  husband  had  told  me  and  of  which  I  saw 
glimpses  at  once,  vanished  from  the  moment  Kate  swept 
into  the  room.  She  had  always  called  him  by  his  first 
name,  and  even  this  had  been  abbreviated  and  familiar- 
ized, but  when  she  addressed  him  as  Mr.  Blank,  his  old 
style  of  "  How  d'ye  do,  Kate,"  died  off  his  tongue,  and  he 
only  said,  "  I'm  well,  thanks." 

Dinner  was  at  once  announced,  and  your  uncle  gave 
Kate  his  arm,  while  I  asked  our  guest  if  I  should  take 
his — an  added  touch  of  ceremony  that  would  have  been 
omitted  had  this  not  been  "  lesson  night"  as  John  ex- 
pressed it  while  we  were  coming  down-stairs.  Besides, 
the  poor  fellow,  in  his  embarrassment,  had  thrust  both 
hands  deep  into  the  side  pockets  of  his  business  coat,  so 
that  in  giving  his  arm  to  me  the  hands  became  visible 
once  more.  This  was  not  the  style  of  man,  however,  to 
lose  his  head  for  very  long,  and  we  had  not  reached  the 
table  before  he  inquired,  "  Is  there  a  ball  or  anything 
particular  going  on  to-night  ?  " 

"  Not  that  I  am  aware  of,  Mr.  Blank." 

"  Your  husband's  fixin's  is  what  we  use  for  that  sort  of 
thing  out  our  way,  and  I  didn't  know  but  we  were  to  have 
a  dance  after  dinner." 

*'  My  husband  always  wears  evening  dress  when  we 
have  a  guest  at  dinner — indeed,  he  does  when  we  are 
alone,  if  he  is  not  too  tired." 

"  Oh !  that's  the  proper  thing,  is  it  ?  We  only  wear 
such  coats  and  ties  at  dances  and  weddings." 

We  were  soon  at  the  table,  and  the  man  surprised  me 
by  showing  that  he  knew  how  to  move  my  chair  and 
place  it  properly  before  taking  his  seat  at  my  right.  As 
it  was  a  partie  carree^  he  sat  opposite  Kate.     Between 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  185 

counting  the  forks,  knives  and  spoons  at  each  side  of  his 
plate  and  looking  at  his  vis  d  vis,  whose  face  was  turned 
toward  her  cousin,  our  guest  was  intensely  amusing  to 
me.  All  his  observing  faculties  were  alert.  He  did  not 
lift  a  fork  until  he  saw  that  I  used  the  little  outer  one  to 
eat  oysters  from  their  shells.  This  observance  was  so 
furtive  that  had  I  not  been  closely  noting  his  manner  it 
would  have  escaped  me.  He  ate  like  a  well-bred  man, 
making  no  noise.  When  the  soup  came  he  followed  my 
example  in  selecting  the  larger  of  the  two  spoons,  and 
when  he  saw  that  I  held  mine  in  my  hand  an  instant,  as 
I  was  in  no  haste  to  eat,  he  pretended  to  be  interested  in 
a  bowl  of  ferns  that  stood  in  the  center  of  the  table, 
until  I  had  tasted  my  soup.  He  saw  that  I  dipped  the 
spoon  from  me  and  partook  of  its  contents  from  the  side 
of  its  bowl  rather  than  from  its  tip,  and  then  by  closely 
imitating  me  he  avoided  2i  faux  pas.  It  was  most  inter- 
esting to  see  how  eager  he  was  to  do  everything  the 
proper  way. 

After  a  little  while  Kate  relented,  asked  agreeable 
questions  and  was  altogether  courteous  to  him,  but  he 
must  have  been  a  duller  or  a  more  audacious  man  than 
we  had  thought  him,  to  have  ventured  the  slightest  per- 
sonality or  even  familiarity  of  speech  with  our  magnifi- 
cent Kate.  She  talked  of  travel,  of  books  and  of  recent 
events  both  social  and  political,  and  she  did  it  in  such  a 
clear-headed  but  not  opinionated  way  that  even  we  were 
surprised.  You  will  find,  my  dear  niece,  that  there  are 
few  persons  whose  brains  are  so  bare  of  furnishings  that 
they  cannot  tell  you  something  you  had  not  before  heard 
and  that  you  did  not  suspect  them  of  knowing.  This 
lesson  is  humiliating  unless  one  learns  it  early  in  life  and 


1 86  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

keeps  it  fresh  in  mind  by  frequent  appeals  for  wisdom  to 
unrecognized  sources. 

Occasionally  our  guest  would  toss  off  a  droll,  slangy 
sentence  at  which  we  laughed  ;  but  ff  he  were  to  remain 
with  us  for  any  length  of  time  we  should,  as  we  grew 
better  acquainted,  have  felt  it  an  act  of  friendly  duty  to 
tell  him  that  educated  persons  are  expected  to  converse 
in  pure  English  and  not  in  a  provincial  dialect.  There 
was  no  need  of  this,  however^  for  he  was  keen  enough  to 
perceive  that  his  style  of  conversation  was  quite  different 
from  our  own  ;  indeed,  his  exuberant  adjectives  and  his 
unfamiliar  but  effective  epigrams  became  less  and  less 
frequent  as  we  neared  the  end  of  our  dinner. 

As  usual,  coffee  was  to  be  served  in  the  drawing-room. 
When  I  rose  from  the  table  our  guest  omitted  to  draw  back 
my  chair,  as  he  saw  your  uncle  do  for  Kate.  When  he 
became  aware  that  he  had  omitted  a  customary  courtesy, 
his  face  grew  red  with  mortification.  John  looked  at 
him  an  instant  to  see  if,  as  was  also  his  duty  as  attendant 
upon  the  hostess,  he  was  about  to  open  the  door  leading 
from  the  room  or  to  draw  the  portiere  and  stand  by  its 
side  until  I  had  passed  out ;  but  the  look  explained  noth- 
ing, and  his  host  had  to  perform  this  service  for  him. 

While  the  men  were  smoking,  Kate  and  I  were  left 
alone  for  a  few  moments,  and  it  was  evident  from  her 
manner  that  she  felt  a  painful  sense  of  responsibility  for 
the  blunders  of  the  man  she  had  introduced  to  our  home. 
"  Never  mind,  Kate,"  said  I,  putting  my  arm  about  her  ; 
"  you  wouldn't  have  noticed  it  a  few  months  ago,  and  our 
guest  will  not  blunder  a  second  time.  I  like  him.  He 
is  worth  attention.  His  faults  are  only  those  of  manner 
and  can  easily  be  corrected.     Now  that  I  have  seen  him, 


SOCIAL  LIFE,  187 

I'm  sure  he  didn't  mean  to  be  rude  to  you  in  his  letter ; 
it  was  because  he  was  unfamiliar  with  so  delicate  a  sub- 
ject." 

It  was  not  long  before  the  pair  had  finished  smoking 
and  returned  to  the  drawing-room.  The  first  reserve  of 
the  young  man  was  wearing  off,  and  he  began  to  feel 
enough  at  ease  to  seat  himself  in  a  light  reception  chair 
and  tilt  it  so  that  only  two  of  its  delicate  legs  rested  on 
the  floor.  He  swayed  to  and  fro  in  the  chair  as  he 
talked  and  listened  alternately  and  slowly  sipped  his 
coffee.  "  This  is  first-rate  coffee  and  an  awfully  jolly  way 
of  drinking  it,"  he  was  saying,  when  suddenly  the  chair 
snapped.  He  jumped  and  spilled  the  contents  of  his 
cup.  The  chair  was  not  quite  a  wreck.  In  his  embar- 
rassment the  poor  fellow  said,  "We  don't  have  this  kind 
of  seat  out  our  way  "  ;  and  Kate,  forgetting  politeness  in 
her  anger,  promptly  retorted,  "  We  don't  writhe  in  chairs 
our  way ;  chairs  are  made  for  repose  and  not  for  exer- 
cise." 

How  the  poor  fellow  reddened !  Both  John  and  I 
insisted  that  the  accident  was  a  trifle  to  be  forgotten  at 
once,  but  he  continued  to  examine  the  frail  object  with 
critical  eyes,  saying  to  himself  as  if  no  one  could  hear 
him  "  after  this,  I'll  know  enough  to  use  all  four  legs  of  a 
chair  at  the  same  time.  I  wish  I  could  fix  the  pretty 
thing,  but  it  beats  me." 

We  endeavored  to  divert  his  mind  from  the  unhappy 
incident,  as  was  the  duty  of  a  host,  but  the  next  day, 
much  to  my  annoyance,  a  new  chair  was  sent  liie,  and 
with  it  a  note  of  thanks  for  a  pleasant  evening.  The  latter 
attention  was  quite  proper,  because  his  stay  in  town  was 
too  brief  for  him  to  make  an   after-dinner  call ;  but  the 


1 88  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

note  was  written  upon  fancy-colored  paper  with  a  picture 
in  the  upper  corner !  Kate  was  disgusted  with  the  pea- 
green  letter-paper,  but  I  inquirecj,  "  Did  you  never  use 
just  such  unrefined  stationery  ?  " 

"  Yes,  indeed,  I  did,"  she  slowly  replied. 

"  Did  you  not  do  even  more  ?  Did  you  not  perfume 
the  paper  with  musk  or  patchouly  ?  " 

"  Yes,  but  I  have  repented  and  reformed." 

"  So  would  this  young  man  if  he  had  enjoyed  your 
advantages.  He  does  the  best  he  knows.  Had  he  been 
acquainted  with  the  correct  formula,  he  wouldn't  have 
sent  this  new  chair,  but  his  thought  was  proper  ;  he  only 
missed  the  acceptable  way  for  making  amends.  An 
apology  was  all  that  was  required.  It  would  be  a  relief 
to  the  minds  of  mischief-makers  among  parlor  chairs,  if 
this  were  not  a  rigid  custom.  It  is  easier  to  break  frail 
chairs  than  rigid  usages,  as  you  will  learn  if  you  try  to 
perform  this  feat  in  any  well-ordered  social  circle." 

He  was  gone  and  with  him  our  kindest  wishes.  Kate's 
mind  was  relieved  of  the  burden  of  unpleasant  anticipa- 
tion, and  a  few  days  later  she  said  to  us  over  our  coffee  : 
"  My  acquaintance  received  several  valuable  lessons  in  de- 
corum from  you  while  he  was  here,  but  he  has  not  gained 
as  much  from  them  as  I  have  from  mine,  partly  because  I 
am  placed  where  I  can  pUt  some  of  mine  into  practice, 
while  he  cannot,  if  he  remains  where  he  is.  You  have 
taught  me  that  resentment  is  ignoble  as  well  as  ungra 
cious,  and  that  in  helping  a  person  who  is  less  fortunately 
placed  than  myself  I  can  receive  in  pleasure  as  much  or 
even  more  than  I  have  bestowed  in  benefits.  I  shall 
try  to  pass  this  lesson  on  whenever  I  have  opportunity. 
Please  believe,  my  dear  cousins,  that  I  am  grateful  for 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  189 

the  lessons  I  am  getting,  even  though  I  cannot  yet  fully 
comprehend  all  that  such  considerateness  to  the  unde- 
serving means." 

"  When  you  are  wise  enough  to  know  just  who  are  and 
who  are  not  deserving,  the  meaning  of  all  will  be  plain  to 
you.  Cousin  Kate,  but  you  and  I  will  not  then  be  living 
this  life,"  replied  your  Uncle  John. 

Auntie. 


THIRTY-FIRST  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

We  arrived  in  Paris  yesterday  after  an  exceedingly 
pleasant  and  interesting  journey.  We  were  obliged  to 
stop  over  a  few  hours  in  Cologne,  "  Der  Stadt  mit  dem 
ewigen  Dom  "  (the  city  with  the  eternal  cathedral),  as  the 
town-folk  call  it,  and  so  we  made  a  visit  to  the  magnifi- 
cent Gothic  edifice  for  which  the  old  town  is  famous.  It 
is  necessary  to  traverse  a  maze  of  narrow  and  not  over- 
clean  streets  in  order  to  reach  the  "  Dom  Platz,'*  and  the 
huge  structure  bursts  upon  the  spectator  suddenly,  fairly 
taking  away  the  breath  with  its  vastness,  of  which  the 
ordinary  beholder  can  form  no  adequate  conception.  I 
wish  I  could  fully  describe  to  you  the  grandeur  of  this 
cathedral,  with  its  two  giant  towers  that  seem  to  fairly 
touch  the  sky,  and  its  numerous  other  towers,  which 
display  the  most  exquisite  sculpture,  terminating  at  the 
top  in  great  floral  crosses,  to  which  we  could  look  up 
only  with  great  difficulty. 

My  first  impressions  on  entering  the  cathedral  will 
never  be  effaced  from  my  memory  while  I  live.  The 
solemn  stillness  speaks  to  the  heart  more  impressively 
than  if  countless  tongues  were  engaged  in  solemn  ser- 
vice ;    and   one   feels   an    indescribable   awe   and   over- 

190 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  191 

whelming  sense  of  the  holiness  of  the  place.  The 
bright  sunshine  is  softened  to  a  sombre  twilight  as  it 
enter?  in  many-colored  shafts  through  the  richly  painted 
windows,  the  effect  increasing  the  solemn  majesty  of 
the  interior.  The  lofty,  vaulted  ceiling  is  upheld  by 
groups  of  pillars,  fourteen  of  which  support  the  choir 
gallery  situated  behind  the  magnificent  high  altar,  of 
which  the  artistic  simplicity  adds  wonderfully  to  the 
impressiveness.  Seven  chapels  surround  this  gallery,  and 
our  guide,  a  most  intelligent  man,  pointed  out  to  us  the 
one  in  which  lies  buried  Archbishop  Konrad  von  Hoch- 
staden,  who  in  1248  laid  the  corner-stone  of  the  cathe- 
dral. 

Our  guide  also  gave  us  an  interesting  histor}'^  of  the 
edifice,  which  is  so  closely  identified  with  the  history  of 
the  German  Empire  that  it  may  be  said  to  present  a  per- 
fect picture  of  its  struggles  and  successes  upon  its  time- 
worn  walls.  It  grew  with  the  First  German  Empire,  and 
after  the  fall  it  stood  for  years  neglected.  With  the 
establishment  of  the  new  German  Empire  it  rose  to  its 
present  grandeur.  I  could  have  spent  many  days  in 
studying  the  architecture  of  the  great  pile  and  in  enjoy- 
ing its  perfect  peacefulness,  but,  as  you  know,  pur  time 
was  decidedly  limited. 

You  will  readily  believe  that  the  change  from  Cologne 
to  Paris  was  a  very  abrupt  one  both  in  the  sights  to  be 
seen  and  the  feelings  they  inspired.  I  will  tell  you  in 
my  next  of  my  impressions  of  the  city;  I  cannot  do  so 
yet,  for  I  have  seen  so  little  of  it.  In  the  meantime  I 
will  look  for  a  letter  from  you  telling  me  of  Kate's 
progress  in  her  social  education.  I  need  not  tell 
you    that    I    am    deeply  interested    in    your  account  of 


192  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

her  gradual  elevation  to  the  higher  plane  of  perfect  re- 
finement, and  J  await  your  letters  with  the  utmost  eager- 
ness. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


THIRTY-SECOND  LETTER. 

unspoken  preferences. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

I  could  not  help  feeling  some  curiosity  about  the 
young  man  whom  Kate  had  said  she  regarded  as  a  true 
friend,  because  he  showed  his  appreciation  of  her  better 
qualities  by  occasionally  sending  her  a  copy  of  a  recent 
publication,  or  a  note  calling  attention  to  some  book 
which  he  hoped  would  gratify  her  as  it  had  him.  When- 
ever the  subject  of  the  book  or  its  treatment  was  above 
her  grasp,  the  hint  that  she  would  care  for  it  was,  of 
course,  a  most  delicate  tribute  to  her  natural  possibilities. 
Of  the  personality  of  this  unseen  man  the  girl  said  not  a 
word,  but  I  gathered  from  some  chance  expression  that 
he  was  living  far  less  remote  than  her  other  visitor,  and 
that  he  was  a  man  of  considerable  leisure.  He  could,  if 
he  wished,  see  Kate  very  easily,  and  his  persistent  but 
impersonal  reminders  of  his  interest  in  her  seemed  a 
strange  way  of  showing  friendliness.  Curious,  too,  was 
his  continued  absence  from  a  city  toward  which  "  foot- 
free  "  men  of  means  naturally  gravitate  at  least  once 
during  the  Winter  season  of  music  and  social  gayeties. 
Kate  rarely  mentioned  him  except  incidentally  or  when 
^3  193 


194  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

some  communication  arrived  from  him.  Since  her  late 
experience  she  was  no  longer  disposed  to  be  mysterious 
regarding  the  postman,  so  I  began  to  suspect  that  the 
reason  she  said  so  little  about  Richard  Eldred  was 
because  she  was  gratified  more  than  she  cared  to  say  by 
his  delicate  attentions. 

Her  silence  was  not  reserve,  nor  was  it  an  excess  of 
sensitiveness.  It  was,  doubtless,  a  form  of  that  unpleas- 
ant mental  habit  which  in  certain  circles  is  the  only 
means  of  self-preservation.  In  coarse-mannered  persons 
it  is  a  "  mind-your-own-business  "  style  of  meeting  and 
repelling  intrusiveness  and  idle  curiosity.  There  had 
probably  been  a  time  when  Kate  would  not  have  thought 
it  ungentlewomanly — she  would  have  said  "  unlady-like  " 
— -to  use  such  an  expression  to  any  one  who  questioned 
her  about  matters  or  persons  of  whom  she  did  not  choose 
to  talk.  Of  course,  such  a  style  of  repelling  impertinence 
was  no  longer  possible  to  her,  and  in  her  present  sur- 
roundings nothing  of  the  kind  was  needed.  Although  I 
wished  much  to  help  her,  I  was  not  quite  certain  whether 
she  needed  my  aid,  and  so  was  obliged  to  wait  in  silence. 

From  the  eagerness  with  which  Kale  read  whatever 
this  man  posted  to  her  and  the  impatience  she  expressed 
at  any  delay  in  procuring  the  authors  he  recommended,  I 
was  certain  she  felt  no  common  regard  for  one  whose 
interest  was  in  her  better  and  higher  self,  and  was  not 
increased  by  her  prospective  fortune  nor  diminished 
because  he  had  known  her  when  she  was  wanting  in  fine 
manners  and  wore  gorgeous  toilettes  at  inappropriate 
times.  He  had  doubtless  discovered  that  beneath  her 
rather  pronounced  manners  and  showy  exterior  Kate  had 
rare  possibilities  of  refinement,  and  that  he  did  not  relin- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  195 

quish  his  interest  in  her  was  equally  to  her  credit  and  to 
his  honor.  Judging  from  his  choice  of  reading,  he  was  a 
man  of  unusual  culture,  and  I  did  not  doubt  that  he 
loved  her  for  what  she  was  capable  of  becoming  rather 
than  for  what  she  was,  and  that  he  kept  himself  aloof 
from  her,  fearing  that  he  might  foolishly  betray  his  regard 
for  one  whose  lavishness  in  dress  and  whose  familiarity 
of  speech  with  her  many  men  acquaintances  were  evi- 
dences of  a  crudeness  that  was  quite  foreign  to  his  ideals 
of  womanly  reserve.  To  ask  a  woman  with  such  man- 
ners to  marry  him  was  as  impossible  for  her  sake  as  for 
his  own.  He  was  unwilling  to  subject  her  to  the  criti- 
cisms and  misjudgments  to  which  she  would  be  exposed 
among  people  of  refinement. 

You  will  pardon  me,  my  dear  niece,  for  having  antici- 
pated what  would  more  naturally  be  told  at  a  later  stage 
of  my  narrative,  but  we  shall  be  able  to  study  this  man's 
conduct  to  better  advantage  in  the  light  of  what  afterward 
took  place.  That  this  was  the  true  explanation  of  his 
present  attitude  toward  Kate  I  had  already  conjectured, 
and  my  suspicion  was  confirmed  by  the  man  himself  after 
she  had  promised  to  be  his  wife,  and  while  he  was  becom- 
ing daily  better  acquainted  with  the  transformations  that 
had  been  wrought  in  her  external  life.  Her  truth,  her 
purity  of  intention,  the  rare  excellence  of  her  natural 
gifts,  he  had  never  doubted. 

As  was  natural  with  a  girl  of  Kate's  temperament,  and 
with  her  habit  of  continually  "  winding  somebody  round 
her  finger,"  she  missed  the  excitement  of  her  correspond- 
ence and  the  amusement  of  planning  caustic  retorts  to 
her  admirers.  She  craved  a  personal  and  special  interest 
in  something  or  somebody.     Not  but  that  she  received 


196  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

much  homage  and  most  flattering  attentions  from  the 
men  who  visited  us,  but  they  were  stately  coxirtesies  and 
without  that  accentuation  which  had  been  lavished  upon 
her  when  she  was  called  Kate,  Kit  or  Kitty  by  those  men 
whom  she  in  turn  addressed  as  Bob,  Tom  or  Dick. 
Having  once  tasted  the  flavor  of  that  sort  of  popularity, 
she  hoped  for  something  in  her  new  life  that  could  take 
its  place.  The  novelty  of  city  life  was  wearing  off,  and 
so  was  the  mental  alertness  which  was  at  first  required  in 
order  that  she  might  conform  to  prevailing  tastes  and 
customs  ;  even  the  satisfaction  she  felt  in  bettered  habits 
was  becoming  monotonous,  and  monotony  was  both  unu- 
sual and  distasteful  to  Kate. 

To  be  sure,  she  had  turned  a  deaf  ear  to  two  suitors 
for  her  hand,  and  she  had  not  only  refrained  from  laugh- 
ing at  them,  but  was  even  inclined  to  keep  such  matters 
a  profound  secret,  although  John,  as  her  guardian  for  the 
time  being,  was  very  properly  made  aware  that  such 
hopes  were  entertained.  In  fact,  one  proposal  did  not 
reach  Kate  directly,  for  your  uncle  said  to  her  one  day 
that  if  she  did  not  manage  to  become  less  fascinating  he 
would  shift  his  authority  to  the  shoulders  of  some  older 
and  less  sympathetic  person,  adding  to  his  compliment 
that  so-and-so  had  begged  permission  to  address  her  as  a 
suitor.  Kate  refused  to  be  subjected  to  such  a  proposal, 
and  the  young  man  received  a  timely  discouragement. 

Afterward  Kate  said  to  me :  "  Not  long  ago  I  couldn't 
have  been  persuaded  to  miss  hearing  that  young  man's 
wooing  and  should  have  enjoyed  refusing  him,  but  this 
desire  has  passed,  and  I  imagine  I  must  be  rapidly  get- 
ting on  toward  a  respectable  maturity.  Before  I  came 
here  I  had  the  pleasure  of  refusing  five  men,  which  isn't 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  197 

very  many,  considering  that  I  am  not  a  bad-looking  girl 
and  have  a  rich  father.  Every  young  man  whom  I 
wished  to  see  at  my  feet  dropped  there  except  one.  Had 
he  asked  me  to  marry  him,  it  is  possible  I  might  have 
been  persuaded  ;  but  then  he  isn't  the  sort  of  man  to  fall 
on  his  kiTees  and  swear  to  no  end  of  emotions  and  rub- 
bish that  he  is  incapable  of  feeling  or  to  make  a  thousand 
promises  he  has  no  intention  of  keeping."  After  a 
moment's  silence  she  added,  "  And  now  there  is  little 
probability  that  I  shall  ever  see  him  again." 

Not  being  utterly  lacking  in  discernment,  I  was  not 
long  in  identifying  the  person  who  thus  held  Kate's  inter- 
est with  the  man  who  wished  her  to  share  with  him  the 
enjoyment  of  books  and  elevated  thoughts.  And  yet, 
believing  as  I  do  that  even  a  mother  has  no  right  to 
invade  a  young  girl's  reserve  or  pry  into  her  secret  pref- 
erences, I  said  nothing.  If  a  girl  can  be  open-minded 
and  confidential  with  her  mother  or  with  an  older  sister 
or  friend,  it  is  best  that  she  have  no  secrets  from  them, 
but  temperaments  sometimes  differ  so  widely  even  in  the 
same  family  that  perfect  frankness  between  its  members 
is  impossible,  though  love  be  strong  and  loyalty  perfect. 
One  person  cannot  receive  a  confidence  without  being 
dictatorial  in  giving  advice,  one  cannot  keep  a  secret, 
another  is  over-anxious,  and  still  another  is  unsympa- 
thetic. 

These  various  defects  are  largely  due  to  radical  pecul- 
iarities of  temperament ;  they  are  mental  deformities, 
and  as  such  call  for  pity,  and  not  for  blame.  Not  many 
people,  however,  are  wholly  free  from  one  or  another  of 
these  qualities  that  are  undesirable  in  a  confidential 
adviser ;  and  so  few  even  of  these,  my  dear  niece,  are 


198  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

able  to  appreciate  and  sympathize  with  the  peculiar 
needs  which  you  or  I  may  have  that  we  shall  be  wise  if, 
while  giving  of  the  best  our  hearts  hold  to  those  who  tuin 
to  us  for  friendly  encouragement,  we,  for  our  own  pan, 
school  ourselves  to  meet  the  inevitable  single-handed, 
with  courage  if  it  be  misfortune  and  with  generDsity  if  it 
be  happiness. 

As  I  looked  at  Kate's  face  after  her  last  sentence,  I 
said  to  myself:  "  With  all  her  faults  she  has  the  courage 
of  silence,  and  how  few  girls  are  thus  gifted  !  If  she 
ever  has  a  skeleton  that  belongs  in  her  own  closet,  she  is 
not  the  sort  of  girl  to  exhibit  it  in  public.  If  it  is  wholly 
hers,  she  will  never  share  it  with  her  dearest  friend.  She 
will  count  the  bright  days  and  leave  the  dark  days 
unrecorded,  and  this  is  a  grand  quality  in  girls  and 
women." 

We  had  noticed  Kate's  effort  to  conceal  a  feeling  of 
apathy  or  ennui  as  the  Lenten  season  advanced,  and 
when  your  uncle  proposed  a  short  visit  to  the  city  of 
Washington,  the  plan  was  received  with  enthusiasm. 
John  had  friends  in  that  city,  and  several  territorial  offi- 
cials were  sure  to  give  Kate  a  pleasant  variation  in  her 
experiences.  We  were  likely  to  be  asked  to  little  dinners 
in  Washington,  and  perhaps  quiet  luncheons  would  be 
made  for  Kate  and  me  ;  we,  therefore,  carried,  as  Kate 
said,  "  toilettes  for  any  fate." 

Shortly  after  our  arrival  we  made  a  visit  to  the  houses 
of  Congress,  which  was  then  in  session.  In  the  gallery 
of  the  Senate  Chamber,  to  which  John  had  secured  tickets 
for  us,  I  saw  a  distinguished-looking  young  man  study 
Kate's  face  a  long  time  unobserved  by  her.  When  his 
eyes  turned  slowly  and,  as  it  appeared,  reluctantly  away 


SOCIAL  LIFM.  tgg 

from  her,  they  met  mine,  and  he  left  his  seat  at  once  and 
disappeared  from  the  house. 

The  next  evening  we  were  engaged  for  an  informal 
and  almost  en  famille  dinner  at  the  home  of  a  college 
friend  of  your  uncle.  We  were  the  last  to  arrive  and 
were  almost  immediately  taken  to  the  dining-room,  Kate 
being  offered  the  arm  of  our  host's  brother,  while  I 
walked  in  with  the  host.  There  was  an  odd  young  man 
— a  Mr.  Eldred — in  the  party,  who  was  rather  hurriedly 
introduced  to  me  because  he  was  to  sit  at  my  left.  Kate 
was  placed  at  the  host's  left,  thus  bringing  her  almost 
face  to  face  with  Mr.  Eldred.  They  had  not  seen  each 
other  clearly  in  the  dim  light  of  the  drawing-room,  but  as 
they  recognized  one  another  across  the  pansies,  Kate 
blushed  crimson,  and  Mr.  Eldred  blanched  as  if  he  were 
a  fainting  girl.  Happily  the  stir  of  seating  ourselves 
concealed  this  little  pantomime,  which  would  have 
escaped  me  also  had  I  not  been  watching  the  two  with 
considerable  interest.  "  And  you  are  not  strangers  ? " 
said  our  host  with  graceful  gallantry.  "  I  am  glad  of 
that.  Had  I  known  of  it  earlier  my  brother  would  have 
been  less  honored." 

*'  I  had  the  good  fortune  to  meet  your  guest  while  I 
was  travelling,  and  her  father's  hospitality  was  most 
gratefully  received.  That  she  has  not  quite  forgotten  me 
I  am  again  fortunate." 

This  well-bred  manner  of  recognizing  Kate  was  very 
gratifying  to  her,  as  I  could  see  plainly  in  the  expression 
of  her  face.  The  words  were  so  tranquilly  said  that 
there  was  no  opportunity  for  self-consciousness  or  embar- 
rassment. She  simply  replied,  "  Thank  you,  Mr.  Eldred, 
I  am  sure  my  father  received  as  much  pleasure  as   he 


200  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

gave  while  you  were  in  our  rather  unconventional  part  of  * 
the  world." 

Curiously  enough,  she  had  struck  at  once  the  key-note 
of  all  the  differences  that  had  lain  like  a  stretch  of  impass- 
able desert  between  them. 

Our  host  drew  Kate  out,  and  she  talked  in  a  clear, 
finely  modulated  voice,  choosing  fitting  and  simple  words 
for  her  replies.  I  noticed  the  eagerness  of  Mr.  Eld  red's 
attention  to  her.  I  saw  his  eyes  wander  from  the  crown 
of  her  shapely  head  and  its  coils  of  rich  hair  carefully 
coiffed  in  coronet  fashion,  as  was  then  proper,  to  her 
moderately  low-cut  white  India  mull  toilette,  which  had  a 
single  pale-pink  rose  for  ornament.  Her  only  jewelry 
was  a  band  of  single  pearls — heir-looms — clasped  about 
her  pretty  wrists. 

While  she  was  removing  her  gloves,  Mr.  Eldred  im- 
proved his  opportunity  of  observing  her  left  hand,  upon 
which  had  there  been  a  ring,  he  might  have  felt  that  his 
painful  discreetness  and  reserve  had  been  all  unneces- 
sary. Perhaps  I  did  not  tell  you  that  when  Kate  first 
came  to  us  she  was,  as  John  said  to  me,  literally  clothed 
in  finger-rings.  Some  of  these  she  had  called  trophies  ; 
but  if  she  wished  me  to  ask  for  an  explanation  she  was 
disappointed.  Her  hands  were  unusually  symmetrical 
and  white,  with  well-kept,  rosy  finger-nails.  Indeed,  so 
pretty  and  graceful  were  they  that  rings  did  not  add  to 
their  attractiveness.  After  she  had  been  with  us  a  short 
time  we  persuaded  her  to  leave  off  the  rings.  I  do  not 
say  that  a  single  ring  is  improper  upon  the  hand  of  a  girl 
who  is  not  engaged,  but  I  insist  that  more  than  one  is  in 
bad  taste.  Mr.  Eldred  looked  pleased  that  no  significant 
circlet  spoiled  Kate's  hand  for  him.     He  afterward  told 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  2/1^  ^ 


me  that  the  next  greatest  delight  to  seeing  no  engaged 
ment  ring  upon  Kate's  finger  was  felt  when  he  mi 
her  former  jewels,  of  which  she  had  always  dispfa; 
costly  assortment. 

I  think  Kate  dreaded  a  termination  ot  th^  dinner, 
because  there  was  danger  of  a  tite-h-tete  with  IVIr.  Eldred. 
She  knew  that  he  must  remember  her  as  an  unpolished 
girl,  and  she  feared  the  change  in  her^ dress  and  manner 
would  recall  it  too  vividly  to  his  n^d.  She  might  have 
trusted  to  his  delicacy,  as  she  aft«fwards  learned  to  do. 

We  returned  to  the  drawing-room,  and  the  men  fol- 
lowed very  soon  ;  then  conversation  became  general,  our 
host  devoting  himself  particularly  to  Kate,  because  she 
was  the  only  "  stranger  within  his  gates."  He  evidently 
did  not  suspect  that  any  but  the  slightest  acquaintance 
had  existed  between  this  girl  and  his  friend. 

Mr.  Eldred  said  to  me  in  Kate's  presence  that  if  he 
could  serve  us  in  any  way  he  should  be  only  too  glad.  I 
thanked  him.  He  then  asked  if  he  might  call  upon  us  at 
our  hotel  the  following  morning  to  inquire  if  we  would 
like  a  drive.  Your  uncle  was  about  to  tell  him  that  we 
should  be  busy  taking  Kate  about  to  places  of  interest, 
but  I  anticipated  him  and  accepted  Mr.  Eldred's  proposal 
with  promptness.  Of  course,  my  husband  was  amazed 
and  a  trifle  disconcerted,  but  as  soon  as  we  were  alone  I 
exi^Iained  my  apparent  indelicacy  and  was  rewarded  by 
being  pronounced  a  modern  Minerva.  Months  afterward 
our  host  and  his  wife  understood  what  it  was  that  gave 
such  alacrity  to  my  cordial  acceptance  of  Richard  Eldred's 
courtesy. 

Auntie. 


\^^> 


THIRTY-THIRD  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Before  writing  you  further  of  the  sights  we  have  seen 
and  the  places  of  interest  we  have  visited  in  Paris,  I  will 
ask  you  some  questions  which  were  suggested  to  me  by 
your  last  letter,  and  regarding  which  I  feel  rather 
anxious.  Kate's  meeting  with  Mr.  Eldred  was  extremely 
interesting,  and  I  think  I  can  enter  fully  into  her  feelings 
in  such  circumstances  and  can  understand  the  motives 
which  prompted  her  to  act  as  she  did.  What  a  wonder- 
ful change  must  have  taken  place  in  her  demeanor 
since  he  last  saw  her  as  a  pretty,  untrained,  hoydenish 

girl. 

In  your  letter  you  mentioned  a  visit  to  Washington 
with  Kate  and  Uncle  John,  and  I  should  like  you  very 
much  to  explain  to  me  wherein  the  social  customs  and 
usages  of  that  city  differ  from  those  of  others.  I  do  not 
think  I  have  told  you  we  have  already  planned  our  wed- 
ding trip,  and  that  it  will  consist  of  an  extended  tour 
through  the  Southern  and  Western  States.  I  am  glad  of 
this  because  I  know  little  of  my  own  country,  save  what  I 
have  learned  from  books.  Then,  too,  it  will  be  so  pleas- 
ant to  be  able  to  compare  our  large  cities  and  the  pictur- 
esque scenery  of  the  West  with  the  towns  and  sights  I 

202 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  203 

have  seen  abroad.  I  have  often  heard  Europeans  speak 
of  the  grandeur  and  beauty  of  American  scenery,  and 
have  felt  quite  ashamed  that  I,  an  American,  knew  noth- 
ing whatever  about  the  places  they  mentioned.  During 
our  wedding  tour  we  will  visit  Washington,  and  I  am 
under  the  impression,  from  what  I  have  heard,  that  social 
customs  are  different  there  from  what  they  are  elsewhere 
in  America. 

Will  you  kindly  tell  me  what  is  expected  from  guests 
at  public  and  private  receptions,  and  at  dinners,  lunch- 
eons, etc.,  and  what  is  the  etiquette  there  for  calls  ? 
I  would  also  like  to  know  on  whom  it  is  imperative  to 
call,  and  how  visits  to  the  White  House  are  made. 
As  my  Jiance  has  numerous  friends  and  acquaintances 
in  Washington,  I  expect  to  receive  many  invitations 
and  am  anxious  to  be  acquainted  with  every  needful 
detail,  that  I  may  avoid  all  blunders.  Of  course, 
my  travels  and  the  social  advantages  I  have  enjoyed 
of  late  have  given  me  much  confidence  in  myself, 
and  have  obliterated  much  of  the  self-consciousness 
and  reserve,  regarding  which  I  wrote  you  on  a  former 
occasion  as  causing  me  not  a  little  annoyance  and 
discomfort. 

Please  tell  me  everything  important  about  your  first 
visit  to  the  capital,  and  also  how  the  evident  attachment 
between  Kate  and  Mr.  Eldred  progressed.  I  am  cer- 
tain they  were  suited  to  each  other  and  would  have  made 
a  very  happy  marriage.  I  hope  very  much  they  did 
marry  eventually.  I  have  ordered  my  wedding-gown 
and  several  dinner  and  reception  gowns,  and  think  you 
will  like  them ;  papa  says  they  all  suit  me,  but  then  you 
know  he  is  not  critical. 


204  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

I  shall  look  forward  to  your  next  letter  with  some 
impatience,  as  it  will,  I  feel  sure,  contain  much  informa- 
tion that  will  be  valuable  to  me. 

Your  Lovinof 

Niece. 


THIRTY-FOURTH  LETTER. 
society  and  politics. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

The  social  etiquette  of  Washington  does  differ  in  im- 
portant respects  from  that  of  all  other  parts  of  the  United 
States.  It  may  best  be  characterized  as  a  political  eti- 
quette, for  its  formulas  have  to  be  adapted  to  a  periodic 
change  in  the  residents,  a  large  proportion  of  whom  are 
officials,  who  reside  in  the  city  only  during  their  term  of 
office.  Political  position,  and  not  social  or  intellectual 
superiority  is  the  open  sesame  to  Washington  society. 
There  is  an  element  of  propriety  in  this,  however,  for  it  is 
the  office  and  not  the  person  that  is  honored.  Besides, 
where  the  elements  of  society  are  constantly  changing, 
there  is  little  opportunity  for  the  proper  estimate  and 
recognition  of  personal  qualities,  and  social  distinction 
must  perforce  be  referred  to  some  other  basis. 

So  far  from  leading  to  a  lax  observance  of  social 
usages,  the  fact  that  so  many  members  of  society  are 
"  birds  of  passage"  is  the  chief  reason  why  etiquette  in 
Washington  rules  with  a  rod  of  iron.  The  neglect  of  a 
prescribed  courtesy  by  an  official's  family  materially  less- 
ens his  chances   for  re-election ;  in    fact,    to   retain    his 

205 


2o6  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

political  position,  lie  must  distribute  his  social  favors  with 
so  lavish  a  hand  that  practically  no  well-dressed  person 
shall  be  excluded  from  his  parlors..  This  is  the  open 
secret  of  Washington  society,  this  is  the  reason  why 
people  without  social  position  at  home  are  so  much 
charmed  with  it.  With  the  exception  of  the  President 
and  the  members  of  his  cabinet,  there  is  no  official  upon 
whose  wife  and  daughter  one  may  not  feel  at  liberty  to 
call  and  to  expect  in  return  a  potent  bit  of  pasteboard  en- 
graved with  their  reception  days.  The  President  and  his 
wife  have  public  receptions  which  all  the  world  may  at- 
tend and  be  honored  with  a  presentation.  On  applica- 
tion to  the  local  representative  one  can  also  obtain  a  card 
of  invitation  to  the  President's  private  place. 

Out  of  consideration  for  Kate,  we  called  and  left  cards 
upon  the  wives  of  several  prominent  officials,  and  recep- 
tion cards  were  directly  thereafter  left  with  us.  In  two 
instances  the  ladies  of  the  family  found  us  in.  Both  of 
them  were  aware  that  Kate's  father  was  a  man  whose 
large  fortune  gave  him  sway  over  many  men  who  were  in- 
different in  politics  and  would  not  be  apt  to  vote  intelli- 
gently. It  was  policy,  therefore,  for  them  to  gain  Kate's 
good-will.  There  were  so  many  officials  from  our  own 
political  center  that  our  influence  was  less  important.  Of 
course,  your  uncle  and  I  were  included  in  all  the  hospital- 
ities offered  our  protegee,  but  we  accepted  such  conven- 
tional attentions  with  reserve.  We  left  cards  as  a  matter 
of  duty  upon  our  own  representatives,  but  self-respect 
forbade  us  to  go  further  than  to  make  a  brief  call  during 
the  regular  receiving  hours.  We  did  not  choose  to  dine 
with  strangers,  in  spite  of  the  custom  that  prevails  in  the 
democratic  capital.     A  person  of  delicacy  never  accepts 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  207 

all  the  hospitality  he  can  get,  and  we  were  also  deterred 
by  the  knowledge  that  the  continued  bringing  of  strangers 
to  her  table  in  the  hope  of  retaining  political  popularity  is 
an  almost  intolerable  burden  to  the  wife  of  an  official. 

You  will  conclude  from  what  I  have  already  written, 
my  dear  niece,  that  the  ordinary  etiquette  of  calling  is  re- 
versed in  Washington.  The  choice  of  accepting  or  ignor- 
ing a  stranger  is  left  to  the  older  resident,  whose  decision 
is  final,  without  regard  to  the  merits  of  the  case. 

Kate  appeared  somewhat  discomposed  the  morning  fol- 
lowing the  dinner  at  which  we  had  met  her  friend  Mr. 
Eldred.  Her  cheeks  had  a  concentrated  bloom,  and  her 
eyes  an  unusual  glow.  She  was  disposed  to  silence  and 
had  a  preoccupied  manner. 

"  What  makes  you  so  handsome  this  morning.  Cousin 
Kate  t "  your  uncle  inquired  after  our  breakfast  was  over, 
and  we  were  alone  together.  Kate  blushed  deeply, 
although  she  was  not  usually  disconcerted  by  a  compli- 
ment, and  after  a  moment  of  confusion  she  said  frankly, 
"  Oh  !  you  know  what  it  is,  Cousin  John.  You  have  been 
told,  and  you  might  be  kind  enough  not  to  embarrass  me 
any  more  than  you  can  help." 

John  didn't  know,  because  for  the  moment  he  had  for; 
gotten  our  talk  the  night  before.  He  was  too  delicate 
and  considerate  to  trifle  in  speech  with  so  serious  a  matter 
as  a  girl's  unconfessed  feelings  toward  the  man  she  had 
chosen  above  all  others.  There  are  some  things  that 
may  not  be  lightly  mentioned  to  a  young  girl,  and  the 
name  of  him  in  whom  she  is  likely  to  feel  a  solemn  in- 
terest is  one  of  them. 

When  Mr.  Eldred's  cards  were  brought  up — one  for 
each  of  us,  as  was  de  rigueur  in  the  best  society  even  at 


208  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

that  time — Kate  turned  toward  the  window  and  stood  in 
perfect  silence  until  she  heard  him  enter  and  receive  our 
greetings.  Then  she  turned,  and  though  her  color  was 
still  somewhat  heightened,  her  manner  was  composed, 
perfect  in  dignity,  yet  cordially  gracious.  Not  a  year  ago 
she  would  have  called  out,  "  Good  morning,  Dick.  What's 
happened  that  you  are  on  hand  so  early?"  or,  "Hello, 
Dick.  Isn't  it  a  jolly  day  for  tramping .?  "  Her  present 
language,  it  is  needless  to  say,  was  quite  different  from 
what  Mr.  Eldred  had  been  wont  to  hear  fron^  her.  The 
effect  of  her  words  upon  him  he  afterward  compared  to 
that  of  a  Beethoven  sonata  after  one  has  been  listening 
to  an  air  from  the  opera  bouffd.  It  did  not  require  any 
remarkable  insight  to  see  the  future  of  this  pair  reflected 
in  the  eyes  of  both. 

A  drive  was  proposed,  from  which  John  considerately 
excused  himself.  A  party  of  four  would  naturally  sepa- 
rate into  pairs  while  visiting  the  public  buildings,  and  he 
instinctively  felt  that  Kate  had  not  yet  mastered  herself 
so  completely  that  she  would  willingly  be  left  tete-a-tete 
with  Mr.  Eldred.  Your  uncle  and  I  were  in  such  perfect 
accord  that  I  understood  what  he  meant  by  excusing 
himself;  on  after  occasions  I  knew  he  would  be  one  of 
our  party.  I  mention  this  bit  of  considerateness  for  your 
admiration,  my  dear  niece,  because  too  few  men  are 
gifted  with  quick,  incisive  perceptions  about  such  delicate 
matters,  and  when  they  are,  they  do  not  always  treat 
them  with  the  deference  they  deserve. 

We  passed  the  morning  together,  and  Mr.  Eldred  was 
our  guest  for  luncheon.  He  dined  elsewhere  and  came 
for  us  afterward  to  go  to  the  White  House  for  a  special 
presentation,  which  had  been  arranged  for  a  small  party 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  209 

at  nine  o'clock.  The  gentlemen  were  in  evening  dress, 
but  we  were  in  visiting  toilettes.  We  left  our  heavy 
wraps  with  the  custodian  of  the  hall,  though  at  a  cere- 
monious reception  this  convenience  would  have  been  im- 
possible. We  were  promptly  in  the  "  Blue  Room  "  at  the 
hour  mentioned,  and  were  seated  before  the  President 
and  his  wife  entered  together.  We  all  rose  and  were 
presented  by  your  uncle's  college  friend,  who  was  an  im- 
portant official — I  first,  then  Kate,  then  your  uncle  and 
last,  Mr.  Eldred.  We  were  each  taken  by  the  hand  by 
the  President  and  then  by  his  wife.  To  grasp  the  Presi- 
dent's hand  or  that  of  his  wife  would  be  bad  form,  as  it  is 
thought  proper  that  the  salutation  should  come  from  the 
superior.  This  is  the  reason  why  so  much  complaint  is 
made  by  high  officials  in  America  about  the  fatigue  of 
prolonged  hand-shaking.  The  American  chief  magistrate 
is  compelled  by  the  spirit  of  the  republic  to  give  a  vigor- 
ous, democratic  hand-shake  to  a  chiffonnier  or  a  boot- 
black, if  he  present  himself  on  a  public  reception  day. 

It  was  interesting  to  watch  Mr.  Eldred's  face,  while 
Kate,  with  elegant  composure,  was  conversing  with  the 
President's  wife  a  little  later  in  the  evening.  Pride, 
pleasure  and  surprise  were  en  evidence  to  me,  and  to  one 
at  least  of  the  others,  a  noted  English  novelist,  now  dead, 
who  was  present  that  night  and  doubtless  on  the  watch 
for  romantic  materials.  This  teller  of  love  stories  said  to 
me,  while  looking  at  Kate,  "  She  is  pretty,  charming  and 
fiancee  y 

"No,  not fiancee^^^  I  answered  promptly. 

"Oh,  but  I  see  it  in  the  young  man's  expression,  and  I 
know  that  look  when  it  comes  over  a  face,"  was  his  cool 
and  decided  response. 


2IO  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

It  is  the  woman  or  the  girl  whose  eyes  and  lips  are 
said  to  be  tell-tales,  but  Anthony  TroUope  had  a  vision 
that  sometimes  saw  deep  into  the  soul  of  another  man, 
and  he  often  found  his  face  to  be  as  transparent  as  a 
woman's.  It  is  no  discredit,  my  dear  niece,  to  have  it 
known  that  you  are  possessed  of  a  worthy  emotion,  but  it 
is  wise  to  conceal  our  most  sacred  sentiments  from  public 
curiosity.  In  this  instance,  however,  I  could  hardly 
blame  Mr.  Eldred  for  being  off  guard. 

At  one  of  the  pleasant  afternoon  receptions  which  we 
attended  toward  the  close  of  our  short  visit,  we  made  the 
acquaintance  of  Miss  Eldred,  who  without  our  knowledge 
had  been  summoned  to  join  her  brother.  We  had  re- 
ceived cards  to  a  cabinet  lady's  at-home  through  Mr.  El- 
dred, who  was  a  friend  of  the  hostess.  Upon  entering 
we  gave  our  cards,  as  is  customary,  to  the  servant  at  the 
door,  and  they  were  passed  to  another  servant,  who  loudly 
announced  each  name,  as  he  read  it  from  the  card,  at  the 
open  doorway  of  the  drawing-room.  By  one  of  those 
blunders,  which  so  frequently  occur  and  which  needlessly 
discompose  some  people,  Kate  was  announced  for  me 
and  I  for  Kate.  Miss  Eldred,  who  was  receiving  with 
our  hostess,  grasped  my  hand  warmly,  saying,  "  I  am 
glad  to  meet  one  of  whom  my  brother  thinks  so  highly 
and  whom  he  has  mentioned  so  often  to  us." 

A  crowd  was  behind  us,  and  I  was  forced  forward  to 
leave  Kate  to  enact  the  part  of  matron,  but  there  were  so 
many  pushing  their  way  toward  the  hostess  that  there  was 
nothing  for  her  to  do  or  say,  and  she  walked  on  without 
even  hearing  the  name  of  the  young  lady  with  whom  she 
clasped  hands.  Awkward  as  this  misplacement  might 
have  been,  and  it  often  occurs  at  crowded  places,  it  was 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  211 

a  kindness  to  Kate,  who  would  have  wondered  what  sort 
of  an  account  Mr.  Eldred  had  given  of  her  to  this  elegant 
sister.  By  this  mistake  she  had  passed  her  first  interview 
unconsciously,  and  I  did  not  mention  it  until  afterward. 
Let  me  advise  you,  my  dear  niece,  if  a  contretemps  occurs 
in  a  crowd,  never  to  talk  it  over  until  at  a  distance.  Had 
I  spoken  then,  the  incident  would  have  disturbed  Kate, 
and  would,  perhaps,  have  caused  her  to  lose  for  the  time 
the  equilibrium  she  had  taken  such  pains  to  acquire.  I 
talked  of  the  flowers,  the  notables,  the  pretty  visiting 
gowns,  etc.,  until,  just  as  Kate  was  asking,  "  Shall  we  not 
go  on  to  another  house  ?  "  Miss  Eldred  approached  us  and 
said  :  "  Pray  do  not  go  quite  yet.  I  have  left  my  post  of 
duty  to  have  a  pleasant  word  with  you."  She  was  looking 
at  me,  but  quickly  added,  "  with  both  of  you,"  as  fine 
breeding  demanded.  I  at  once  explained  the  mistake 
that  had  been  made,  and  introduced  Kate  and  Miss  El- 
dred to  each  other.  Of  course,  Kate  saw  no  significance 
in  this  presentation,  because  she  had  not  heard  Miss 
Eldred's  first  salutation  to  me,  but  the  other  girl  felt  it, 
and  she  looked  her  gratitude  for  my  silence. 

To  tell  the  truth — and  it  hurt  my  vanity  a  little  at  the 
time — I  saw  that  Miss  Eldred  was  glad  that  Kate  was 
Kate  and  that  I  was  her  chaperon,  because  my  protegee 
was  far  more  beautiful  than  your  aunt,  and  charms  of  face 
are  gifts  that  no  one  can  or  ought  to  undervalue.  Miss 
Eldred  evidently  did  not,  and  she  herself  was  handsome. 

It  did  not  at  first  occur  to  Kate  that  this  was  Richard 
Eldred's  sister,  and  when  it  did  a  lovely  color  overspread 
her  face,  and  she  seemed  quite  as  ingenue  as  if  she  had 
never  been  a  heartless  coquette.  Miss  Eldred  was  less 
emphatic  in  her  expressions  of  regard  for  Kate  than  she 


212  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

had  been  to  me,  and  her  composure  gave  Kate  an  oppor- 
tunity to  recover  her  self-possession. 

Miss  Eldred  asked  me  on  what  day  and  at  what  hour 
we  would  be  disengaged,  that  she  and  her  hostess  might 
give  themselves  the  pleasure  of  paying  their  respects.  A 
time  was  fixed,  and  we  passed  a  pleasant  quarter  of  an 
hour  together — the  limit  of  conversation  at  a  Washington 
reception.  We  accepted  an  invitation  to  luncheon  the 
next  day,  as  our  absence  from  home  was  too  limited  to 
permit  of  arranging  a  formal  dinner  for  us.  If  I  had  not 
detected  an  ulterior  motive  in  this  invitation,  I  should 
have  made  one  woman's  social  burdens  less  by  declining 
to  be  her  guest  even  for  this  midday  bread-breaking.  Do 
not  think,  my  dear  niece,  that  I  have  forgotten  that  it  is 
as  gracious  to  receive  as  to  give  hospitality;  but  the 
social  burdens  of  the  American  capital  are  beyond  weigh- 
ing, and  while  good  form  bade  me  accept  a  courtesy  from 
this  strange  hostess,  an  equally  excellent  and  even  kinder 
form  would  have  allowed  me  to  decline.  Mr.  Eldred  had 
excused  himself,  although  as  this  was  an  informal  luncheon 
he  might  very  properly  have  been  present.  At  a  strictly 
formal  luncheon  ladies  only  sit  at  table  in  Washington  or 
elsewhere. 

What  our  hostess  or  Miss  Eldred  may  have  written  to 
Mr.  Eldred's  mother  that  evening,  I  do  not  know,  but  if 
it  was  a  description  of  Kate  and  her  manners,  her  toilette 
and  her  conversation,  it  could  have  contained  only  praise. 
She  was  all  that  I  could  desire — dignified,  gracious  and 
graceful. 

The  second  day  after  the  luncheon  I  received  a  note 
from  Mr.  Eldred's  widowed  mother,  asking  us  to  make 
her  a  visit  while  en  route  for  New  York  and  to  leave  my 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  213 

guest  with  her  for  an  indefinite  time,  should  she  be  will- 
ing to  give  an  infirm  woman  that  much  gratification.  She 
wrote  that  she  was  not  unacquainted  with  Kate  through 
her  son  and  also  through  a  late  letter  from  her  daughter. 
She  added  that  the  young  lady  could  do  no  kinder  deed 
than  to  permit  a  mother  to  express  pleasure  in  such 
society  as  gratified  her  children.  1'his  sentence  it  was 
that  won  Kate's  heart.  Of  course,  had  she  been  2ifiande 
of  Mr.  Eldred,  les  convenances  would  have  compelled  the 
mother  to  invite  her  to  make  a  visit,  but  the  delicacy  of 
this  request  was,  as  she  afterward  said  to  me,  one  more 
of  many  needed  lessons  in  fine  manners  and  perfect 
formalities. 

I  accepted  for  Kate,  and  as  was  proper,  she  added  a 
note  of  thanks,  saying  that  after  a  week  or  so  she  would 
be  glad  to  pass  a  few  days  with  Mrs.  Eldred.  She  also 
inquired  the  exact  time  when  it  would  be  agreeable  to  re- 
ceive her. 

This  was  Kate's  first  visit  since  she  had  been  with  uSj 
and  I  could  not  but  compare  this  graceful  note  with  the 
rude  and  almost  boisterous  manner  in  which  she  had  her- 
alded her  coming  to  our  home.  About  this  visit  to  the 
mother  and  sisters  of  ihe  man  whom  Kate  most  regarded, 
I  will  tell  you  in  another  letter. 

Auntie. 


THIRTY-FIFTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

In  my  last  letter  I  promised  to  give  you  some  account 
of  what  we  have  been  doing  and  seeing  here ;  but  there 
is  so  much  to  relate  that  I  scarcely  know  just  where  to 
begin.  Soon  after  our  arrival  we  found  there  were  a 
number  of  Americans  stopping  at  our  hotel,  some  of 
whom  were  known  to  father  and  his  friends ;  so  that  we 
all  became  acquainted  with  slight  ceremony  and  have 
formed  quite  a  merry  party.  Among  our  new  friends 
were  two  ladies,  mother  and  daughter,  from  New  York, 
who  have  been  especially  kind  in  their  attentions  to  me^ 
and  we  have  really  grown  quite  intimate.  As  they  have 
visited  Paris  frequently  they  are  thoroughly  well 
acquainted  with  the  city  and  its  ways,  and  have  intro- 
duced me  to  some  very  nice  people.  There  is  an  exqui- 
site refinement  about  these  Parisians  that,  I  think,  is  to 
be  found  in  the  actions  and  manners  of  no  other  people 
in  the  world.  Their  simplest  salutations  are  like 
caresses,  and  their  address  always  flattering,  always 
graceful,  yet  withal  ceremonious  to  a  degree. 

As  you  know  Paris,  my  dear  aunt,  I  will  not  weary  you 
with  descriptions  of  the  places  we  have  visited,  although 
tempted  to  do  so.     We  have  seen,  I  think,  almost  every- 

214 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  2 1  5 

thing  of  interest — Napoleon's  tomb  and  the  principal 
churches,  the  National  Library,  the  museums,  the  Jardin 
des  Plantes,  Pere  la  Chaise,  Versailles,  the  Louvre,  the 
Luxembourg,  and  the  Palais  Royal ;  and  we  have  taken 
almost  daily  drives  through  the  Champs  Elysees  to  the 
Bois.  I  have  done  a  great  amount  of  shopping  and  have 
secured  some  fine  bits  of  bric-k-brac,  jewelry  and  lace. 

The  other  day  I  took  my  first  ride  on  top  of  an  omni- 
bus and  enjoyed  the  novelty  very  much.  It  seemed  so 
strange  to  be  compelled  to  go  to  a  station  or  bureau,  as  it 
is  called,  before  we  could  get  on  or  off  instead  of  stop- 
ping anywhere  we  wished.  However,  I  think  this  system 
of  purchasing  tickets  for  one's  destination  and  secur- 
ing seats  according  to  the  numbers  on  the  tickets  has 
much  in  its  favor,  for  you  are  certain  to  ride  in  comfort, 
no  overcrowding  being  permitted. 

We  have  seen  about  everything  worth  seeing  in  the 
theatres,  which,  by-the-way,  seem  very  poorly  ventilated. 
To  see  Bernhardt,  Coquelin  and  Hading  on  their  native 
heath,  as  it  were,  has  been  a  great  treat  to  me.  I  have 
improved  much  in  my  French,  in  which,  especially  as  to 
accent,  I  needed  considerable  correction,  and  can  now 
speak  with  some  pleasure  to  myself  and  to  those  about 
me. 

Now  let  me  thank  you  for  your  last  very  kind  letter, 
which  gave  me  much  information  and  advice  that  will  be 
of  lasting  advantage  to  me.  The  story  of  Kate's  life 
grows  more  and  more  interesting  with  each  chapter,  and 
I  await  with  anything  but  patience  the  arrival  of  the  next. 
By-the-bye,  if  it  will  not  encroach  too  much  upon  the 
interesting  story  you  are  now  relating,  will  you  kindly 
give  me  some  advice  in  your  next  letter  about  writing 


2l6  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

letters  and  notes  to  mere  acquaintances.  I  have  had  but 
little  need  for  such  correspondence  as  yet,  but  have  had 
so  many  requests  to  continue  certain  acquaintanceships, 
that  a  knowledge  of  the  etiquette  of  such  writing  is,  I 
fancy,  to  be  desired. 

Our  stay  in  Paris  is  drawing  to  a  close,  although  we 
have  not  decided  where  to  go  next.  Father's  health  is  so 
much  improved  that  he  is  now  restless  and  eager  to  get 
home. 

Your  Loving 

Niece. 


THIRTY-SIXTH    LETTER. 
preparations    for   a   visit. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

I  wish  particularly  to  call  your  attention  to  the  note  of 
invitation  which  Kate  received  from  Mrs.  Eldred,  for  I 
consider  it  a  model  of  tact  and  consideration,  and  at  the 
same  time  a  good  text  for  a  short  sermon  on  the  forms  of 
polite  society.  Owing  to  the  peculiar  circumstances  of 
the  case,  the  least  suggestion  of  distance  or  coldness  on 
the  part  of  Mrs.  Eldred  would  have  prompted  a  courteous 
refusal  from  Kate.  This  condition  was  very  gracefully 
avoided  by  omitting  the  customary  formal  invitation  in 
the  third  person  and  writing  instead  a  cordial,  friendly 
note.  She  thus  delicately  intimated  that  she  already  felt 
on  terms  of  intimacy  with  her  prospective  guest  and 
included  her  in  the  circle  of  her  special  friends. 

Of  course,  there  are  cases  in  which  the  third  person 
should  be  used  in  addressing  an  intimate  friend,  as,  for 
instance,  when  others  are  included  in  the  invitation  whom 
one  knows  not  so  well.  In  such  cases  good  form  insists 
that  all  be  placed  upon  the  same  plane  of  civility,  which 
renders  the  use  of  the  third  person  obligatory.  One 
does  not  often,  however,  request  an  extended  visit  from  a 

217 


2l8  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

mere  acquaintance,  so  such  invitations  will  usually  be 
something  like  Mrs.  Eldred's  to  Kate,  which  read  as 
follows  : 

"  My  Dear  Miss  Blank  : — 

"  Thank  you  for  considering  my  wish  to  see  you  under 
my  own  roof,  where  I  am  sure  we  shall  become  good  friends. 
If  it  suits  your  convenience  I  shall  be  pleased  to  meet  you  at  the 
railway  station  on  Wednesday,  April  ^h.  Pray  inform  me 
upon  what  train  you  will  arrive^  and  if  you  can,  I  beg  you  to 
arrange  to  stay  with  us  at  least  ten  days.  My  daughter  has 
told  me  many  pleasant  things  of  you.  Until  the  above  date  I 
shall  be  in  pleasant  anticipation  of  your  arrival, 
**  Cordially  yours, 

"Anna  Louise  Eldred." 

The  full  name  is  signed  to  all  friendly  letters,  while 
initials  are  used  in  business  communications.  If  the 
writer  is  unknown  to  her  correspondent  she  should 
prefix  to  her  initials  "  (Mrs.)  "  or  "  (Miss),"  as  the  case 
may  be.  In  writing  to  a  domestic  or  a  social  inferior, 
however,  the  brackets  may  be  omitted,  and  in  the  case 
of  a  married  woman  the  initials  will  be  those  of  her  hus- 
band ;  these,  too,  may  be  omitted,  if  preferred,  and  the 
signature  be  simply  "  Mrs.  Brown." 

The  number  and  street  of  Mrs.  Eldred's  residence,  and 
also  the  date,  were  written  at  the  top  of  the  paper,  and 
the  envelope  was  sealed  with  wax  and  stamped  with  the 
family  motto.  It  was  clearly  superscribed,  Kate's  name 
being  written  just  above  the  center  of  the  envelope,  with 
"  To "  over  the  beginning  of  it.  Had  the  letter  been 
directed  to  a  hotel,  "  For  "  would  have  been  substituted 
for  "  To."  In  the  lower  left-hand  corner  of  the  envelope 
Mrs.    Eldred's   initials,   A.    L.    E.,    were   written.     This 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  219 

fashion  of  an  outer  semi- signature  was  in  use  even  at  that 
date,  although  then,  as  now,  it  was  adopted  only  by  those 
who  were  fastidiously  correct.  The  form,  however, 
deserves  to  become  general,  for  it  is  not  only  convenient 
but  significant.  In  the  case  of  a  woman  writing  to  a 
man,  whoever  looks  over  his  incoming  letters  is  delicately 
informed  that  his  correspondent  makes  no  secret  of 
addressing  him  by  pen.  Moreover,  as  initials  are  in- 
scribed only  on  the  wrappers  of  friendly  notes  and 
letters,  they  are  regarded  by  secretaries  and  clerks  with 
the  same  respect  that  is  shown  when  "  personal "  is 
written  in  the  upper  left  corner.  The  latter  formality  is 
not  a  pleasant  one  for  an  open-minded  woman  to  observe 
when  writing  to  a  man  acquaintance,  and  it  is  but  fair  to 
suppose  that  men  sometimes  dislike  to  receive  notes  the 
secret  nature  of  whose  contents  is  so  conspicuously 
announced.  Another  reason  given  for  this  pretty  and 
frank  custom  of  placing  one's  initials  on  the  envelope,  is 
that  if  one  has  an  extended  correspondence  a  glance  will 
determine  which  letters  should  receive  earliest  attention. 

Much  interest  has  been  manifested  of  late  in  the  matter 
of  personal  mottoes  or  legends  for  sealing  letters.  When 
a  crest  has  been  in  the  possession  of  the  family  for  gen- 
erations it  can  be  used  in  this  way,  even  in  democratic 
America,  without  being  deemed  ostentatious.  "  A  selected 
motto,  however,  expressing  the  character,  the  spirit  or  the 
purpose  of  its  possessor  is  usually  the  most  satisfactory. 
Kate  gave  considerable  study  to  the  subject  of  seals,  and 
later  on  her  letters  all  bore  the  impress  "  Surgo  ut 
prossim  "  (I  rise  to  do  good). 

Reverting  to  the  repeated  invitation  of  Mrs.  Eldred,  I 
must  tell  you  that  its  sentiment  and  its  delicate  courtesy 


220  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

were  never  forgotten  by  Kate,  and  in  one  way  or  another 
it  has  prompted  many  a  gracious  act  on  her  part.  To 
Mrs.  Eldred  she  replied  at  once,  mentioning  the  hour 
when  the  train  would  arrive.  She  thanked  her  hostess 
for  considering  her  safety  and  comfort,  but  said  she  could 
easily  make  her  way  by  a  livery  carriage  to  Mrs.  Eldred's 
residence  in  case  it  should  not  be  perfectly  convenient 
for  her  hostess  to  meet  her.  Had  there  been  need  for 
it,  John  or  I  would  have  gone  with  Kate  or  have  sent  an 
attendant,  but  the  journey  was  only  of  a  few  hours' 
duration,  and  there  were  no  changes  to  be  made  en 
route. 

Kate  took  with  her  a  dancing  and  a  dinner  toilette, 
because  her  visit  was  to  extend  until  a  few  days  after 
Easter.  She  also  had  her  riding-habit.  Her  travelling 
dress  was  to  serve  for  the  promenade  and  for  a  visiting 
costume.  Her  cashmere  breakfast-robe  would  now  be 
called  a  tea-gown,  though  it  was  less  elaborate  than  many 
recent  styles  in  these  garments  and  at  that  time  was  not 
worn  after  midday. 

I  have  frequently  heard  young  women  and  even 
matrons  say,  when  unable  to  compass  a  wardrobe  that 
would  do  honor  to  a  friend's  hospitality,  "  If  she  cares 
more  for  my  clothes  than  for  my  company,  I  prefer  to 
remain  at  home ; "  or,  "  If  I  am  not  better  than  fashion- 
able toilettes  can  make  me,  she  should  not  have  invited 
me."  There  are  two  sides  from  which  to  view  this 
matter,  but  the  spirit  of  each  should  be  alike  generous 
and  considerate.  If  you  are  invited  to  spend  a  few  days 
or  weeks  under  the  roof  of  an  acquaintance,  self-respect 
and  respect  for  your  entertainer  should  take  counsel 
together   before   you   accept   or    decline    the    courtesy. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  221 

Doubtless  your  prospective  hostess  is  quite  aware  of  your 
inability  to  array  yourself  in  handsome  gowns,  and  if  she 
be  not  there  is  no  reason  for  blushing  should  you  decline 
her  invitation  and  add  the  true  reason  for  it.  You  would 
only  feel  discomfort  as  a  guest  in  a  house  with  the 
elegance  of  which  your  appearance  would  not  agree.  I 
would  not  encourage  excesses  of  fashion  or  a  superfluity 
of  toilettes,  but  certainly  shabby  dresses,  soiled  ribbons, 
worn  shoes  and  old-fashioned  bonnets  are  quite  as  unde- 
sirable. 

If  circumstances  deny  you  the  possession  of  fitting 
attire  you  have  always  the  liberty  of  declining  an  invita- 
tion. Should  your  would-be  hostess  delicately  suggest 
that  she  is  aware  you  are  without  the  appointments  of  a 
perfect  visiting  wardrobe  but  that  she  desires  your  com- 
pany arrayed  as  you  find  it  convenient,  there  is  still  an 
opportunity  for  reconsidering  your  refusal.  If  a  girl  is 
musical  or  exceptionally  pretty,  or  if  she  has  conversa- 
tional charms,  she  requires  far  less  personal  adornment 
to  make  her  a  presentable  guest  than  if  she  were  unat- 
tractive in  these  respects.  You  will  do  well,  therefore, 
my  dear  niece,  if  ever  you  are  in  such  a  predicament,  to 
make  a  calm  estimate  of  your  personal  attractions  before 
giving  your  final  decision. 

Kate,  as  you  know  by  this  time,  was  not  an  accom- 
plished girl,  but  she  was  handsome  and  a  ready  conversa- 
tionalist. The  most  charming  of  her  recent  acquirements 
was  her  low,  distinct  and  perfectly  modulated  voice.  She 
had  avoided  the  extremes  of  carelessness  and  affectation 
of  speech,  and  I  am  sure  this  was  one  thing  that  led  Mr. 
Richard  Eldred  to  admire  a  girl  who  less  than  a  year 
ago    laughed   and    talked   in    a  high   alto,  flattened  her 


222  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

vowels,  chopped  her  g's  and  shifted  her  r*s  from  their 
proper  place.  "  Voices  tell  the  story  of  character  and 
breeding,  when  faces  and  raiment  are  misleading,"  a 
student  of  human  nature  wrote  to  his  daughter.  He 
added,  "The  physiognomist,  the  phrenologist,  and  the 
palmist  have  eyes,  but  my  ears  never  have  deceived  me. 
The  voice  may  be  only  a  cultivated  one  and  wholly  a  work 
of  social  art,  but  the  spirit  that  prompted  its  possessor  to 
make  herself  agreeable  to  those  about  her  is  the  same 
inspiration  that  creates  a  beautiful  something  which  we 
call  *  loving-kindness.' " 

How  jTiany  girls,  my  dear  niece,  misrepresent  them- 
selves to  everybody  and  blight  their  own  opportunities  for 
social  advancement  by  a  carelessness  of  speech  which 
suggests  a  want  of  education  and  of  natural  intelligence. 
To  gain  due  credit  for  being  educated  one's  education 
must  be  accentuated  by  culture.  Education  and  cultiva- 
tion are  by  no  means  the  same.  *'  One  is  the  sowing, 
and  the  other  is  the  harvesting  of  knowledge,"  said  Kate, 
after  she  had  worked  out  in  her  own  life  the  distinc- 
tion. 

By  telling  you  this  girl's  story  I  am  trying  to  sliow  you 
how  it  is  that  the  uninstructed  girl  often  makes  blunders 
that  prove  fatal  to  her  happiness,  when,  had  she  im- 
proved every  opportunity  of  self-help,  her  life  would  have 
had  many  more  sunny  days.  Remember  that  not  even 
the  least  of  those  habits  or  acquirements  that  make  a 
young  girl  more  graceful  and  interesting  is  without  its 
fruit.  It  may  not  be  observed  to-day  or  to-morrow,  but 
in  the  perfecting  of  character  the  value  of  each  small 
accessory  is  appreciated.  Graces  of  speech  and  manner 
are  the  essence  of  social  etiquette. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  223 

These  observations  about  invitations  and  toilettes  and 
other  matters  have  already  filled  my  letter,  and  I  must 
leave  an  account  of  Kate's  visit  to  Mrs.  Eldred,  with  its 
pleasant  formalities,  until  my  next. 

Auntie. 


THIRTY-SEVENTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

Since  I  wrote  you  last  we  have  visited  Brussels — Little 
Paris,  as  it  is  frequently  called — and  from  there  came  on 
to  Antwerp,  where  we  now  are.  At  Brussels  we  stopped 
at  the  Grand  Hotel  Britannique,  which  is  prettily  sit- 
uated near  the  royal  palace,  the  park  and  the  boulevards. 
English  and  American  tourists  largely  frequent  this  hotel, 
and  we  met  there  some  of  our  Frankfort  acquaintances, 
which  proved  a  very  agreeable  surprise  ;  and  as  they  had 
spent  some  time  in  Brussels,  they  were  of  assistance  to 
us  in  many  ways.  I  regretted  much  that  we  could  not 
remain  in  Brussels  longer,  but  you  see  we  must  make  the 
best  of  the  short  time  now  left  us  if  we  would  visit  the 
several  other  towns  we  have  planned  to  see  before  we 
start  for  home. 

On  leaving  Brussels  we  came  at  once  to  Antwerp,  a 
journey  of  only  twenty-seven  miles.  The  old  part  of  the 
city  is  most  interesting,  and  the  queer,  old-fashioned 
architecture  which  prevails  contrasts  strangely  with  the 
costly  modern  structures  of  the  new  city.  One  of  the 
chief  attractions  is  the  Cathedral  of  Notre  Dame, 
which  has  a  spire  over  four  hundred  feet  high,  and  in 
it   are    the   four    celebrated    paintings    by    Rubens,   the 

224 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  22$ 

"Descent  from  the  Cross,"  "The  Elevation  of  the 
Cross,"  "The  Assumption  of  the  Holy  Virgin"  and 
"  The  Resurrection."  To  have  seen  these  pictures 
alone,  would  I  think  have  satisfied  me  for  my  trip  to 
Europe. 

I  must  tell  you  of  a  singular  coincidence  which  befell 
me  not  long  since.  You,  perhaps,  remember  my  men- 
tioning in  one  of  my  recent  letters  that  we  met  at  our 
hotel  in  Paris  an  American  lady  and  her  daughter  with 
whom  we  became  very  friendly.  I  soon  found  that 
the  daughter  was  engaged  to  be  married,  and  I  told  her 
of  my  betrothal ;  but  it  so  happened  that  neither  of  us 
mentioned  the  name  of  her  Jiand.  In  our  correspond- 
ence since  our  parting,  however,  we  have  had  occasion  to 
speak  of  them  by  name,  and  we  were  at  first  not  a  lit- 
tle puzzled  to  find  that  both  men  had  the  same  name. 
On  further  investigation  we  find  the  gentlemen  are  cous- 
ins. We  were  both,  I  am  ashamed  to  say,  considerably 
annoyed  at  the  circumstance  until  the  mystery  was 
finally  unravelled  by  my  friend's  flanck  arriving  in  Paris 
and  affording  the  needful  explanation.  I  wrote  to 
Harry  about  it,  not,  however,  until  all  doubt  had  been 
removed;  and  I  was  fully  punished  for  my  want  of 
faith  by  the  evident  distress  which  my  doubts  caused 
him. 

However,  everytfiing  is  now  fully  understood  ;  and  I 
am  beginning  to  look  for  another  letter  from  you,  which 
you  promised  should  contain  an  account  of  Kate's  visit  to 
Mrs.  Eldred.  My  new  friends,  who  are  soon  to  be  con- 
nections by  marriage,  are  very  desirous  of  having  the 
two  weddings  take  place  at  the  same  time  and  in  the  same 
place,  but  I  do  not  yet  know  whether  such  an  arrange- 
rs 


226  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

ment  would  be  what  I  should  wish.     I  think  I  will  leave 
it  for  future  consideration. 

*   Your  Loving 

Niece. 


THIRTY-EIGHTH  LETTER. 
visits  of  length. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

As  I  told  you,  Kate  carried  with  her  to  Mrs.  Eldred's 
such  toilettes  as  she  would  be  likely  to  require  for  a  din- 
ner, a  dance  and  a  drive.  A  girl's  visit  is  often  spoiled 
by  her  thoughtless  omission  of  garments  she  may  need, 
although,  as  the  disappointment  is  chiefly  her  own,  it  is 
not  so  discourteous  as  to  bring  an  excess  of  luggage,  or 
to  be  ostentatious  in  the  variety  of  one's  toilettes.  If  a 
young  girl  is  accustomed  to  a  maid,  her  hostess  should  in- 
clude her  in  the  invitation,  or  else  mention  that  her 
accommodations  are  so  limited  that  she  must  ask  her 
guests  to  come  unattended,  and  to  accept  the  services  of 
one  of  her  people.  If  the  hostess  is  unaware  that  her 
guest  is  used  to  attendance,  it  is  proper  to  mention  the 
fact  in  the  note  of  acceptance.  Most  girls,  however,  now- 
adays can,  if  necessary,  get  along  without  assistance  of 
this  kind. 

A  girl  who  is  to  make  a  visit  or  take  a  long  journey 
should  carry  in  a  compact  form  her  toilet  articles,  such  as 
brushes,  combs,  hair-pins,  sleeping  nets,  manicure  instru- 
ments, a  sponge  in  an   oil-silk  pocket,  liquid  blacking, 

227 


228  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

glove  and  shoe  buttoners,  cologne,  and  such  simple  cos- 
metics as  sun  and  wind  burns  demand.  She  should  also 
have  a  box  or  bag  containing  needles,  thimble,  scissors, 
buttons,  linen  threads  and  silks  for  mending  gowns  and 
gloves.  A  handy  little  box  fastened  with  a  leather  strap 
may  now  be  purchased  ;  it  is  called  a  "  going-away  box" 
and  contains  many  convenient  articles  in  a  small  space. 
But  this  had  not  been  invented  in  Kate's  time,  so  she  was 
obliged  to  arrange  a  substitute.  While  a  hostess  is  pleased 
to  lend  her  guest  whatever  she  may  require,  it  only  adds 
to  her  cares,  and  she  should  be  bothered  as  little  as  pos- 
sible. A  tag  with  one's  full  name  and  the  destination 
plainly  written  or  printed  upon  it  should  be  placed  on  the 
trunk ;  the  owner's  own  initials  or  her  surname  is  usually 
painted  upon  a  trunk  as  an  additional  precaution  against 
loss.  Kate  carried  a  travelling  bag,  an  umbrella  and  a 
wrap. 

She  was  met  at  the  station  by  the  daughter  of  her  host- 
ess, who  saw  that  her  baggage  was  cared  for.  The 
hostess  seldom  goes  to  a  train  in  person  to  meet  a  guest. 
From  her  invitation  Kate  had  inferred  that  Mrs.  Eldred 
would  come  in  person,  but  after  a  little  reflection  she  saw 
that  it  would  have  been  undignified  for  a  matron  to  meet 
a  young  girl  at  a  railway  station,  provided  another  mem- 
ber of  her  family  was  available.  Had  this  been  Kate's 
second  visit,  it  would  have  been  proper  if  only  the  car- 
riage had  been  sent  for  her.  An  older  woman,  familiar 
with  the  route,  would  not  expect  even  this,  but  would 
engage  a  conveyance  of  her  own.  In  the  country,  how- 
ever, where  public  conveyances  are  not  always  in  waiting, 
some  provision  on  the  part  of  the  host  is  expected. 

At  the  door  of  the  house  Kate  was  met  by  Mrs.  El- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  229 

dred,  who  welcomed  her  with  a  smile  and  kindly  inquiries. 
She  was  then  conducted  to  a  reception-room,  where  she 
threw  off  her  outer  wraps  and  was  at  once  served  with  a 
cup  of  tea.  By  this  time  her  trunks  had  been  placed  in 
her  room  and  the  straps  unbuckled.  A  daughter  of  the 
house  then  led  the  way  to  the  room  assigned,  carrying 
Kate's  wraps.  Had  the  guest  been  a  matron,  or  had 
there  been  no  younger  person  to  attend  her,  the  hostess 
would  have  performed  this  service. 

In  houses  where  there  are  many  guests  and  the  hour  of 
arrival  is  a  time  for  many  engagements,  a  guest  is  shown 
at  once  to  her  room  by  an  attendant,  and  a  cup  of  tea 
brought  to  her  there ;  after  dressing,  the  hostess  will 
be  found  in  the  drawing-room.  This  style  of  receiving 
visitors,  however,  is  only  practised  in  very  large  establish- 
ments. 

In  her  room  Kate  was  requested  to  make  herself  en- 
tirely at  home,  and  to  ask  for  whatever  she  required  for 
her  comfort,  and  also  for  assistance  should  she  need  it. 
She  was  told  the  dinner,  breakfast  and  luncheon  hours, 
and  that  she  would  be  awakened  in  time  for  dressing  in 
the  morning.  Then  she  was  left  alone  to  remove  her 
bonnet  and  open  her  trunk  at  her  leisure.  It  is  not  well 
to  remain  long  in  a  guest's  room  after  a  journey.  She 
requires  freedom  from  social  restraints  and  an  oppor- 
tunity for  composing  her  mind,  and  for  arranging  those  of 
her  belongings  which  will  at  once  be  required. 

Kate  had  already  been  instructed  in  the  importance  of 
punctuality  at  dinner,  and  she  was  dressed  and  in  the 
parlor  a  half  hour  before  it  was  announced.  Had  she 
been  down  five  minutes  before  the  hour  it  would  have 
been  sufficient,  but,  as  I  told  you  in  a  former  letter,  this 


230  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

five  minutes  before  dinner  is  de  rigueiM'  with  a  guest. 
Her  half  hour  was  devoted  to  her  hostess,  and  it  proved 
a  charming  one.  Girls  make  a  great  mistake  v^^hen  they 
neglect  an  opportunity  of  conversing  with  a  cultivated 
elderly  woman  ;  besides,  to  give  a  secondary  place  to  a 
hostess  is  decidedly  indelicate. 

Mr.  Eldred  placed  Kate  at  his  right  that  evening  at 
table,  and  also  afterwards,  provided  there  were  no  other 
guests  present ;  should  other  ladies  arrive,  this  place  of 
honor  is  given  to  the  latest  comer.  Such  ceremonials 
seem  exacting,  but  they  almost  arrange  themselves  after 
one  is  familiar  with  them.  Not  one  escaped  Kate's 
notice ;  they  confirmed  the  lessons  she  had  learned  while 
with  us,  and  convinced  her  that  good  form  is  the  same 
everywhere. 

Mrs.  Eldred,  as  became  a  hostess,  inquired  if  there 
were  persons,  objects  or  places  in  the  neighborhood  of. 
special  interest  to  her,  adding  that  it  would  be  a  real 
pleasure  to  them  to  make  her  visit  as  useful  as  she  hoped 
it  would  be  agreeable.  Kate  replied  that  she  had  a 
schoolfellow  whom  she  would  like  to  call  upon,  and  there 
was  one  young  man,  a  friend  of  her  father,  whom  it  would 
be  uncivil  not  to  acquaint  with  her  presence  in  town. 
Mrs.  Eldred  at  once  proposed  that  both  her  friends  be 
invited  to  dine  with  them,  whenever  it  suited  her  guest. 
Kate  expressed  her  gratitude  and  wisely  added  :  "  You 
can  understand,  dear  Mrs.  Eldred,  that  being  aware  of 
my  own  meagre  opportunities  for  learning  the  ways  of 
city  life  before  my  visit  to  my  cousins,  I  am  unwilling  to 
subject  my  old  friends  to  the  chances  of  blundering  which 
fell  in  my  way.  There  was  a  time  when  we  all  needed 
much  instructing,  polishing  and  toning.     If  I  may,  I  will 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


231 


call  upoti  my  school  friend  and  send  my  card  with  yours 
to  the  young  man." 

"  You  are  a  considerate  girl,  and  there  are  too  few 
such,"  replied  her  hostess,  with  a  smile  of  approval. 

"  I  thank  you,  Mrs.  Eldred,  but  I  was  not  always 
thoughtful,  nor  am  I  now ;  but  I  wish  to  be  kind.  Pray 
do  not  permit  my  presence  to  interrupt  your  ordinary 
routine  of  life  ;  I  should  be  sorry  to  know  you  were  plan- 
ning to  entertain  me.  I  came  to  see  you  and  to  enjoy 
your  home,  and  I  require  nothing  else  to  make  me 
happy." 

Mr.  Richard  Eldred  was  reserved  but  attentive  while 
Kate  was  his  mother's  guest,  and  he  carefully  abstained 
from  voicing  his  admiration  of  her.  Delicacy  forbade 
him  to  speak  of  his  regard  while  she  was  where  she 
could  not  feel  at  liberty  to  refuse  his  attentions.  He 
proffered  his  services,  brought  her  flowers,  asked  her  to 
ride  and  to  drive,  etc.,  but  always  with  his  mother  or  one 
of  his  sisters.  Whatever  was  arranged  for  her  that  Kate 
felt  certain  was  not  out  of  the  order  of  their  customary 
enjoyments,  she  was  at  once  enthusiastic  about ;  but  such 
suggestions  for  her  pleasure  as  were  elaborate  or  expen- 
sive she  protested  against,  though  in  some  matters  she 
was  obliged  to  permit  her  new  friends  to  have  their 
way. 

Near  the  close  of  her  visit  Mr.  Eldred  announced  that 
he  was  compelled  to  go  to  the  metropolis,  but  should  be 
absent  but  a  very  brief  time.  He  mentioned  that  he 
should  call  upon  us  and  would  carry  any  message  Kate 
should  send.  He.  did  not  tell  her,  however,  that  he 
wished  to  consult  us  regarding  his  hope  of  winning  Kate  for 
his  wife,  and  to  inquire  about  the  most  satisfactory  method 


232  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

of  seeking  her  father's  approval ;  but  such,  in  fact,  was 
his  errand. 

Kate  made  her  first  serious  social  blunder  during  her 
absence  from  us  by  sealing  the  letter  she  sent  us  by  Mr. 
Eidred.  To  close  a  letter  sent  by  a  friend  hints  that  the 
bearer  otherwise  might  read  its  contents,  and  is,  of 
course,  an  insult.  Mr.  Eidred,  if  he  observed  it — and  he 
must  have  done  so,  because  Kate's  seal  was  a  large  one 
— doubtless  knew  that  Kate  meant  no  offence,  and  he 
probably  suspected  that  she  had  not  been  taught  the  strict 
etiquette  of  leUer-writing.  If  a  letter  is  sent  by  a  mes- 
senger or  by  one  who  is  below  yourself  in  position,  it  may 
quite  properly  be  sealed.  Kate  blushed  when  the  subject 
of  closed  letters  was  casually  mentioned  one  afternoon, 
and  she  afterwards  told  me  that  she  recalled  her  own 
mistake,  and  resolved  that  it  should  not  occur  again. 

Kate  was  asked  to  prolong  her  visit  at  the  end  of  the 
ten  days  for  which  she  had  been  invited,  but  good  taste 
prevailed,  and  she  left  her  new  friends  with  regret,  and 
while  they  still  desired  her  presence.  It  is  a  dangerous 
experiment  to  outstay  the  time  for  which  one  is  invited. 
The  invitation  to  remain  longer  is  always  extended,  if 
only  as  a  matter  of  form,  and  though  it  may  be  sincere,  it 
is  usually  wise  to  decline.  Mrs.  Eidred  did  not  press 
Kate  to  remain,  believing  that  it  is  as  kind  to  speed  the 
parting  guest  as  to  welcome  the  coming  one.  Before  her 
departure  Kate  gave  a  fee  to  the  maid  who  had  attended 
to  her  room,  and  also  to  the  table  waiter,  taking  care, 
however,  to  do  this  unobserved  by  the  family. 

Mr.  Eidred  and  his  sister  saw  Kate  safely  seated  in  the 
railway  coach  with  a  dainty  luncheon  in  a  box  prepared 
by  her  hostess — a  little  attention  that  is  customary  for  a 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  233 

lady  who  is  travelling  alone.  He  asked  Kate  if  he  mi<2;lit 
give  himself  the  pleasure  of  calling  upon  her  at  an  early 
date,  and  his  sister  claimed  an  immediate  report  of  her 
safe  arrival  home,  both  of  which  requests  were  granted  as 
a  matter  of  course.  The  morning  after  Kale's  arrival  at 
our  home,  she  wrote  a  letter  of  thanks  to  Mrs.  Eldred  for 
her  many  kindnesses,  with  pleasant  remembrances  to 
each  member  of  her  household.  The  writing  of  such 
a  letter  is  de  rigueur,  and  it  must  always  be  sent  to  the 
hostess  herself.  It  requires  no  answer,  although  the 
daughter  of  the  hostess  may  reply  when  the  late  guest  is 
a  young  girl.  If  the  hostess  has  been  especially  kind,  it 
is  a  pretty  and  an  almost  universal  custom  in  these  days 
for  a  youthful  visitor  to  send  her,  within  the  year,  some 
trifle  made  by  her  own  hands.  One  of  the  reasons  for 
this  custom  is  that  it  is  a  graceful  apology  on  the  part  of 
a  young  girl  for  her  inability  to  return  the  hospitality  of 
her  elders. 

Auntie. 


THIRTY-NINTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

Since  rny  last  letter  to  you  we  have  been  travelling 
through  Holland,  which,  with  its  uniform  surface,  the 
peculiar  network  of  canals  with  which  it  is  intersected 
in  every  direction,  and  the  rich  green  fields  afford- 
ing pasturage  to  numerous  herds  of  fine  cattle,  pre- 
sents an  appearance  so  strangely  different  from  that 
of  any  other  country  we  have  visited.  The  peasant 
women  dress  rather  picturesquely,  but  nearly  all  of  them 
are  clad  alike,  in  black  and  white.  They  wear  high 
white  caps  and  a  great  deal  of  jewelry,  especially  odd- 
looking  "  ear-covers  "  of  gold  or  silver,  which  extend  out 
on  their  cheeks,  giving  them  a  singular  appearance. 

Our  first  visit  was  to  Rotterdam,  which  is  called  "  the 
most  beautiful  commercial  city  in  Europe,"  and  the  title 
is  well  deserved ;  for  the  city  has  magnificent  docks, 
great  basins  and  numerous  bridges,  and  the  rivers  are 
crowded  with  steamers  and  sailing  crafts,  while  every- 
where, even  among  the  warehouses  along  the  river 
banks,  grow  huge  trees  that  brighten  with  their  foliage 
the  otherwise  sombre  colors  of  the  town. 

Being  informed  at  our  hotel  that  a  good  view  of  the 
city  could  be  obtained  from  the  tower  of  the  Church  of 

234 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  235 

St.  Lawrence  or,  as  it  is  called  in  Rotterdam,  the 
"  Groote  Kerk  "  (Great  Church),  we  mounted  a  winding 
staircase  of  over  three  hundred  steps  to  the  top  of  the 
tower  and  were  amply  repaid  for  the  exertion  by  the 
panorama  that  met  our  view.  The  tower  is  a  remarkable 
looking  structure,  but  the  church  itself  is  not  in  the 
least  imposing;  the  interior  especially  would  be  rather 
bare  and  unattractive  but  for  the  number  of  marble  slabs 
which  mark  the  resting-places  of  celebrated  Dutch 
admirals.  The  Groote  Kerk  possesses  a  magnificent 
organ,  said  to  have  about  five  thousand  pipes,  some  of 
which  are  gigantic  ;  and  we  had  the  pleasure  of  hearing 
some  excellent  music  performed  upon  it. 

In  going  to  the  docks  we  passed  within  sight  and 
hearing  of  the  large  catch-basins,  which  are  constantly 
opening  and  closing.  Here  we  saw  ocean  steamers  in 
every  possible  position,  crowded  about  by  all  sorts  of 
craft ;  and  the  shrill  whistles  of  the  railroad  locomotives 
and  tug  boats,  the  clanging  of  bells  on  the  steamers  and 
the  hum  of  work  on  the  wharves  combine  in  a  cheerful  con- 
fusion that  would  stir  the  most  lethargic  nature  into  activity. 

Returning  from  the  docks  along  the  Willemsplain — 
one  of  the  chief  thoroughfares — we  visited  two  neighbor- 
ing institutions,  the  Seemann's  Huis  (Sailor's  House),  and 
the  building  of  the  Royal  Netherland  Yachting  Club,  in 
which  we  saw  the  museum  belonging  to  the  club  and 
their  valuable  collection  of  instruments,  books,  pictures 
and  everything  of  note  that  has  been  discovered  in  mari- 
time science  during  the  past  several  hundred  years.  A 
short  walk  brought  us  to  the  beautifully  laid  out  park,  in 
which  are  pretty  lakes  and  pavilions  and  a  statue  of  the 
poet  Tollens. 


236  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

This  city,  by  the  way,  contains  fewer  statues  than  any 
other  place  we  have  yet  visited.  Beside  the  statue  just 
referred  to  there  is  a  monument  erected  to  the  memory 
of  Count  Hogendorp,  who  lived  a  number  of  years  in 
America,  and  a  bronze  statue  of  Gerrit  Geritzs,  better 
know  as  "  Erasmus  of  Rotterdam,"  whom  the  citizens 
are  proud  to  speak  of  as  a  fellow-citizen.  The  Erasmus 
statue  is  in  the  Great  Market,  which  is  in  reality  a  bridge 
crossing  one  of  the  canals,  its  name  being  due  to  the  fact 
that  upon  the  bridge  is  daily  held  a  regular  market  at  which 
all  sorts  of  edibles  are  sold.  We  also  visited  the  Botan- 
ical Gardens,  the  Archives  and  the  Zoological  Gardens ; 
but  we  were  especially  delighted  with  the  Boymans 
Museum,  where  we  saw  some  of  the  master  works  of 
Rembrandt,  Jacob  Ruisdael,  Eckhout,  the  two  Van  der 
Veldes,  Bol,  Hals,  and  other  celebrated  painters. 

Leaving  Rotterdam  we  went  directly  to  Amsterdam, 
and  of  this  city  we  obtained  a  good  view  from  the  Hooge- 
Sluis,  the  largest  bridge  in  the  place.  Like  Rotterdam 
Amsterdam  is  divided  in  every  direction  by  canals,  which 
we  were  told,  are  crossed  by  three  hundred  bridges. 
The  National  Museum,  called  Trippenhuis,  and  the 
Crystal  Palace,  where  concerts  are  given  day  and  even- 
ing, were  the  only  places  we  visited,  for  our  stay  was 
very  brief. 

From  Amsterdam  we  set  out  for  a  short  tour  to  Switz- 
erland, where  we  are  now.  I  will  give  you  some 
account  of  our  travels  in  this  interesting  country  in  my 
next,  as  I  wish  to  hurry  this  letter  off  that  I  may  the 
sooner  receive  one  from  you  in  return  regarding  the 
ripening  intimacy  between  Kate  and  Mr.  Eldred,  and 
how   it   terminated — in   their   happy   marriage,    I   hope. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  237 

Your  description  of  Mr.  Eldred  is  so  charming  that  I 
wish  you  would  give  me  a  detailed  description  of  his 
bearing  and  behavior  as  the  intended  husband  of  our 
dear  Kate. 

Your  loving 

Niece. 


FORTIETH  LETTER. 
visits  of  length. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

I  need  hardly  tell  you  that  Kate  was  very  happy 
during  her  engagement  with  Mr.  Eldred ;  and  after  its 
announcement  early  in  the  summer  she  went  to  her 
father,  very  properly  preferring  that  the  marriage  should 
take  place  at  his  house.  Of  course,  it  would  have  been 
more  agreeable  both  to  us  and  to  her  had  she  arranged 
to  have  the  wedding  upon  this  side  of  the  continent, 
especially  as  here  was  to  be  her  future  home.  Kate  did 
not,  however,  for  a  moment  contemplate  either  evading 
her  obligations  to  her  parent  or  disregarding  aught  of 
the  strict  etiquette  of  a  ceremonious  wedding. 

Unusual  indeed  must  be  the  circumstances  that  would 
warrant  a  girl  in  choosing  any  other  place  than  her  own 
immediate  home  for  the  performance  of  this  sacred  rite  ; 
and  any  eccentricity  on  her  part  regarding  the  mode, 
time  or  place  of  performing  the  ceremony  is  very  apt  to 
deprive  the  occasion  of  much  of  its  proper  solemnity. 
Of  course,  we  were  all  loth  to  lose  her  so  soon ;  but 
we  knew  she  was  acting  properly,  when,  having  arranged 
for  her  trousseau,  she  immediately  joined  her  father,  and 

238 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  239 

spent  with  him  the  last  days  of  her  girlhood.  Some 
girls  would  have  thought  only  of  the  fact  that  such  a 
course  would  deprive  them  for  a  time  of  a  lover's  society 
and  would  have  gratified  their  own  inclinations ;  but  in 
this  case  etiquette  and  duty  both  demanded  the  same 
thing — a  generous  consideration  of  the  feelings  of 
others. 

To  be  sure,  circumstances  may  be  such  that  this  rule 
cannot  be  always  followed,  in  which  case  custom  grace- 
fully yields.  Impulsive  girls  are  too  apt  to  forget  that  in 
pleasing  themselves  they  are  often  grieving  their  parents 
by  discourtesies  which  they  afterward  remember  only 
with  unavailing  regrets.  Unselfishness  brings  long  after- 
wards much  pleasure  in  the  sweet  memory  a  daughter 
has  of  the  kindly  acts  she  has  performed  for  those  she 
left  at  home  on  her  wedding-day.  No  one  so  fully  real- 
izes how  precious  such  recollections  are  as  the  daughter 
who  remembers  too  late  many  a  filial  duty  unper- 
formed. 

It  was  during  the  two  months  intervening  between 
Kate's  visit  to  Mrs.  Eldred  and  her  departure  for  her 
Western  home  that  she  saw  much  of  the  man  she  was  to 
marry,  and  realized  from  seeing  him  both  in  and  out  of 
society,  that  his  finely  polished  manner  and  courtly  habits 
detracted  nothing  from  his  manliness  of  speech  or 
strength  of  character.  What  we  call  good  and  bad  breed- 
ing are  merely  the  result  of  training  and  self-discipline,  or 
the  lack  of  them.  If  a  child  is  cured  of  some  awkward 
bodily  habit  by  much  discipline  no  one  would  for  an 
instant  say  the  reformation  had  made  him  unmanly ;  and 
no  more  can  it  be  said  of  mental  discipline. 

There  is  unfortunately  a  mistaken  idea  with  some  that 


240  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

a  man  to  whom  graceful  courtesies  are  habitual  must  be 
wanting  in  strong  mental  qualities  if  he  unfailingly  prac- 
tises the  elegancies.  Do  not,  m):  dear  niece,  make  this 
ungenerous  error;  for  the  man  who  from  childhood  has 
been  trained  to  a  perfect  observance  of  the  rules  of  eti- 
quette would  find  it  more  difficult  to  perform  an  ungrace- 
ful act  naturally  than  an  untrained  person  would  to  act 
the  part  of  a  courtly  gentleman.  Good  manners  to  one 
perfectly  familiar  with  their  rules  are  like  the  music  of  a 
graceful  dance  to  a  proficient  dancer;  they  lead  one 
unconsciously  to  the  proper  performance  of  every  pleas- 
ant duty  of  social  life. 

Should  you  ever  have  the  training  of  sons  and  daughters, 
be  careful  how  you  teach  them  to  despise  the  proper  rules 
of  dress,  or  to  consider  that  courteous  speech  and  graceful 
manner  betoken  only  weakness  of  character  or  insincerity 
of  heart. 

Kate  noticed  many  apparently  trifling  things  in  the 
deportment  of  \i^x  fiand  which  had  hitherto  escaped  her 
notice  in  other  men.  When  another  caller  entered  the 
room  he  arose  and  remained  standing  until  the  new 
arrival  was  seated ;  he  also  stood  when  the  guest 
departed,  provided  he  did  not  end  his  call  first,  which,  of 
course,  he  always  had  done  when  visiting  her  previous  to 
the  public  announcement  of  their  engagement.  After 
that  it  was  his  privilege  to  remain  after  the  departure  of 
the  last  guest.  She  also  noticed  that  he  showed  no  dis- 
pleasure or  annoyance  when  she  was  unable  in  company 
to  show  him  special  attention ;  that  he  did  not  ask  her  to 
wear  an  engagement  ring  until  their  betrothal  had  been 
made  public;  and  that  he  consulted  her  preference  in 
selecting  the  gem  for  this  ring.     She  saw,  also,  that  he 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  241 

wrote  to  his  intimate  friends  announcing  his  betrothal, 
and  that  all  his  friends  promptly  sent  congratulatory 
notes  that  included  kind  messages  to  herself.  This 
announcement  was  made  to  his  friends  before  their 
engagement  was  made  known  to  mere  acquaintances. 

When  they  appeared  together  on  the  street  they  were 
always  accompanied  by  his  sister,  who  was  visiting  us,  or 
by  myself  or  some  other  friend.  Kate  observed  that  he 
never  walked  between  the  two  ladies,  but  on  the  outside, 
unless  it  were  after  dark,  or  he  were  taking  them  through 
a  crowd,  in  which  case  he  offered  each  an  arm ;  and  she 
learned  that  a  woman  never  takes  a  man's  arm  in  the  day- 
time unless  she  really  requires  assistance. 

If,  while  walking  with  ladies,  he  passed  an  acquaint- 
ance of  his  own,  or  any  one  who  bowed  to  the  ladies  of 
his  party,  he  always  lifted  his  hat  with  the  hand  that  was 
farthest  from  the  ladies  he  was  accompanying ;  and  Kate 
incidentally  observed  that  when  he  was  not  attending 
other  ladies  and  met  one  with  whom  he  desired  to  speak 
and  shake  hands,  he  raised  his  hat  with  the  left  hand  and 
gave  the  lady  his  right  at  the  same  time,  but  never 
loitered  to  talk  with  her,  asking  her  permission,  instead, 
to  go  a  short  distance  with  her  while  conversing.  Of 
course,  if  the  communication  was  of  importance  it  could 
not  properly  be  made  on  the  street — a  gentleman  would 
call  or  write.  Only  to  women  are  street  conversations 
allowable,  for  the  reason  that  it  is  not  the  proper  thing 
for  them  to  call  upon  gentlemen. 

About  this  time  Mr.  Eldred  sent  flowers  to  a  young 

lady  whose  engagement  had  just  been  announced  to  him 

by  a  note  from  herself ;    and  as  he  had  often   been  a 

guest  at  her  father's  house  this  recognition  of  her  regard 

16 


242  SOCIAL  LIFE, 

for  his  friendship  was  good  form.     Her  note  was  brief, 
but  to  the  purpose.     She  wrote  : 

'*My  dear  Mr.  Eldred : 

"  I  am  sure  you  will  join  my  other  friends  in  warm 
wishes  for  my  happiness  when  you  know  that  at  no  distant 
day  I  expect  to  be  married  to  {or  to  marry)  Mr.  Charles  Eliot 
Blank. 

"  Sincerely  yours, 

•*  Adelaide  Kipp  Brooks." 

The  writer's  address  was  engraved  at  the  top  of  her 
note  paper,  and  though  her  words  were  well  chosen  she 
might  have  used  any  other  language  that  conveyed  her 
meaning.  Some  people  use  the  recent  form  "to  marr)%" 
as  expressing  equality,  in  preference  to  the  old  style  "  to 
be  married";  but  I  always  prefer  the  time-honored 
expressions  when  serious  matters  are  concerned.  There 
was  no  reason  in  this  case  why  Mr.  Eldred  should  not 
have  expressed  his  congratulations  in  person,  but  this 
method  is  less  often  selected  by  men  who  are  themselves 
engaged.  Sending  a  note  with  the  flowers  is  an  old  and 
pretty  custom,  whether  the  sender  be  a  friend  of  the  man 
or  of  the  woman  who  is  to  be  married. 

Kate  discovered  that  unless  a  betrothal  is  personally 
announced,  it  cannot  with  propriety  be  recognized  as  a 
fact,  except  the  announcement  be  made  by  an  incidental 
verbal  congratulation  ;  and  it  cannot  be  mentioned,  even 
in  this  informal  way,  until  it  has  been  publicly  announced. 
It  is  also  bad  form  to  make  inquiries  of  the  family  of 
either  party  regarding  an  engagement.  If  it  is  voluntarily 
mentioned  by  one  who'  is  nearly  related  to  either,  of 
course  one  should  express  interest  in  the  young  people 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


243 


and  in  their  future,  but  curiosity  on  the  subject  is  vulgar ; 
and  jesting  with  the  betrothed  about  their  engagement  is 
in  especially  bad  taste — ahnost  as  bad  as  to  mention  the 
cost  of  an  engagement  ring  or  speculate  with  its  possessor 
on  its  value. 

When  Mr.  Eldred  called  to  pass  an  evening  with  Kate, 
she  noticed  that  he  left  his  hat  and  overcoat  in  the  hall, 
but  during  a  brief  call  he  always  carried  his  hat  and  wore 
his  overcoat  unbuttoned.  He  sent  in  his  name  instead 
of  his  card  after  the  servant  knew  his  face  and  could 
announce  him  by  name  \  and  he  invariably  asked  to  see 
the  ladies,  although  since  their  engagement  I  seldom 
went  to  the  parlor  at  such  times,  as  I  knew  Mr.  Eldred 
did  not  expect  to  see  me,  merely  asking  for  me  as  a 
matter  of  form  and  leaving  a  friendly  message  for  me  on 
departing.  Good  manners  required  such  attention  from 
him  to  the  hostess  of  Yix^  fiancee. 

Mr.  Eldred  was  attentive  to  elderly  women  and  even 
to  children,  and  was  deferential  to  men  older  than  him- 
self. He  talked  neither  politics  nor  religious  dogmas 
with  strangers  or  at  table.  He  did  not  discuss  a  subject 
with  one  person  in  the  presence  of  others  who  knew 
nothing  about  it,  unless  he  was  at  liberty  to  explain  it  to 
all ;  he  did  not  speak  of  himself  or  of  his  doings  unless 
questioned,  or  unless  the  matter  was  of  general  interest ; 
and  he  avoided  personalities  of  all  kinds. 

A  polished  gentleman  is  neither  prolix  nor  curt  in  his 
descriptions  or  his  explanations.  If  he  has  apologies  to 
make  they  are  brief,  dignified  and  to  the  purpose,  and 
his  excuses  neither  blame  himself  to  the  point  of  humilia- 
tion nor  accuse  another  of  being  at  fault. 

Now,  do  not  imagine,  my  dear  niece,  that   Mr.  Eldred 


244  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

must  have  been  an  extraordinary  being,  because  by  so 
doing  you  would  suggest  your  disbelief  in  the  higher  pos- 
sibilities of  self-discipline.  If  you  look  about  amongst 
your  own  acquaintances,  doubtless  you  will  discover 
several  men  whose  manners  and  dignity  are  so  elegant 
but  so  quiet  that  you  hitherto  accepted  them  as  a  matter 
of  course,  just  as  you  have  their  height  or  their  appear- 
ance. We  would  quickly  notice  a  rudeness  or  criticise 
a  mistake,  when  well-bred,  easy  carriage  would  pass 
unnoticed,  unless,  indeed,  contrasted  with  flagrant  ill- 
breeding. 

I  will  not  tell  you  of  Kate's  wedding,  at  which  your 
uncle  and  myself  were  present.  Although  many  of  the 
pretty  observances  that  we  are  used  to  in  the  East  were 
wanting,  still  you  must  remember  that  in  those  days  life 
in  the  Western  States  made  such  heavy  demands  on  the 
time  and  energies  of  the  people  that  they  had  little  of 
either  to  devote  to  the  practice  of  les  convenances.  Kate's 
friends  were  not  lacking  in  true  kindness  and  love  for 
her,  though  some  were  inclined  to  resent  the  innovations 
she  introduced  at  her  wedding,  but  which  they  have  all 
since  learned  to  hold  at  their  true  value. 

The  home-coming  of  the  newly  married  pair  was  not 
unlike  that  of  John  and  myself,  although  their  larger 
financial  resources  made  their  entertainments  somewhat 
more  sumptuous ;  but  neither  of  them  desired  to  be  osten- 
tatious, and  this  fact  suggests  that  often  it  is  not  from  a 
vulgar  desire  for  display  but  because  of  the  over-abundant 
wealth  so  often  possessed  in  our  Western  world  that  the 
habit  of  excessive  money  spending  has  fixed  itself  upon 
many  persons.  Of  course,  personal  vanity  has  something 
to  do  with  it,  but  not  always,  as  is  proven  by  the  quick 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  245 

change  that  often  takes  place  in  the  lives  of  those,  who, 
having  attained  wealth,  begin  to  look  for  a  better  stale 
where  nobility  of  character  and  high  mental  attainments 
are  more  sought  than  even  riches. 

Auntie. 


FORTY-FIRST  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

Of  the  grandeur  of  the  scenery  of  Switzerland  I  have 
heard  and  read  much,  but  the  most  vivid  imagination 
could  scarce  approach  the  reality.  We  chose  a  rather 
circuitous  route  to  Zurich,  as  we  wished  to  make  short 
visits  to  several  important  places  on  the  way,  among 
them  being  Utrecht,  Aix-la-Chapelle,  Baden-Baden, 
Heidelberg,  Stuttgart  and  Munich.  At  Munich  we  visited 
the  library,  the  English  Garden,  the  Botanical  Gardens, 
the  colossal  statue  of  Bavaria,  and  the  wonderful 
Glyptothek  and  Pinakothek,  where  are  exhibited  many 
admirable  specimens  of  the  works  of  renowned  sculptors 
and  painters  from  the  earliest  ages  to  the  present  time. 
The  colossal  statue  of  Donatello  in  the  hall  of  modern 
statuary  brought  Hawthorne's  beautiful  tale  of  "  The  Mar- 
ble Faun  "  most  vividly  to  my  mind.  I  regretted  much 
that  we  could  only  make  a  short  stay  in  Munich,  for  I 
found  the  place  most  interesting. 

But  to  return  to  Switzerland.  Zurich  is  most  delight- 
fully situated  on  a  lake,  in  full  view  of  the  Rigi  Mountains. 
We  made  a  tour  of  the  lake  both  by  land  and  by  water, 
and  I  really  think  it  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  pieces  of 
water  I  have  ever  seen. 

246 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  247 

From  Zurich  we  went  to  Lucerne,  where  we  saw  the 
two  famous  covered  bridges  over  the  Reuss  River,  with 
their  historic  paintings.  There  are  so  many  places  of 
interest  in  and  around  this  old  town  that  we  were  obliged 
to  miss  many  of  them  on  account  of  our  limited  time  ; 
but  we  did  visit  the  Glacier  garden,  the  Wasser  Thurm 
(Water  Tower),  the  old  Roman  Watch  Tower,  and  one  of 
Thorwaldsen's  masterpieces — the  Lion  Monument.  To 
obtain  a  good  view  of  the  lake  our  guide  took  us  to  the 
stone  bulwark  of  the  Schweizerhof  Quay,  the  walls  of 
which  are  washed  by  the  waves  of  the  lake.  On  our 
right  we  saw  Mount  Pilatus  with  its  zigzag  top,  on  the 
left  the  lofty  Rigi,  and  almost  opposite  the  famous  villa 
Triebschen,  once  the  summer  residence  of  Richard 
Wagner. 

On  leaving  Lucerne  we  went  to  Interlaken.  This  trip 
was  really  the  most  delightful  of  all.  We  joined  a  party 
who  were  going  the  same  way  ;  so  instead  of  taking  the 
regular  tourist  route  by  the  Brunig  Pass,  we  went  by  the 
way  of  the  Jochen  Pass,  and  Engstlenalp  to  Meirningen. 
We  crossed  the  lake  and  took  a  carriage,  or  rather  a 
sort  of  omnibus,  called  eiiwagen,  for  Engelberg.  For  a 
couple  of  hours  our  road  lay  through  forests  of  monster 
nut  trees,  which  shut  off  all  view  of  anything  beyond  the 
limits  of  the  path,  save  an  occasional  glimpse  of  the  blue 
sky  through  the  overarching  boughs  of  the  trees.  Once 
in  a  while,  too,  an  opening  in  the  forest  permitted  a  view 
of  the  lake  or  of  the  snow-capped  Titlis.  At  Staus  we 
stopped  long  enough  to  visit  the  Winkelried  Monument 
and  a  church  with  immense  pillars  of  black  marble. 
Resuming  our  journey,  we  passed  through  a  romantic  val- 
ley and  on  to  the  beautiful  village  of  Wolfenschiessen, 


248  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

which  Schiller  has  rendered  immortal  by  his  "  William 
Tell."  The  roads  are  very  good  along  the  mountain 
passes,  and  travelling  is  consequently  quite  safe.  Our 
ride  look  us  through  a  dark,  cool  forest ;  on  one  side  rose 
the  immense  wall  of  mountains,  and  on  the  other  rushed 
the  river  Aar,  while  across  the  ravine  might  be  seen  the 
tops  of  the  Schwarzhorn,  Tannenfluh  and  Graustock. 
Then  we  came  to  a  turn  called  the  BQhel,  where  the 
scenery  is  truly  awful  in  its  grandeur.  In  every  direc- 
tion the  huge  mountains  of  snow  seem  to  touch  the 
sky,  the  vast  glaciers  glitter  in  the  sun,  while  far  below 
lies  the  peaceful  little  Alps  village  of  Engelberg  and 
the  great  Benediktinerabtei,  or  Monastery  of  the  Benedic- 
tines. 

Engelberg  seems  a  little  world  by  itself,  so  hemmed  in 
is  it  by  the  mountains ;  it  is  a  very  popular  summer  resort, 
and  from  it  excursions  are  made  to  the  neighboring 
glaciers  and  mountains.  With  a  guide  we  climbed  to  the 
Gerschni  and  then  ascended  the  Monk's  Wall ;  it  was 
a  hard  climb,  but  we  were  amply  repaid  by  the  magnifi- 
cent prospect. 

Our  next  journey  took  us  to  Lake  Geneva.  We  made 
a  delightful  tour  of  the  lake,  and  visited  the  famous 
Chateau  de  Chillon,  immortalized  by  Rousseau  in  his 
"  La  Nouvelle  Heloise,"  and  we  also  saw  Byron's  little 
*'  Isle  of  Three  Trees,"  which  is  assuredly  a  most  diminu- 
tive bit  of  land. 

Well,  I  think  I  have  given  you  enough  of  description 
for  one  letter,  so  I  will  bring  it  to  a  close.  I  have  been 
delighted,  I  assure  you,  with  the  story  of  Kate's  wedding, 
and  all  that  preceded  it,  and  I  only  regret  that  the  narra- 
tive is  ended.     By-the-bye,  you  have  not  written  me  for 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  249 

some  time  regarding  Helen.  I  should  like  to  know  if 
her  romance  was  as  interesting  as  Kate's.  Will  you  tell 
me  about  her  in  your  next  letter? 

Your  loving 

Niece. 


FORTY-SECOND  LETTER. 
in  the  country. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

I  am  not  surprised  that  you  are  anxious  to  hear  from 
me  concerning  dear  Helen,  and,  but  that  I  desired  you  to 
have  the  benefit  of  an  unbroken  narration  of  Kate's  grad- 
ual acquirement  of  a  higher  refinement,  I  should  have 
turned  back  to  tell  you  of  Helen,  whose  very  nature  ren- 
dered her  incapable  of  being  as  brusque,  as  inconsiderate 
and  as  hoydenish  as  was  Kate  when  first  she  came  to  us. 
Few  of  us  are  ready  to  make  sufHcient  allowance  for 
those  who  are  born  into  unrefined  surroundings,  but  who 
possess  every  means  of  self-indulgence  ;  whose  circum- 
stances seldom  or  never  call  upon  them  to  make  personal 
sacrifices,  and  who,  when  they  give,  do  so  lavishly  and 
impulsively  out  of  an  abundance  so  large  that  the 
bestowals  are  scarcely  missed. 

Such  people  are  truly  deserving  of  our  charity,  for  they 
acquire  a  reputation  for  generosity  when  their  bounties 
are  simply  momentary  impulses,  which  cost  them  no 
deprivation  or  effort  and  yield  them  none  of  those 
rewards  which  self-sacrifice,  wisely  and  worthily  made, 
brings   by  enriching  the   character.     These   people  are 

250 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  251 

rather  to  be  pitied,  because  they  have  never  experienced 
the  true  joy  of  sharing  the  sweetness  of  genuine  sympa- 
thy. When  Kate  learned  the  better  way  she  was  quick 
to  practise  it,  as  doubtless  would  many  another  whom  we 
sometimes  inconsiderately  condemn. 

Helen's  life  had  always  been  one  of  practical  helpful- 
ness and  generosity,  and  when  she  was  unable  to  give  of 
her  possessions,  she  bestowed  of  her  kindliness.  She 
shared  what  she  possessed  with  her  brothers  and  sisters, 
and  also  with  those  whom  she  called  her  friends.  Econ- 
omies, most  elevating  in  their  effects — because  sacrifice 
for  those  dear  to  her  was  a  pleasure — had  become  habit- 
ual with  her.  Her  deft  fingers  could  turn  and  freshen  a 
ribbon  and  then  bunch  it  into  a  graceful  knot  that  would 
brighten  a  worn  gown  or  a  faded  bonnet.  She  could  re- 
cut  and  re-make  a  jacket,  adding,  perhaps,  a  new  binding, 
and  the  result  would  be  a  garment  almost  as  good  as 
new,  and  giving  her  the  real  happiness  of  knowing  that 
she  was  helping  to  lighten  the  family  expenses,  without 
the  recognition  of  her  clever  economies  becoming  a 
humiliation  either  to  her  half-invalid  father  or  to  her 
always  anxious  but  courageous  mother.  Instead  of 
bemoaning  her  fate  because  such  economies  were  neces- 
sary, she  was  proud  to  know  that  she  could  compel 
untoward  circumstances  to  submit  to  her  energy  and 
industry. 

And  these  were  but  a  few  of  her  gifts  and  graces,  no 
one  of  which  had  ever  adorned  the  really  unselfish  nature 
of  our  rich  cousin.  Had  Kate  been  reared  in  a  similar 
domestic  atmosphere  very  likely  she  would  have  been 
equally  courageous  and  faithful,  if  not  by  nature  equally 
delicate  in  her  expressions  of  sympathy  for  others,  or  so 


252  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

richly  endowed  with  diverse  talents  that  could  be  made 
available  for  self-help.  It  is  doubtful  if  she  could  have 
aided  those  about  her  so  practically  and  wisely  as  Helen 
did,  although  I  am  sure  she  would  have  greatly  desired  to 
do  so. 

I  think  I  wrote  you  in  one  of  my  early  letters  of  a 
young  man  who  gave  a  theatre  party  for  his  pretty  young 
sister,  which  I  was  asked  to  chaperone.  I  remember 
that  my  experience  on  that  occasion  was  far  from  satis- 
factory, for  during  the  evening  Kate  slipped  back  into 
her  earlier  faults  of  manner  and  speech.  Helen,  how- 
ever, was  on  that  occasion  the  same  lovely  girl  that  she 
has  always  been. 

Our  young  host  and  his  sister  were  soon  afterwards 
included  in  certain  of  our  social  festivities,  as  I  may  have 
mentioned,  and  in  a  more  refined  atmosphere  than  they 
had  hitherto  known  they  grew  in  social  graces  until  I  had 
no  misgivings  about  introducing  them  even  to  your  Uncle 
John's  mother,  who,  as  you  may  have  guessed,  was  out- 
wardly a  true  patrician,  but  at  heart  was  a  worldly 
woman  who  was  ever  mindful  of  the  fact  that  she  still 
had  a  marriageable  daughter,  whom  it  was  her  chief 
desire  to  see  mistress  of  a  handsome  establishment  and  a 
well-supplied  purse.  I  had  this  fact  clearly  in  mind  when 
I  asked  permission  to  present  to  her  Mr.  Albert  Goold,  a 
man,  I  explained,  who  was  rising  in  business  and  had 
already  been  exceptionally  successful.  She  acquiesced 
most  graciously,  and  soon  afterward  expressed  her  admi- 
ration for  his  manly  appearance  and  the  beauty  of  his 
sister ;  this  I  knew  at  once  meant  that  she  would  invite 
them  to  call,  and  also  that  she  would  mention  to  the 
sister  the  days  on  which  she  received.     She  added  that 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  253 

she  liked  to  have  such  a  young  man  as  Mr.  Goold  drop  in 
late  if  he  could  not  escape  business  early  in  the  after- 
noon. 

I  had  learned  to  know  these  little  social  observances, 
which  she  always  arranged  so  that  they  fell  inside  the 
lines  of  the  strictest  etiquette  and  yet  were  usually  poten- 
tial with  young  people  whom  she  favored.  How  I  longed 
to  reproduce  this  scene  for  some  one  who  could  appre- 
ciate it  while  it  was  fresh  in  my  memory,  so  gracious 
were  her  words  and  so  persuasive  her  manner.  Had  she 
been  conferring  the  greatest  possible  honor  her  gracious- 
ness  could  not  have  been  more  complete  nor  her  sugges- 
tion to  the  sister  more  gratifying  to  a  young  girl.  Of 
course,  I  was  silent  for  dear  John  and  Aunt  Edith's 
sakes,  but  being  young  then  and  keenly  appreciative  of 
social  tactics,  I  was  sorely  tempted  to  re-enact  the  little 
scene  for  my  own  and  others'  amusement ;  but  love 
restrained  me. 

Just  here  I  wish  to  call  your  attention  to  this  tendency 
on  the  part  of  most  young  persons  who  have  a  keen  per- 
ception of  the  ridiculous  or  theatrical  in  society.  They 
reproduce  conduct  and  conversations  with  exaggerated 
effects  that  are  so  amusing  to  their  audiences  that  mim- 
icry becomes  a  most  pernicious  practice,  destroying  alike 
the  dignity  of  their  conversation  and  the  kindliness  of 
their  nature,  and  causing  the  loss  of  many  a  friend.  Do 
not,  my  dear  niece,  be  tempted  by  the  laughter  and 
applause  of  others  to  acquire  this  habit  of  tongue  and 
gesture  which  soon  sours  the  temper  and  calls  down  upon 
a  woman  the  distrust  and  sometimes  even  the  fear  of  her 
companions. 

To  return  to  my  narrative.     Mr.  Goold  was  duly  grate- 


254  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

ful  to  John's  mother  for  including  his  sister's  name  in  her 
visiting  list ;  and  in  a  way  he  was  pleased  that  she  had 
invited  him  to  accompany  her,  although  as  we  afterwards 
learned,  he  was  too  much  preoccupied  in  a  certain  quar- 
ter to  be  very  appreciative  on  his  own  account,  except  for 
the  fact  that  his  hostess  was  akin  to  us  and  in  the  set 
where,  at  some  future  time,  he  might  again  meet  Helen. 
He  had  asked  after  her  health  several  times  when  calling 
on  us,  but  this  mention  of  her  did  not  then  seem  to  me 
significant.  I  now  recall  thinking  that  as  he  knew  few  of 
our  friends,  the  number  of  persons  whom  he  could  inquire 
after  was  so  limited  that,  if  he  showed  any  interest  at  all 
in  our  circle,  he  must  needs  ask,  first  of  all,  for  Helen, 
because  she  was  the  only  one  now  no  longer  with  us. 
Late  in  the  spring  he  said  to  me  in  a  confused  sort  of 
way  :  "  I  am  about  to  make  a  business  journey  in  the 
neighborhood  of  where  your  friend  Miss  Helen  Blank 
resides.  Do  you  think  she  would  consider  it  an  imperti- 
nence if  I  paid  her  a  call  of  respect  and  inquiry  ? " 

"  Certainly  not  an  impertinence,  Mr.  Goold,  but  she 
might  feel  embarrassed  when  remembering  the  luxury  of 
your  home  (I  did  not  say  refined  elegance)  and  compar- 
ing it  with  the  extreme  simplicity  and  even  plainness  of 
her  own.  Not  that  Helen  possesses  any  foolish  ideas 
regarding  her  own  simple  style  of  living,  but  she  might 
very  naturally  think  that  such  a  call  could  give  you  little 
pleasure.  Helen  is  as  practical  as  she  is  beautiful,  and 
she  leads  a  busy  life.  If  you  wish,  when  I  write  I  will 
mention  your  proposed  courtesy,  so  that  she  may  decline 
it  through  me  if  she  prefers  to  remain  in  your  memory  en 
fete  as  you  have  seen  her } " 

"Certainly,"   he   replied,  but   he   immediately  added, 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  255 

"  I  shall  be  more  sadly  disappointed  than  I  can  tell  if  she 
refuse  to  see  me.  Indeed,  I  think  my  business  journey 
would  not  be  undertaken  in  the  face  of  such  an  adverse 
condition." 

As  he  spoke  his  face  changed  color  in  a  decidedly  tell- 
tale fashion. 

"  Indeed ! "  was  all  I  could  say  for  a  moment ;  and 
then  I  decided  it  would  be  both  wise  and  kind  to  reiter- 
ate my  former  proposition,  which  1  did,  without  adding, 
however,  that  in  writing  to  Helen  regarding  the  matter  I 
should  advise  her  to  see  him.  It  was  almost  summer, 
and  I  knew  that  Helen's  commonplace  but  picturesque 
home  was  now  at  its  best,  with  its  ungraceful  outlines 
and  homely  surroundings  softened  by  the  magic  of  the 
fresh  spring  foliage  and  the  flowers  of  May-time.  Helen 
never  overlooked  the  potent  influence  of  fresh  flowers, 
and  I  knew  that  the  quince  trees  were  in  bloom  and  the 
lilacs  bending  gracefully  to  the  south  wind  to  lend  a 
charm  of  romance  to  the  scene. 

In  my  letters  I  had  told  the  girl  how  much  we  liked 
Mr.  Goold's  sister,  and  that  the  polish  of  fine  manner 
was  as  perceptible  in  his  own  conduct  as  if  he  had 
enjoyed  it  for  years.  I  did  not  add  that  John's  mother 
was  especially  hospitable  to  him  and  had  mentioned  to 
me  the  ingratitude  of  her  daughter  who  could  not  be 
brought  to  appreciate  maternal  efforts  in  her  behalf. 
This  significant  speech  was  not  difficult  to  comprehend 
even  without  explanatory  remarks,  so  closely  did  it  follow 
upon  a  word  of  comment  upon  this  rising  young  man  and 
his  large  business  enterprises.  Her  easily  pardonable 
vexation  and  her  confidence  to  me  I  have  never  men- 
tioned before,  and  I  only  speak  of  them  now  to  show  you, 


256  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

my  dear  niece,  that  nothing  had  effaced  from  Mr.  Goold's 
mind  the  deep  impression  which  the  sweet  face,  quiet 
manners  and  modest  aitire  of  Helen,  my  dearest  girl 
friend,  had  made  upon  him.  He  was  not  a  conceited 
man ;  indeed,  so  perfect  a  confidence  had  grown  up 
between  himself  and  John  and  me  that  he  often  asked  to 
be  informed  regarding  social  proprieties,  confessing  each 
time  :  "  You  know  witliout  telling  that  1  have  not  been 
accustomed  to  as  much  refinement  as  would  have  been 
good  for  me,  so  please  be  generous  with  your  abundance, 
and  I  will  be  as  lavish  with  what  I  receive  to  some  other 
unfortunate  fellow.*' 

I  wrote  to  Helen,  mentioning  in  a  casual  way  Mr. 
Goold's  desire  to  call  upon  her  if  he  should  be  near 
enough  to  make  it  convenient.  I  admit  the  pardonable 
deception  practised  in  this  method  of  communicating  the 
young  man's  intention,  but  I  did  not  feel  that  I  had  a 
right  to  forestall  his  purpose  by  dropping  even  the 
remotest  hint  of  the  real  meaning  of  his  journey.  It  was 
his  affair,  and  at  present  he  needed  no  aid  from  me.  He 
might  require  help  later  on  and  then — would  it  be  dis- 
loyal to  John's  mother  and  show  a  lack  of  sympathy  with 
her  earnest  desires  if  I  aided  Mr.  Goold  in  his  suit  for 
Helen  ? 

This  question  was  soon  after  answered,  for  John's 
sister  confided  to  us  that  her  heart  was  inalienably  given 
to  a  young  man  who  had  still  another  year  to  spend  at  a 
university  ;  but  she  said  her  mother  was  so  impatient  to 
see  her  well  settled  in  life  that  she  had  not  as  yet  thought 
it  wise  to  tell  her  of  her  attachment.  She  was  not  yet 
engaged,  she  said,  but  that  made  no  difference.  John 
and  I  both  agreed  with  her  that  as  her  mother's  tempera- 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  257 

ment  was  such  as  to  demand  the  pleasant  things  of  life  at 
once  and  was  fretted  and  impatient  whenever  compelled 
to  wait  for  the  fulfilment  of  her  desires,  it  would  be  best 
to  remain  silent  on  the  subject. 

Did  I  tell  your  Uncle  John  what  Mr.  Goold  said  to  me 
of  Helen  ?  Of  course  not.  It  was  not  my  own  secret,  so 
I  could  not  share  it  even  with  my  husband.  Wives  often 
thus  divulge  secrets  to  their  husbands  which  they  have 
no  right  to  betray,  excusing  the  bad  faith  by  the  well-worn 
saying,  "  My  husband  and  I  are  one."  It  is  needless  to 
say  that  the  expression  is  inapplicable  to  the  case  in 
point,  and  that  the  action  is  inexcusable. 

A  letter  soon  came  from  Helen,  deprecating  Mr. 
Goold's  proposition  to  call  upon  her,  as  she  said  she  was 
sure  he  would  be  both  amazed  and  disappointed  by  an 
acquaintance  with  her  plain  surroundings ;  but  she  did 
not  forbid  his  visit.  In  fact,  she  added  :  "  If  Mr.  Goold 
should  persist  in  coming  to  see  us  after  you  have  told 
him  how  meagre  our  country  home  and  living  is  (and  I 
trust  to  your  kindness  to  do  this  for  me  frankly  and  un- 
mistakably) he  must  put  up  with  his  reception  as 
patiently  as  he  can.  I  hope,  too,  that  you  will  assure 
him  "that,  while  I  regret  cur  lack  of  elegancies  and  even 
of  not  a  few  of  those  luxuries  which  very  likely  he 
esteems  the  comforts  of  life,  I  am  not  in  the  least 
ashamed  of  my  home  and  am  proud  of  our  family." 

When  I  told  Mr.  Goold  that  Helen  had  not  refused  to 
see  him,  but  regretted  that  she  was  unable  to  promise 
such  hospitality  as  he  was  used  to,  his  eyes  proved  to  me 
that  he  heard  only  the  first  part  of  my  speech  and  was 
oblivious  to  the  rest.  The  moment  I  finished  speaking, 
he  said,  "  I  shall  go  to-morrow." 

t 


258  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

"  But  I  would  not,  Mr.  Goold,"  said  I ;  "so  speedy  a 
following  up  of  my  announcement  of  your  proposed  visit 
might  startle  Helen  and  possibly  make  your  call  less  sat- 
isfactory than  you  desire.  Eager  men  often  lose  much 
that  is  possible  to  the  more  considerate  and  patient.  Girls 
who  are  worth  knowing  are  not  charmed  by  abruptness 
in  so  serious  an  affair  as  the  forming  of  a — a  friendship." 

"  Friendship  isn't  the  word  for  it." 

"  No  ?  Then,  Mr.  Goold,  all  the  more  earnestly  do  I 
beg  you  not  to  let  her  know  of  your  intentions  until  you 
have  really  made  her  acquaintance.  You  hardly  know 
her.  She  possesses  a  tranquil  spirit,  and  she  weighs  well 
the  possible  results  upon  her  family  of  everything  she  is 
about  to  do.  A  man  may  by  energy  and  promptness 
compel  fortune  within  his  grasp,  but  a  woman's  heart,  if 
it  be  worth  possessing,  isn't  won  that  way." 

"  No  ?  I  did  not  so  understand  women.  Pray  do  not 
think  me  conceited  or  an  egotist,  but  I  had  imagined, 
from  observing  the  girls  I  met  before  I  knew  you,  that 
they  were  easy  enough  to  win  ;  in  fact,  I  had  suspected 
one  or  two  of  them  of  trying  to  show  me  that  I  was  at 
least  not  disagreeable  to  them." 

"  Forget  them  if  you  choose  and  as  you  have  a  right  to 
do,"  I  replied,  "but  do  not  make  the  error  of  tak;ng 
acquiescence  for  granted  in  Helen's  case.  You  couldn't 
well  make  a  more  serious  blunder.  What  time  shall  I 
mention  as  the  date  of  your  business  journey  ?  " 

We  both  laughed  at  this  fictitious  name  for  his  wooing 
visit,  and  he  said :  "  Oh,  let  it  be  as  soon  as  possible ; 
and  tell  me  the  day,  and  I'll  be  there  to  the  moment."  I 
did  so,  and  he  went  ten  days  later — to  be  sure  with  some 
misgivings. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  259 

In  my  next  letter — this  one  being  a  needful  prelimi- 
nary to  the  wooing  of  Helen — I  will  relate  to  you  its  eti- 
quette or  ceremonials.  The  girl  was  stricter  in  her 
exactions  of  all  the  graces  that  belong  to  a  courtship  than 
she  might  have  been  had  she  been  rich.  Her  pride  stood 
in  place"  of  position ;  her  reserve  instead  of  money. 
More  than  all  did  the  earnest  fellow  find  those  obstacles 
difficult  which  a  poor  but  proud  girl  who  is  devoted  to 
the  interests  of  her  family  may  place  in  her  own  way,  as 
well  as  in  that  of  a  rich  wooer.  Had  he  been  a  poor  but 
capable  man  his  path  would  have  been  much  smoother. 

Auntie. 


FORTY-THIRD  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt: — 

Shortly  after  the  date  of  my  last  letter  we  took  our 
departure  from  picturesque  Switzerland,  and  are  now  in 
London,  where  our  travels  will  end,  as  we  must  soon  sail 
for  home  to  make  arrangements  for  my  wedding.  It 
would  be  utterly  impossible  for  me  to  write  down  all  my 
impressions  of  this  great  old  city,  where  so  much  history 
has  been  made.  The  very  names  of  the  places  possess  a 
sort  of  fascination  and  bring  vividly  to  the  mind  the  dra- 
matic events  of  by-gone  years.  When  we  visited  the 
Tower  I  experienced  a  decidedly  "  creepy "  sensation, 
and  my  nervousness  was  no  whit  diminished  by  the 
appearance  of  the  grim  looking  warders,  or  Beefeaters  as 
they  are  called,  with  their  doublets  and  headgear  like 
those  worn  by  the  Yeomen  of  the  Guard  in  the  time  of 
Henry  VIIL  It  seemed  to  me  as  though  the  spirits  of 
many  of  those  whose  sad  histories  made  a  strong  impres- 
sion upon  my  girlhood's  fancy  verily  haunted  the  gloomy 
old  Tower ;  and  even  after  we  had  examined  the  magnifi- 
cent crown  jewels  and  the  numerous  old-time  relics  with 
which  the  place  abounds,  the  feeling  of  oppression  had 
not  entirely  disappeared. 

Our  visit  to  Westminster  Abbey — "  England's  Temple 
260 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  261 

of  Fame" — was  productive  of  sensations  of  an  entirely 
different  sort — of  admiration  for  the  grand  old  buildings, 
and  of  reverence  for  the  illustrious  dead  who  sleep  within 
the  Abbey  walls. 

We  visited  also  St.  Paul's  Cathedral,  the  National  Gal- 
lery,— where  there  are  many  masterpieces  of  the  Spanish 
and  Dutch  schools  and  where  I  became  acquainted  for 
the  first  time  with  the  remarkable  works  of  J.  M.  W.  Tur- 
ner— the  British  Museum,  the  Temple  and  the  Temple 
Church — in  short,  dear  aunt,  we  saw  everything  that  had 
any  interest  for  us,  including  the  Houses  of  Parliament 
during  an  interesting  debate,  father  having  some  influen- 
tial friends  who  procured  tickets  for  us.  We  drove,  too, 
in  Hyde  Park  and  explored  Kensington  and  Chelsea, 
where  live — and  have  lived — so  many  of  England's 
famous  men.  Certainly  my  visit  to  London  will  always 
be  remembered  as  one  of  the  most  interesting  of  my  life. 
To  walk  in  its  streets  alone  is  a  liberal  education. 

In  my  next  letter  I  will  have  more  to  tell  you  about 
our  doings  in  London,  where,  by  the  way,  we  have 
received  many  social  attentions. 

Your  mention  regarding  the  growing  friendship 
between  Helen  and  Mr.  Goold  interests  me  greatly,  and 
I  hope  to  hear  from  you  of  its  further  development,  for 
that  it  subsequently  ripened  into  a  stronger  attachment  1 
have  no  doubt. 


Your  Loving 


Niece. 


FORTY-FOURTH   LETTER. 

a  country  wooing. 

My  Dear  Niece: — 

There  was  so  maiktd  a  difference  between  the  manner 
of  the  wooing  of  Helen  by  Albert  Goold  and  your  Uncle 
John's  attentions  to  me,  that  I  will  describe  the  former  to 
you.  In  the  first  place  Helen  had  no  fortune,  while  I,  as 
you  may  know,  had  a  modest  income  when  your  uncle 
married  me;  but  my  life  had  been  more  secluded,  and  I 
knew  far  less  than  your  uncle  about  the  many  formaliiies 
of  the  social  world.  Being  motherless,  and  having  lived 
so  long  with  an  invalid  father,  I  had  few  opportunities  of 
gaining  a  practical  insight  into  the  more  intricate  meth- 
ods of  society  or  even  of  witnessing  many  of  its  most 
graceful  and  gracious  amenities.  Helen  was  naturally 
delicate  in  speech  and  manner,  but  she  possessed  a  pride 
which,  while  not  haughty,  strengthened  her  self-respect 
and  rendered  her  watchful  that  her  poverty  should  not 
bring  her  any  but  the  most  reverent  and  dignified  treat- 
ment. Especially  was  her  pride  on  the  alert  when  this 
rich  young  man  came  a-wooing. 

Helen  held  in  higher  esteem  the  plain  but  refined  and 
high-thinking  manners  of   her  own  family  than  she  did 

262 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  263 

the  wealth  so  prodigally  displayed  by  Mr.  Goold.  But 
he  had  mended  wonderfully  in  social  matters,  although 
Helen  was  not  prepared  for  the  decided  change  that  had 
taken  place.  She  had  only  met  him  once,  and  then  while 
he  was  giving  a  most  extravagant  entertainment ;  an  error 
which  he  had  made,  however,  not  from  any  ostentatious 
motives,  but  from  a  mistaken  idea  of  what  constituted 
open-handed  hospitality.  This  error  on  the  side  of 
excess  is  a  common  one  with  many  wealthy  people,  "who 
do  not  know  that  they  do  not  know,''  and  who  would 
really  as  soon  be  thought  parsimonious  as  vulgarly  lavish, 
but  do  not  know  exactly  where  the  former  ends  and  the 
latter  begins.  "An  instinct  of  suitableness  is  seldom  to 
be  depended  upon  by  women  and  never  by  men,"  is  the 
calmly  delivered  opinion  of  a  close  observer  of  the  social 
world  of  to-day. 

Mr.  Goold  arrived  in  the  village  near  which  Helen 
resided  about  midday,  being  thus  thrown  upon  his  own 
resources  for  the  balance  of  the  long,  warm  afternoon. 
In  town  he  could  have  called  anytime  between  three  and 
five  p.  M.  In  the  country,  however,  where  dinner  is 
usually  served  at  midday  and  tea  or  supper  at  about  half- 
past  five,  and  where  most  young  women  assume  some 
part  of  the  household  cares,  it  is  customary  among  young 
men  to  postpone  their  visits  until  shortly  after  tea,  unless 
a  special  invitation  has  been  extended.  Hours  for  call- 
ing upon  ladies  cannot  be  fixed  by  any  universal  rule,  for 
the  reason  that  customs  differ  with  the  locality,  and  often 
occupation  or  distance  compels  social  rules  to  bend  to 
their  requirements.  I  had  written  to  Helen  that  I 
thought  Mr.  Goold  would  be  in  her  vicinity  within  a  few 
days.     I  could,  of  course,  have  been  more  explicit  had  I 


264  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

felt  at  liberty  to  interfere  with  the  drift  of  affairs ;  but  I 
deemed  it  neither  expedient  nor  well-bred  to  influence  in 
any  way  so  serious  a  matter  as  the  formation  of  a  young 
girl's  sentiment  with  regard  to  a  young  man  who  I  was 
assured  honestly  loved  her. 

When  Mr.  Goold  alighted  at  the  gate  of  Helen's  home 
he  was  decidedly  nervous ;  for  he  was  in  love,  while 
Helen  had  not  as  yet  given  the  sentiment  a  thought. 
She  only  regretted  to  think  that  he  would  find  little  to 
charm  or  attract  him  in  her  homely  surroundings,  though, 
as  I  said  before,  she  was  not  in  the  least  ashamed  either 
of  her  home  or  her  family.  The  young  man  was  quick  to 
notice  whatever  there  was  of  the  beautiful  or  picturesque 
in  the  rambling  old  country  house ;  partly  because,  in 
his  present  mood,  he  naturally  saw  nothing  but  what 
was  pleasing  in  all  that  concerned  the  girl  he  hoped 
to  make  his  wife,  and  partly  because  this  self-respect- 
ing family  possessed  a  refinement  which  made  itself  visi- 
ble even  in  their  surroundings  and  prompted  them  to 
practise,  with  an  extremely  limited  purse,  an  orderly 
and  careful  thrift  in  their  household  arrangements. 
This  spirit  showed  itself  in  every  particular  of  the  really 
charming  home ;  the  well-kept  walks,  the  neat  lawn,  the 
taste  with  which  flowers  and  vines  were  arranged  and 
cared  for,  all  plainly  told  that,  although  these  people 
had  not  the  means  to  compel  pleasant  environments,  they 
had  yet  both  the  will  and  the  intelligence  to  win  them 
by  gentle  means  from  the  rugged  material  at  their  com- 
mand. 

But  the  prettiest  and  pleasantest  sight  to  his  eager 
glance  was  Helen,  clad  in  a  print  gown  as  artistically 
adjusted  as  if  it  were  the  work  of  a  professional  modiste ; 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  265 

and  she  wore  about  her  throat  and  hands,  but  not  so 
close  as  to  conceal  their  beauty,  ruffles  of  hand-crimped 
white  mull — a  pretty  fancy  of  her  own.  A  small  brother 
of  Helen  answered  the  knocker — a  door-bell  being  too 
modern  a  convenience  for  their  old-fashioned  house — and 
Mr.  Goold  asked  to  see  the  ladies.  Had  Helen  been  a 
princess  and  he  her  subject,  their  meeting  could  not  have 
been  more  dignified  and  courteous.  Helen's  mother 
entered  the  room  with  her  daughter  and  was  presented 
with  a  grace  and  ease  that  greatly  impressed  the  young 
man.  He  shook  hands  with  Helen  first,  because  he  was 
acquainted  with  her  alone  as  the  ladies  entered  the  room  ; 
but  afterward  he  would  always  greet  first  the  more  elderly 
lady.  This  he  told  me  afterward  he  had  learned  while 
with  us ;  before  that  he  treated  all  married  or,  elderly 
women  as  persons  of  secondary  importance,^' who  had 
passed  their  day  of  social  consideration — a  most  lament- 
able and  discourteous  error. 

He  found  both  mother  and  daughter  as  much  at  their 
ease  as  if  they  had  received  him  in  the  midst  of  all  the 
luxury  of  a  costly  drawing-room  instead  of  in  their  neat 
little  parlor,  with  its  plain  furniture  and  simple  decora- 
tions. After  inquiries  about  mutual  friends,  the  conver- 
sation turned  upon  the  country  and  its  beauty,  upon 
newly  published  books  and  upon  the  doings  of  the  bus\ 
world  which  seemed  so  far  from  this  tranquil  spot.  N( 
personal  topic,  however,  was  broached.  When  Helen's 
father  entered  the  room,  Mr.  Goold  was  introduced  to 
him  by  the  mother,  as  was  proper.  Many  a  young  girl 
would  have  performed  the  introduction  herself,  and  she 
would,  perhaps,  have  forgotten  that  the  younger  man 
should  be  presented  to  the  older,  even  though  he  was  a 


266  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

Stranger   in   the    house.     Age    is   always   honored   with 
precedence  by  well-bred  people. 

It  is  an  unchallenged  truth  that,  "  A  gentlewoman  can  ■ 
do  anything  she  chooses,"  but  this  only  means  that  a  gen- 
tlewoman is  sure  to  choose  only  what  is  strictly  in  keep- 
ing with  propriety;  and  this  characteristic  was  at  once 
recognized  in  Helen  by  her  visitor.  He  reverenced  and 
adored  her  for  her  candor,  her  dignity  and  her  domestic 
grace  as  she  sat  by  her  lame  father,  with  her  hand  in  his 
and  now  and  then  addressing  to  him  some  loving  speech 
that  should  interest  him  in  the  conversation  and  lead  him 
to  speak  concerning  some  topic  on  which  his  knowledge 
and  opinions  were  most  interesting.  When  her  small 
brothers  came  into  the  room  they,  too,  were  introduced 
by  their  mother,  and  she  performed  this  duty  with  a  sweet 
and  gentle  considerateness  of  their  immature  but  sensi- 
tive feelings  of  self-respect  which  is  too  often  forgotten. 
Many  a  boisterous  boy  who  is  an  enfant  terrible  in  com- 
pany would  be  quiet  if  not  gentlemanly  in  behavior  if 
treated  with  politeness.  He  is  ignored  or  contemptuously 
thrust  aside  whenever  visitors  are  present,  and  his  repris- 
als are  often  both  swift  and  disagreeable. 

In  this  case  there  was  no  opportunity  for  that  tete-a-tete 
which  is  too  often  arranged  on  some  pretence  or  other  for 
a  pair  of  young  people  by  the  parents  or  friends.  This 
petty  manoeuvre  is  always  detected  by  the  man,  and  it 
cannot  but  lessen  the  self-respect  of  any  young  girl  whose 
acquaintance  with  her  guest  is  so  brief  that  in  order  to 
see  each  other  alone,  a  diplomatic  evasion  or  downright 
deceit  is  needful.  This  fact  gave  Mr.  Goold  both  pleas- 
ure and  regret — a  paradoxical  state  of  mind  more  easily 
imagined  than  expressed.     His    early  training   had   led 


II 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  267 

him  to  believe  that  a  courtship  should  mean  "  a  solitude 
of  two,"  and  he  could  not  but  wish  that  it  could  be  so  in 
his  case ;  but  since  he  had  been  enabled  to  observe  a 
finer  class  of  women,  his  good  sense  told  him  that  to  win 
a  girl  like  Helen  he  must  prove  both  his  mental  and 
moral  standards  and  his  social  qualifications. 

He  was  surprised  at  her  evasion  of  a  most  natural 
opportunity  for  a  tete-a-tete  when  other  and  more  elderly 
visitors  called  to  spend  a  social  evening  with  her  parents. 
But  when  he  reflected  upon  the  subject  later  his  respect 
for  Helen  deepened,  and  he  acknowledged  to  himself 
that  to  her  dignified  reserve,  which  she  had  placed  as  a 
barrier  between  them,  was  due  his  own  calmness  of  judg- 
ment, which  prevented  his  asking  her  father's  permission 
there  and  then  to  make  his  daughter  his  wife  if  she  were 
willing.  Having  thought  of  this  charming  girl  for  months 
in  the  character  of  a  possible  wife,  it  would  have  been 
easy  and  even  natural  for  him  to  have  suddenly  plunged 
into  this  most  vital  question  without  properly  considering 
that  so  unfamiliar  a  proposal  would  either  have  been  at 
once  rejected  or,  perhaps,  so  coldly  received  that  his 
chances  of  ultimate  success  would  have  been  seriously  les- 
sened. 

Loving  daughters  are  not  thoughtlessly  bestowed  by  fond 
fathers  and  mothers,  and  a  consideration  of  their  feelings 
is  the  part  of  the  wise  and  prudent  wooer.  Worldly  as 
this  world  is,  there  are  still  many  parents  and  daughters 
to  whom  a  plethoric  bank  account  and  an  exceptionally 
prosperous  business  are  not  the  first  and  most  important 
recommendations  of  a  young  man's  suit.  Character,  tem- 
per, talents  and  health,  if  properly  balanced,  ensure  a 
suitable  position  and  maintenance  for  a  wife.     Mr.  Goold 


268  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

knew  that  he  could  assure  his  future  wife  comfort  and 
plenty,  and  he  was  also  glad,  as  every  chivalrous  man 
should  be,  that  he  also  possessed  the  means  to  procure 
her  personal  luxury  and  social  distinction.  He  was  well 
assured  that  the  young  girl's  graces  of  mind  and  person 
far  outweighed  in  value  all  the  fortune  he  could  bring 
her,  and  when  he  saw  her  in  her  own  simple  home  he  felt 
that  she  was  farther  off  than  when  he  first  met  her,  seem- 
ingly as  happily  situated  as  the  rest  of  his  young  friends 
at  his  first  theatre  party. 

One  thing  at  first  surprised  and  baffled  him.  I  should 
have  stated  that  he  had  grown  nearly  to  manhood  before 
he  went  to  a  city  to  live,  and  also  that  he  did  not  belong 
to  the  best  circles  of  the  country  folk ;  and  he  had  a 
belief  that  strict  etiquette  is  intended  for  cities  alone  and 
not  at  all  for  the  country,  which  was  to  him  a  place  of 
freedom  from  all  social  formalities.  So  when  Helen 
refused  his  invitation  to  drive  alone  with  him  on  the  fol- 
lowing day,  he  was  quite  surprised.  She  did  not  refuse 
in  an  explanatory  manner  until  she  chanced  to  think  that 
he  had  a  right  to  suppose  she  could  accept,  because  two 
years  before  she  would  not  have  hesitated  to  say  that  she 
would  be  pleased  to  .accompany  him.  She  had  learned  a 
few  of  the  more  reserved  and  satisfactory  customs  of  cul- 
tivated women  during  her  visits  to  me,  and  her  delicate 
mind  approved  of  them  at  once.  She  saw  then  that  a 
man  regards  most  sincerely  the  girl  who  is  not  too  eager 
to  be  alone  in  his  society,  for  she  wins  his  respect  by 
maintaining  her  own.  Helen  saw  in  his  face  the  pain 
and  disappointment  her  answer  had  given  her  caller,  and 
she  said,  as  if  in  continuation  of  her  refusal,  "  My  mother 
has  a  great  many  cares,  and  there  are  countless  wearing 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  269 

duties  not  to  be  neglected  in  a  large  family  like  ours, 
where  there  are  no  skilled  servants,  and  I  could  scarcely 
enjoy  the  drive  when  I  recalled  her  pale,  patient  face." 

She  did  not  say  this  as  a  suggestion  or  a  hint  to  him 
that  he  should  also  invite  her  mother,  but  to  prove  to  him 
that  she  did  not  mean  to  be  unkind  or  unsocial  with  him. 
He,  however,  while  he  saw  a  gleam  of  hope  through  her 
explanation,  blushed  deeply  at  his  own  thoughtless  self- 
ishness. He  then  remembered,  too,  that  he  ought  first 
to  have  asked  her  mother's  permission  for  the  favor  of 
Helen's  society,  even  had  he  not  included  her  in  the  pro- 
posed drive,  which  formality,  by-the-bye,  was  one  with 
which  he  had  as  yet  not  the  least  acquaintance.  The 
other  usage  he  already  knew  belonged  to  the  best  town 
customs,  and  in  his  alert  mind  he  perceived  that  he  had 
offered  Helen  an  indignity  in  addressing  her  with  a  free- 
dom of  manner  that  he  would  scarce  have  assumed  had 
she  been  in  town  with  me.  He  was  too  manly  to  be 
other  than  frank,  and  he  said  at  once  : 

"  Can  you  pardon  me  ?  You  must  know  or,  at  least, 
have  more  than  suspected  that  my  life  has  not  been 
passed  where  the  best  social  formalities  are  in  habitual 
use ;  but  believe  me,  I  feel  but  the  profoundest  respect 
whenever  addressing  you.  If  you  can  pardon  this  inad- 
vertence or,  to  be  candid,  this  ignorance  of  mine,  which 
shall  not,  I  assure  you,  be  repeated,  you  will  do  so  by 
allowing  me  to  ask  your  mother  to  drive  with  me  to-mor- 
row at  any  hour  she  may  name,  and  if  she  approves,  can 
you  go  ? " 

Such  frankness  was  irresistible,  and  though  it  was 
etiquette  for  Mr.  Goold  to  take  his  leave  sooner  than 
callers  who  had  come  later.  Helen  spared  him  from  being 


270  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

guilty  of  a  discourtesy  in  this  respect  by  asking  her 
mother's  pardon  for  interrupting  the  neighborly  talk  and 
inquiring  of  her  whether  she  could  accompany  her  on  a 
drive  with  Mr.  Goold  the  next  day.  Her  reply  was  :  "  I 
will  think  about  it,  and  let  you  know  before  Mr.  Goold 
says  *  Good  night.' "  This,  of  course,  compelled  their 
earlier  guest  to  outstay  the  later  arrivals,  which,  naturally, 
he  was  only  too  glad  to  do.  I  mention  this  little  episode, 
my  dear  niece,  because  it  illustrates  one  of  the  few  justifi- 
able exceptions  to  the  general  rule  of  calling.  An 
announced  engagement  between  the  parties  constitutes 
another  such  exception,  and  there  can  be  but  few  more 
possible.  In  a  little  while  Helen's  mother  accepted  the 
invitation  to  drive,  and  a  few  moments  later  Mr.  Goold 
took  his  leave. 

The  drive  was  as  charming  to  the  mother  as  to  the 
daughter,  and  to  Mr.  Goold  it  brought  unfeigned  delight, 
for  he  discovered  that  day  that  elegance  of  manner  and 
nobility  of  thought  and  desire  may  be  found  unaccompa- 
nied by  fashionable  attire  and  costly  surroundings.  He 
was  invited  to  tea,  or  supper  as  it  should  be  called,  after 
the  drive,  and  the  simple  food,  delicately  prepared  and 
served  in  an  orderly  manner,  put  to  shame  his  own  over- 
abundant and  rather  misruled  table  at  home.  His  sister 
had  not  as  yet  learned  to  appreciate  the  charm  of  digni- 
fied service  at  table,  so  his  domestic  affairs  were  mostly 
in  the  hands  of  imperfectly  trained  servants.  "  More 
than  ever,"  said  he  to  me  after  his  return  from  Helen's 
home,  "  do  I  long  to  make  that  charming  girl  the  mistress 
of  my  home  and  the  inspiration  of  my  life." 

So  reserved,  however,  and  so  unconscious  of  his  admi- 
ration was  she,  that  he  had  only  proceeded  so  far  in  his 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  271 

wooing  as  to  ask  her  permission  to  send  her  certain  new 
books  of  which  they  had  spoken.  To  his  impetuous  tem- 
per and  energetic  habits,  this  dehberate  manner  of  win- 
ning his  way  was  not  a  little  chafing,  but  later  on  he  did 
not  regret  it.  It  taught  him  to  properly  value  the  merits 
of  a  good  and  modest  woman,  and  he  became  through 
her  influence,  higher  and  more  delicate  in  his  mental  per- 
ceptions. 

And  one  of  the  sweetest  recollections  of  his  life  will 
ever  remain  the  remembrance  of  the  second  and  last  eve- 
ning of  his  first  visit,  spent  with  Helen  on  the  quaint, 
vine-covered  porch  at  her  home.  So  peaceful  and  so 
happy  seemed  all  around  that  evening  that  he  could 
almost  fancy  he  had  been  visited  with  'a  dream  of  fair 
Arcadia.  'How  many  homes  would  be  veritable  Arcadias 
if  their  dwellers  did  but  possess  the  true  spirit  that  the 
name  suggests ! 

Auntie. 


FORTY-FIFTH  LETTER. 

My  Dear  Aunt  : — 

This  will  probably  be  my  last  letter  to  you  before  we 
return  home,  which  will  be  in  a  very  short  time.  One 
could  spend  years  in  London  and  yet  find  some  new  ob- 
ject or  place  of  interest  which  had  not  yet  been  visited. 
We  have,  however,  made  the  very  best  possible  use  of  our 
time. 

I  like  shopping  in  London  very  much,  for  it  is  so  differ- 
ent from  other  European  cities ;  and  I  have  purchased  a 
number  of  little  presents  to  take  home  for  some  of  my 
small  friends,  who  will  value  such  a  remembrance  from 
me  very  much,  especially  as  1  am  going  away  from  them 
immediately  after  my  marriage. 

Among  other  things  during  these  last  few  days  we 
took  a  river  steamer  to  Kew  and  thoroughly  enjoyed  the 
beautiful  gardens,  and  also  went  to  Oxford,  taking  Eton 
and  Windsor  on  the  way. 

I  hope  your  next  letter  will  reach  me  before  we  sail  for 
home,  as  I  am  so  much  interested  in  the  story  of  Helen 
and  Mr.  Goold  and  am  anxious  to  hear  the  end  of  it. 
How  very  different  Mr.  Goold  was  from  Mr.  Eldred,  and 
yet  with  the  sweet  gentle  influence  of  such  a  girl  as 
Helen,  I   am  certain  the  nobility  of  character   that  was 

272 


SOCIAL  LIFE. 


273 


naturally  inherent  in  the  man  was  fully  and  finely 
developed,  so  that  his  social  career  became  as  successful 
and  pleasant  as  his  business  life  had  been.  Helen 
possessed  a  great  advantage  over  Kate  in  having  a  wise 
and  loving  mother  to  help  and  guide  her  over  doubtful 
places,  and  to  teach  her  by  precept  and  by  the  example 
of  her  own  sweet  life  what  a  good  and  true  gentlewoman 
should  be. 

When  I  return  home  I  will  acquaint  you  with  the 
progress  of  the  arrangements  for  my  wedding.  How  I 
wish  you  could  be  with  me  during  these  last  days  of  my 
girlhood.  However,  I  know  your  life  is  a  busy  one  and 
your  cares  many,  so  that  such  a  pleasure  will  be  denied 
me.  I  must  thank  you  very  much  for  the  help  you  have 
been  in  imparting  to  me  the  knowledge  I  so  sadly  lacked 
regarding  social  customs  and  manners,  and  also  for  the 
kindly  interesting  way  in  which  you  taught  me  so  many 
useful  lessons.  Though  my  travels  have  done  much 
toward  improving  my  manners  by  giving  me  ease  in 
addressing  people,  developing  my  powers  of  conversa- 
tion and  making  me  more  liberal  in  thought,  still  there 
are  many  matters  about  which  I  would  still  be  ignorant 
and  regarding  which  I  would  have  made  many  serious 
errors  even  in  my  social  life  here,  had  it  not  been  for 
your  timely  and  trustworthy  instruction.  Hoping  soon 
to  see  you  face  to  face,  I  am,  dear  aunt, 

Your  loving 
18  Niece. 


FORTY-SIXTH  LETTER. 
a  country  wooing concluded. 

My  Dear  Niece  : — 

Mr.  Goold  was  naturally  impetuous,  but  he  strove  hard 
to  be  reasonable  in  his  attentions  to  Helen.  He  often 
sent  her  books,  and  he  believed  himself  to  have  been 
favored  with  an  inspiration  when  it  occurred  to  him  to 
take  a  vivid  interest  in  her  garden  and  send  her  numer- 
ous potted  plants  and  bulbs.  He  dared  not  send  her  cut 
flowers,  lest  she  too  soon  suspect  the  meaning  of  his  at- 
tentions; and  as  he  had  never  heard  that  rooted  ver- 
benas, tulips,  bulbs  and  geraniums  in  jars  could  be  con- 
strued as  an  expression  of  love,  he  felt  that  his  presents 
were  most  judiciously  chosen. 

"  I  hope  I  am  not  blundering,"  he  said  to  me  once  -, 
"  I  do  not  wish  to  be  one  of  those  men  whom  I  have 
heard  mentioned  as  good  husbands  with  bad  manners ; 
but  even  if  I  were,  I  am  convinced  your  lovely  friend 
would  be  able  to  correct  my  manners,  if  I  could  but  per- 
.  suade  her  to  undertake  the  task.  For  although  she  has 
been  brought  up  in  the  country  like  myself,  she  seems  to 
possess  a  natural  aptitude  for  every  social  elegance,  while 
I  know  that  in  her  oresence  I  appear  as  awkward  as  I  feel." 

274 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  275 

Perhaps  I  did  not  reassure  him  as  much  as  I  might, 
because  his  mind  was  just  then  in  a  process  of  social 
growth.  His  attitude  both  of  speech  and  conduct  toward 
Helen  was  winning,  as  all  experienced  women  know ;  but 
as  he  was  not  aware  of  it,  he  naturally  strove  the  harder 
to  cultivate  himself  in  all  those  refinements  that  had  been 
neglected  in  his  boyhood. 

Of  course,  Helen  knew  the  meaning  of  his  persistent 
though  delicate  attentions  ;  and  she  liked  the  young  man 
more  for  his  reserve,  for  she  was  thus  enabled  to  con- 
template at  leisure  the  probability  of  an  offer  of  mar- 
riage from  him  and  to  calmly  consider  how  she  ought  to. 
act. 

Her  character  was  so  delicately  honorable,  that,  had 
she  been  unpleasantly  impressed  by  Mr.  Goold's  person- 
ality or  character,  or  had  she  objected  seriously  to  the 
position  in  life  in  which  a  marriage  with  him  would  place 
her,  she  would  at  once  have  asked  her  father  to  write 
him  that,  while  she  appreciated  his  thoughtful  considera- 
tion of  her  tastes  and  his  generosity  in  gratifying  them, 
she  would  be  better  pleased  if  his  kindnesses  were  dis- 
continued. 

Her  self-respect  as  well  as  her  respect  for  the  feelings 
of  others  would  have  prompted  her  to  decline  his  atten- 
tions had  they  been  distasteful  to  her,  even  though  they 
were  courtesies  perfectly  allowable  between  mere  friends  ; 
for  she  knew,  as  every  girl  should,  that  a  man  is  not  likely 
to  pay  marked  attention  to  a  young  woman  for  whom  he 
feels  only  simple  friendship.  A  natural  instinct  in  every 
high-minded  girl  tells  of  this  fact,  even  if  she  has  lacked 
maternal  instruction  in  such  matters ;  although  in  Helen's 
case,  in  spite  of  the  homely  nature  of  her  surroundings. 


2^6  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

her  mother  had  bestowed  upon  her  all  the  most  refined 
suggestions  and  admonitions  that  seemed  fitting  to  her 
own  gentle,  well-bred  mind. 

In  this  respect  Helen's  early  education  differed  from 
Mr.  Goold's,  for  although  his  youth  had  been  passed  in 
even  more  contracted  circumstances  than  hers,  he  had 
left  his  home  in  early  manhood  fully  imbued  with  the 
idea  that  true  gentility  is  the  accompaniment  only  of 
wealth,  and  unrefined  speech  and  conduct  are  the  neces- 
sary concomitants  of  poverty.  He  did  not  realize  that 
in  the  low  standards  of  the  poor  and  not  in  their 
want  of  worldly  goods  is  to  be  found  the  reason  that  lack 
of  wealth  is  so  often  attended  with  lack  of  breeding ;  and 
he  did  not  then  know,  what  his  experience  afterwards 
taught  him,  that  purse-proud  vulgarity  is  by  no  means  an 
uncommon  evil.  As  his  knowledge  of  the  world  widened, 
he  recognized  the  falsity  of  his  theory,  but  he  had  not, 
even  yet,  acquired  a  mode  of  living  fully  in  accord  with 
his  enlightened  ideas.  That  he  sincerely  wished  to 
know  the  best  was  to  me,  however,  a  sufficient  assurance 
that  he  would  in  time  overcome  the  difficulties  in  his 
path. 

As  I  told  you  in  a  former  letter,  he  had  sought  the  best 
society  that  was  open  to  him  and  had  dropped  his  former 
associates.  For  this  he  was  often  sneered  at,  and  many 
unpleasant  remarks  came  to  his  knowledge,  for  it  is  not 
unusual  with  those  who  are  unfamiliar  with  refined  senti- 
ments and  amusements  to  feel  personally  injured  if  one 
who  has  hitherto  been  of  their  number  endeavors  to  lift 
himself  to  a  higher  social  level  by  seeking  to  learn  nobler 
things.  Open  contempt  for  his  newly  acquired  refinement 
met  him  at  every  turn  among  his  old  associates  ;  but  with 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  277 

the  expansion  of  his  mental  and  social  capacity  came  a 
proper  contempt  for  such  petty  malice,  which  made 
breaking  from  his  old  companions  an  easy  and  welcome 
task. 

Mr.  Goold  had  not  been  exempt  from  such  unpleasant- 
ness, and  when  he  and  his  sister  held  quite  aloof  from 
their  former  associates  it  was  said  that  they  were  ambi- 
tious to  know  people  above  them,  and  that  they  were  vain 
enough  to  aspire  to  society  to  which  they  were  not  born. 
And  why  should  they  not  do  so  t  If  a  man  has  the  wis- 
dom to  select  a  more  attractive  grade  in  life,  and  the 
ability  to  fit  himself  for  it^  has  he  not  as  clear  a  right  to 
such  a  change  as  he  has  to  select  a  new  and  more  com- 
modious residence  and  move  into  it  t  Such  an  ambition 
is  given  many  unpleasant  names  by  the  man's  whilom  ill- 
bred  associates,  although  many  of  them  would  do  like- 
wise if  they  had  the  courage  and  the  gifts  needed  to  enter 
a  higher  circle — higher,  because  its  members  are  better 
bred  and  more  carefully  educated;  more  interested  in 
literature  than  in  scandal,  in  progress  than  in  dissipation, 
and  in  things  mental  than  in  things  material. 

Our  young  friend  had  discovered  that  there  were  no 
exact  levels  in  life,  and  he  was  thankful  that  he  had 
found  this  out  before  it  was  too  late  to  make  a  change. 
When  a  young  man  or  woman,  my  dear  niece,  have  gone 
too  far  down  a  social  declivity,  it  is  very  difficult  to  turn 
and  make  headway  on  the  upward  grade.  Mr.  Goold 
would  gladly  have  elevated  his  early  associates  along 
with  himself,  but  partly  through  fear  of  ridicule,  partly 
through  timidity  or  indolence,  they  refused  even  to  be 
aided  toward  a  better  social  condition. 

He,  however,  had  only  to  recognize   the  inferiority  of 


278  SOCIAL  LIFM. 

the  customs  and  ideals  of  the  class  into  which  he  had 
drifted  when  he  first  came  to  the  city,  to  immediately 
turn  his  back  upon  it.  He  could  not  at  first  perceive  its 
true  status,  until  ht  caught  glimpses  of  something  better 
with  which  to  contrast  it.  He  always  craved  the  best  in 
his  associates  just  as  he  aimed  at  the  highest  in  business 
integrity  ;  and  such  men  are  sure  of  satisfactory  results, 
for  though  their  best  may  not  be  reached  easily  or 
speedily,  it  is  always  attained  at  last  by  earnest  striving. 
A  girl's  heart  would  be  far  safer  in  the  keeping  of  a 
man  of  this  stamp  than  of  one  whose  manners  are  fault- 
less only  from  early  discipline,  but  who  has  no  objective 
point  of  excellence  in  his  life  and  no  sincere  regard  foi 
goodness  in  his  heart.  Of  the  still  lower  grade  of  man 
let  me  remind  you  of  Tennyson's  words  in  "  Locksley 
Hall :  " 

'*  As  the  husband  so  the  wife  is,  thou  art  mated  to  a  clown, 
And   the   grossness  of   his   nature  will  have  weight  to  drag  thee 
down." 

A  girl  should  consider  well  the  varying  qualities,  char- 
acteristics, manners  and  conversation  of  the  young  men 
she  meets,  and  keep  in  mind  an  idea  of  what  seems  to 
her  best  and  fittest,  that  she  may  make  no  fatal  blunder 
in  marriage.  She  should  not  consider  the  perfection  of 
a  young  man's  deportment  nor  the  charm  of  his  external 
appearance  before  she  notes  the  spirit  that  prompts  his 
actions  and  his  speech.  The  man  who  displays  an 
earnest  endeavor  to  refine  his  life  and  at  the  same  lime 
evinces  a  generous  spirit  and  wholesome  sentiment,  should 
not  be  rejected  or  scorned  because  he  has  not  yet  reached 
the  goal  for  which  he  is  striving. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  279 

This  is  the  substance  of  what  I  wrote  Helen  after  she 
informed  me  that  her  parents  were  considering  a  request 
from  Mr.  Goold  for  permission  to  seek  her  hand  in  mar- 
riage. He  had  referred  them  to  your  Uncle  John  (of 
course,  by  permission)  as  to  his  standing,  and  he  had 
the  instinctive  good  taste  to  include  her  mother  in  mak- 
ing his  request ;  he  had  also  written  her  parents  after- 
wards that  unhappily  he  had  no  reason  to  believe  that 
the  young  lady  took  any  especial  interest  in  him,  and  he 
begged  permission  to  continue  his  visits,  in  the  hope  that 
in  time  he  might  win  her  favor.  He  also  asked  that  she 
be  not  informed  of  his  hopes,  the  request  proving  how 
little  he  knew  of  girls  or  parents,  either,  for  it  was  not  at 
all  likely  to  be  heeded. 

However,  his  ingenuousness  was  by  no  means  against 
his  success.  He  said  he  was  not  familiar  with  estab- 
lished usages  in  such  matters,  being  in  the  respect  of  his 
financial  position,  a  self-made  man  ;  but  that  he  hoped 
under  the  influence  of  a  refined  wife  to  develop  both  the 
sentiment  and  the  polish  becoming  a  cultivated  gentle- 
man. His  earnestness  combined  with  his  candor  ap- 
pealed most  strongly  to  those  he  addressed ;  indeed, 
Helen's  parents  were  more  deeply  touched  by  his  self- 
depreciation  than  they  would  have  been  by  a  more 
worldly  and  polished  appeal.  Had  he  been  unconscious 
of  his  slightly  awkward  bearing,  or  been  self-assertive 
and  presuming,  as  are  many  men  who  have  lacked  proper 
training  in  their  youth  and  have  risen  suddenly  into  re- 
cognized prosperity,  he  would  have  been  offensive  to  them. 
His  manner  was  refined  and  delicate  even  though  it 
lacked  a  fashionable  polish — a  want  that  never  offends 
the  discerning. 


28o  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

All  self-respecting  young  women  dislike  flippant  con- 
versation and  too  great  ease  of  manner.  Considerateness 
charms,  and  respectful  courtesies  win  them.  Familiarity 
is  especially  offensive  to  a  girl  with  refined  sensibilities, 
while  courteous  reverence  for  woman  and  her  belongings 
is  not  only  becoming  in  a  man  toward  all  of  her  sex,  but 
it  goes  far  toward  winning  for  him  their  especial  regard. 
Gentlemen  of  the  past  recognized  this  subtle  secret  of 
wooing  and  winning  women,  and  if  the  spirit  of  irrever- 
ence is  on  the  increase  in  society  as  it  is  in  religion,  all  the 
worse  for  both  the  men  and  women  of  to-day.  If  young 
men  could  appreciate  how  much  it  costs  the  parents,  and 
especially,  the  mother,  of  a  lovable  daughter  to  give  her 
for  life  and  death  into  the  care  of  a  stranger,  or  if  they  con- 
sidered that  by  such  relinquishment  the  home  that  had 
been  brightened  and  beautified  by  the  daughter's  sweet- 
ness, grace  and  tender  helpfulness  would  thenceforth  be 
desolated,  more  considerateness  would  enter  into  the  form- 
alities of  what  is  lightly  called  "  asking  consent." 

After  making  proper  inquiries  about  Mr.  Goold,  Helen's 
father  was  convinced  that  he  had  no  right  to  withhold  his 
approval.  There  are  egotistic,  or,  perhaps,  conceited 
young  men  who  hold  it  a  derogation  of  their  dignity  to  be 
inquired  about  by  the  father  of  marriageable  girls.  They 
consider  their  own  representations  of  themselves  a  suffi- 
cient guarantee  of  their  reputable  qualities  ;  beware  of 
this  sort  of  man.  He  may  be  all  that  he  claims,  but  a 
conceited  man  usually  makes  a  disagreeable  husband. 
Do  not,  however,  my  dear  niece,  confound  self-respect 
with  conceit;  for  while  they  are  such  decidedly  different 
characteristics,  they  sometimes  find  rather  similar  modes 
of  expression. 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  281 

Having  obtained  the  father's  permission  to  visit  his 
daughter,  Mr.  Goold  lost  no  time  in  taking  advantage  of 
it.  He  first  inquired  by  letter  if  his  visits  would  be  agree- 
able to  the  family.  (He  was  careful,  you  will  notice,  to 
ignore  none  of  the  family,  although  he  especially  included 
Helen  by  implication.)  Such  a  letter  was  de  rigueur, 
and  he  was  perfectly  correct  in  addressing  it  to  Helen's 
father;  for  who  is  better  fitted  than  a  father  to  judge 
whether  his  daughter  is  willing  to  receive  so  important  a 
guest  as  a  suitor  for  her  hand  ?  Mr.  Goold  soon  received 
the  assurance  that  they  would  be  pleased  to  receive  him 
at  his  convenience,  and  you  may  be  sure  he  called  at  the 
earliest  opportunity,  having  first  sent  a  box  of  cut  flowers. 
This  gift  was  by  no  means  customary  in  those  days,  but 
he  hoped  that  the  blossoms  might  say  for  him  what  he 
dared  not  as  yet  say  for  himself.  He  engaged  a  room  at 
a  hotel  in  the  town,  and  spent  several  days  in  the  neigh- 
borhood, calling,  dining  by  invitation,  driving,  and  other- 
wise pleasantly  spending  much  of  his  time  in  Helen's 
society ;  but  during  their  pleasant  drives  they  were  always 
accompanied  by  some  member  of  the  family. 

He  found  courage  to  say  to  Helen,  on  taking  leave, 
that  he  hoped  he  had  made  some  advance  in  her  respect 
and  esteem  ;  she  freely  admitted  that  he  had,  and  added  : 
"Not  that  I  ever  disliked  you,  Mr.  Goold,  but  you  know 
friendships  that  are  best  worth  cultivating  do  not  mature 
quickly."  He  took  this  as  a  delicately-worded  expression 
of  her  regard  and  urged  his  suit  no  farther  at  that  time  ; 
but  her  words  gave  him  courage  and  prompted  him  to 
show  her  even  greater  respect  and  consideration. 

Mr.  Goold  asked  Helen  if  he  might  write  to  her  with 
hope  of  a  reply,  and  she  consented.     His  letters  were  re- 


282  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

spectful,  and  their  contents  were  impersonal  and  largely 
descriptive  of  events,  books  and  pictures.  In  the  last  his 
tastes  were  improving  daily,  and  he  was  already  an  enthu- 
siast in  music,  the  sentiment  of  which  he  felt  deeply. 
Helen  was  no  more  developed  in  these  respects  than 
himself,  and  in  this  fact  lay  a  common  bond  of  interest; 
and  it  was  no  small  gratification  to  Mr.  Goold  that  she 
trusted  to  his  judgment  in  such  matters,  because  he  had 
better  opportunities  for  expanding  and  refining  his  artistic 
taste.  It  is  in  the  maturing  of  such  an  acquaintance  that 
culture  in  its  best  sense  is  appreciated  and  acquired. 

It  was  not  until  Christmas-tide  and  during  his  third 
visit  that  he  asked  Helen  to  be  his  wife.  She  knew  by 
intuition  that  he  would  make  this  request  at  his  next  visit, 
and  in  one  of  her  letters  to  him  she  enclosed  a  note  from 
her  mother  to  his  sister,  inviting  her  to  make  a  Christmas 
visit  at  their  plain  home.  The  note  was  gladly  received 
and  the  tender  of  hospitality  accepted  with  joy,  for  so  inti- 
mate and  dear  was  the  relation  between  brother  and  sister 
that  he  had  made  her  a  confidante  of  all  his  hopes  and 
fears,  and  she  felt  assured  from  this  invitation  that  should 
he  propose  to  Helen  he  would  be  accepted. 

The  young  man  was  deeply  grateful  for  this  delicate 
act  on  the  part  of  Helen's  mother,  which  in  reality  left 
him  his  freedom,  and  provided  an  easy  method  by  which 
he  might  in  case  his  mind  had  changed  withdraw  his 
attentions  from  her  daughter  by  declining  the  invitation 
on  his  sister's  behalf  on  one  of  the  many  social  grounds 
which  are  so  convenient  in  such  cases;  at  the  same  time 
she  was  protecting  the  girl  from  a  continued  wooing 
should  her  second  thoughts  or  a  more  extended  acquaint- 
ance on  her  part  prove  less  favorable  to  her  lover  ;  for  she 


SOCIAL  LIFE.  283 

could  thus  have  easily  transferred  their  relations  to  a 
basis  of  mere  friendship. 

But  his  thoughts  were  far  different,  and  it  seemed  that 
he  had  never  before  looked  forward  so  eagerly  to  the 
Christmas  season.  The  invitation  was  accepted,  and 
fortunately  the  two  girls  liked  each  other  from  the  first,  a 
fact  which  gave  him  greater  confidence  in  the  eventual 
acceptance  of  his  suit.  Of  course,  my  dear  niece,  it  is 
needless  to  repeat  all  the  details  of  this  Christmas  gather- 
ing; suffice  it  to  say  that  it  was  a  happy  one  for  all  con- 
cerned, although  you  can  readily  understand  that  there 
was  some  pain  mingled  with  the  pleasure  of  Helen's 
father  and  mother  when  they  thought  of  the  break  that 
must  come  sooner  or  later  in  their  happy  home  circle. 

"  Can  we  not  spend  this  day  here  a  year  hence  as  hus- 
band and  wife  ? "  were  the  words  in  which  Albert  Goold 
asked  Helen  directly  to  marry  him.  There  was  none  of 
the  wild  and  impassioned  language  of  romance ;  his 
regard  was  too  deep  and  sincere  for  that.  Helen  gave 
him  her  hand  and  smiled  as  he  kissed  first  it  and  then  her 
lips ;  he  then  led  her  at  once  to  her  mother  who  sat  in  the 
next  room,  and  said:  "Your  daughter  has  consented  to 
marry  me.  Henceforth  you  are  also  my  mother.  Will 
you  not  kiss  me  as  a  son  ? "  He  spoke  as  gracefully 
and  acted  as  naturally  as  if  he  had  been  bred  to  the 
best  refinement  all  his  life,  so  educating  is  a  noble  pas- 
sion. 

It  was  while  the  lilacs  were  in  bloom  the  following 
spring  that  John  and  myself,  with  a  few  of  Helen's  kins- 
people,  and  Miss  Goold  as  bridesmaid,  witnessed  the 
simple  wedding,  for  which  Helen's  home  was  prettily  dec- 
orated   within   with    sweet   apple   blossoms,    and    made 


284  SOCIAL  LIFE. 

beautiful  without  by  all  the  glories  of  the  spring- 
time. 

Helen  had  visited  us  in  the  winter,  and  we  had  assisted 
and  advised  her  regarding  her  trousseau.  Her  engage- 
ment ring,  at  her  request,  was  of  plain  gold,  and  was 
again  used  at  her  marriage.  She  said,  with  true  womanly 
delicacy,  that  a  costly  gem  upon  the  hand  of  a  poor  girl  in 
a  plain  country  home  was  both  incongruous  and  in  bad 
taste.  Many  a  young  man,  to  gratify  the  ostentatious 
caprice  of  his  fiancee^  i^resents  her  with  a  costly  engage- 
ment ring  not  suited  to  their  condition  in  life,  and  thereby 
renders  necessary  economies  after  marriage  that  cause 
love,  in  the  words  of  the  old  proverb,  "to  fly  out  at  the 
window."  A  hoop  of  gold  at  first  and  the  jewel  after- 
ward is  far  more  appropriate,  unless  the  girl  is  rich. 
Helen's  idea  was  perfectly  correct;  and  although  Mr. 
Goold  grumbled  a  little,  because  he  thought  nothing  too 
fine  or  too  costly  for  the  girl  whom  he  had  won,  he  soon 
saw  the  propriety  of  her  action  and  honored  her  the  more 
for  the  refinement  of  her  perceptions. 

He  took  her  to  his  city  home  later  in  the  year,  and  I 
am  sure  you  will  not  be  surprised  to  learn  that  she 
adorned  it,  and  by  her  gentle  presence  and  example  aided 
her  husband  in  becoming  a  polished  and  high-minded 
gentleman  ;  and  afterwards  when  he  became  a  man  of  note 
and  of  recognized  position  in  the  world,  he  did  not  hesi- 
tate to  say  that  he  owed  all  to  the  early  influence  of  a 
noble  wife  upon  his  unformed  character. 

What  one  high-principled  woman  has  done,  my  dear, 
another  may  do,  if  she  sets  her  life  to  the  high  endeavor. 

And  now,  I  draw  this  letter  to  a  close — the  last,  per- 
haps, that  I  shall  write  to  you  before  your  return  home  to 


SOCIAL  L/J-E. 


285 


prepare  for  your  own  wedding ;  and  with  the  hope  that 
the  letters  I  have  lately  written  to  you  regarding  the  finer 
elegancies  of  social  life  may  have  accomplished  their  pur- 
pose, I  will  say,  for  the  present,  good-bye. 

Auntie. 


m 


m 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES 


"How  answer  you  that?" 

— Shaksfere. 


CARDS. 


AT  HOME  CARD.— No.  i. 

Mrs.  James   Wilson 

Tea  at  Five  o'clock. 

555i  Fifth  Avenue. 
Thursdays  in  January. 


AT  HOME  CARD.— No.  2. 

Mrs.  Charles  Munroe 
At  Home 

Tuesdays.  60  Pearl  Street. 

289 
19 


INVITATION  TO  BREAKFAST.    ' 

Mr.  (2n  Mrs.  Brown-* Bennett 

request  the  pleasure  of 
Mr.    Walter  Smith's  Company 

At  Breakfast 

on   Wednesday^  December  Tenth,  at  Twelve  o'clock. 
13  Arlington  Street.  R.  S.  V.  P. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  Walter  Smith  accepts  with  pleasure  the  polite  invita- 
tion of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Brown- Bennett  for  breakfast  on  Wed- 
nesday^ December  Tenths  at  Twelve  o'clock. 

121  Linden  Avenue. 

290 


INVITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  29 1 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  Walter  Smith  regrets  that  a  death  in  the  family  pre- 
vents his  acceptance  of  the  polite  invitation  of  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Brown- Bennett  for  Wednesday^  December  Tenth. 

21  Linden  Avenue. 


INVITATION  TO  A  LUNCHEON.— NO.  i. 

Mrs.  Browfi-Bennett 

requests  the  pleasiire  of  your  company 

At  Luncheon 

on  Wednesday,  December  Tenths  at  half -past  One  o'clock, 

to  meet 

Miss  Gordon. 

13  Arlington  Street. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Miss  Mabel  Smith  accepts  with  pleasure  the  polite  invita- 
tion of  Mrs.  Brown- Bennett  to  meet  Miss  Gordon  at  lunch- 
eon on  Wednesday^  December  Tenth^  at  half-past  One  o'clock. 

363  Leigh  Street. 

292 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES.  293 

REGRETS. 

Miss  Mabel  Smith  regrets  that  a  previous  invitation  pre- 
vents her  acceptance  of  Mrs.  Brown- Bennett's  polite  invita- 
tion for  Wednesday,  December  Tenth. 

363  Leigh  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  LUNCHEON.-NO.  2. 

Miss  Gray 

requests  the  pleasure  of 

Miss  Olive  Alexander's  Company 

At  Luncheon 
on  Tuesday y  December  Ninth,  at  Two  o'clock. 
23  Marion   Terrace. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Miss  Olive  Alexander  accepts  with  pleasure  the  polite 
invitation  of  Miss  Gray  for  luncheon  on  Tuesday.,  December 
Ninth.,  at  Two  o'clock. 

32  Reffent  Street. 

294 


INVITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  295 

REGRETS. 

Miss  Olive  Alexander  regrets  that,  as  she  is  leaving  town 
on  Monday^  she  is  unable  to  accept  the  polite  invitation  of 
Miss  Gray  for  December  Ninth. 

32  Regent  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  LUNCHEON.-NO.  3. 

Mr.  &*  Mrs,  Lester  Brown 

request  the  pleasure  of 

Mr,  Gray's  Company 

to  meet 

the  President  of  the  U7iited  States 

At  Luncheon 
on   Thursday,  December  Eleventh,  at  half-past  One  o'clock. 
19  K  Street. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr,  Gray  accepts  with  pleasure  the  polite  invitation  of 
Mr,  <5^»  Mrs.  Lester  Brown  to  meet  the  President  of  the 
United  States  at  luncheon  on  Thursday,  December  Eleventh, 
at  half-past  One  o'clock.  • 

22  Nevada  Street. 

296 


hVVITAT/ONS  AND  REPLIES. 


297 


REGRETS. 

Mr.  Gray  thanks  Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Lester  Brown  for  their 
polite  invitation  for  luncheon  on  Thursday^  to  meet  the  Pres- 
ident of  the  United  States ^  but  illness  prevents  his  acceptance 
of  it. 

22  Nevada  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  DINNER.-FORMAL. 

Mr,  &»  Mrs.  James  Allen 

request  the  pleasure  of 

Mr.  &*  Mrs.  Leslies  Company 

At  Dinner 
December  Tenths  at  Ei^ht  o'clock. 

17  Washington  Street. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  &»  Mrs.  Leslie  accept  with  pleasure  the  polite  invi- 
tation of  Mr.  &>  Mrs.  James  Allen  for  dinner  on  December 
Tenth,  at  Eight  oUlock. 

92  St.  George's  Terrace. 

298 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES.  299 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Leslie  thank  Mr.  6^  Mrs.  James  Allen 
for  the  polite  invitatiofi  to  dinner,  but  7-egret  that  a  previous 
engagement  prevents  their  acceptance  of  it. 

92  St.  George's  Terrace. 


INVITATION  TO  A  DINNER.-INFORMAL. 


My  dear  Miss  Allen  : 

Will  you  dine  informally  with  us  on  Wednesday,  Decem- 
ber Tenth,  at  half-past  Seven  ? 

Yours  cordially, 

Elinor  Gray. 
10 1  Union  Street, 
Monday. 


ACCEPTANCE. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Gray  : 

It  gives  me  great  pleasure  to  accept  your  polite  invitation 

for  dinner  on    Wednesday,  the    Tenth,  at  half-past   Seven 

o'clock. 

Yours  cordially, 

•  Alice  Allen. 

22  Maryland  Avenue, 
Monday. 


300 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES.  3OI 

REGRETS. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Gray : 

Thank  you  very  much  for  your  invitation  for  Wednesday, 
the  Tenth,  but  owing  to  another  engagement  I  can  only  say 
how  much  I  regret  that  I  cannot  be  with  you. 

Yours  cordially, 

Alice  Allen. 

22  Maryland  Avenue. 


INVITATION  TO  A  DANCE.-NO.  i. 

Mr.  &»  Mrs.  James  Besant 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  company 
on   Wednesday  Evenings  December   Tentky  at  Nine  o'clock. 
Dancing. 

201  Main  Street. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  Walter  Johnson  presents  his  compliments  to  Mr.  6- 
Mrs.  James  Besant^  and  accepts  with  pleasure  their  kind 
invitation  for  Wednesday^  December  Tenth. 

8 1  Olive  Street, 
Thursday. 

302 


INVITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  303 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  Walter  Johnson  presents  his  compliments  to  Mr.  &» 
Mrs.  Walter  Besant,  and  regrets  his  inability  to  accept  their 
kind  invitation  for  Wednesday^  December  Tenth. 

81  Olive  Street^ 
Thursday. 


^    INVITATION  TO  A  DANCE.-NO.  2. 
Mrs.  John  Anderson 

requests  the  pleasure  of  the  company  of 
Mr.  6>»  Mrs.  FranJz  Blafik 

on   Wednesday  Eveningy  December   Tenthy.  at  Nine  c'clock. 

Dancing.  The  favor  of  an  answer 

99  Mulberry  Place.  is  requested. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  6^  Mrs.  Frank  Bla7ik  accept  with  pleasure  the 
polite  invitation  of  Mrs.  John  Anderson  for  Wednesday 
Evening,  December  Tenth,  at  Nine  o'clock. 

\<^  Broad  Street. 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES.  305      ^ 


REGRETS. 


Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Frank  Blank  regret  that  a  previous  engage- 
ment prevents  their  acceptance  of  Mrs.  John  Anderson's  polite 
invitation  for  Wednesday  Evening. 


[98  Broad  Street. 
20 


INVITATION  TO  A  DANCE.~NO.  3. 


Mrs.  James    Wilson 
At  Home, 

r 

Thursd.iy  Evening,  December  Eleventh,  at  Nine  o'clock. 

Cotillon  at   Ten.  R.  S.  V.  P. 

80   Cedar  Avenue. 


ACCEPTANCE. 

Miss  Johnson  accepts  with  pleasure  the  polite  invitation  of 
Mrs.  Wilson  for  Thursday  Evening.^  December  Eleventh,  at 
Nine  o'clock. 

7  Ehn  Street. 

306 


INVITATIONS  AND  KKPLIES.  307 

REGRETS. 

Miss  Johnson  thanks  Mrs.  Wilson  for  her  polite  invita- 
tion for  Thursday  Evenings  December  Elevetith^  but  regrets 
that  a  previous  engagement  prevents  her  accepting  it. 

7  Elm  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  DANCE.-INFORMAL. 


14  Belvidere  Terrace^ 

Monday. 

My  dear  Miss  Gray : 

May  we  not  have  the  pleasure  of  your  presence  Friday 
Evening  at  an  informal  dance  ?  My  sister  Maud  has  Just 
arrived,  and  we  are  anxious  that,  during  the  few  days  she 
will  be  with  us,  she  should  if  possible  meet  many  of  her  old 
frie?ids. 

With  a  hope  that  you  will  be  able  to  say  "j'^J',"  I  am, 

Very  cordially  yours, 

Alice  Brown. 


308 


IN  VITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  309 

ACCEPTANCE. 

13  Albemarle  Street y 

Tuesday. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Brown  : 

It  gives  me  much  pleasure  to  accept  your  kind  invitation 
for  Friday  Ei^^ening.  It  will  seem  like  a  renewal  of  old 
times  to  meet  Maud.,  and  I  appreciate  your  thoughtfulness  in 
thinking  of  our  friendship.  With  kindly  remembrance  to 
Maud afid yourself  lam 

Very  sincerely., 

Elinor  Gray. 

REGRETS. 

13  Albemarle  Street, 

Tuesday. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Brown : 

Thank  you  very  much  for  thinking  of  me  when  Maud 
reached  town.,  and  nothing  would  give  me  greater  pleasure 
than  to  be  at  the  dance.,  but  by  the  doctor's  orders  I  am  con- 
fined to  my  room^  and  only  know  of  the  outside  world  when 
friends  remember  how  hard  is  an  invalid's  life.  If  Maud 
would  come  to  me  it  would  give  me  much  pleasure.  Give  my 
love  to  the  dear  girl^  and  believe  me^ 

Faithfully  yours, 

Elinor  Gray. 


INVITATION  TO  A  WHIST  PARTY. 

Mr.    6f   Mrs.  Paul  White 

request  the  pleasure  of 

Mr.  &>  Mrs.  Reed^s  Company 

on   Wednesday^  the   Tenth  of  December,  at  A^ine  o'clock. 

Cards. 

22  Belvidere  Terrace. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Reed  accept  with  pleasure  the  polite  invi- 
tation of  Mr.  6-*  Mrs.  Paul  White  for  Wednesday^  the 
Tenth  of  December^  at  Nine  o'clock. 

1 1  St.  Mary's  Place. 


JNVITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  3  [  I 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  6^  Mrs.  Reed  regret  their  inability  to  accept  the 
polite  invitation  of  Mr.  &>  Mrs.  Paul  White  for  December 
the  Tenth. 

1 1  St.  Mary's  Place. 


INVITATION  TO  A  COMING  OUT.-NO.  i. 

Mr.  ^  Mrs.  Albert  Barrett 

request  the  pleasure  of  presenting  their  second  daughter^ 

Miss  Mabel, 

to 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.    Walter   West, 

on  Thursday^  December  Tenth,  at  Nine  o"* clock. 

Cotillon  at  Eleven. 
82  North  Street. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  &^  Mrs.  Walter  West  accept  with  pleasura  the 
polite  invitation  of  Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Albert  Barrett  for  Thurs- 
day, December  Tenth,  at  Nine  o"* clock. 

5  Albemarle  Avenue. 


IN  VITA  riONS  AND  RE  PLIES.  3  I  3 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  &*  Mrs.  Walter  West  regret  their  inability  to 
accept  the  polite  invitation  of  Mr.  6^  Mrs.  Albert  Barrett 
for  Thursday^  December  Tenths  at  Nine  o'clock. 

5  Albemarle  Avenue. 


INVITATION  TO  A  COMING  OUT.— NO.  2. 

Mrs.  James   Wilson 

requests  the  pleasure  of  presenting  her  daughter. 

Miss  Ethel^ 

to 

Mrs.  John   Gilbert^ 

At  Luncheon,    Wednesday^  December   Tenth,  at  Two  o'clock. 
1 3  Fairmount  Avenue. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mrs.  John  Gilbert  accepts  with  pleasure  Mrs.  Wilson's 
invitation  for  Luncheon  on  Wednesday,  December  Tenths  at 
Two  o'clock. 

i-j^N  Street. 

314 


INi^ITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  3  I  5 

REGRETS. 

Mrs.  John  Gilbert  regrets  that  illness  prevents  her  accept- 
ance of  the  kifid  invitatmi  of  Mrs.  Wilson  for  Luncheon  on 
February  Tetith. 

iy$N  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  SMALL  AND  EARLY. 

Mrs.  John  Morris^ 

Miss  Morris^ 

Wednesday,  December  Tenth, 
from  Five  until  Twelve  o'clock. 

Dancing.  The  favor  of  an  answer 

444  Madison  Avenue.  is  requested. 

ACCEPTANCE. 

Mr.  d^  Mrs.  James  Tilden  accept  with  pleasure  Mrs, 
John  Morris'  polite  invitation  for  Wednesday^  December 
Tenth. 

121  South  Street. 

316 


IN  VITA  TIONS  AND  REPLIES.  3  1 7 

REGRETS. 

Mr.  6^  Mrs,  James  Tilden  regret  that  absence  from  the 
city  prevents  their  acceptance  of  the  polite  invitation  of  Mrs. 
John  Morris  for  Wednesday^  December  Tenth. 

121  South  Street. 


INVITATION  TO  A  DRIVE. 


Dear  Miss  White  : 

If  the  weather  is  pleasant  on  Wednesday  and  you  have  no 
other  engageme?it,  will  you  not  drive  with  me  ?  You  will 
be  giving  great  pleasure  to 

Yours  faithfully^ 

Edward  Gray. 

19  Chelsea  Avenue, 
Monday. 


ACCEPTANCE. 

Dear  Mr.  Gray  : 

I  shall  be  delighted  to  go  driving  with  you  on  Wednesday., 
at  Four  o'clock.      With  all  good  wishes.,  I  am. 

Very  cordially., 

Efnilie  White. 

421  Ninth  Street., 
Monday. 

3«8 


/NVri'A'I  'IONS  A  ND  REPLIES.  3  1 9 

REGRETS. 

Dear  Mr.  Gray  : 

Thank  you  very  much  for  your  kind  invitation^  which 
unfot'tunately  I  am  unable  to  accept. 

Yours  sincerely^ 

Emilie  White. 

421  Ninth  Street, 
Monday. 


INVITATION  TO  A  THEATRE  PARTY.-INFORMAL. 


Wednesday. 

My  dear  Miss  White : 

Mr.  Black  has  asked  me  to  chaperon  and  form  a  theatre 
party  for  him.  I  joifi  with  him  in  hoping  that  you  will  be 
able  to  go ;  we  are  to  see  Mr.  Irving  and  Miss  Terry  in 
"  Macbeth,^^  on  Friday  next.  Our  party  will  be  twenty- 
four^  and  the  stages  will  collect  their  precious  burdens  in 
regular  rotatioft.  I  hope  that  you  will  not  be  engaged  for 
that  evening,  but  will  send  your  acceptance  at  once  to 

Your  friend, 

Helen  Carr. 


320 


IN  VI 7  'A  TIONS  AND  A'EJ  'L I  EH.  3  2  I 

ACCEPTANCE. 

89  Cedar  Avenue^ 

Wednesday. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Carr  : 

It  will  give  me  great  pleasure  to  accept  the  kind  invitatioti 
I  have  just  received  from  you  and  Mr.  Black.  It  is  very 
pleasant  to  have  two  friends  think  of  one.  I  shall  be  await- 
ing you  then  on  Friday  evenings  a7id  am,  dear  Mrs.  Carr, 

Yours  cordially, 

Lillie   White. 


REGRETS. 

89  Cedar  Avenue, 

Wednesday. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Carr : 

Pray  tender  my  regrets  to  Mr.  Black  and  thank  him  for 
his  kitidness ;  a  former  e?igagement  prevents  my  accepting 
y our i  for  Friday.  lam  really  very  sorry,  but  you,  I  am 
sure,  appreciate  the  honor  involved  in  keeping  one's  word. 
With  kindly  remembrance  to  Mr.  Carr  and  much  love  for 
yourself,  I  am, 

Very  faithfully  yours, 

-      Lillie  White. 


CHRISTMAS  INVITATION.-INFORMAL. 


The  Cedars, 

December  7,  1889. 

My  dear  Mr,  Brown  : 

The  country  is  most  charming — the  snow  has  made  sleigh- 
ing possible  and  the  ice  is  just  fit  for  skating.  Will  you 
not  come  to  us  on  Wednesday  the  Seventeenth^  and  remain 
until  the  Twenty-sixth  1  Mr.  Brown  wishes  to  be  remem- 
bered kindly^  and  hopes  that  the  Christmastide  will  find  you 

with  us. 

Very  cordially^ 

Alice  Brown-Bennett. 


322 


INVITATIOXS  AND  REPUEii.  323 

ACCEPTANCE. 

14  Albemarle  Street, 

December  8,  1889. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Brown-Bennett : 

It  gives  me  great  pleasure  to  accept  your  kind  invitation 

for  the  Seventeenth  until  the  Twenty-sixth  of  December.     I 

shall  come  on  the  train  you  have  marked  on  the  time-table. 

Give  my  regards  to  Mr.  Bennett  and  warn  him  that  he 

must  look  to  his  laurels  as  a  skater. 

With  all  thanks  for  your  courtesy,  I  am,  dear  Mrs.  Ben- 
nett, 

Yours  faithfully, 

Algernon  Brozvn, 


REGRETS. 

14  Albemarle  Street, 

December  8,  1889. 

My  dear  Mrs.  Brown-Bennett : 

I  regret  very  much  that  I  cannot  accept  your  kind  invita- 
tion, but  a  previous  engagement  for  the  first  four  days  and 
the  fact  that  the  others  are  always  spent  at  home,  explain 
the  why  aiid  wherefore.  Pray  remember  me  to  Mr.  Bennett, 
and  believe  me,  with  a  keen  appreciation  of  your  kindness. 

Yours  cordially, 

Algernon  Brown, 


INVITATION  TO  A  WEDDING.-NO.  i. 

Mr.  dN  Mrs.  James  Rice 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  company 
at  the  xvedding  reception  of  their  daughter, 

Winifred  Grace 

and 

Mr.  William  A.  Sharmafi, 

Thursday  Evening,  June  Ninth,  from  Nine  until  Eleven  o'clock. 
55I  Sixth  Street. 

CEREMONY  CARD. 
Ceremony  at  half -past  Eight  o'clock. 

324 


INVITATION  TO  A  WEDDING.— NO.  2. 


Mr.  6^  Mrs.  Ja7nes  Rice 

request  the  honor  of  your  presence 
at  the  marriage  of  their  daughter^ 

Miss   Winifred  Grace  Rice, 

to 

Mr,    William  A.  Sharman, 

on   Wednesday,  May  Sixth,  at  Twelve  0"* clock. 
St.  Luke's  Church. 


325 


CHURCH  CARD. 

Please  present  this  card  at 
St.  Luke's  Churchy 
Wednesday^  May  Sixth. 


RECEPTION  CARD. 

At  Home 
after  the  ceremony. 


23  St.  Mark's  Place. 


326 


WEDDING  ANNOUNCE MENT.-NO.  i, 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.  James  Lawrence 
announce  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

Helena 

to 
Mr.  John  Pratt, 

on   Wednesday,  December  the  Tenth, 
at  Baltimore^  Maryland. 

At  Home 

after  January  First, 
at  333  Linden  Avenue. 

327 


WEDDING  ANNOUNCEMENT.-NO.  2. 
Mr.    Williain  A.  Sharman, 
Miss    Winifred  Grace  Rice, 

Married 

Wednesday,  May  Sixth,   1880. 

New   York. 


INVITATION  TO  A  MUSICALE. 

Mrs.   Charles  Lander  Smith 

At  Home 

Wednesday,  December  Tenth,  from  Fotir  until  Seven  o\lock. 

200^  Chestmit  Street. 


Music. 


328 


INVITATIONS  AND  REPLIES.  329 

INVITATION  TO  A  CAUDLE  PAt^TY. 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.  John  Kendal 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  company 

on  Wednesday  afternoon,  December  Tenth,  at  Three  o'clock. 

Caudle 

23  Fifth  Avenue. 
No  presents  are  expected. 


INVITATION  TO  A  SILVER  WEDDING. 

1864  ,83^ 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.    Walters 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  company 
on   Wednesday,  December  Tenth,  at  Eight  o'clock. 
Silver  Wedding. 
James   Walters.  Alice  Jones. 

22  Morris  Avenue. 


INVITATION  TO  A  GARDEN  PARTY. 

Mr.  6-  Mrs.  Rodney  A.    Ward 

request  the  pleasure  of 
Mrs.  and  Miss  Rogers^  Company 


on  Thursday^  August  Sixths  at  Three  o^clock. 
Garden  Party.  Idlewild. 


ZZ^ 


INVITATION  TO  A  COLLEGE  COMMENCEMENT. 

525  Elm  Street, 

June  25,  1889. 
Dear  Miss  Brown : 

Our  college  commencement  will  be  on  Wednesday  next, 
afid  I  hope  you  will  do  me  the  ho7ior  of  beifig  presefit.  At 
best  they  are  not  very  lively  affairs^  but  I  cati  promise  you 
a  vieiu  of  the  diffet'ent  halls  and  the  library^  which  I  afn 
sure  you  will  find  of  iftterest.     Trusting  to  see  you,  I  am. 

Very  faithfully, 

Edgar  Smith. 

REGRETS. 

10  St.  Mark's  Place, 

June  25,  1889. 
Dear  Mr.  Smith  : 

Ozving  to  illness  I  afn  unable  to  accept  your  kitid  invita- 
tion for  Wednesday  next,  lahich  I  regret  very  much,  for  I 
am  very  ifiterested  in  the  subject  selected  for  your  paper. 
With  all  good  wishes  for  your  success,  not  o?ily  at  this  time, 

but  in  the  future,  I  am. 

Very  cordially, 

Anita  Brown. 


INVITATION  TO  A  PRIVATE  VIEW. 

Union  C/ti/>, 
February  4,  1889. 
JJear  Miss  Montague : 

llie  private  vietv  of  the  Water  Color  Society  is  set  for 
next  Saturday.  May  I  not  have  the  pleasure  of  taking  you 
to  see  the  pictures,  good,  bad  or  i?idifferent  1  If  I  may,  I 
will  call  for  you  at  half  after  eight  o'clock.  Hoping  you 
will  say  ''''yes,''  I  am. 

Very  cordially, 
Frank  Osborn. 


ACCEPTANCE. 

\o  St.  fames'  Place, 

February  4,  1889. 
Dear  Mr.  Osborn : 

It  gives  me  great  pleasure  to  accept  your  kind  invitation 
for  Saturday.  I  shall  be  awaitiiig  you  at  half  past  eight 
o'clock,  and  am  sure  I  shall  enjoy  both  the  pictures  and  your 
criticistn  of  them. 

Very  cordially, 

Elizabeth  Montazue. 


332 


333  INVITATIONS  AND   REPLIES. 


REGRETS. 

10  St.  James*  Place y 

February  4,  1889. 
Dear  Mr.  Osborn : 

A  previous  engagement  prevents  my  acceptance  of  your 
kind  invitation  for  Saturday.  Thanking  you  very  much 
for  your  thought  of  tiie,  I  am^ 

Very  cordially^ 

Elizabeth  Montague. 


NOTE  WITH  CHRISTMAS  GIFT. 

iOO)4  Fifth  Aveuicc, 

Christinas,  1889. 

Dear  Miss  Edgerton : 

T  hope  you  will  like  this  little  vinaigrette  which  comes  as 

my  messenger  at  this  festive  season.     It  has  no  value  save 

that  it  catnefrom  the  Exposition  and  was  carved  by  some 

Elorentine  silver  worker.      With    all  hopes  for   a   happy 

time,  I  atn, 

Yours  cordially, 

Arthur  Walters. 


REPLY. 

100^  Madison  Avenue, 

Christinas,  1889. 
Dear  Mr.   Walters  : 

Thank  you  very  much  for  the  vinaigrette  afid  fnorefor  the 
remembrance  of  me  when  you  were  among  all  that  wonderful 
old  silver.  We  expect  you  this  evening,  to  see  the  Christ- 
mas tree  lighted,  and  to  receive  whatever  Kriss  Kringle 
may  have  in  his  bag  for  a  considerate  frie7id. 

Very  cordially, 


Florence  Edgerton. 


334 


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